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ADD - 10/21/2005 9:28:07 AM

ZandD

Posts: 59
Joined: 1/24/2005
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I've pondered posting this for a while, but I have hesitated mostly because I didn't want to appear...well....out of control. Or whiny. I understand that ADD is a controversial malady in many social circles. From a BDSM lifestyle point of view (though I have heard nothing positive or negative) I can see how it can be equally problematic. I was (and am) quite shy about posting this because even though I do anticipate some positive responses, I feel like I'm opening up a part of what has been a very private subject to me for many reasons.

I have ADD and I'm being treated for it by both a Psychiatrist (physiologically) and a Psychologist. I am responding well to both. I am enjoying, interacting and UNDERSTANDING the world around me in a way that I had not thought possible.

The great and difficult prospect of these successes is literally a better way of thinking. Learning how to live without the cluttered thinking. My self esteem is improving, my consistency is improving and I don't feel so alone anymore. As a matter of fact, this post is another step forward for me to be able to communicate to a wide range of people without automatically feeling like I am (ahem) strange, my problems are stupid, I am an awful person and it will never change.

Does anyone out there have ADD or have lived with a person with ADD in regards to BDSM? How did you deal with it? What changed? What important steps did you take to improve your life? Any suggestions?

Thank you for reading!

Z

Edited for spelling and grammar

< Message edited by ZandD -- 10/21/2005 9:32:26 AM >

_____________________________

[image]http://tmoa.org/help/common/images/letters/color/z.gif[/image][image]http://www.realestatematters.com/graphics/ampersand.gif[/image][image]http://microarrays.unife.it/dama/areax/D.gif[/image]

Onward and Upward

RE: ADD - 10/21/2005 9:57:59 AM

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Actually I find a LOT of dominants have ADD/ADHD.

I personally have moderate OCD.

Having problems like these doesn't really mean anything in terms of capability. It's how you manage it that matters, how you let it affect your day to day life.

It can be frustrating as hell to live with someone who has it, but you learn how to work with it. I got very good at interrupting, bringing conversations back on track, being a constant reminder-er (disorders can complement eachother), and recognizing the difference between short term and long term importance. Getting frustrated over the little things does no one any good.

(in reply to ZandD)

RE: ADD - 10/21/2005 6:28:38 PM

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I have severe ADHD (one of the few adults that does, I think) and my partner has ADD and we manage to get along quite well. We are both rather scatter-brained and are both on what he refers to as "smart pills" and it is going quite well so far.

(in reply to ZandD)

RE: ADD - 10/21/2005 6:51:27 PM

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Joined: 4/9/2005
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I have ADD as well and was undiagnosed for years. I now take Stratera for it, which helps.

Growing up I had it, but back then it's something that wasn't diagnosed. The only lable back then that existed was "hyperactive"
The thing is, I'd learned to cope with things ono my own naturally. To get to sleep at night, which would normally take me hours of my mind racing, I started listening to the radio at night with it at a very low tone. I also found an interest in meditation in my teens and that helped too.

My organizing still sucks though.

A good book on coping techinuqes "Driven To Distraction"

Also another book "ADD, a hunter in a farmers world"

(in reply to siamsa24)

RE: ADD - 10/21/2005 7:06:01 PM

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We both take Concerta (I, in insane doses and it makes me feel like a zombie, so often I forget to take it).

I have actually become hyper-organized. Everything in my life is scheduled down to the minute and everything has to be exactly where I put it last or I get upset. It's something that I have found seems to be beyond my normal control, although my partner doesn't seem to mind, it helps keep him organized too.

(in reply to DrkAngl)

RE: ADD - 10/21/2005 7:41:46 PM

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Of course the big thing and the plus to the deficit disorders is that when interesting the mind can concentrate on one thing to the exclusion of all else...the difficulty is the spark that gets one to do that

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to siamsa24)

RE: ADD - 10/21/2005 7:58:56 PM

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Joined: 3/17/2005
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Many people don't believe that ADD exists, or that medicating for it is necessary. At the moment, there is some discussion as to whether or not there are actually two different disorders (ADD and ADHD) or really a varying level of just one.

