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"i'm just a lowwwly nothing of a worrrrm..." - 10/9/2005 10:13:22 AM

Posts: 8
Joined: 9/21/2005
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Greetings, submissives and slaves of all types. Here is my rant/question/thing.

Background:
I'm a dominant woman. I'm looking for a male slave. I have an extensive profile, full of detail about what sort of a person I'm looking for and what he'll be expected to do. I'm specific about wanting someone as strong and as confident as I am.

The problem:
And yet, about 90% of the messages I receive here are from men who describe themselves as "useless," "unworthy, "a worm," etc. They're all full of that "i" and "You" capitalization stuff I see so frequently in online BDSM forums (tho I suspect that's another topic for another time), and of course, since I declare myself dominant, I get the lucky capitals. You get the drift, no?

The question:
For those who feel and communicate this way, what gives? Why would I want to spend my time with someone I think is worthless? Why do you think of yourself as... wormly? Worm-like? Wormiful? ;) Do you not think your personal time is better spent bettering yourself so you can feel like a more worthwhile HUMAN BEING, capable of handling another's trust? Or is this some kind of roleplaying thing?

I'm totally serious here. I'm baffled.

XD

< Message edited by MistressXD -- 10/9/2005 10:14:25 AM >

RE: "i'm just a lowwwly nothing of a worrrrm..." - 10/9/2005 10:30:32 AM

Posts: 511
Joined: 10/5/2005
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It's a fantasy based on a viewpoint that comes from pornography. It's a sure sign that you you have been contacted by someone who's never done this in anything but thier own mind.

< Message edited by JustaTop -- 10/9/2005 10:33:45 AM >

(in reply to MistressXD)

RE: "i'm just a lowwwly nothing of a worrrrm..." - 10/9/2005 10:33:10 AM

Posts: 24
Joined: 9/21/2005
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You're not the only one, XD.

I'm sure that there is, in a deep subterranian vault guarded by attack butterflies, a drawer labelled "Rejected Photographic Plates" in which there is a mis-filed slip of paper explaining it all ... in ancient Etruscan.

By the way, "wormly" is an adjective in the form of an adverb which would cause some confusion, as if we don't have enough with the "dominate-dominant" problem involving people who don't know the difference between a verb and an adjective used as a noun. (Ex: "i am a dominate bow down and worship me" ... grammatical errors left intact for accuracy's sake)

One other applicable term would be wormitude, that being the mental state of being a worm.

Oh, and welcome to the asylum. Most don't bite but ... well, I've been known to nibble a little. <G>

MG

(in reply to MistressXD)

RE: "i'm just a lowwwly nothing of a worrrrm..." - 10/9/2005 11:13:07 AM

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
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I think they are just really into degradation and are stuck in the play mode of it rather than the realistic relationship issues.

I'm into degradation, it can turn me on WAY HIGH to have someone yell at me how worthless I am in a scene.

But that's in a scene.

(in reply to MistressXD)

RE: "i'm just a lowwwly nothing of a worrrrm..." - 10/9/2005 11:20:30 AM

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I agree with ES, I think some are just into the humiliation, and will willingly accept it from anyone. And they are showing you that is what they are all about.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

RE: "i'm just a lowwwly nothing of a worrrrm..." - 10/9/2005 11:27:13 AM

Posts: 8
Joined: 9/21/2005
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Hey, I like a little humiliation, myself (giving it, not getting it!), but not in the "You're a worthless sack of crap!" sort of way. I like pointing out what a compromising position he's in, how he got there, how much he loves it, how much he wanted to be forced to do this or that, etc. However, I don't much appreciate being given a script. I'm creative! I'm whimsical! Let me decide how I want to humiliate you, thanksmuch. ;)

XD

(in reply to KatyLied)

RE: "i'm just a lowwwly nothing of a worrrrm..." - 10/9/2005 11:31:58 AM

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
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I think many of the subs who use those statements think that is what we want to hear as dominant women. When I am contacted by someone who refers to himself in that way, I tell him why I am not interested and explain that I need someone with more sense of worth than he exhibits with his comments.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to MistressXD)

RE: "i'm just a lowwwly nothing of a worrrrm..." - 10/9/2005 12:17:49 PM

Posts: 511
Joined: 10/5/2005
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quote:

Hey, I like a little humiliation, myself (giving it, not getting it!), but not in the "You're a worthless sack of crap!" sort of way. I like pointing out what a compromising position he's in, how he got there, how much he loves it, how much he wanted to be forced to do this or that, etc. However, I don't much appreciate being given a script. I'm creative! I'm whimsical! Let me decide how I want to humiliate you, thanksmuch. ;)

XD

That's pretty much it. I've noticed a really annoying tendency of male subs to get all excited,think with the small head-and try to force feed Dommes thier little fantasies, in hopes of reciprocation. Few seem to realize what a huge turn off this is. Back in my old days on irc, I used to get bored, and I tried role playing some bondage stuff with a few male subs-stricly non sexual.

