RE: Question about new masters to bdsm

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MizSuz -> RE: Question about new masters to bdsm (7/25/2004 4:53:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ThornBlood quote: ORIGINAL: Sinergy A single tail is a fairly dangerous item (both to wielder and target) if used by somebody who has no practice or experience. So I would a) Obtain single tail b) Go to classes and/or consult with single tail experts c) Practice, practice, practice, practice. Did I mention practicing? d) Go to a local BDSM club and arrange to have a single tail expert watch. e) Use single tail on submissive. f) Check in frequently with submissive to determine that I was giving her good pain and not bad pain. Does that clarify my point a bit? Sinergy pillows work well for floggers, dunno about singletails? (Always been afraid of pokin' muh eye out).. guess I would add read, read, read if it's out there. Just grins and nods in agreement to everything Sinergy said and in the order too, John Pillows work for single tails too, although my preference is to hang a towel at about the same height the bottom would stand, then divide (in your mind) the 'safe quadrants' aka shoulder, shoulder, ass, ass (as opposed to kidney kidney and spine spine). Hang it so it's freely swinging, not against a wall. Then you can not only practice hitting your target, but you can also practice the whisper touch. The towel gives you good feedback about where you are landing it (or getting it close to the surface/towel). A whisper touch, placed anywhere you want it to land, is a very handy skill to have. Now if I could get my left hand to cooperate with that much precision I'd be a happy camper. I usually tell folks that, once you've got your swing down, 15 to 20 minutes every day will have you a fairly well and competent user in about two weeks.

ScorpioMaster -> RE: Question about new masters to bdsm (7/25/2004 5:15:35 PM)
To answer your question I use as part of my training for the sub/slave to buy the SM101 Book by jay Wiseman. I also have some documents I send them to read about every day that I have gotten over the years from different groups I belong too. I also have them go to couple sites were they got some good sections. I would add the links but I am sure I would be allowing to. You ask about any one in the chat room a good site to send newbie’s to. I also have them attend munches with me and to some play parties. I had a newbie over this weekend. This was her first time to play with any one and I started off light bondage and spanking. I also had a get together with some friends who are in the lifestyle and I had her talk with them so not to rely on my word. I do this so what I say has the same underline basic truth that every one else who are true lovers of this lifestyle. Educate prior to playing with her is the key also make it very light for the first time. Also keep asking her questions over what you know she had read about. I also have them do journals to explore that part of them selves. Some who have them do journals do not read them but I do. You must let them know how and who they can contact that are real in the community. Good luck

jm2k4 -> RE: Question about new masters to bdsm (7/25/2004 11:31:36 PM)
I realize that is something that a dom may need outside assistance with(or maybe no assistance at all judging some posts).

Thanatosian -> RE: Question about new masters to bdsm (7/26/2004 8:33:34 AM)
quote: I am going to be getting a single tail I would recommend David Morgan - I purchased my 3' singletail from there and found it to be an excellent quality, nicely weighted product and felt that it was reasonably priced. Apply usual caveats here (corrected typo)

SherriA -> RE: Question about new masters to bdsm (7/26/2004 5:02:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Thanatosian I would recommend David Morgan - I purchased my 3' singletail from there and found it to be an excellent quality, nicely weighted product and felt that it was reasonably priced. Just FTR, David Morgan is no longer plaiting, and hasn't been for a long time. His whips are made by other people with his name attached to them. Also be aware that David Morgan does NOT want to sell his products to people for BDSM purposes. You have to lie about what you want it for if asked. Something worth considering, imnsho. (And I STILL think Mike Murphy is a superior plaiter anyway, but that's just mnhso.)

