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"Will you do it tonight sir? I'm tired." - 5/12/2008 7:12:36 AM

uniquecouple2123

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Joined: 5/7/2008
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Hi all, my name is Bill. I am the D in a brand new D/s relationship. When my current girlfriend Devin and I met only just over a month ago neither of us were even mildly interested in BDSM or D/s. Just a little rough sex here and there. Since then we have found that we love and enjoy the BDSM scene and the D/s relationship.

But Devin is a very rebellious submissive and is adjusting to being submissive since before she met me she was the dominant partner in all her other relationships. She has times where she is insolent and I correct her and sometimes she is angry and sometimes she is content but I am always consistent.

Last night after a nice spanking and a little more fun

I told her to put up her blanket and get the bed ready to go to sleep. She said she was tired and asked me to do it in a very respectful way. I told her no that she would have to do it she whined for a bit but I did not give in and she eventually did it.

My question is, is it alright for me to relent and do it myself sometimes or do I have to be steadfast so i can be consistent. After I did it, even though afterwards she seem to appreciate my positive affection for her eventually obeying me, I felt kind of like an asshole and thought maybe I was being too harsh.

What do you guys think?

RE: "Will you do it tonight sir? I'm tired." - 5/12/2008 7:25:15 AM

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From: Austin Texas
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From my view, yes it is absolutely okay to show what you called positive affection. Personally it is what keeps me going. When he shows me positive affection (I like that term btw) I want more and more to please him and be his. Consistency is vital to me as well but being taken care of as in your example would not at all be something that shakes my foundation in him. It doesn't cross lines for me. I see consistent support and discipline as having nothing to do with those times when he pulls the covers up for me. He does that because he loves me and sees zero weakness in showing it. Thankfully.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to uniquecouple2123)

RE: "Will you do it tonight sir? I'm tired." - 5/12/2008 7:28:18 AM

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From: Nashville, TN
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It depends on the situation. I have done things around the house when Fox has been too tired to do them. He is, after all, still human and it does happen. I do remind him that it is his job to get it done, but this time I will take care of it. It is not something I make a habit of, however. I will also take care of little things while he is studying, becasue that is his priority.

Reenting becasuse someone is too tired on occasion is not such a terrible thing. If, however, it becomes an excuse to get out of things you think she just simply doesnt want to do, thats different. I have been tired to the point of just leaving things where they lay and going to bed. If I had someone else there to have finished what I was doing, it would have been nice, but not necessary. So, I understand it could have been a real thing and not an excuse. If you feel its an excuse, then persist and make it happen properly, to make sure she understands you will not be manipulated. But, if you think she truly is exhausted then doing things yourself isnt undermining your authority. Just make sure she knows it is JUST ebcasue of that night, and not a regular thing to be expected.

My opinion, of course

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to uniquecouple2123)

RE: "Will you do it tonight sir? I'm tired." - 5/12/2008 7:50:48 AM

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Consistency is very important in most D/s relationships. Building the foundation of a D/s relationship, especially where the individuals involved didn't originally come into the relationship with that goal, can be fun and challenging. You are setting the tone for future interactions, so I would work towards consistency, with flexibility. I know that sounds contradictory, but being a total hard-ass about everything might just result in a lot of frustrations.

Just don't let her manipulate you and don't set up a pattern that allows her to question or whine about everything, as that undermines your authority in the relationship.

Ultimately though, being the dominant and the one in charge means that you decide what, when, where and how something will be done........ and it's also your prerogative to change your mind or do it yourself. LOL!

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

RE: "Will you do it tonight sir? I'm tired." - 5/12/2008 7:54:12 AM

Wantstocontrolu

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Yes its ok, also keep in mind tho that there are times YOU are pushed and she actually wants a stronger control. I have that delemma sometimes and am sure many do in feeling out what is rebellion and what is a cry for more

_____________________________

wantstocontrolu

(in reply to uniquecouple2123)

RE: "Will you do it tonight sir? I'm tired." - 5/12/2008 7:57:58 AM

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I don't know what having to get the bed ready entailed, but I suspect it took more energy to try to get out of the task then to just do it.

I think that as you two get to know each other you will learn when she really is too tired and when she's just testing the waters to see how far she can go.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to uniquecouple2123)

RE: "Will you do it tonight sir? I'm tired." - 5/12/2008 8:16:44 AM

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I agree with Naughty and Omega.