And they'd end up trying to run the whole scene-I was just there so they didn't feel so alone in thier mental masturbation. After a few dozen "suggestions" from them (or less) I'd get bored. And ask them,"hey guy......"

"Yes Sir,what is it?"

"What the f**ck do you need ME for,if YOU are the one doing all of this wierd shit?"

And even after that warning, if I kept on,they'd start doing it AGAIN-what idiots!

So I can DEFINITELY relate to the pood Dommes out there who are besieged with this bullshit. It's not very fun for YOU is it?

< Message edited by JustaTop -- 10/9/2005 12:18:34 PM >

(in reply to MistressXD)

RE: "i'm just a lowwwly nothing of a worrrrm..." - 10/9/2005 1:05:26 PM

Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressXD

The question:
For those who feel and communicate this way, what gives? Why would I want to spend my time with someone I think is worthless? Why do you think of yourself as... wormly? Worm-like? Wormiful? ;) Do you not think your personal time is better spent bettering yourself so you can feel like a more worthwhile HUMAN BEING, capable of handling another's trust? Or is this some kind of roleplaying thing?

I'm totally serious here. I'm baffled.

XD, I am baffled as well, and from reading your profile, it appears we share many things in common. I look forward to any males submissives' responses to this question, but can't help but think that those that "are" this way (wormy)....well, they just won't have the confidence to respond here maybe.

When I have questioned a few, why their approach was similar to what you said, they exclaimed that "it was what women wanted." They said that this is what they were told by "other" women, and implied that I was the one with the wrong thinking. (I also got that explanation about them sending me dick pics too, although I've yet to find another woman that appreciates that type of photo on first contact.)

There is no "wrong" or "right"...but when a profile or stated preference, such as MistressXD's and my own are clear, it remains baffling to the types of response that are received.

I would enjoy hearing the POV from some that have used the approached described.

K

(in reply to MistressXD)

RE: "i'm just a lowwwly nothing of a worrrrm..." - 10/9/2005 6:04:00 PM

Posts: 152
Joined: 1/4/2004
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I have never understood the "worm" approach. In my experience, Dominas who are looking R/T prefer a submissive who can make her life easier by thinking for himself and taking pride in serving. Is it supposed to be that she is to take him and mold him back into a human being? Is there supposed to be satisfaction in that? Sounds like a lot of work to me. And why would someone want me if I came across as a piece of worthless scum? What does that offer?

O well.... to each his/Her own. I had to throw in a lucky capital.

_____________________________

Have you hugged your Sadist today?

(in reply to MistressXD)

RE: "i'm just a lowwwly nothing of a worrrrm..." - 10/9/2005 6:17:00 PM

Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

Greetings..~smiles~

Perhaps some of that comes from where the sub/slaves have visited before coming here.
A great many sites have Dominants advertising looking for just said worms, and get explicit in just how lowly and worthless you are in comparison to them. Even alot of the "Pro Domme" sites express the same thing. It is very understandable how these sub/slaves (and from what i have seen mostly males) feel this is the proper way to behave. :(

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

(in reply to sjacket)

RE: "i'm just a lowwwly nothing of a worrrrm..." - 10/9/2005 6:58:22 PM

Posts: 511
Joined: 10/5/2005
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Yup,pornography and pay to play women are NOT doing these guys a service that helps in real life.

(in reply to starshineowned)

RE: "i'm just a lowwwly nothing of a worrrrm..." - 10/9/2005 10:59:31 PM

Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressXD

The question:
For those who feel and communicate this way, what gives? Why would I want to spend my time with someone I think is worthless? Why do you think of yourself as... wormly? Worm-like? Wormiful? ;)

In my experience, the ones that do this are socially clueless. They are flabbergasted that I don't like it! They tell me they are just being respectful. It has nothing to do with them getting off on their personal kink in their message to me ... No... Really.

Edited to say I may stop posting. I like "indecent."

< Message edited by Misstoyou -- 10/9/2005 11:01:39 PM >

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to MistressXD)

RE: "i'm just a lowwwly nothing of a worrrrm..." - 10/10/2005 6:23:02 PM

ed408

Posts: 19
Joined: 9/3/2005
Status: offline

FTopinMichigan said: "I look forward to any males submissives' responses to this question, but can't help but think that those that "are" this way (wormy)....well, they just won't have the confidence to respond here maybe."

So, after a lot of thought, and realising i'm putting myself "out there", i am going to jump in here then and give my thoughts on this - note, i am not some worthless sack of doodie, but i am not denying i may have such thoughts....