MrThorns -> RE: Question about new masters to bdsm (7/26/2004 6:15:32 PM)
Thinks Patterson makes the best singletails, as they are designed for use on humans..and roll out virtually the same way every time. www.whipmasterbob.com carries Patterson whips. As for the original poster... jm2k4, Experience is gained by getting out there and practicing your craft. We can talk about the philosophies of BDSM all day, and you may receive some education about BDSM relationships and techniques...but you still won't have the experience. I suggest going out and finding a Mentor, getting involved with your local organizations, and faithfully practicing with whatever toys you intend to use. I do not see any problems in checking in with your partner. I may check in and ask if what I am doing is working for her or not. If I am very familiar with her, I will most likely know what is going on by watching her body react. There was a thread posted earlier that dealt with submissives mentoring a dominant. I dont see a problem with this, although I do not recommend being mentored by the ones you intend to own. Makes the dynamic feel a bit odd. My number one piece of advice to you... Leave your ego at the door. You are not always going to know the right answer. You will not master a flogger in a few weeks, months, or perhaps years. You aren't perfect and never will be. Just take your time and try to have fun in the process. ~Thorns

SherriA -> RE: Question about new masters to bdsm (7/26/2004 6:34:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrThorns Thinks Patterson makes the best singletails, as they are designed for use on humans..and roll out virtually the same way every time. www.whipmasterbob.com carries Patterson whips. I agree, Patterson does nice work. I don't think it's on par with Murphy, but that's just my personal bias. I've not heard anyone complain about their Patterons whips. Ultimately, it's a matter of personal preference. Some people prefer a limper whip, so they're happier with a Wheeler. Some people prefer something firmer, so a Murphy is a better choice. Etc, etc, etc. In the best of all worlds you can try out whips by several different plaiters before investing in one, so that you can get a feel for what best fits your particular style. Singletail workships, Fetish fleamarkets, etc are a good way to do this. It's a big investment, and you want something you'll be happy with over the long haul.

jm2k4 -> RE: Question about new masters to bdsm (7/26/2004 7:35:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrThorns jm2k4, Experience is gained by getting out there and practicing your craft. We can talk about the philosophies of BDSM all day, and you may receive some education about BDSM relationships and techniques...but you still won't have the experience. I suggest going out and finding a Mentor, getting involved with your local organizations, and faithfully practicing with whatever toys you intend to use. I do not see any problems in checking in with your partner. I may check in and ask if what I am doing is working for her or not. If I am very familiar with her, I will most likely know what is going on by watching her body react. There was a thread posted earlier that dealt with submissives mentoring a dominant. I dont see a problem with this, although I do not recommend being mentored by the ones you intend to own. Makes the dynamic feel a bit odd. My number one piece of advice to you... Leave your ego at the door. You are not always going to know the right answer. You will not master a flogger in a few weeks, months, or perhaps years. You aren't perfect and never will be. Just take your time and try to have fun in the process. ~Thorns I don't think I would ever have an ego to leave at the door. I've been trying to find a local organization, but no luck. Just to clarify, what does a mentor do? Do they demonstrate with thier own subs until they believe that the one they're mentoring is ready to try it themselves?

SherriA -> RE: Question about new masters to bdsm (7/26/2004 7:38:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jm2k4 I've been trying to find a local organization, but no luck. Did you check out the Saskatchewan Alternative Lifestyles group? I posted a link for you in another thread. quote: Just to clarify, what does a mentor do? Do they demonstrate with thier own subs until they believe that the one they're mentoring is ready to try it themselves? Every mentor does things differently. It's important to find one that's a good fit for you. Sometimes it's just as good to skip the formal mentor thing and just find skilled people who will share their craft with you, even if that means a different person for every toy. Being part of a "community" has lots of benefits in that regard.

jm2k4 -> RE: Question about new masters to bdsm (7/26/2004 7:52:55 PM)
Yes I have looked into the group and currently awaiting membership to take a look. So basically by mentor, is find someone who is skilled and will to show, perhaps even let one take control with their guidance to gain that experience?

SherriA -> RE: Question about new masters to bdsm (7/26/2004 8:21:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jm2k4 So basically by mentor, is find someone who is skilled and will to show, perhaps even let one take control with their guidance to gain that experience? Ideally, a mentor is a teacher/guide. It's someone to teach you skills, of courses, but also someone who will help you work through the stuff in your head too. A good mentor will answer your questions, but not try to force his/her One True Way down your throat. We all have to find our own path, but good advice is generally appreciated. While I think there's value in mentorship, I'm also a pretty strong advocate of using a lot of people for guidance, so that you get a broader perspective. You're not obligated to take any of the advice you're given, but the more people you talk to, the more likely you are to find someone who has thought processes similar to your own. Ultimately, you'll likely end up taking bits and pieces of advice from a variety of sources and working them into something that's uniquely you. At least that's what I always hope for, personally.

jm2k4 -> RE: Question about new masters to bdsm (7/26/2004 11:22:11 PM)
Ideally they're someone who is willing to help you with different aspects of BDSM if needed(or wanted)?

