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To pay, or not to pay... - 10/9/2005 3:32:05 PM

michaelMI

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How do Dom(me)s that charge differ from those who don't. i know this is a touchy subject and i would like to know others' opinions about this.

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RE: To pay, or not to pay... - 10/9/2005 3:35:10 PM

ownedjulia

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the way i see it is that when you pay you generally get a service that you want for a fixed amount of time and you get it when you want it, largely how you want it.

When your NOT paying then you have to really work at it as your (i assume) doing it to please your Master/Mistress/Whatever.
In this case you get it when you DESERVE it and how THEY want to give it to you.

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RE: To pay, or not to pay... - 10/9/2005 3:56:05 PM

JohnWarren

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From: Delray Beach, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelMI

]How do Dom(me)s that charge differ from those who don't. i know this is a touchy subject and i would like to know others' opinions about this.

Those who charge are providing a specific service for a specific time. The upside is that since she's getting paid, she will make a real effort to tailor the scene to the submissive's fantasies and she doesn't make any demands on the submissive aside from the payment of a fee.

The downside is that there usually isn't any real emotional connection.

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RE: To pay, or not to pay... - 10/9/2005 6:46:46 PM

LadyShoshin

Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelMI

]How do Dom(me)s that charge differ from those who don't. i know this is a touchy subject and i would like to know others' opinions about this.

Those who charge are providing a specific service for a specific time. The upside is that since she's getting paid, she will make a real effort to tailor the scene to the submissive's fantasies and she doesn't make any demands on the submissive aside from the payment of a fee.

The downside is that there usually isn't any real emotional connection.

Very true, I do a bit of Pro-Domming (once every few months or so) and am a lifestyler.

If a man wants a specific fantasy with no strings, I would discuss payment with him. He would tell me what his fantasy is (excluding sex) and I would let him know if I could fulfill it or not. It is generally an hour, we have no other contact outside of discussing appointments. I do what I call Corporal Therapy, so there is a connection, I do a lot of listening and offer helpful suggestions if it is appropriate. It is cheaper than a therapist and lots more fun lol.

If a man wants to serve me, we negotiate limits and what happens is at my whim within the agreed to limits (which I push a bit over time). There is more contact, more expectations on both parts and it can develop into a D/s partnership. I care for my service submissives, I have high expectations of them. If I so choose, when I want and how I want, sex can be a part of this relationship because it is not a commercial service.

Hope that helps to clear it up for you.

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RE: To pay, or not to pay... - 10/9/2005 6:47:52 PM

JustaTop

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It's a bit like Burger King-if ya want it all your way,ya gotta pay

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RE: To pay, or not to pay... - 10/9/2005 8:48:45 PM

michaelMI

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so, in a paid relationship, is it any more real than that which a submissive actually gives themselves to one Dominant (body and soul)? seems to me that it's more like topping from the bottom...(of your wallet or purse).

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RE: To pay, or not to pay... - 10/9/2005 8:53:04 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelMI

so, in a paid relationship, is it any more real than that which a submissive actually gives themselves to one Dominant (body and soul)? seems to me that it's more like topping from the bottom...(of your wallet or purse).

Think of a relationship with a pro the same as a relationship with your doctor. They know much about your body and mind in an intimate way, but it's a professional relationship.

It's real for what it is, but your doctor isn't your wife.

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RE: To pay, or not to pay... - 10/9/2005 9:55:52 PM

BlueDevil

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quote:

so, in a paid relationship, is it any more real than that which a submissive actually gives themselves to one Dominant (body and soul)? seems to me that it's more like topping from the bottom...(of your wallet or purse).

It's no more or less real. The motivation for the professional is monetary while the motivation for the lifestyler is enjoyment, personal need, and attention to you, for your service, devotion, etc. I've known professionals that enjoyed sessions with some customers as much as with their own personal submissives or slaves, some who considered some repeat customers long time personal friends, or more. As with everything, in this lifestyle, and in life, there are no easy, pat answers. You pay the pro with cash, you pay the lifestyler with attention, devotion, service. Everyone pays in some form or another.

Disclaimer-My remarks pertain soley to my own experiences with females, submissive females, professional dominants, professional submissives, and are in no way intended to define the personal or professional motivations of anyone that I do not know personally.

< Message edited by BlueDevil -- 10/9/2005 9:56:51 PM >

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RE: To pay, or not to pay... - 10/9/2005 10:20:06 PM

Evanesce

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quote:

Think of a relationship with a pro the same as a relationship with your doctor. They know much about your body and mind in an intimate way, but it's a professional relationship.

It's real for what it is, but your doctor isn't your wife.

I'd say that sums it up very well.