I think that the people who are like this may well have some form of background issues - bad childhood; overbearing/condescending mother/father/both/relatives; may have had a step-parent and was thus mocked for it by '[insert individual/group of people]' (back in the time when "bastard" was a vehement nasty term and had power); may have social skills difficulties, feeling like an outsider/outcast; may want to escape the 'power' of their job or the stress of life - like quite a lot of adult babies/infantilists seem to want to do; may have become so used to being downtrodden that, despite attempts at raising above them they are not able to and they give up; or, yes, some that are those who have not been fortunate enough to have a d/s relationship that let them explore their sexuality with a dominant who enjoyed such play. Does the latter make them less of a person? I don't think so and they shouldn't be condemned for it, however them having only been able to do things in their mind can mean they either sink deeper into wanting more/worse/icky degradation & humiliation and/or they know what buttons make them squirm and want to find someone who is ok with those buttons, be it online or in real life. I also, strongly, disagree, that these people are socially clueless, for the same reasons.... Just because their kinks may not be what you are looking for doesn't mean they should be disparaged or looked upon with disdain or contempt. (unless that was part of the scene ;) The only time they may not be as "sensitive" as is necessary is when one of their buttons may be pressed - even if inadvertently - and their self-mechanisms start. (Or they see something in someones' profile/interests list that they want/need to have done to them, to experience or grow)

It takes all kinds to make a world and there are quite a few people who have issues that are challenging them or have challenged them in the past etc. Sometimes the strength of a dominant can actually help that person to grow - in many ways - for they compliment each other through mental (and even spiritual) joining of their interactions. I know that for a fact. This also leads to that person being able to understand themselves better/more, learn about their sexuality, know what it means to serve someone in that way, and may make them see/realise that reality is not the same as fantasy. It could even make them not want x/y/z to be done to them.

To finish,
yes, there are times i want to be a proverbial 'meat-hole' or lower-than-sht or ridiculed/humiliated etc etc - but there are limits to it, as there are with many of these other 'worms'.... quite often the desires are very specific.
yes, i have been owned, once, which didn't work out - not for reasons of incompatibility.
yes, i have had many of the things i listed happened to me.

Lastly, mind-games can be fun - all it can take is a word and you can make someones' toes curl, and it isn't about blackmail or financial slavery etc, just a word that pushes a button and you have that person cowering, whimpering, begging, devoted - or one of many other possibilities - at your feet, be they real time or onlne.

Don't judge so harshly. Some of us with those desires have more potential and are a lot less shallow than you realise.

(in reply to Misstoyou)

RE: "i'm just a lowwwly nothing of a worrrrm..." - 10/10/2005 7:56:53 PM

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Joined: 9/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ed408

So, after a lot of thought, and realising i'm putting myself "out there", i am going to jump in here then and give my thoughts on this - note, i am not some worthless sack of doodie, but i am not denying i may have such thoughts....

A very interesting response. To refresh your memory, I'm the one who said, "socially clueless".

, though you also said "may have social skills difficulties" so the difference may only be the perceived degree of difficulty expressed in the messages.

I have no problem with mind games, and my submissive revels, at times, in being merely my "piece of meat". But he did not approach me that way. (Good thing for both of us. lol) That's really the discussion here. First impressions.

If the "lowly worm" approach hasn't worked (I'm just guessing here), and submissives have been given gentle suggestions as to alternates (which I've done with the men who've contacted me), why does there seem to be such attachment to that approach? Does the rejection reinforce the behavior ("Of course she rejected me. I really am a lowly worm") and therefore the sub gets his kink in the rejection?

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"

(in reply to ed408)

RE: "i'm just a lowwwly nothing of a worrrrm..." - 10/10/2005 8:32:33 PM

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Joined: 9/21/2005
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quote:

Does the rejection reinforce the behavior ("Of course she rejected me. I really am a lowly worm") and therefore the sub gets his kink in the rejection?

Oh, wow. Rejection as a public service. That's quite interesting!

XD

(in reply to Misstoyou)

RE: "i'm just a lowwwly nothing of a worrrrm..." - 10/11/2005 6:37:17 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ed408
So, after a lot of thought, and realising i'm putting myself "out there"

Ed, I really appreciate you taking the time to post your point of view. While I don't enjoy the "worm" like man, I do find it enlightening to have a hint into why it's an attractive manner for him.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ed408
I think that the people who are like this may well have some form of background issues
<snip>
Does the latter make them less of a person? I don't think so and they shouldn't be condemned for it
<snip>
Just because their kinks may not be what you are looking for doesn't mean they should be disparaged or looked upon with disdain or contempt. (unless that was part of the scene ;)

Anyone with issues from the past can be a sticky situation. The "issues" you mentioned are not attractive draws for most people. "Dammit Jim, I'm Top, not a Doctor!"

I think those issues are better served when dealing with a therapist, not a Domme.