Thanatosian -> RE: Question about new masters to bdsm (7/26/2004 11:33:58 PM)
quote: Also be aware that David Morgan does NOT want to sell his products to people for BDSM purposes. You have to lie about what you want it for if asked. I had also heard this - however, the 'owner' of our munch group knows and has spoken with David Morgan and has told me that this is not true - according to him, David has even gone to some munchs and demos to talk about whipmaking, care, etc. As for being made by other people with his name attached to them, well, I didnt really expect him to be sitting around all day every day doing nothing but plaiting, which is what he would have to do to turn out all the various kinds and sizes of whips he offers - the 3' black signal whip I got from him/his company is of excellent quality. I guess its all in what you are used to Apply usual caveats here

darkinshadows -> RE: Question about new masters to bdsm (7/27/2004 3:51:54 AM)
(gently slips in her personal example, if she may) A long time ago,(and I am talking years ~ yikes) I knew a Man who realised He wished to explore His Dominant Nature. We were very close(still are) before He discovered the Lifestyle... and He really wanted to find out more and experience many things but Had no other contact(at that time) other than myself that He 'felt ' He could ask. He asked if I would sub and also help 'guide ' Him. After much thought, I decided as much as I respected and cared for Him, I couldnt help Him, being a submissive. But I did serve Him the best way I could, by introducing Him to other Dominants and people where He could network. That was my choice. He is now the owner of a beautiful sub who is totally commited to Him, and He helps guide Others. To me, It would have felt like I wasnt being true to myself. Now I do know subs who have helped New Dominants, so In my opinion I think its down to individuals. If You find a submissive who is comfortable 'showing you the ropes'(forgive the pun), and You are fine with that... then it really is up to the consenting people involved. The only thing that would be of concern, is if your actual submissive(the one you own) is dictating and going further than helping to teach their Master... its kind of a shift of power dynamics. And in such a coupling, could eventually prove a problem once You have learnt and wish to 'take back the ropes' as it were.(Hopes she is making sense)

jm2k4 -> RE: Question about new masters to bdsm (7/27/2004 2:52:11 PM)
I understand what you are saying, but for me I'm completely new and have no idea how to get find the local BDSM(even if there is one) community.

darkinshadows -> RE: Question about new masters to bdsm (7/27/2004 3:12:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jm2k4 I understand what you are saying, but for me I'm completely new and have no idea how to get find the local BDSM(even if there is one) community. If You are looking for a local group or munch... maybe someone here can give You a contact? looks around the messageboard for an offer of help Being a Brit myself, I can't help right this moment...maybe look on the announcement section on the message board? Is there something there?(my geography was never really any good) I am moving soon... and really wanted to know about groups in the area I am going to. I did a search on yahoo groups and find that alot of groups have a site on there... its a good first contact point(it is for the UK anyways)

jm2k4 -> RE: Question about new masters to bdsm (7/27/2004 3:50:34 PM)
If I find one, I find one but until then I'm 'sight seeing'.

proudsub -> RE: Question about new masters to bdsm (7/27/2004 6:20:27 PM)
quote: I understand what you are saying, but for me I'm completely new and have no idea how to get find the local BDSM(even if there is one) community. I noticed a new member from NE GB named smeagol that said he is involved in munches there if that helps, it's under introductions.

jm2k4 -> RE: Question about new masters to bdsm (7/27/2004 10:39:09 PM)
I'm canadian and apparently live in the wrong province for the lifestyle.

proudsub -> RE: Question about new masters to bdsm (7/28/2004 12:11:58 AM)
quote: I'm canadian and apparently live in the wrong province for the lifestyle. Guess i will never get that right, sorry.

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