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When battling between two worlds.... - 5/8/2008 1:31:06 PM

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... what do you do?

Okay, this is the situation. I have been looking into the lifestyle for the past two years now, online only though. A big problem I'm having is that I am struggling to balance what's expected of me in my real life, and my desires and needs in my BDSM life.

Specifically for those who grew up in a Christian household, have you ever struggled with your desires for BDSM and what you grew up learning? If so, how did you break through that barrier, and learn to cope with it. I'm finding that with the Masters that I have been with is that they give orders that conflict with that moral code, especially anything sexual. Although I strive to do what they say (and my desire is to do it) in the back of my mind there is always this voice saying "That's wrong," "You shouldn't be doing that," etc. Most of the time I do obey, but there is always that hesitation, because that moral code is deeply engrained. In the end it seems to turn into a major frustration point with both my Master and myself. Any advice?

Also, how did your decision to pursue this affect your family life at home? Did they ever find out? If so, what did they think? How did you handle it?

RE: When battling between two worlds.... - 5/8/2008 1:52:28 PM

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i was raised strict roman catholic and then thrown into a strict southern baptist home(went from fear based upbringing to guilt based upbringing); after that, i lived with mormans, was good friends with jehovah's witnesses , harry krishna's and tons of american indians, athiests and agnostics, etc. the one thing i learned along the way is that we choose which path to follow and what to believe; it's our god given right so to speak.

if i believe something to be immoral, it's because it's my own personal belief and not something that was conditioned into me that i have to get over or past...

if i'm struggling between what i know, feel or believe, then i stand by the wayside until i can come to terms with what it is that i do believe, then have the backbone to stand my ground.

so, my advice to you would be to leave the bdsm(it's only online as you stated) in the background, until you can figure out what it is that you really do believe and can be comfortable in your own skin. otherwise, you're going to have a whole lot of unnecessary drama on your hands, unless that is, you like that sort of thing.

(in reply to yoglive21)

RE: When battling between two worlds.... - 5/8/2008 2:18:51 PM

jenf

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my Dom attends church regularly, and He points out that a lot of religious teachings can dovetail into then D/s lifestyle...i wish i could remember some examples but i apologize, i don't. Perhaps it is all in the interpretation, hmmm?

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

RE: When battling between two worlds.... - 5/8/2008 2:21:40 PM

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You don't have to do something just because it's immoral. It's possible to be a bigtime kinkster and still not have sex before marriage. Or not sleep around. Or not set someone's house on fire.

Plenty of things we "desire" are unhealthy -- cigarettes, fried food. Are you posting because you want to change your moral code and are sick of it getting in the way... or do you want to keep your moral code and fit a BDSM practice into it?

Both things can be done. Both take work.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

RE: When battling between two worlds.... - 5/8/2008 2:24:17 PM

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I'm confused... you said "online only" then you said "masters I've been with". What does that mean?

What sexual acts do you think are immoral? I grew up Catholic, but I sure as heck can't remember the priest discussing specific sexual acts, other than sex being for procreation only. Since I never believed that was the truth, I haven't had a problem with that.

Cali

_____________________________

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(in reply to yoglive21)

RE: When battling between two worlds.... - 5/8/2008 2:28:33 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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since i do retain parts of my Christian beliefs, i don't struggle as much when it comes to BDSM. though knowing i'm not as deeply devoted like the rest of my family, Daddy does respect there are certain things that i won't absolutely do because it goes against my beliefs.

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(in reply to yoglive21)

RE: When battling between two worlds.... - 5/8/2008 3:30:59 PM

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My girl is a committed evangelical. She is also a masochist and a lil girl and a slave. I am a religious man. I am also a sadist, a Daddy, and her master.

She grappled with it but decided she had to make her own way of what she was given, both her religious "training" and the hungers in her body and heart ... which were given and were not asked for. Nor is there a sense of wrong or evil in WIIWD ... it "feels" more honest, authentic, and X-tian than the "acceptable" life she had.

ProfJoe

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

RE: When battling between two worlds.... - 5/8/2008 3:33:23 PM

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Christianity is actually the future of BDSM....or maybe the other way around.