If their interest is for fun and pleasure, and not to be 'truly' degraded, then it's a different view, as I see it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ed408
It takes all kinds to make a world and there are quite a few people who have issues that are challenging them or have challenged them in the past etc. Sometimes the strength of a dominant can actually help that person to grow - in many ways - for they compliment each other through mental (and even spiritual) joining of their interactions.

I think when a profile is quite clear about one is looking for, and a person (or worm) responds to something they really shouldn't, based on the clear words expressed, they are wasting their time, and the other person's. Yes, it takes all types to make the world, but when a person has preferences and desires that are clearly stated, the worm should really try to respond to worm hunters...not to the Domme that is clearly seeking the total opposite type.

Each person "will" hopefully enhance each other, but I would never "begin" a relationship "knowing" that I had tons of work to do, on a man, to make him become a "man." A man that truly "feels" he is a worm will take "work"...and he'll be unable to enhance a lady, or even the relationship, as his entire time will have to be spent on him maintaining, or improving himself. I'm a caring person, but not a 100% caregiver, looking to mold, and build a man from scratch. I like him to be a "man" to start.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ed408
This also leads to that person being able to understand themselves better/more, learn about their sexuality, know what it means to serve someone in that way, and may make them see/realise that reality is not the same as fantasy. It could even make them not want x/y/z to be done to them.

I'm not speaking for other women here, but I know that I don't want to have to teach someone about life, and the real world. If they are unclear on the differences between "fantasy" and "reality"...from the get go, I'm thinking that I'd be shying away from them. A clear sense of reality, and of themselves, is a requirement for me, and I'm guessing for most women that seek a "man."

quote:

ORIGINAL: ed408
To finish,
yes, there are times i want to be a proverbial 'meat-hole' or lower-than-sht or ridiculed/humiliated etc etc - but there are limits to it, as there are with many of these other 'worms'.... quite often the desires are very specific.

Ed, I would say, based on your posted response, and your style of writing, that you probably would not "present" yourself as a "worm" in first contact, and that you would probably describe your "interests" in a manner that also projected your own confidence in your desires (as well as in yourself). That makes quite a bit of difference too.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ed408
Lastly, mind-games can be fun - all it can take is a word and you can make someones' toes curl, and it isn't about blackmail or financial slavery etc, just a word that pushes a button and you have that person cowering, whimpering, begging, devoted - or one of many other possibilities - at your feet, be they real time or onlne.

Don't judge so harshly. Some of us with those desires have more potential and are a lot less shallow than you realise.

"Mind games" are fine for those that enjoy them, but would you want to start "playing" them right away, or would you want to find out if the person you're talking to would enjoy them too?

Ed, I don't think the person is being judged as much as the manner of contact. If you read the profile, of the OP, you'd find that it has a pretty clear indication that a "worm" need not apply. It is the worm applying that creates an issue here...not that the worm exists.

The judgement is not toward the "wormly" man, but rather to his pushing himself into where he doesn't belong, but then I guess that's what worms do.

Thanks again for posting your thoughts here, Ed.

K

(in reply to ed408)

RE: "i'm just a lowwwly nothing of a worrrrm..." - 10/11/2005 9:26:23 AM

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Joined: 7/20/2005
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The reason subs/slaves respond that way, it's what they think the mistresses want to hear. Most subs/slaves and for that matter alot of the mistresses just don't know how to communicate with people. Communication is a lost art.

(in reply to MistressXD)

RE: "i'm just a lowwwly nothing of a worrrrm..." - 10/11/2005 10:22:41 AM

Posts: 230
Joined: 7/11/2005
From: Hendersonville, NC
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I may have this altogether wrong because I have no inkling of how a sub male and Domme interact other than the little I can glean from reading here.

I am astounded by the stark difference between male and female submissives. For instance, it is obvious the male's "lowly worm" approach would seem to be gender specific. I have never met a sub who would be aroused by being drasticly humiliated right off the bat. In fact, try that with most females and they will eject on you in a heartbeat.

Is there anyone here who has had both a male and female submissive/slave and can offer some insight as to the large differences in regards to humilation? Can any submissives tell how they react to such humiliation during the very beginning phase?

_____________________________

Love is a razor & I walk the line on that silver blade... slept in the dust with His daughter her eyes red with the slaughter of innocence... The evil that men do lives on & on.
~ Iron Maiden

(in reply to MistressXD)

RE: "i'm just a lowwwly nothing of a worrrrm..." - 10/11/2005 11:06:14 AM

rwmbk

Posts: 43
Status: offline

quote:

it's what they think the mistresses want to hear.

The whole lowly worm thing bothers me as well. But it sure helps weed out who i want nothing to do with. I think the above has a lot to do with it, which is a bad social trend in my book.

It's quite the opposite for me. Serving someone well, should result in "a good- I've become a better person feeling." That's usually the main thing that makes me want to continue. Or at least that how it works for me.

(in reply to MistressXD)

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