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First Contact - 4/9/2008 1:47:09 PM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
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I just had an exchange with someone who considers talking by phone before meeting in person an absolute must. Now, my own approach has always been that meeting in a public place (ideally with a check-in with a friend set up as a double coverage, ideally in broad daylight) should be the first thing...to me, giving out your phone number is a much bigger risk! Not to mention that there's not really all that much you can tell over the phone...a deep voice on a "woman" or high on a "man" is about it, and even then, there are plenty of people (like myself) with medium/tenor voices that could be heard as either male or female.
And now I feel bad because my reluctance to share my phone number made her uncomfortable, and I always hate the idea that there's someone out there who thinks I might be something other than what I seem, y'know? At the same time, I'm not comfortable with changing my approach; it's kind of a big hassle to change your phone number, and my number isn't unlisted so a reverse search on the 'net would give my name and address. (That would be the "more dangerous than meeting in a public place" part.) I have a small child to protect, not to mention myself and my spouse (note: this isn't about keeping anything from my spouse! Actually, I'd prefer to bring him along to a first meeting, since, while he's not going to be romantically involved, he does have to be comfortable with anyone I get involved with...but that's something I'm willing to flex on, because I can certainly understand the stress of one person having to meet two at once.)
So what does everyone else think/do?

Jen

Post #: 1

RE: First Contact - 4/9/2008 1:53:45 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I also consider a phone conversation a must before meeting. If she wants you to do so, get her number, block yours from caller ID (theres a code for that, I just never remember what it is) and call her. You have no risk in that. Both parties are happy. For me, I want to know what someone sounds like before I meet them so I can verify I am meeting the same person I have been talking to. I also prefer to have a persons phone number before we meet, incase somehting comes up or delays one of us, we can contact the other and let them know rather than risk them thinking they have been stood up. For a while, though, rather than using my own number, I bought a cheap prepaid phone for people I wasnt sure I wanted to have my regular number quite yet. No risk there, the numbers are untraceable and once you let the minutes run out, you can change the number pretty easily.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 2

RE: First Contact - 4/9/2008 2:27:30 PM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

I have never had a problem giving out my number but you have a point - it certainly could backfire on you. The pre-paid phone option sounds like a good alternative. I never insisted on a phone call before meeting and met a few folks local to me without a phone chat before. I traded phone numbers with one of them so that we could reach each other in case of a change of plans. We exchanged cell numbers instead of home phone numbers but I'm not sure if that would affect traceability. Have you ever checked out Skype? Free calls over the internet to other Skype users anywhere in the world. The quality is generally way better than phone on a broadband connection and it even supports webcam. www.skype.com

Even if you go the pre-paid cell phone route someone may still give you grief for not providing a 'real' number. Oy vey. I say just do things in the manner that make you feel comfortable and give you peace of mind and be done with it. Don't take it personally if they don't agree with you or if they take it personally.

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 3

RE: First Contact - 4/9/2008 2:35:37 PM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
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I offered to call using a payphone, but I guess she considered my very hesitation a dealbreaker. I would have been willing to call her as you mention, certainly; I need to get that code. I think I may go ahead and pick up a cheap prepaid as you suggest, especially because of the handiness in case of delays, etc, as you mention.
I have to admit I was caught off guard, mostly because I've had so little response at other sites that I didn't really expect any here, I suppose.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 4

RE: First Contact - 4/9/2008 2:40:34 PM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
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In my case, it would be harder to change my cell phone number than my home number, and I think there's still some traceability issue. I'm aware of Skype, though I haven't used it because I JUST finally got off dialup. I actually was just thinking of setting it up for another reason (my husband is going on an international business trip) the other day. Thanks for the reminder!
*nod* True. *sigh* Yeah. Easier said than done sometimes, but I'll get over it. Thanks.

(in reply to Evility)

Post #: 5

RE: First Contact - 4/9/2008 8:10:56 PM

TwistedLeather

Posts: 189
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline

pre-paid phones are good for emergencies, but unreliable as a form of communication if you ask me. i would go the route of getting THEIR phone number, then call either blocking my number from caller ID and *69, or just use a pre-paid phone card. Anonymous, and they can't call your pre-paid phone later if you decide it's not right, they're a troll. Can use them at any phone, and in a pinch you can use them at a payphone too. Cost more minutes to do a pay phone, but still... it's there if you need it. And most are re-loadable from your computer's internet.

