RE: Dominants...can you recognize the signs of frenzy?

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RE: Dominants...can you recognize the signs of frenzy? - 5/3/2008 4:39:42 AM

gypsygrl

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quote:

Oh yes I can recognize it. Unfortunately theres nothing I've found that can do it. I had to sit back this past year or so and watch a VERY close friend go through it- and she is now in the next stage of disillusionment. I said all the things you're supposed to say, told her to slow down, really tried to get her to understand how it was leading and what was likely to follow- all while still being a good friend and letting her make her own choices and supporting that.

Nothing to be done, at least nothing that I've found yet that works.

I recognize it in myself and don't allow it to cloud my judgement where it needs to be- as a polyamorous person always open to new relationships, this tends to be a more immediate risk because of the New Relationship Energy high, so it's even more important for me to be aware of it and take it into consideration.

I don't think there's a better way to handle this sort of thing than the way you described. Seriously.

I don't really do frenzy because I'm a really conservative person and have a lot of rules for myself, which are pretty effective when I'm not in any kind of relationship. Once I get involved with someone though, bets are off and I'm like a psycho-junkie.

quote:

I want to say that I've experienced what I'd call dom frenzy from the receiving end as a sub. Or maybe just over-eagerness and high hopes.

I've seen this too. I don't know if its frenzy or an out of control proprietary interest or what. Its like, look at 'em twice and they're ready to flip me over stick a flag in my ass and declare me theirs.

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RE: Dominants...can you recognize the signs of frenzy? - 5/3/2008 5:42:20 AM

epiphany

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The only time I was really every in a "frenzy" was during play. For me that was a moment in which I was so hot from the play with this Dom, that I didn't care if he crossed a line that I had previously set as a boundary. I was in mid scene and telling him he could, asking him to...

He earned my respect forever when he said

"You are caught up in the scene right now, I won't let you change your bounaries while your in this state and have you regret it later. If after you are calm and over these feelings, and you renegotiate this as okay later, then we'll see".

He had my consent, but I was flying so high at that moment that he considered me too impaired to make the decision about changing a limit. It was also something he wanted very much to do, and he was just as into the scene as I was. That he took a pass on something he wanted when he was given consent impressed me. He was more concerned about doing what he felt was right. Thats control and integrity in my book.

epiphany

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RE: Dominants...can you recognize the signs of frenzy? - 5/3/2008 5:52:43 AM

lilabbotsfordgrl

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I wonder if "sub frenzy" is the over-diagnosed cousin of the more general affliction, "love".

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RE: Dominants...can you recognize the signs of frenzy? - 5/3/2008 7:39:56 AM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lilabbotsfordgrl

I wonder if "sub frenzy" is the over-diagnosed cousin of the more general affliction, "love".

Lust, not love. Like having a craving for ice cream and eating an entire half gallon instead of a small cup. And then feeling sick afterwards.

We had prenegotiated the stuff we both wanted to do. He allowed me to indulge in long sessions of only that stuff. Didn't go into uncharted territory. But we both learned a valuable lesson when I suddenly started shaking and couldn't get warm, couldn't hold a cup of tea, etc. The lesson being to pay attention to the body needs; food, water, rest.

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RE: Dominants...can you recognize the signs of frenzy? - 5/3/2008 11:14:21 AM

Tigrita

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You are a very lucky girl epiphany. Don't let that one get away. I think that is one of the most dangerous situations there is, I've been there, and had the opposite happen and it wasn't pretty afterwards, actually with the same guy I was talking about before. His over-eagerness made him too caught up in the scene and he tried to re-negotiate limits mid-scene (which I'd declared as a limit in its self because I was aware of this issue). I know that once I'm at someone's mercy I'll go along with or even want things that I'm not necessarily ready for, and he didn't have the control to realize and respect that in the moment, despite my telling him before we played. So, dom frenzy can be dangerous, when the one who is supposed to be in control is out of control, bad things happen. That doesn't seem as much of a danger with sub frenzy; the sub can be dangerous to themselves, but not so much to others since they aren't the ones with the control in the relationships and activities.

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RE: Dominants...can you recognize the signs of frenzy? - 5/8/2008 5:50:28 PM

uliveonce

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Epiphany,

You are indeed with someone who understands the TRUE responsibilities of the position.
--------------------------

My definition of sub frenzy has nothing to do what happens in a scene. That is sex frenzy, subspace or some other temporary affliction. True sub frenzy is the "I'm new and already owned" or "My first Master is my forever Master" and other things that would never work in a vanilla relationship but for some reason it is expected that it will work in BDSM.

Unfortunately, way to many "Doms and Dommes" hunt for this symptom. They do this because they know they aren't really in the lifestyle, don't really know anything about it other than their desire for control, to humiliate someone and to be a sexual and emotional vampire. All things that a new sub especially one in the frenzied state will gladly put up with and even convince themselves of how great it is. Only later to figure out they have been used, abused and left when a new more enthusiastic toy comes along. And we who really understand the responsibilities that must preceed the liberties, are left tarnished and blamed.

Thankfully, many gain from this difficult experience and wise up.

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RE: Dominants...can you recognize the signs of frenzy? - 5/8/2008 5:59:09 PM

Leatherist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: uliveonce

Epiphany,

You are indeed with someone who understands the TRUE responsibilities of the position.
--------------------------

My definition of sub frenzy has nothing to do what happens in a scene. That is sex frenzy, subspace or some other temporary affliction. True sub frenzy is the "I'm new and already owned" or "My first Master is my forever Master" and other things that would never work in a vanilla relationship but for some reason it is expected that it will work in BDSM.

Unfortunately, way to many "Doms and Dommes" hunt for this symptom. They do this because they know they aren't really in the lifestyle, don't really know anything about it other than their desire for control, to humiliate someone and to be a sexual and emotional vampire. All things that a new sub especially one in the frenzied state will gladly put up with and even convince themselves of how great it is. Only later to figure out they have been used, abused and left when a new more enthusiastic toy comes along. And we who really understand the responsibilities that must preceed the liberties, are left tarnished and blamed.

Thankfully, many gain from this difficult experience and wise up.

Amen.

People who are afflicted with "being in love with love" often fall prey to this one.

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RE: Dominants...can you recognize the signs of frenzy? - 9/29/2008 5:10:23 PM

MercTech

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Scary signs of sub frenzy....

Signing emails, "Cock-a-Doodle Doo, Any Dom'll Do"

When confirming plans for a first meeting at a Munch you find out that ..." and after the munch we will go over to Master Xxx's house and you will tie me up and he will show you how to leave blood welts on me with a singletail."

After a first successful meeting over coffee, she meets you for a first dinner date with four suitcases and a box full of kitchen appliances.

And people wonder why I'm slow to get close to people,
Stefan

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