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Expectations - 5/6/2008 5:40:47 AM

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What are your expectations during initial encounters with a sub/slave?

The above question is geared towards what do you expect in the first month of contact with a sub/slave? What types of conversation are you looking for, and what interaction do you expect? Many a D-type I have spoken to it seems that within 2 weeks of opening dialogue there is expectation of submission, masturbating for them, talking dirty to them, calling them Sir or Master, and meeting them in the clothing they so desire. Is this what the expectations are normally? Cause these demands are what make me go bye bye, cause I don'tbelieve that they really grasp the D.s dynamic and feel that sub/slaves are just there at their disposal via those expectations.

TIA for all responses.

RE: Expectations - 5/6/2008 6:20:57 AM

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As a female Dominant my expectations in the first few weeks are...we get to know each other better, perhaps become friends and see where it goes from there. I'm a slow mover when it comes to my relationships. If after several months it seems we are a good match then I will discuss a collar with the sub/slave, making sure our needs,wants,desires match.

No I don't expect anyone to masturbate for me, or drop to their knees on the first meeting. I guess I don't want someone who would do this for just anyone who was Dominant, I want someone who wants to do it for ME.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Expectations - 5/6/2008 6:24:13 AM

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First meeting: I expect that we will both try our best to make a new friend.

Hanging out because the first meeting went well: I expect that we will both try our best to ensure the other person feels happy they took the risk to meet.

Anything else after that really depends on the situation. Two quick stories:

1. A woman really wanted us to sleep together on the first night. I said no, though we fooled around, and slept together as in actually sleeping. The next morning she told me she was glad we waited, because it made her feel as though I was in control. After she said that, I took her all the way.

2. I set a date to meet a lady. She asked me what she should wear. I said, "Something you will feel comfortable and safe in." She said, no really. Pants or skirt? "Skirt." What kind of lingerie? ... We played 20 questions, and I figured ok, that was weird but kinda sexy too. Then, two days later, she calls and wants me to give her a whole new set of orders, to wear different things. Uh, ok, I do. What kind of sex toys should she bring? The butt plug or the nipple clamps? Ok, I answer the 40 questions. Then, a day before we are going to meet, she wants me to change everything again. I cancelled the date. I am not the life support system for her toybag.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Expectations - 5/6/2008 6:33:33 AM

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Please see this thread...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1838943/tm.htm

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(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Expectations - 5/6/2008 6:39:55 AM

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Alberta U.K.? Where's that at?

(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Expectations - 5/6/2008 8:16:23 AM

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First two weeks, just getting to know each other, no real expectations, but no starting of bad habits.

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See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Expectations - 5/6/2008 10:47:49 AM

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apologies for the brief hijack...could you please explain what your sig line - it's probably best not to crossdress intellegence and ego, as eventually one or the other will make you look stupid - means as I don't understand it.

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(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Expectations - 5/6/2008 11:28:43 AM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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It's a men are from mars, women from venus thing. Men prefer to know that they're sexually compatible first and then talk about vanilla compatibilities. Women are the opposite.

The way around it is to put it in your profile. Not specifics but general ie; submissive female into bondage, photography, no scat, very limited pain. Or whatever floats your boat. If you put it there, then a guy who isn't compatible can read it and know immediately there's no use writing you. Conversely if his profile says he's into stuff you've hard limited, then you know he didn't read your profile so you shouldn't waste time talking to him, just block and delete.

But basically, it's a sex site, guys are frequently sex driven, of course they want to talk about sex.

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Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to wandersalone)

RE: Expectations - 5/6/2008 12:22:48 PM

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quote:

What are your expectations during initial encounters with a sub/slave?

Dreams,

This path we walk has an abundance of pretenders and how they conduct themselves on line is a firm indicator of their mindset. When it gets to "on your knees" after two weeks or even two months they have disclosed themselves.

CP

(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Expectations - 5/6/2008 12:59:12 PM

Posts: 5307
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From: St George Utah
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quote:

ORIGINAL: aleshaDreams

What are your expectations during initial encounters with a sub/slave?

The above question is geared towards what do you expect in the first month of contact with a sub/slave? What types of conversation are you looking for, and what interaction do you expect? Many a D-type I have spoken to it seems that within 2 weeks of opening dialogue there is expectation of submission, masturbating for them, talking dirty to them, calling them Sir or Master, and meeting them in the clothing they so desire. Is this what the expectations are normally? Cause these demands are what make me go bye bye, cause I don'tbelieve that they really grasp the D.s dynamic and feel that sub/slaves are just there at their disposal via those expectations.

TIA for all responses.

Okay if I am to be honest I have to say that in the first month of contact I need to see that deference and surrender are STARTING, meaning that there is a submissive nature toward my geneal demeanor.

This is to be understood that this is when I am looking at someone as a SUBMISSIVE not when I am looking at someone as a friend. When someone shows signs of interest in me and I am attracted enough to the persons personality that I am willing to entertain the process of getting to know them AS A SUBMISSIVE then I do expect them to express what they are looking for and give me a reason to want them back.

I do not REQUIRE them to Masturbate for me though they often do, I do not REQUIRE them to wear special clothes, though they often ask me what I would like to see them in.

My only requirements is that if we have not met we meet with in a Month. And if that cannot be aranged then I do not believe there is a possiblility for a future. Distance is sometimes all it takes to destroy something good. If I can't see it happeneing in the near future then there is no long future.

As for the whole we just met so send me nude photos of yourself and have phonesex with me, No I don't do that, but I do expect to see some signs that the girl in question WANTS to do these things for me and yes I expect to see these signs in the first 30 days.