The term Attention Deficit Disorder has been around for many years AND diagnosed as well. Years (circa 1960's - 1970's) ago the general diagnosis was hyperkinesis and was treated with Ritalin. In the late 70's to early 80's the new method of treatment was with diet rather than Ritalin. Parents were advised to remove sugars from their children's diets, no cookies, candies, etc. and to satisfy the children's sweet toothes either with fruits or sugar free candy. In the 90's a new study suggested that diet had no effect on Attention Deficit Disorder at all.

Some sufferers can be treated with therapy alone, learning new methods of concentrating and organizing. Regardless of the diet studies, some parents have found minimizing the sugar and gluten in their children's diets has significant effects. There is even a computer software program that is said to help level the biorthym of children with ADD. Other children most definately NEED that medication to function. Ironically, some doctors recommend a small cup of coffee for children with ADD because stimulants tend to have a reverse effect on them and calm them down.

There are so many drugs on the market for ADD at the moment, it is almost mind numbing. Ritalin is still available, and often the choice for its affordability as well as the short period of time it takes to begin working. Adderall has been taken off the market in Canada due to its possible connection in the deaths of eight children. Metadate and Concerta are very much like Ritalin and Adderall. All of them are amphetamine salts, some a single salt, others a mixture. Stratera is typically the "last chance" medication and does work differently than the others. Stratera has had positive effects in children who did not respond well to the other medications, BUT takes approximately 3 weeks to get fully into the system and begin working (hence the "last chance").

My son suffers from ADD and my late brother also suffered from it as a child. Frequently, children "grow out of it" or perhaps just learn the necessary coping skills to deal with it. My brother became addicted to drugs in his teens and died of an overdose at 24, so it would be hard for me to say whether or not he ever did grow out of it.

Difficulty focusing and "staying on task" are the biggest problems with sufferers of ADD. My son has also referred to his meds as his "smart-pills" as when he was finally diagnosed he suddenly understand what he was doing in school.

The biggest problem with ADD in children is that it is frequently OVER diagnosed. For adults who are diagnosed AS adults, successful treatment must create an overwhelming sense of relief and happiness. To finally have a name and treatment to help with that "scatter brain" is a feeling I imagine must be wonderful. For children, the ability to focus better in school is enormously good for the child's self esteem.

I think in BDSM, as in any area of life, there shouldn't be much difficulty for one who has been properly diagnosed and is being treated for their condition. For someone who MAY suffer from the condition, but hasn't been diagnosed I can see all kinds of problems. Doms who try to make excuses for their lack of consistency and subs/slaves who find themselves frequently in trouble for behaviors that no one realizes they can't necessarily control. Behavior modification DOES work well with ADD, but I don't know that the negative reinforcement method of behavior modification would work well with an undiagnosed sufferer of ADD. For the diagnosed/medicated sufferer, I think that *some* latitude would be in order with a longer "learning curve". Statistically, sufferers of ADD tend to be on the higher end of the IQ scales when they are able to focus enough to be tested.

How has living with someone with ADD has changed MY life? Most of the time, there is less fighting over homework. Determining the proper medication and appropriate dose (which needs constant adjusting on a growing boy) has been a problem. Then again, my son's stubborn nature is completely unrelated to his ADD.

(in reply to siamsa24)

RE: ADD - 10/21/2005 9:03:34 PM

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Oh zandd
I have ms which went through SEVERAL incarnations, one of which is (NOT was) ADD so I not only understand where you're coming from but where you're headed as well

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If you can LAUGH at it you can live WITH it!

(in reply to ZandD)

Re: ADD - 10/22/2005 3:25:11 PM

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Joined: 10/28/2004
From: Sonoma County, California, USA
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I've also suffered from Attention Deficit Disorder before it was diagnosed. I had to learn my own coping skills to overcome it, and then go on to college and graduate school. I also have a mild form of Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder, which I have leaned to use as an advantage simply by channeling my energy into my work (sort of like turning a bad thing into a good thing), but at least I don't have to wash my hands 100 times per day or check the door locks constantly.

_____________________________

Submission is not an excuse to abuse.
Life is short! Live it to the fullest!

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RE: Re: ADD - 10/22/2005 3:54:24 PM

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Oddly enough, not only does the Stratera clear my usual racing mind, but it's also lowered my high blood pressure back down to normal. It's also been used to treat depression as well as other conditions. Aparently my highblood pressure was due mostly to the stress of raising an usually violent Autistic child alone. Thankfully, his medication has helped him too. He's also on Stratera as well as Risperdal. It's done wonders for him and has greatly improved his quality of life. He's actually able to be around other people now much more than usual.

