I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have new gadgets or you can have a place2 liv not both

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All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Polls and Other Random Stupidity >> I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have new gadgets or you can have a place2 liv not both

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I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have new ... - 5/3/2008 10:38:58 AM

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
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Ok, so we're supposed to be saving money for affording an apartment we were supposed to move a few months ago and we found out we're going to need about 3 thoughsand before we can even begin to pick one out, and he knows we're supposed to be saving every dime we can, and all I hear is I am going to buy this, and I am going to buy this, and I need to buy this,and I want to buy this this and this, and all of it's JUNK. WE don't need an x box or a wii or new video games, or more movies, or tech toys we don't need a 150 dollar subscritption to sirius radio. We need money for an apartment so we can move.

Today he's all like I am taking 150 dollars and going to buy an IPOD. HELLO he hasn't payed any bills this month an he hasn't put any money aside for our apartment this month, nor last month, nor very much in the past months, And his dog needs medical care, she needs her vaccinations and a new heart worm test, And he needs medical insurance, which is going to eat a huge chunk of money. And he agreed his tax refund would go entirely to savings for the apartment, an he's going to go get an IPOD?

This is a continually on going thing, and I swear I am so friken ready to say ok pick. You can have that or you can have a place to live not both, next time he goes into what he's going to buy and wants to buy.

I am so sick of his irresponcibilities. and in some cases of cleaning up his messes, he left to fester and blow up.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRG

< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 5/3/2008 10:43:32 AM >

RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 10:47:03 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

new bf is in order..he wont even spend it on you!!!

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 10:50:52 AM

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

>.<

Why not suggest a budget?

"You get this much for spending on crap... the rest goes to bills and savings"

He's like me... want's to save but ends up spending on stupid crap. :(

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 11:00:04 AM

Posts: 111
Joined: 7/16/2005
Status: offline

I can tell you from personal experience that this type of person has no concept of how to handle money and the adult responsibilities of bills. This is not something they will change easily nor understand without the harsh realities of the consequences of losing things because they didn’t pay those bills.

You have two choices either take over the finances completely and give him an allowance or accept his poor money handling if you want to stay with him.

If those two choices are not something you want to deal with then you need to delegate him to friend and move on.
~jesi~

_____________________________

*When others asked the truth of me, I was convinced it was not the truth they wanted, but an illusion they could bear to live with.*

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 11:12:50 AM

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

He'll spend it on me if there's something I want and ask for. I just don't want anything right now, cause I prefere the money gets saved.

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

new bf is in order..he wont even spend it on you!!!

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 11:15:26 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

He'll spend it on me if there's something I want and ask for. I just don't want anything right now, cause I prefere the money gets saved.
quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

new bf is in order..he wont even spend it on you!!!

lol well you didnt mention in the main post of any offer to spend on you..just himself...

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 11:16:37 AM

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I did, in a round about way. I told him what ever tips he makes from work he can use towards a wii or a new x box 360, cause that's what he wants the most. PROVIDED he leaves his paychecks and his bank account alone. He agreed. Now he's changed he can buy what ever he wants, with the tips from work and I guess I am pretty ok with that. But I am not ok with dipping into bank account for a IPOD, specially not when he had one an it was ruined cause he was careless with it an spilled soda on it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

>.<

Why not suggest a budget?

"You get this much for spending on crap... the rest goes to bills and savings"

He's like me... want's to save but ends up spending on stupid crap. :(

(in reply to Lynnxz)

RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 11:17:44 AM

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

No, you're right I didn't.

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

He'll spend it on me if there's something I want and ask for. I just don't want anything right now, cause I prefere the money gets saved.
quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

new bf is in order..he wont even spend it on you!!!

lol well you didnt mention in the main post of any offer to spend on you..just himself...

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 11:20:49 AM

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

And you think this will get better over time ?perhaps you can change him ?once you get the apt all will be better ?NO NO NO .
Now that you know this is the way that it is the choice is in your hands is it all worth saving, is the relationship strong enough to last through this continually going on ?If it is pissin you off already what is it going to do to you in 2-5 years of the same ?

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 11:22:54 AM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss
I am so sick of his irresponcibilities. and in some cases of cleaning up his messes, he left to fester and blow up.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRG

Hate to say it but it sounds like you need to dom the dom. You also have to be the mature one. The relationship may be doomed.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 11:29:07 AM

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

No I have no illusions things'll be better once we get the apartment. He's never had to take responcibility for himself before nobody else has ever counted on him, it's always been I count on myself that;s it., as odd as that may seem. I was hoping he was learning to think that responcibility to finaces comes first before toys do.

Also if we get the apartment and loose it cause him, I can always go home, but he has no where else to go, and he refuses to be homeless again. So that reality would I hope kind of force someone to tow the line.

quote:

ORIGINAL: azropedntied

And you think this will get better over time ?perhaps you can change him ?once you get the apt all will be better ?NO NO NO .

(in reply to azropedntied)

RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 11:30:04 AM

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

Nah, I don't think it's doomed. She could easily just take care of the finances, lots of couples have one person that deals with the budgeting issues and such.

And yes, I think that once you two move out, and HAVE to deal with bills and such, he might grow up a little. Some people just need a kick in the pants before they learn to control their spending, haha- it's no big deal.

