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RE: Would you be offended? - 5/24/2008 3:04:54 PM

Posts: 955
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From: Forest Hills, Maryland
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Level,
How dare you say something I did is/was sweet. Geesh your gonna ruin my nasty reputation!

Focus,
I know alot of men like you who wouldn't take it and some who would be offended that is why I was so hesitant.

Nika

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RE: Would you be offended? - 5/24/2008 3:12:15 PM

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FR: Well I guess I'm qualified for this one, being male, Dominant and having similar issues in my relationships with submissives. A few things that are possibly personal to me: I would not be offended, and would think, as did "floggings4u" that the offer was delightful. I can afford the gas, and I like paying for things, so the "bite" of the $$$ wouldn't really hurt, but on the other hand, a guy likes to be treated, even if its small dollars and he can afford the expense. I do like it when my partner makes a meal for us, or provides some sort of extra treat -- for instance, makes a lovely place for us to play, or gets herself waxed because she knows I prefer it. I don't think I'm less of a Dominant for it, either, and I think someone who equates financial support with Domination is fairly screwed up.

E.

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RE: Would you be offended? - 5/24/2008 4:33:50 PM

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Rather than offer money for gas, I also like the idea of making sure the house is stocked with plenty of his favorite foods, treats, snacks, beer, condoms. Or, maybe you can work it off in trade....if you can cut hair, offer to cut his. (Emperor's sig line gave me that idea.) If he normally takes his shirts to the cleaners for ironing, offer to have him bring them to you to do. Little things like that can save him a few bucks here and there that will help offset the cost of the gas and you get to feel like you're contributing.

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RE: Would you be offended? - 5/24/2008 4:40:32 PM

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I have to drive an hour or more depending on constuction to get to my Sir. I have to go to him because of my living arrangements. Although seperate apartment from my ex, it would be weird plus not so comfy here. I drive there. One thing I do is usually spend 2 days to make it worth my time. Occasionally he will come out by me and we get a hotel. When I am there he does all kinds of things for me. Takes me to dinner and on lots of dates where he pays the expenses. He also changed the oil in my car and helped fix the door when I got in a minor fender bender. So, if you do things to say thank you in other ways so that you take money burden off in other ways it should balance out. But if he is a professional, whos upwardly mobile and can afford it, he may be insulted by offers to treat him. Then you could do it in other ways like favorite food and making nice meals for him.

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RE: Would you be offended? - 5/24/2008 8:24:38 PM

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Offer.

If he's offended by his submissive ofering to give him something, then there's something wrong.

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RE: Would you be offended? - 5/25/2008 2:04:28 AM

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I wouldn't be offended..........and I would never take the money

(in reply to SweetNika)

RE: Would you be offended? - 5/25/2008 4:31:53 AM

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I agree with Summerwind. I was be pleased with the offer but not take it. If I am doing the travelling, I am doing it because I want to. It does not matter the cost if it is something I want to do.

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RE: Would you be offended? - 5/25/2008 5:56:56 AM

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I think it's great that you are offering to help. I wouldn't get offended, but I probably wouldn't take it either unless I was flat broke - lol. Like other people have said though, there's many ways to help out that might make easier for him to accept.

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RE: Would you be offended? - 5/25/2008 6:03:07 AM

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From: Forest Hills, Maryland
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I spoke with him last night and asked him about sharing the cost of the gas he said he wasn't offended that I offered, that it showed that I wanted to see him more often but he couldnt take it from me. He said he was a dinosaur in the aspect.

I want to thank everyone again for their imput.

Blessed be,
Nika

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Blessed be,
Nika

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RE: Would you be offended? - 5/25/2008 6:34:38 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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From: Chicago, IL
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i don't drive however the local dominant i'm seeing for the past 2 weeks does. so in appreciation of all the wonderful things he's been doing for us (us meaning my girls included), i'm making dinner for him tonight. it's not going to be a 7-course meal but something spicey and delicious. when i told him this last night, he was blushing but did thank me for the small gesture.

i have a feeling he might appreciate the gesture of offering to help pay for the gas.