If the phone conversation goes well, then you could arrange a meet-n-greet, and if that goes well, then you can choose to disclose your phone number or not.

_____________________________

Wishing you lots of whacks and giggles!

www.americantwistedleather.com

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 6

RE: First Contact - 4/10/2008 3:29:20 AM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline

greetings dominantjenny,

i don't consider a phone conversation a must, personally, unless we have to travel to meet or something like that. i do prefer to meet at a starbucks within walking distance (i don't drive and i won't get in the car with someone i don't know well, so i'm not relying on anyone for transportation).

however, i use a prepaid phone normally (it's more convenient than getting a contract at this point in time and i have no reason to have a landline, so i've had the same prepaid number for like 2 years). it's relatively easy to set one up so you might just consider getting one for this particular purpose - depending on your plan you can usually just add minutes whenever you need, and as long as you use it every 2 months or so it usually stays activated. this way you aren't exposing any phone number that might be listed anywhere, it's easy to cut off, you're not investing money or anything into a long-term phone plan, and there's basically no risk. and you have the benefit of still having whatever perceived security there is in a phone conversation.

i don't get the whole "real" number issue...LOL. maybe it's because i haven't had a landline in like 3 years - master has a cell contract and he doesn't have a landline either because of that, so both of us aren't real, i guess ;) to me prepaid is just more convenient at the moment because it costs the same as getting a contract with less minutes, but i hardly use my minutes anyway, and i'm not locked into anything.

respectfully,
annabelle.

_____________________________

a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to FangsNfeet)

Post #: 7

RE: First Contact - 4/10/2008 5:17:11 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

Why would you say they're unreliable (any more than any cell)? Your suggestion is definitely a good one, thanks!

(in reply to TwistedLeather)

Post #: 8

RE: First Contact - 4/10/2008 5:24:21 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

*nod* Oh, yeah, I believe in always arriving separately; since I tend to meet people who are some distance away (like an hour), I like to find a mid-way spot and meet there.
The only problem is having enough interest that I get someone to talk to once every couple of months! *laugh* I suppose I can always make a call to a friend or something to use the time.
I wish I'd thought of this before it came up, but I've honestly never met anyone before who was that serious about "phone first"! By "real", I just mean whatever phone number you regularly use for interaction...and in my case, traceability brings a very serious risk in addition to the somewhat less dangerous risk of someone who keeps calling after you decide it's not gonna work (which would be the other thing I'd want to avoid.)

Jen

(in reply to hisannabelle)

Post #: 9

RE: First Contact - 4/10/2008 7:41:06 AM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

The code for blocking is one of the following (in the US)*67*68*69One of those is for last number dialed and one is for blocking your outgoing number but I cannot remember which is which!

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 10

RE: First Contact - 4/10/2008 7:54:55 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

Thanks!

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 11

RE: First Contact - 4/10/2008 9:18:11 AM

Termyn8or

Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

*67 blocks the number on that call only.
*68 dunno
*69 calls back the last caller
*70 blocks call waiting for that call only (can be used with *67)
*82 unblocks your number to caller ID if you have it blocked by the phone co.

The last one is good sometimes when you order food or something. Like from a pizza place.

I really can't help much other than that and a bit of common sense. From my perspective, that of a 47 year old Man who might still be able to take care of himself, I simply don't have these worries. In fact if a Woman tied me up and raped me (heterosexually) I would probably love every minute of it, any volunteers ? (jk, don't go there, remember that one incident)

Anyway, I don't see the point of going on a first meet alone. Of course generally Women are the ones who are vulnerable almost all the time. But then almost is a key word. So just bring a friend. You don't even have to hide them at another table or anything, so what, you got a friend with you. Before the meet, tell the suitor that you will be bringing a friend, their reaction can be quite telling.

My response would be something like "Good, be at ease, plus I can get an idea of the kind of company you keep". Something like that.

This is important, remember "almost". Women would be the vulnerable but what about Gays ? The sexual lines are blurred these days, but the way I see it there is always the suitor and the prospectus. One is going after the other. Even if, during the course of correspondence the desire becomes mutual, there is still one that started it, the one who initiated contact. The plain fact of the matter is that they could have been lying the whole time, just to get you in the sack, or worse.

