What is wrong with me? (Full Version)

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kitarina -> What is wrong with me? (5/21/2008 9:53:38 PM)

I know i am submissive. I always have been and always will be, but when i flip through profiles on here and start reading profiles, I immediately find myself afraid of every One i see. Dom or Domme i freeze up and shy away. So many frighten me and i dont know why. Am i just a whacko or something? i don't understand.



mztresn0w -> RE: What is wrong with me? (5/21/2008 10:05:54 PM)

Wacko, no I think not. I think you are just unsure of what you really want.



kitarina -> RE: What is wrong with me? (5/21/2008 10:16:30 PM)

i know what i want, but every time i start to contact Someone either i flip through the pictures and think He looks really scary cuz of the expression on His/Her face, or i read the stuff and get scared away by mentionings of things ive not yet tried..



candisa -> RE: What is wrong with me? (5/21/2008 10:19:19 PM)

greetings, kitarina.
Try not to second guess yourself, learn to trust your intuition.When you are ready and comfortable to venture out, you will. You are not the only one who finds profiles a bit scary, even more so since they have added the video and audio for our viewing pleasures  :: shivers::  I would guess there is nothing wrong with you, you are just learning to find your way, proceed, but always with caution.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitarina

I know i am submissive. I always have been and always will be, but when i flip through profiles on here and start reading profiles, I immediately find myself afraid of every One i see. Dom or Domme i freeze up and shy away. So many frighten me and i dont know why. Am i just a whacko or something? i don't understand.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: What is wrong with me? (5/21/2008 10:30:45 PM)

You're just making it into too much.  Relax, you are the one making it into something special and different. T reat it just as you would a vanilla situation with common sense and you'll be fine.



mztresn0w -> RE: What is wrong with me? (5/21/2008 10:31:39 PM)

 know what i want, but every time i start to contact Someone either i flip through the pictures and think He looks really scary cuz of the expression on His/Her face, or i read the stuff and get scared away by mentionings of things ive not yet tried..

How long have you been in the lifestyle? First and foremost take the time to get to know someone. You might not understand some of the things they mention but that doesn't mean you have to do these things. You talk in e-mail and then when the time is right perhaps you move to phone calls then perhaps meeting in person in a public place where you feel safe. I am never in a hurry to meet any one. I spend time getting to know them through e-mail then move on from there. Just be safe and trust your judgement. Good Luck and I wish you well in your search.
 
Tess



michaelOfGeorgia -> RE: What is wrong with me? (5/21/2008 10:33:50 PM)

i'm always afraid of rejection, so i'm extremely cautious about contacting someone beyond the scope of friendship.



kitarina -> RE: What is wrong with me? (5/21/2008 10:34:24 PM)

six years, but every Owner ive had has beaten or abused me in some other way so im terrified of everyone now



DiurnalVampire -> RE: What is wrong with me? (5/21/2008 10:38:43 PM)

You are conditioned to fear them becasue every experience you have had has been negative. Angel was the same, all rejecton and abuse. Slow down contact face to ace and get to know someone very well before you play. It helps. For him, we had a VERY elongated courtship before anything happened. But, that was 2 years ago in a very happy partnership. It is possible you will find someone, just stop thinking about what has happened before and worry about making sething work corrctly now

DV



mztresn0w -> RE: What is wrong with me? (5/21/2008 10:42:19 PM)

Do you have a local group in your area? If so attend a few meetings or munches. It might be a good place to start. You can learn alot about yourself from attending the meetings.



kitarina -> RE: What is wrong with me? (5/21/2008 10:55:01 PM)

for some reason i have a tendancy to rub people the wrong way so i stay away from large groups. i do not know what it is about me that people find abrasive but they do



Dnomyar -> RE: What is wrong with me? (5/22/2008 3:49:25 AM)

Self confidence is not one of your strong suits. Read the forums. Join in on the conversations. Use them as building blocks for your confidence. Don't throw yourself at everyone who ask to be your Dom. Learn to whine less. So far your making excuses for everything. QUIT it.  