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: "Will you do it tonight sir? I'm tired." - 5/12/2008 8:50:31 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: uniquecouple2123
What do you guys think?

I can only comment from My Own perspective and relationship, I am not in Yours and can't say what would be right for You... only You can do that.

If there is something that is her job, something she is expected (and expects) to do then there are only two reasons I will do it for her... she is too ill and I have confined her ass to the sofa to rest up... or... I have her already busy doing something else and I also want whatever it is doing NOW... given she can't be in two places at once I'll do it Myself... which sometimes draws little calls of 'but i can do it in a minute" leading to Me pointing out that Masters do have arms and are more than capable of making Their Own damn coffee *g*

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to uniquecouple2123)

RE: "Will you do it tonight sir? I'm tired." - 5/12/2008 8:57:53 AM

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Alpha has told me before that he worries if he's being an asshole or not. I'll admit that when I'm tired, I'm a whiner much like your Devin, I try to be respectful but sometimes I just don't want to get my ass out of bed. When stuff like that has happened, he'll relent but follow through on the command the next time for the sake of peace. Usually I feel embarrassed about it so the next time I'm better prepared to do it myself.

_____________________________

I was trained at MasterLordDarkness' Center for Subs Who Don't Serve Good and Wanna Learn to Do Other Stuff Good Too.....

but it needed to be at least.... four times bigger.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

RE: "Will you do it tonight sir? I'm tired." - 5/12/2008 9:13:43 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

I don't know what having to get the bed ready entailed, but I suspect it took more energy to try to get out of the task then to just do it.

I thought of this as well. If getting the bed ready is too tiring to do at bedtime, perhaps she can do it a half hour earlier, when she is not so tired.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: "Will you do it tonight sir? I'm tired." - 5/12/2008 9:20:47 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: uniquecouple2123

My question is, is it alright for me to relent and do it myself sometimes or do I have to be steadfast so i can be consistent. After I did it, even though afterwards she seem to appreciate my positive affection for her eventually obeying me, I felt kind of like an asshole and thought maybe I was being too harsh.

What do you guys think?

You can be consistent and still be thoughtful of when she is tired. For example: What are you doing to do if she gets sick or has a surgery? Surely you wouldn't have her hobble all over the house doing the chores when the doctor says she needs to stay in bed.

You can enforce the rules by scolding her if she asks in a disrespectful manner, if you think she is being lazy, or if she has made asking into an everyday habit (of course if she seems to genuinely feel tired every day, there may be a health concern). However, nine times out of ten, if I ask Valyraen to do something in a respectful manner because I'm tired, not feeling well, or just don't have the time, he pitches in and gives me a hand. I do my best to never abuse this, which is probably why he is more likely to agree than refuse me.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to uniquecouple2123)

RE: "Will you do it tonight sir? I'm tired." - 5/12/2008 9:28:52 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

However, nine times out of ten, if I ask Valyraen to do something in a respectful manner because I'm tired, not feeling well, or just don't have the time, he pitches in and gives me a hand. I do my best to never abuse this, which is probably why he is more likely to agree than refuse me.

I thought of this as well, though it does seem that at this time the two of them are still getting a feel for each other.

One of the first things that I do when I get to m'Lords house is change the sheets and get the bed ready (high priority for me *BEG*) but especially when I am tired, if he said to get the bed ready, I'd get it done and be in it before he could retract the instruction.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to AquaticSub)

RE: "Will you do it tonight sir? I'm tired." - 5/12/2008 9:33:28 AM

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I'd say just being aware of it is enough. I really don't think a single event like this can make or break a relationship, whereas not being aware of the underlying emotions and power plays COULD. If she repeatedly tries to get out of tasks, then make her fucking do them. If she normally obeys but one time asks to be excused for what seems like a plausible reason, then be generous.

quote:

ORIGINAL: uniquecouple2123

Last night after a nice spanking and a little more fun I told her to put up her blanket and get the bed ready to go to sleep. She said she was tired and asked me to do it in a very respectful way. I told her no that she would have to do it she whined for a bit but I did not give in and she eventually did it.

My question is, is it alright for me to relent and do it myself sometimes or do I have to be steadfast so i can be consistent. After I did it, even though afterwards she seem to appreciate my positive affection for her eventually obeying me, I felt kind of like an asshole and thought maybe I was being too harsh.