But if you never meet anyone because of aprehension, you could bore yourself to death. There are risks in life, just be careful out there.

T

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 12

RE: First Contact - 4/10/2008 9:31:13 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

Thanks for the clarity on those!

I'm more comfortable if everyone meeting is intimately involved (their partner and mine, for example), but I'd be totally fine with someone saying they wanted to bring a friend to feel more secure/safe, regardless.

Yeah. I've worried about just that with gay friends of mine. Some people are very, very, very bad people. :(

I wish this one had been a little less skittish; after all, it wasn't like I said I wouldn't call, just that I didn't want to make my number available for my own safety reasons, but...such is life. Hopefully, she won't be the last woman interested in me!

(in reply to Termyn8or)

Post #: 13

RE: First Contact - 4/10/2008 11:11:21 AM

everhope

Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline

perhaps, she will see this thread, sense your sincerity and contact you again...

i like phone contact prior to a face to face meeting, but then i am the girl who once had a 9 hour phone conversation with a potential Dominant. the next day we decided to meet in person, since we could have driven back and forth 4 times in the time we spent on the phone...lol.
i have met several men and couples too from online and i have done it all different ways. the one constant is one of my friends knows who... where...when. a check in time is pre-set. anyone that i meet knows i have this safe call all in place.
once, i flew to Texas to meet a Dominant that i had spoken to for 9 months online/phone. in this situation, i wrote all his pertinent info including his daughters website which had her cell number and placed it in an envelope. my friend was not to open the envelope, unless i did not anwer my cell phone. the Dominant was aware of this safety net i had put into place and thought it a good idea. had he not, i most likely would have reconsidered making the trip.
may we all find our bliss,
everhope

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 14

RE: First Contact - 4/10/2008 1:38:32 PM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

I thought about pointing her here, but I know if someone did that to me, I'd think, if anything, they were even more alarming. *wry laugh* I don't think she spends much time in the forums; according to her profile, she's never posted here. Oh, well.
I'm fine with phone contact, just as long as I can maintain the privacy factor. Safe calls are a must, and extra precautions should definitely be taken like you did when it comes to really long distance visits and such.
I would want to get to know someone fairly well online first; I guess some people just feel quite the opposite. What can you do? *shrug*

(in reply to everhope)

Post #: 15

RE: First Contact - 4/10/2008 3:13:02 PM

everhope

Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline

i prefer to meet sooner than later. my timetables have been extreme as far as meeting...from 3 hours (5 blocks away) to 9 months (Texas). really.. we can only do what we feel comfortable with.

may we all find our bliss,
everhope

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 16

RE: First Contact - 4/10/2008 7:26:57 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Yes, I always talk on the phone first.
I mean for both of the doms I have actually met, *lol*.
I find that someone's voice, how they speak and what they say can tell me volumes about whether or not *I* personally would be attracted to their personality.
Also, in the case of HoneyMaster, who knew He had a hawt New York accent, even though He lives in KY?
*sigh*
Accents have had an immense effect upon me since I was quite young.
Doesn't really matter (too much) what kind of accent it is, either....
Ok, sorry...erm...
What were we discussing?

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to everhope)

Post #: 17

RE: First Contact - 4/11/2008 5:51:10 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

*laugh* Phone isn't quite as big a deal for me, probably because I'm highly sensitive to the nuances of language and can pick up a lot more than most people from the written word. Different strokes!

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 18

RE: First Contact - 4/11/2008 8:25:19 AM

monywildcat

Posts: 452
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline

I agree with the phone conversation first before a face-to-face meet. While IM's may flow easily between you two, they aren't very good at conveying the fact that this person that you have been chatting with all this time has a voice that is akin to nails on a chalkboard. Or that they consistently talk over you. I don't have much issue with someone doing a reverse lookup on the internet to find my address or other such info, we have a family plan and the bill does not go to our physical address. Yet another benefit of paperless bills.

I'm green AND safe! Bonus points!

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 19

RE: First Contact - 4/12/2008 11:17:05 PM

Silkendream

Posts: 65
Joined: 10/29/2007
Status: offline

use messenger, you get free phone calls (no number) AND you can webcam too so see if they really are female and look like their photos! No probs!

(in reply to DominantJenny)

Post #: 20

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