It's so nice to be driving down the road and not thinking 100 things at once. Normally, before meds., I would be thinking not only of driving or where I was going, but also thinking what I was going to do that day, what I might be cooking for dinner tonight or the next night, what therapies my son had to go to, the color of the sky, how the weather felt, and anything else that crossed my mind along with mentally making a check list of what I needed at the store. WHEW, what a lot of things for one mind to arrange at one time, yet I've done it since childhood.

(in reply to addcted2it)

RE: ADD - 10/24/2005 3:15:10 AM

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Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
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Several people that are very close to me have severe ADD. I have a milder version as well. When I deal with my loved ones I simply try to be patient, with myself and with them, and remind myself or them kindly to stay on task. Many people don't realize that ADD is a serious problem for the people who have to live with it. If someone misunderstands, for example teachers or co-workers, we try to make it as clear as possible that treatment is being undergone, but they still need to go the extra step when necessary. The treatment helped some of the people closest to me, and the others will hopefully benefit from treatment sometime soon. The best of luck to you!

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to ZandD)

RE: ADD - 10/24/2005 7:44:04 PM

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Joined: 12/26/2004
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I rarely post, but feel compelled (perhaps driven? :) to participate.

By way of short background, for context: I am a middle-aged adult male who was diagnosed with ADD (non-hyperactive; executive decision dysfunction) just over a year ago. I am on a combination of meds that provide some benefit beyond the distraction of the side effects, having tried more than a 1/2 dozen combination of things during the past 13+ months. The meds help but do not resolve the core problems - I am more functional and have a better chance of predicting myself on them than off them. Although diagnosed in Oct. '04, I have only recently wrapped my arms around the diagnosis - like most people, I had no real understanding about the scope. problems, or even what it felt like to have ADD... or so I thought. Having accepted the diagnosis, having a real understanding about what it is and is not, has been a tremdendous help in getting to know myself better. It is the key in helping me understand how and why I relate to the world as I do. No longer do I see myself as being less than others. Now, I see myself as someone who has strengths and weaknesses that others may or may not also have.

You should be complimented for stepping out. Clearly, this was a big step for you that should be acknowledged. Too often ADD/ADHD folks grow up feeling inferior because it is frequently reinforced how they didn't... or wouldn't ...or didn't try hard enough ...or didn't care enough... when in reality, most of us feel more, work harder, and care at least as much. For me, accepting the diagnosis, educating myself, and communicating the diagnosis to close friends and family has opened my eyes to a new and empowering way of thinking. I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders. I am more relaxed with who I am and less nervous about what the next thing will be like. Having a healthy sense of humor has also really helped me to begin forgiving myself for the things that take me longer to do or that I might "screw" up. So, saying to myself something like, "now there's an ADD moment" makes the moment lighter and helps me to move on to the next thing.

Now for the good stuff! ADD and D/s. :) Ten years or so ago, I had my 2nd or 3rd D/s scene - this one an all day event. Following a dinner break, which was scene related, I stepped back and sat myself down and started smiling like a Cheshire cat - odd for a Dom? I think not! I can still remember the feeling, as I have had it many, many times since that day. I felt that for the first time in my life I was in a situation that not only accepted my being in control but encouraged it - I was not being coached to "give up control" but to be who I am and be in control. Power Exchange! The years have passed but my attraction to power exchange has not waned. And, I have often wondered why. I have wondered, alone or in conversation, why it feels so good... so natural for me. And, now I know. As you may already learned, us ADDers (all from what I understand) are attracted like magnets to stimulation. Mix stimulation with our capacity to be in hyperfocus and one has the perfect recipe for a peak D/s experience. For me, it was an epiphany to my understanding about the D/s experience is so attractive to me.

Hope this helps. Please forgive lengthy discourse, but being concise has always been a challenge.

TC

(in reply to ZandD)

RE: ADD - 10/26/2005 1:52:10 PM

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Joined: 10/7/2005
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Someone I was very close to for a very long time had ADD, but it was undiagnosed. And it caused many many problems in our relationship.

