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RE: Are married couples more committed? - 4/15/2008 1:57:26 PM

subtee

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~Groucho Marx voice~

Dey outtar be "committed"

(Ba dum dum)

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RE: Are married couples more committed? - 4/15/2008 1:57:50 PM

SteelofUtah

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I think the Op was meaning Statistical Marriages in the BDSM community Not World wide.

I am curious too How many People in the BDSM community who are married to someone else in the BDSM community get divorced. I know may people who divorced because thier mate wasn't kinky. I know plenty who married then got kinky then got divorced because they were incompatable but I wonder how many people are kinky get together then get married then get divorced.

I would be interested in those numbers.

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RE: Are married couples more committed? - 4/15/2008 1:58:42 PM

faerytattoodgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

kooky girl!

wasn't there some song with kookie kookie.... in it??? and some weird female singing it.

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RE: Are married couples more committed? - 4/15/2008 1:59:04 PM

kittinSol

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You'll have to do an epidemiological study.

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RE: Are married couples more committed? - 4/15/2008 2:00:03 PM

KatyLied

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Yes, I know she was asking that but I don't think the census (or whomever is tasked with keeping those stats) asks kinky questions. ; -)

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RE: Are married couples more committed? - 4/15/2008 2:00:42 PM

SteelofUtah

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Do you think I could get the Government to give me a grant so I can do it??

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RE: Are married couples more committed? - 4/15/2008 2:01:25 PM

domiguy

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If you are a strong communicator....You will communicate whether there is a piece of paper or not. It all depends on your desire to do so.

Marriage=lose half of your shit....Or maybe half of her shit. Seems like there is a lot of unemployed dudes out here.

If your closeness is the result of a contract Good for you....I've seen many relationships that were solid turn to shit after the certificate was introduced....Something about unreal expectations...Like something miraculous was suddenly going to occur. When in reality they were still the same two fucko's.

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RE: Are married couples more committed? - 4/15/2008 2:01:39 PM

faerytattoodgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Do you think I could get the Government to give me a grant so I can do it??

Steel

will you include gay married couples? and talk to gay men? or ...does that scare you?

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RE: Are married couples more committed? - 4/15/2008 2:02:57 PM

KatyLied

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quote:

Marriage=lose half of your shit....Or maybe half of her shit.

Yes. That is one reason why any proposal I receive will have to be compelling in the extreme and signed off at the attorney's office. And I don't even have wealth, I just have stuff I don't want to give up.

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RE: Are married couples more committed? - 4/15/2008 2:05:34 PM

kittinSol

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True, dat.

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RE: Are married couples more committed? - 4/15/2008 2:08:11 PM

SteelofUtah

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quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Do you think I could get the Government to give me a grant so I can do it??

Steel

will you include gay married couples? and talk to gay men? or ...does that scare you?

That is a difficult question.

On the Surface Sure I would, I am an Advodate for Homosexual Rights, And go figure I am ALSO a conservative. (Try and figure that one out)

I would Definantly ask them however the question is how I would apply it to the Case Study as Gay Marriage is not equally accepted as Legal and the Federal Government has Yet to determine if they will grant Married Status to Gay Couples. However I do know that Some Gay Couples are the Most commited I have ever seen but they can also be the most Hedonistic and quickest to change.

I would have to do Statistical Studies of aqll forms of Unions so I would of course talk to the Gay community as well as the Straight community as well as the Leather Vs. the D/s Community and see how those all come together. I would want to Interview 1000 people of each sub set but would take all the interviews I could.

I really believe that Kinsey's work on the sexual body and drive was GROUND BREAKING. I think the BDSM world could use a little documented concepts.

And No Talking with Homo, Hetro, or inter Sexuals doesn't bother me that are all of course PEOPLE first.

**Smiles at faery thanks for the question**

Steel

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RE: Are married couples more committed? - 4/15/2008 2:12:17 PM

faerytattoodgirl

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quote:

I would Definantly ask them however the question is how I would apply it to the Case Study as Gay Marriage is not equally accepted as Legal and the Federal Government has Yet to determine if they will grant Married Status to Gay Couples.

you can do this part of the study in canada...3rd country to recognize gay marriage.