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RE: To pay, or not to pay... - 10/9/2005 10:37:29 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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wondering why someone who is owned cares whether a domme charges or not, and your question wouldn't sound as much of a guise for imposing your biases if you didn't say how you felt on your profile.

FYI: There are meany threads on this matter. Just search and you will find.
Remember we all pay for sex, just not always by taking money out and handing it over directly before/after deed.

Welcome to the boards. M

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RE: To pay, or not to pay... - 10/9/2005 11:10:04 PM

PrincessinLatex

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I agree M,

It sound like a person that has clearly already formed their opinion (as witness on his profile) and looking to either 1) get some validation from the boards or 2) stir the pot.

Princess

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RE: To pay, or not to pay... - 10/10/2005 12:14:47 AM

michaelMI

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alright, fine...i guess enough has been said then. go figure.

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RE: To pay, or not to pay... - 10/10/2005 8:55:59 AM

stef

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It's always a shame when you don't get the answer you were hoping for, isn't it?

~stef

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RE: To pay, or not to pay... - 10/10/2005 9:47:04 AM

JustaTop

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Not everyone is here to be an enabler,are they stef?

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RE: To pay, or not to pay... - 10/10/2005 10:22:06 AM

stef

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I suppose that depends on what you mean by an enabler and whether you consider paying for a service some manner of enabling behavior.

~stef

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RE: To pay, or not to pay... - 10/10/2005 11:21:32 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelMI

so, in a paid relationship, is it any more real than that which a submissive actually gives themselves to one Dominant (body and soul)? seems to me that it's more like topping from the bottom...(of your wallet or purse).

Think of a relationship with a pro the same as a relationship with your doctor. They know much about your body and mind in an intimate way, but it's a professional relationship.

It's real for what it is, but your doctor isn't your wife.

This is an excellent way to look at it.

One is professional, one is personal.

Things can change and overlap but you should never hope or assume they will do so.

As to the "realness" of it -- depends on how people process it. I've known a few pro-doms who felt their way was more real because the money exchange was a recongization of their power; others see it as theater or just a job. As for the customer, it depends on how he/she views it too.

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And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: To pay, or not to pay... - 10/10/2005 5:41:44 PM

MsSonnetMarwood

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Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
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quote:

Remember we all pay for sex, just not always by taking money out and handing it over directly before/after deed.

Amen.

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Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

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RE: To pay, or not to pay... - 10/10/2005 5:57:50 PM

JustaTop

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I should have said "validation enabler"

My bad

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RE: To pay, or not to pay... - 10/10/2005 6:38:41 PM

kc692

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Gheez, I miss a day, and go to look at infamous profile, and it's gone, but I trust BlkTallfllfig's and some others' opinions implicitly, smiles, after all, it has been about a week since this subject has come up, right?

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RE: To pay, or not to pay... - 10/10/2005 6:57:33 PM

LadySonelle

Posts: 280
Joined: 8/24/2004
From: Santa Fe NM
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Differences between paid and nonpaid Dommes! Well, I'm a bit of both. I'll tell you how it is with Me.

In person, IRL I am NOT a ProDomme. I have NEVER charged one red cent for a scene ever. I do it for the love of it, for the power exchange, for the rush and for the wonders of transforming My slaves. I've been a Domme for 24 years.

I do, OTOH work on the phone (PleasurePhone and NiteFlirt) and have done for 16 years.

I care equally for *all* My slaves, whether paid or not. I remember details, I take notes, I ask questions, I give advice, I listen and I care. For all.

The differences are this: If a caller stops calling, I wonder where he went, but I figure perhaps he found someone more to his liking or moved or married... I did lose one caller who worked in the World Trade Center. He died on 9/11. I cried when I read his name on the list of those lost.
If a real life slave stops contacting Me, I find him and ask what happened. I am affronted if he chooses to just "disappear". It ticks Me off!

As for the rest, if a slave or phone client is hurt or suffering, I pray for him, no matter how we are connected. I give ther same advice and care to both. But I give my deepest affections and closest connections to My unpaid slaves. Usually. There are some exceptions. One man I have been speaking to on the phjone for all the 16 years I have worked. We have a deep and trusting relationship. Different cercumstances might have made us face to face Mistress and slave.

To both paid and unpaid I give My FULL professional, medical and counseling experience. To both I give absolute confidentiality. From both I expect obedience and growth and development. But usually only My RL slaves have My heart.

This is why, in fact, I have never *become* a ProDomme. I do not WANT to lose the love and cherishing relationship that exists when the slave is Mine, and I am not his employee by virtue of the exchange of coin.

I have attempted to find financial slaves and there the mix would differ, obviously. But I will love ALL My RL slaves, including the financial ones, for I cannot rule a subject I do not also love.

My two cents.

Lady Sonelle

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