DesFIP -> RE: What is wrong with me? (5/22/2008 3:58:06 AM)

Maybe you aren't interested in pain.

I'm not. I'm into bondage and not pain. Which makes me incompatible for about 95% of all tops as far as I can tell. So I narrowed my search to those who also are only into bondage.

And I know what you mean about the nonsmiling pics. I always passed those by. I also flipped right past anyone who said "strict, severe Master who punished immediately the slightest infraction". Those kinds turn me off.

I'm not in a punishment dynamic. It doesn't work for me. Praise does but basically if I'm in a good relationship I automatically want to do things for my partner. I'm not perfect and I won't ever be and punishment puts me in a place where I think I'm being set up to fail, because inevitably I will mess up being human and thus fallible at which point he will be lurking, waiting for me to make a mistake and seize the occasion to hurt me for his own fun. Unfortunately too many profiles seem to indicate just that.

Figure out what you want first and then read profiles with an eye to your lists, one of characteristics you need in a partner and one of characteristics you won't tolerate. It doesn't matter if you aren't compatible with 99 out of one hundred people, because you are only looking for one. But you won't find him if you don't know what you want.



MissMagnolia -> RE: What is wrong with me? (5/22/2008 4:11:11 AM)

You have three friends on your list. All men, all dominant. That means that at least 3 men don't scare you. That's a GOOD thing!! You're profile says that love is essential in any relationship with you. I think first of all, although you might not be able to actually love yourself (yet!), you should at least find some things in you that you think might be lovable to other people. If all people are getting from you is a scared and fragile mess, why would they place value on you? There HAS to be something that you like about you. Others will like that too. Expand on that, find more things that you like about you.

It's all too easy to get caught up in abusive relationships when one has no self value. Pain and abuse are not a part of my life. D/s doesn't have to mean violence or cruelty. Slow down, see that some photo's are just people making a "dominant" face (I have my "slut face" on mine, teehehehehe). As Ray said, join in the forums. Get to know some sane people (in this forum, what the fuck am I thinking???[:D]) and realise that not all people are arseholes. Some are, but I think you'll find some pretty unbelievable, wonderful people here too.



Dnomyar -> RE: What is wrong with me? (5/22/2008 4:17:38 AM)

I finally looked up at MM's pic and saw her slut face. I usually have no trouble looking at someone in the eye but she makes that hard to do. Op try to develope a sense of humor. That will help some. Also learn to take life with a grain of salt.



JohnWarren -> RE: What is wrong with me? (5/22/2008 7:52:22 AM)

First and foremost, there are few things in this world more frightening than discovering one can have one's fantasies.  As long as they are just fantasies they are insulated and safe.  When they come within reach they become terrifying.

You are in an excellent area.  New Jersey is rich in kink.  If one-on-one is frightening, look around for a group that gives munches or classes.  Even if you just go and watch people walking in the door, it will reassure you that we are all a pretty normal group.

Take the advice of Lady McBeth and screw your courage to the sticking point



kinkypuppy2 -> RE: What is wrong with me? (5/22/2008 8:24:45 AM)

Nothing wrong with you. You are a potential submissive who is scared of getting her feet wet.  Get involved with your local munch group, Find out if there is a "beginners" group that meets, get to know others in the lifestyle as a single for a while and see where it goes.



faerytattoodgirl -> RE: What is wrong with me? (5/22/2008 9:48:47 AM)

quote:

I immediately find myself afraid of every One i see.


we all scare people

muahahaha


BOO!!



xxblushesxx -> RE: What is wrong with me? (5/22/2008 10:37:03 AM)

Some of those profiles are scary!
Keep reading. You'll eventually find some you're drawn to.



JohnWarren -> RE: What is wrong with me? (5/22/2008 10:51:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Some of those profiles are scary!
Keep reading. You'll eventually find some you're drawn to.


[laughing] I received so many complaints about it terrifying people that I was forced to put a barrier page on one of the reality-based stories on my website.

Maybe you should just work on enjoying the fear.

Warren's Test: Throw panties at wall.  If they stick, you like it whatever you think is happening



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