< Message edited by Lynnxz -- 5/3/2008 11:31:22 AM >

(in reply to sub4hire)

RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 11:30:51 AM

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
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Which is ironic cause my role of t his relationship is SUPPOSED to be, to be his baby. and in some ways be his submissive, and I have most definatly changed from supposed to be the baby to feeling like our roles have changed and I am the parent and HE'S the baby.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss
I am so sick of his irresponcibilities. and in some cases of cleaning up his messes, he left to fester and blow up.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRG

Hate to say it but it sounds like you need to dom the dom. You also have to be the mature one. The relationship may be doomed.

(in reply to sub4hire)

RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 11:33:16 AM

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Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

I understand that you love him and I am not suggesting you leave him.

I would like you to consider the pattern of irresponsibility here.

He can not afford health insurance which he needs but wants to spend his tip money on toys.
He won't consider MedCal.
He needs counseling but you can't afford it and my guess is that the week before you get your check things are very tight for you both.

His choices are putting you in an unwinnable position.
You keep having to clean up his messes which takes away from his having to deal with the consequences...without consequences some people are unable to learn.

I might suggest that these could be things that you might want to discuss with a counselor (if you have one and if you don't you might want to consider getting one for yourself.)

Best wshes...it sounds like a very difficult situation.

(in reply to azropedntied)

RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 11:33:43 AM

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

The only real salution to this for all concerned is to have you take over the household budget and give him some mad money.You pay all the bills ,do the savings and food money bills etc taking all income . Or hand him a couple fridge boxes and tell him he will need these soon .
best of luck to you

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 11:34:08 AM

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

One time in a fit of temper after an argument about his wasting money on expensive stuff, he handed me his wallet and his bank card and said fine then here you take it you take every last dime of my money and you do what you want with it. just give me money for work.

I handed him back the wallet an said it wasn't nessisary, perhaps I should of said ok, and kept the wallet:))I'm even harboring thoughts that his sister inlaw was right he's not ready for a relationship, which hurts cause I don't like his sister in law cause she used to meddle so much an she kept saying he had no buisiness having a gf cause his mental illnesses and she didn't like no*r approve of me so she was always in ways kind of trying to tank our relationship. And before now I always thought bullshit, mind your own business. and I am kind of agreeing with her now.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

Nah, I don't think it's doomed. She could easily just take care of the finances, lots of couples have one person that deals with the budgeting issues and such.

And yes, I think that once you two move out, and HAVE to deal with bills and such, he might grow up a little. Some people just need a kick in the pants before they learn to control their spending, haha- it's no big deal.

< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 5/3/2008 11:47:00 AM >

(in reply to Lynnxz)

RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 11:35:06 AM

Posts: 483
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline

i agree with jesiul. As awesome as he may be, folks like this are NOT likely to change overnight.
Most folks have a problem with saving b/c it is so long term, hence no immediate instant gratification. The allowance sounds like a great idea, yet i am sure he would need to save for such a thing as an ipod when on an allowance.
As easy as it is to banter about (need VS. want), is far more difficult to implement, and or expect another to follow through with.
i am aware this is an odd analogy but i feel it applies. i look at this like i do when my UM's "want" this, that or another. i acknowledge their want, and how cool such a thing would be to have, however, i explain ONCE that if they really want such a thing, they will need to do some extra work, and save until they have enough duckies. End topic, period!

My only other thoughts on this are ..... tell him to suck it up buttercup; having a place to live, and setting the goal of getting a better/different place is more then alot of folks have. All the other BS (ipod, wii, Sirius, etc) is simply fluff!!
Best of luck; i don't envy the position You are in, but i am sure You will work it out!!
b.~

(in reply to jesiul)

RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 11:37:44 AM

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I very very very much want to go back to counsoling, but I'm not finding that many have sliding scales like I need, and add on to that we're a daddy daughter relationship and I am kinky, well from my past experinces most therapists will go running for the pych ward people.

Yes the week before I get my check can be VERY tight, I was down to 10 bucks last month before payday, and normally cause I am in debt I have about 200 dollars left before payday, which again all cycles into bills and debt.

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

I understand that you love him and I am not suggesting you leave him.

I would like you to consider the pattern of irresponsibility here.

He can not afford health insurance which he needs but wants to spend his tip money on toys.
He won't consider MedCal.
He needs counseling but you can't afford it and my guess is that the week before you get your check things are very tight for you both.

His choices are putting you in an unwinnable position.
You keep having to clean up his messes which takes away from his having to deal with the consequences...without consequences some people are unable to learn.

I might suggest that these could be things that you might want to discuss with a counselor (if you have one and if you don't you might want to consider getting one for yourself.)

Best wshes...it sounds like a very difficult situation.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 11:40:04 AM

Posts: 24
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

fast reply ~~> In my marriage my hubby is the Dom and I am the sub. However, I control the money. The reason ... is that he can't. He HATES asking me for money but he knows he needs to. Awhile ago we separated and now he has a $5000 credit card debt and some other problems. Recently he told me he wants to come home and he is asking to put his paycheck back in my bank account so that I can go back to managing his account and finances. It's a hard thing to do but I agree with what someone said earlier ... sometimes you have to dom the dom when it comes to certain things ... like $$$$$.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

RE: I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have ... - 5/3/2008 11:45:08 AM

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

daddy daughter ? D/s BDSM has little to do with everyday life/money woes , this is an easy fix if you wish to save this for the long haul You take over the financial and give him a set allowance and no more , also set up an emergency fund .Or tell him this needs to be taken care of by him and give it 30 days .If this money issue is left unchecked kiss the relationship buubye .So the question is is it worth saving ?save it by grabbing the situation by the horns and fixing it leaving problem solved .

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

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All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Polls and Other Random Stupidity >> I swear I am ready to tell my partner you can have new gadgets or you can have a place2 liv not both

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