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RE: When battling between two worlds.... - 5/8/2008 3:57:45 PM

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this slave was raised in a "Disciples of Christ" sect Christian home, until the church modified their dogma to publicly attack and demean Masonic folk and then remove them from positions of authority within the church. after that, this slave wandered from church to church, but never became a member of any of them...just went to get fed, spiritually, not looking for guidance from the mortals.

of all of the Protestant sects this slave spent time with, they preached no sex without marriage. there was no condemnation of sex for non-procreating purposes, or a rule book as to what positions are allowed, etc.

what is a "Christian" moral code regarding sexuality, anyway?

Do you mean what Christ is reported to have said about it, and therefore revealed to us in the New Testament OR a particular modern Christian sect's dogma, created by men, regarding sexuality that they will preach (vehemently) as the one-true-way and allow its members to regard as moral?

(in reply to yoglive21)

RE: When battling between two worlds.... - 5/8/2008 4:00:53 PM

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Christ never said anything bad about sexuality, only sin that harmed others. We can blame PAUL for the fucked-up parts.

And that was years AFTER Jesus departed. I think there was a lot of forgetting in the interval.

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RE: When battling between two worlds.... - 5/8/2008 4:19:22 PM

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Yoglive, you are receiving good advice here. i come from a background similar to yours and looked inside myself through meditation for a long time before accepting who i was. i realized that what i am was made my the higher power, and i wanted to live authentically. That meant turning my back on a lot of "givens" from young adulthood.

In answer to your other questions, i keep it private. Those at home don't know...but then i simply don't share my private life easily with anyone. It's no one else's business, and i do not look to anyone other than a Master if i have one for approval. . i know what you mean about the conflict between desire to obey and something that you may not desire to do for any (possibly religious) reason. The key, i think, is to find someone whose values parallel your own on spiritual as well as ethical and moral levels. In that way, there is likely to be less inner dissonance for you. Meanwhile, i hope you will continue reading and meditating. The answers are usually within. There is a Christian bdsm website. i don't know the official name, but it seems to me at least one such site exists. Perhaps that would be a place to look for a Master when you are ready?

Enjoy the growth on the path!

(in reply to Leatherist)

RE: When battling between two worlds.... - 5/8/2008 4:22:28 PM

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~Fast Reply~

In the story of Sarah and Hagar, we've got slavery, slaves having sex with their owners, and wives giving their husbands use of their slaves for said sex willingly and freely in order to provide a heir.

The Bible isn't nearly as prudish as it gets credit for. When I was Christian, I never struggled with the idea of BDSM and my faith. The concept of sex before marriage caused me more issues than being flogged.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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(in reply to Leatherist)

RE: When battling between two worlds.... - 5/8/2008 4:46:13 PM

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I guess the first thing to do is answer the clarification question. What you have described about no sex before marriage is exactly what I am referring to. I appologize if I was vague. In addition, I've had online Masters were we communicated over the phone and in writting. At the moment, the internet is my only source to communicate with the BDSM world right now for outside reasons. Does that help?

With that said...

In all honesty, I want to be able to keep that part of me. It's deeply rooted into who I am, and what I am. I'm not ashamed of that, however I'm under the impression that if I can't serve sexually to a Master, then I shouldn't be serving at all. Can you be a submissive, at least in the beginning, and hold that kind of standard?

My current assignment from the man I'm learning from right now is to find a number of guys (be they from the internet or just some random joe on the street) and give them head, because he can't be here to teach me how. What he only really cares about is how much and how fast I can get my mouth around someone. I'm doing it, I agreed to, but it's not really settling with me. It's uncomfortable, and I've said that it was, but he's really pushing me to do this. Is this a good boundary to break?

ProfJoe, how was your girl able to find a balance between her religious "training" and the hungers? I would like to be able to find that so I can have confidence here.

Is this a relevant issue?

(in reply to Leatherist)

RE: When battling between two worlds.... - 5/8/2008 4:49:49 PM

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Thank you, Openlil for what you said. I felt alone on this one, and I wasn't necessarily sure if I should post this or not.

(in reply to yoglive21)

RE: When battling between two worlds.... - 5/8/2008 4:51:16 PM

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You have no profile, so we don't know how old you are. I get the impression you are young. And statistically, there are more sexually inexperienced people in the younger age brackets.

So... you are young, sexually inexperienced, and you don't believe in sex before marriage. But you are following orders from someone you have never met to go out and have sexual activity with strangers. If your best friend told you she was doing that, what would you tell her? I'm hoping you would tell her to stop and get a little reality check. Don't be so eager to submit to someone else's will if it compromises your own integrity.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to yoglive21)

RE: When battling between two worlds.... - 5/8/2008 4:55:42 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick
you are following orders from someone you have never met to go out and have sexual activity with strangers.