Steel

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(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Expectations - 5/6/2008 2:18:50 PM

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Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

2. I set a date to meet a lady. She asked me what she should wear. I said, "Something you will feel comfortable and safe in." She said, no really. Pants or skirt? "Skirt." What kind of lingerie? ... We played 20 questions, and I figured ok, that was weird but kinda sexy too. Then, two days later, she calls and wants me to give her a whole new set of orders, to wear different things. Uh, ok, I do. What kind of sex toys should she bring? The butt plug or the nipple clamps? Ok, I answer the 40 questions. Then, a day before we are going to meet, she wants me to change everything again. I cancelled the date. I am not the life support system for her toybag.

Uhm, OKAY. I am trying really, really hard to wrap my head around this woman. I can't really imagine DEMANDING that someone gives me an order - if i had decided that i wanted to ask 'what do i wear', i would have accepted the first 'what you feel most comfortable in' as an order, and went with that. I mean, what is wrong with that.
But, assuming that he gave a detailed order that I later found it would be hard to meet, i would simply call and tell him so - NOT demand a new order. Really, first meet, if he gave a detailed order i couldn't hope to meet, and then did not understand that fact, i would not feel bad blowing off the whole date.
I am a bigger woman. I once had a Dom tell me to 'go to a Goodwill' and get some very specific clothes to meet him in. Uhm - I'm lucky to find clothes at all at the used shop for me. (It's actually one of my weight loss goals, to be able to shop for used clothes for myself). Finding an exact outfit at goodwill does not happen for itsybitsies - it ain't gonna work out for me, for sure. I told him so. I agreed to try, I did try, and I showed up wearing other clothes. welcome to the real world, BusterBunny.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: Expectations - 5/6/2008 2:46:50 PM

respectyourowner

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Joined: 2/27/2008
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I make it very clear what I expect from my slave from the very first meeting. I ask her if she has any issues and then I ask her clearly if she wants to be my slave.

(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Expectations - 5/6/2008 2:59:12 PM

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Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

RYO, i hope you find someone who is a good fit for you. I have to tell you, my attitude is - she is not your slave, proior to, or even after, the first meeting. I would have just told you that we would not be meeting. No issue at all, at least not for me.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to respectyourowner)

RE: Expectations - 5/6/2008 3:49:12 PM

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Joined: 6/28/2006
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the only thing that anyone ever expected of me was to show up on our first meeting; at least, the only ones that were worth their weight in salt

< Message edited by daddysliloneds -- 5/6/2008 3:50:18 PM >

(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Expectations - 5/6/2008 4:08:06 PM

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Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
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Geez, i think we're seeing the same men!!! LOL!!

i actually don't expect much for the first few times except to get to know each other and see if there's a foundation for friends, and then..down the road... more. If he expects more, then he usually finds out that there's far less for him to look forward to -- like nothing.

cheers
jimini

quote:

ORIGINAL: aleshaDreams

What are your expectations during initial encounters with a sub/slave?

The above question is geared towards what do you expect in the first month of contact with a sub/slave? What types of conversation are you looking for, and what interaction do you expect? Many a D-type I have spoken to it seems that within 2 weeks of opening dialogue there is expectation of submission, masturbating for them, talking dirty to them, calling them Sir or Master, and meeting them in the clothing they so desire. Is this what the expectations are normally? Cause these demands are what make me go bye bye, cause I don'tbelieve that they really grasp the D.s dynamic and feel that sub/slaves are just there at their disposal via those expectations.

TIA for all responses.

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Expectations - 5/6/2008 4:20:54 PM

Posts: 184
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

wandersalone, I wrote that tag line/sig about a year and a half ago when I was very disgruntled...... and just gave this profile rebirth a few days ago and the line is still there, now I need to get rid of it. It was directed at someone that was being stubborn and was not listening to others and was rather insistent on arguing with others hence their ego was inflated and they were not listening to reason from anyone.

*goes off to figure out how to remove the sig line*

okay deleted :)

< Message edited by aleshaDreams -- 5/6/2008 4:22:02 PM >

(in reply to wandersalone)

RE: Expectations - 5/6/2008 4:28:16 PM

Posts: 184
Joined: 2/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

Alberta U.K.? Where's that at?

anitpode, LOL I am not sure but it sounds exciting :) It has been corrected to Canada which it should have been in the first place. Thank you for bringing that to my attention.

(in reply to antipode)

RE: Expectations - 5/6/2008 4:55:31 PM

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Okay thank you everyone for responding, everyone seeks different things in life which is a terrific attribute. I try to see where have gone wrong in my search and why the string of questions that are coming up. I am attempting to decipher if perhaps I am assessing things to harshly or looking through rose colored glasses hence can not settle with even the slightest inclination of a negative feeling. I don't sense that that my interpretations are wrong, as I remain with integrity with my choices and still enjoy what and who I am and what I have to offer. It gets frustrating sometimes actually alot of the time but I always felt this would not be an easy journey.

Thank you again, everyone.

ad

(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Expectations - 5/6/2008 5:21:32 PM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Alesha, do you speak honestly and plainly when they talk like this? Do you tell them "I don't know you well enough yet, or feel comfortable enough with you yet to have this conversation". Or do you just try to avoid it, because if you aren't setting your boundaries very clearly, then how can they know how you feel?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to aleshaDreams)

RE: Expectations - 5/6/2008 7:57:53 PM

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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What you experienced is in fact typical of what you will find from most dudes, specially in on online dating forum such as this.

So what? Doesn't matter what most do, it matters what the one who works well with you does.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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