(in reply to uniquecouple2123)

RE: "Will you do it tonight sir? I'm tired." - 5/12/2008 9:34:22 AM

uniquecouple2123

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Well to be fair it is also her time of the month.

But I agree we are still feeling each other out.

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: "Will you do it tonight sir? I'm tired." - 5/12/2008 9:34:50 AM

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I think it depends on what happens in the play before hand. When ever particular sessons are done to me I cant think for up to an hour afterwards, let alone move of my own accords.

Did you give her time to rest after the session a bit or did you snap your fingers the second it was over to do this or that. If you gave her rest, I would say you did the right thing, by making sure she went throught with assigned tasks. If you snapped your fingers seconds after it was over I would think you didnt do the right think. Think right after you have say an orgasim... and your bodys like jello and your on planet mars, and you had someone barking orders to do this or that before you even come back to earth? Wouldnt this cause to you say maybe that your tired or you cant right now. Any activity can result in the same feeling of that "high". Just remember, sub or not shes still human....

Personally I take a 5 minute nap before I move after a scene, and even then it takes a lot of poking and proding to get my mind in a workable situation to do anything but stare at the wall dazed...

_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

RE: "Will you do it tonight sir? I'm tired." - 5/12/2008 9:47:43 AM

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From: California
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quote:

ORIGINAL: uniquecouple2123
Well to be fair it is also her time of the month.

Oh, don't even go there. I get tired during that time too, but never so bone-achingly weary that I can't fix the bed. Sheesh.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to uniquecouple2123)

RE: "Will you do it tonight sir? I'm tired." - 5/12/2008 9:50:41 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: uniquecouple2123
Well to be fair it is also her time of the month.

Oh, don't even go there. I get tired during that time too, but never so bone-achingly weary that I can't fix the bed. Sheesh.

Cali

That depends on the woman and what else they have done during the day. If I'm on a heavy period, have run errands, gone to martial arts class and spent the day cleaning the house, I might just ask Val if I can have a little slack. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't - depends on what my body is telling me. Other women have it much worse, one of Valyraen's exs had periods so severe she had to miss classes because she needed to stay in bed.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to CalifChick)

RE: "Will you do it tonight sir? I'm tired." - 5/12/2008 9:53:51 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: OmegaG

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

However, nine times out of ten, if I ask Valyraen to do something in a respectful manner because I'm tired, not feeling well, or just don't have the time, he pitches in and gives me a hand. I do my best to never abuse this, which is probably why he is more likely to agree than refuse me.

I thought of this as well, though it does seem that at this time the two of them are still getting a feel for each other.

One of the first things that I do when I get to m'Lords house is change the sheets and get the bed ready (high priority for me *BEG*) but especially when I am tired, if he said to get the bed ready, I'd get it done and be in it before he could retract the instruction.

*nods* I understand that - sometimes when I'm tired is when I am the most determined and try to push myself the most tp be my best for him.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to OmegaG)

RE: "Will you do it tonight sir? I'm tired." - 5/12/2008 9:56:30 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: uniquecouple2123

I told her no that she would have to do it she whined for a bit but I did not give in and she eventually did it.

Sir sometimes does things for me when I am tired and this upsets me more than getting up and doing them for myself. However, the above statements speaks volumes.

Relenting is fine, however, often submissives are like naughty children, give in once after a bit of whinning, and YOU are reinforcing the poor behaviour.

I think it would be better to assess her energy levels before deciding who will do the task. If she is tired and you want to give her some time to relax then do the task yourself, and identify that it is her job but you are aware she is being tired.

But if you ask her to do the job, and she whines, make her do it, and then make her do it again.... now that is harsh!

Faith
:: smiles ::

(in reply to uniquecouple2123)

RE: "Will you do it tonight sir? I'm tired." - 5/12/2008 10:23:34 AM

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Judging from what you convey, this is a vanilla relationship that kinda morphed, and she'd never been "little s" before. If you both agreed this morphed into a 24/7 D/s relationship, you don't give in, but I have a sneaking suspicion she is on the cusp, so to speak. That you can only discuss and come to an agreement about, often the problem is that you've not negotiated your new relationship in gory detail, something that is mostly not an issue with established D/s characters. So I'd sit down and rehash the whole thing, communication and sharing is what relationship is all about, you have to make sure there are as few grey areas as possible.

FWIW...

(in reply to uniquecouple2123)

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