Pay attention to this point.

A friend of mine is in a (fairly new) long-distance relationship with a Dom. She is not allowed to orgasm unless she has a dildo up her mouth or up her ass -- and she has to orgasm at least once a day. She also has to report how many inches she could take, and increase that number over time.

He has sexual domination over her, but in a way that keeps her safe.

Ya might want to tell this guy to back off a bit.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to CalifChick)

RE: When battling between two worlds.... - 5/8/2008 5:30:38 PM

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So, you're subjecting yourself to disobeying your own moral code to satisfy the sexual desires of another? That can't be a good thing.

Avoiding the BDSM vs. religion debate, only you can decide what is right for you. If you believe that you will have to answer to a higher power for your actions, well..in the long run, who is really the dom in your life? I happen to know that there are christian men in the kinky lifestyle. It's probably like finding a needle in a haystack, but it's possible for you to do. That way, your situation is more biblically correct (man head of the house, you submitting to man, while he submits to God.) Your moral and ethical standards will line up more closely, and his domination of you will likely not include random sex acts with various men.

It boils down to the same thing in all relationships. You have to start with the same core beliefs. You have to be up front about what you are or are not willing to do. You have to find someone who desires the same things you do, and will dominate you in a way that doesn't cause you to commit mortal sins. Otherwise, resentment will build as his needs are met and yours are trampled. Not a good start for any relationship.

It may come down to not accepting the domination of just any dom so that you can be having sexual satisfaction. It might mean waiting until the right one is found, or at least, a more suitable one. This is why God made masturbation!

(Which might actually violate your moral code, come to think of it.) Why jeopardize your eternal soul (since this is what you believe) for a few hours of kinky fun? It really comes down to: get your priorities straight before you expect someone else to do it for you.

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RE: When battling between two worlds.... - 5/8/2008 9:08:20 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yoglive21
What he only really cares about is how much and how fast I can get my mouth around someone. I'm doing it, I agreed to, but it's not really settling with me. It's uncomfortable, and I've said that it was, but he's really pushing me to do this. Is this a good boundary to break?

Hmm, I would say that if it is not settling with you and it's uncomfortable than it is not a good boundry to break right now, especially since you are serving him online. If what he only really cares about is you getting your mouth around someone as soon as possible than this is not a good situation. Maybe you need some time to think about what you really want for yourself and what you are really looking for in a Dom. I am also relatively new to bdsm and the best news that I have received is that it is okay to say no to someone if you are uncomfortable. In fact, this is essential, as I have recently learned, if you do obey him how will you feel afterwards? Do you think you are going to have more conflicting feelings than before, and if so is he going to be able to help you with them? Trust your instincts...if it feels "wrong" than it is not okay right now.

< Message edited by silverflower -- 5/8/2008 9:09:28 PM >

(in reply to yoglive21)

RE: When battling between two worlds.... - 5/9/2008 3:25:47 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yoglive21
My current assignment from the man I'm learning from right now is to find a number of guys (be they from the internet or just some random joe on the street) and give them head, because he can't be here to teach me how. What he only really cares about is how much and how fast I can get my mouth around someone.

Forget about religion for a moment. i'm having real difficulty with the idea of exposing oneself to danger in finding random strangers to blow just to report back to someone you've never met. How is that going to teach you how to give head? What is this guy "training" you for anyway? Wouldn't it be better to get a webcam and have him teach you using a dildo? That way he could watch and wack off to something real rather than his unsafe fantasy? Just sayin'.....

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(in reply to yoglive21)

RE: When battling between two worlds.... - 5/9/2008 6:48:20 AM

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i was raised Catholic, Southern Baptist and Pagan....depending on which part of the family you where with....so i learned real early that its all in the perspective of interpretation....and specifically yours.....i am a spiritual person who practices witchcraft...(which is a craft that is taught like knitting or making little fly things for fly fishing) is my Master...no...but he respects my needs and enjoys seeing my naked so why not naked dancing in the moonlight...**grin** just my 2 centspettingdragons**Master Dragons considered slave** May the life force of the squirrels protect your
nuts in times of distress....

(in reply to yoglive21)

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