I had no idea what was causing all of her eratic behavior.

After it was all over, she found out she had it. I have felt a terrible sense of guilt since then. We are no longer together, but I try to do whatever I can to make up to her for not understanding at the time.

I think I shall be trying for the rest of my life.

Wolf

(in reply to ZandD)

RE: ADD - 10/26/2005 7:07:22 PM

ZandD

Posts: 59
Joined: 1/24/2005
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Thank you all for such kind and thoughtful posts. To be honest, I expected at least one message telling me to "get my head out of my butt and get on with life" because "ADD only exists in people that make excuses". I'm sooooo glad one of those didn't appear. The medication I am on (Ritalin) and the therapy I am in (CBT) are doing me wonders. It's working FOR ME! (Elvis voice "Thank ya, Thank ya verry much")

Be well all!

_____________________________

[image]http://tmoa.org/help/common/images/letters/color/z.gif[/image][image]http://www.realestatematters.com/graphics/ampersand.gif[/image][image]http://microarrays.unife.it/dama/areax/D.gif[/image]

Onward and Upward

(in reply to ZandD)

RE: ADD - 10/26/2005 9:34:05 PM

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Joined: 8/4/2005
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i am so very sorry for your loss. my daughter has only recentlly been diagnosed, and once i read her some things written about ADD (she's a major perfectionist) she said, "mommy, that's me!" and was so excited to know that what she'd been experiencing was not just in her, but was what she had been having problems with. she was so happy to see that others had "different intelligences and abilities" just as she had. if only she'd been diagnosed early enough for things to be put in place before her problems got so out of hand. being ADD or ADHD is not something that's not real or to be ashamed of, it's just different. she's been prescribed straterra for now. the psychologist did say generic ritalin doesn't work at all.

< Message edited by girl4you2 -- 10/28/2005 11:54:14 AM >

(in reply to FLButtSlut)

RE: ADD - 10/28/2005 8:14:44 AM

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There are some very good books available - new or used. One very popular author is Dr. Edward Hallowell. He has ADD and specializes in education and therapy. "Answers to Distraction" is a very easy read for ADDers as it is formatted for that specific purpose - all q&a; you can read anywhere, back to from, middle to end, or whatever and get solid, grounded, medical/therapy advice from a psychiatrist at Harvard. He also has a web site chock full of stuff and several other books, audios, and videos - many available from used book stores and Amazon. Hallowell offers up lots of down-to-earth tips and strategies for coping with your own ADD as well as solid ideas for people without ADD who are spouses, parents, teachers, therapists of those with ADD.

Other good sources for information and education are ADD.org and AADA.org. There are telecourses, available for patients/professionals/interested adults at all levels of difficulty and cost.

Most of us probably know one or two folks with ADD and/or pseudo-ADD - it seems to be very prevalent in our culture.

I am curious if anyone has made a connection with the hyerfocus state that is common among ADDers and D/s? And, if there seems to be a higher prevalence of ADD among Doms/Dommes the population, here or vanilla.

Any takers?

TC

(in reply to girl4you2)

RE: ADD - 10/29/2005 11:24:55 AM

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Joined: 1/23/2005
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As a Domme with ADD, I can make myself crazy - especially when I get distracted getting ready to go out and forget to put important things in the toybag.
What would be a major blessing for me, personally, would be to find an organized sub in whom I could entrust that sort of thing.

It makes play interesting, as I switch activities frequently..heh heh...no, you are NOT going to be lulled into a happy place by the rhythmic beating with my flogger! Not when so many other toys are close at hand.
It's also led me to be a gearhead, as I can't stand to play with just one or two toys.

The downsides are, for me, feeling bad about myself for being scatterbrained. Dom/mes, I am frequently told, need to be in total control of their own lives before they start trying to control another. That will NEVER happen for me. I've accepted it, sort of, but I still get down about it at times.
Needing frequent reminders is also an issue. Oh, I am beating you TONIGHT? Oops!
Ok it's not that bad but can feel that way.

Everyone is different, in how strong the add/adhd is in them, in their reactions to it, and in what works for them.

It is NOT imaginary. Drugs DO help some people. What's important is to find out what works for US and run with it. If someone else has a problem with our choices, they are welcome to get their own therapy.

Lady Snow

(in reply to TopCrop)

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