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RE: Are married couples more committed? - 4/15/2008 2:13:45 PM

sirsholly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

If your closeness is the result of a contract Good for you....I've seen many relationships that were solid turn to shit after the certificate was introduced....Something about unreal expectations...Like something miraculous was suddenly going to occur. When in reality they were still the same two fucko's.

unreal expectations can occur in any relationship...married or not. The fact is if you have expectations that are going to be a suprise to your partner you have no business commiting to the relationship.
i would be as devoted to him with or without marriage...but marriage makes things a whole lot easier for us.

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RE: Are married couples more committed? - 4/15/2008 2:17:06 PM

kittinSol

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France has a legal civil union that allows couples who choose to officialise their union without the shag of getting hitched to have the same rights as married people.

< Message edited by kittinSol -- 4/15/2008 2:21:20 PM >

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RE: Are married couples more committed? - 4/15/2008 2:18:33 PM

faerytattoodgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

France has a legal civil union that allows couples who choose to officialise their union without the shag of getting hitch to have the same rights as married people.

yes i know this..i am a citizen of that country by blood.. (dad born there) they allow dual citizenship as well...once your a citizen you are for life.

< Message edited by faerytattoodgirl -- 4/15/2008 2:19:00 PM >

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RE: Are married couples more committed? - 4/15/2008 2:22:42 PM

kittinSol

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I was born there...

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RE: Are married couples more committed? - 4/15/2008 2:28:17 PM

faerytattoodgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

I was born there...

god i wanna hear your yummy accent!

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RE: Are married couples more committed? - 4/15/2008 2:30:43 PM

metalmiss

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In my opinion marriage means much less these days than it ever did..
i personally will never marry on principle. To me it's just a piece of paper.. i don't need a piece of paper as proof of a commitment. Paper which is just as easily disgarded as yesterdays rubbish, because divorce seems to be the status quo..
So i don't think that such a simple declaration, an official document if you will, in any way makes a couple more committed.

But if it works for you then thats nice to hear x

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RE: Are married couples more committed? - 4/15/2008 2:32:36 PM

RumpusParable

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hiswifeon7707

i wonder what the divorce rate is for the bdsm community? guess they dont keep those stats.
being married does cloak me with a deep sense of security and the belief we will work through all problems.

Personally, I'd put in that the divorce rate, marriage, etc have zero indication of any one couple's, let alone trying to stretch it to apply in general to all couples, commitment level. Nor would I say that commitment is a good measure of the quality, security, honesty, supportiveness or other positive values in a relationship... many are committed to a relationship/person when that fact is absolutely nothing but a *bad* thing.

Directly on the topic, there's really no way to answer the title question... let alone the OP question... no one goes around polling every single person in every sort of relationship about commitment, what it means to them, why they are committed to someone(s), if they're currently committed, how long they've been committed, etc. And then by whose standards would such a poll be measured?

If it's by someone who views a divorce as an indication that one or both weren't committed, then we've skewed results based on the measurer's preconceptions. If it's by someone who views marriage as an indication of commitment, there again. Or someone who views only monogamous relationships... Or only certain types of poly... Or only after the two have been together for a certain, arbitrary, length of time... Or only if they've had, or plan to have, children... Or...

Then, are the pollers going to look for commitment, purely and alone, or are they going to weed out the unhealthy commitments and only try to measure the healthy ones. Try to judge from the outside and from what little data they get how many are staying "for the children" really? Or out of guilt for past relationships they've ended? Or out of guilt for something they've done in this relationship? Or a wish not to be divorced? Or because there is an abusive dynamic behind the scenes they didn't disclose to the pollers (as either the one abusing or being abused)? Dependancy or co-dependancy in relation to a drug or other self-destructive habit? Financial dependence? A fear of never being loved/in a committed relationship again? And so on...

Impossible! It' something that really can't be known.

At best, all I can answer is that so far those who are "kinky", "into BDSM", "lifestyle", etc are all just regular everyday folks with nothing special about them in my experience. Same with their relationships: same old, same old. I've not so far seen any special difference that would lead me to suppose any more likelyhood toward commitment, healthy or no, to their partner(s).

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RE: Are married couples more committed? - 4/15/2008 2:46:53 PM

Toolking