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RE: Would you be offended? - 5/25/2008 7:22:43 AM

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I wouldn't be offended by the offer because it's a thoughtful gesture in these times of high gasoline prices. It would tell me that I had chosen well. Whether I accepted the offer or not would depend on a few things. Could I easily afford the cost myself? If so, I'd likely decline the offer and assure her that it was appreciated but not necessary. If I felt that it would stretch her budget too far to contribute I'd also decline the offer, even if it put a pinch on mine. If it needed to be discussed from a budgetary standpoint I would not hesitate to bring it up.

We in an LDR. It's a 400 mile round trip. That's a tank of gas for either of our vehicles. We don't necessarily take turns traveling - we visit each other's place based on the availability of the venue (log story). If one of us drives the other generally spends as much in food and drink so it sorta all balances out in the end.

(in reply to SweetNika)

RE: Would you be offended? - 5/25/2008 7:56:04 AM

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From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pissdoll

why not buy him a gift card to a gas station every so often?

put a little bow on it and make it cute.

that way you won't have the discussion about finances and he won't have to be put in the position of accepting or declining money.

some of the best gifts are the most sensible ones!

That's a great idea, in my opinion. It addresses the fact that he very well may need a little extra gas money without making him have to accept or refuse "face to face" as it's offered. Buy or make a sweet greeting card, slip the gas card inside, and include a message like others have mentioned about how wonderful it is seeing him as often as possible. That way you can help without putting him in too much of a potentially embarrassing spot.

Now, having said that, that's not at all what we did

. By the time I visited the first time, we were six weeks into things and had already had many heart-to-hearts. We both worked and had our respective bills and obligations and there was no expectation on my part that as the dominant half of the equation, He was "supposed" to be a man and pay for everything even if it made things hard on Him financially. We're both very practical and realistic and knew that wasn't the case. It made me shudder to think that He would have to put off paying something He owes if He paid for all the gas when He came to see me (or paid for the hotel stay on my first visit).

I don't remember how exactly things were divided but over the 14 months that we were together before I moved to AR, everytime travel was involved, it was split so that neither of us experienced any hardships. Fortunately, we were mature and open enough to just say "Hey, neither of us is made of money. Let's work together and share the burden." We did then, we do now and it's great not having to guess or wonder. As a matter of fact, He's now become pretty darn used to spending money I earn

and that works for us both.......................luci

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RE: Would you be offended? - 5/25/2008 9:02:04 AM

BikerDomRealTime

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetNika

Good evening,
I am hoping to get the reaction from some Dominant male types. I have meet a man, a dom from this site who I truly enjoy intellectually and physically. However, he is in an hour an half away and with the gas prices as they are that gets expensive really fast. I have to stay local (in town) because of my UMs so he is doing the traveling, I want to offer to help pay for the gas when he comes down to see me but I am not sure how it will be taken. How would you as a dom take it if a sub you were seeing offered this? Would you be offended? Why or why not?

Thanks in advance for the imput.

Blessed be,
Nika

I cannot and do not speak for anyone else, just myself but I would not be offended if my sub/slave offered to help pay for gas. To me this would mean that she recognizes that effort I am putting in to spend time with her and that she cannot because of circumstances put in the same effort.

(in reply to SweetNika)

RE: Would you be offended? - 5/25/2008 9:12:35 AM

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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Be a damned silly bloke who got offended about your offer, even if he declined. For me, I'd be jolly happy that a girl I was seeing wanted to help. Perhaps it is good to just discuss your idea with him and see what he says, he may be ok with the fuel but would love a good home cooked meal or something of thart sort.

Iron Bear
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

"I judge a Man by what I see him do and not by what others tell me he does." (Captain Sir Edward Pellew of the HMS Indefatigable to Midshipman Hornblower ~ C.S. Forrester)

(in reply to pissdoll)

RE: Would you be offended? - 5/25/2008 9:15:37 AM

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I wouldn't be offended at all. I would probably decline the first offer. When it got to the point where I had to admit I couldn't afford the drive, I would accept.

At some point - Partnership takes precedence over Male Pride.

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RE: Would you be offended? - 5/25/2008 1:13:26 PM

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i would not give any man money,if they do not have gas money i would not seriously date or want them as my Dominant anyway.

(in reply to SoulPiercer)

RE: Would you be offended? - 5/25/2008 1:26:40 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetNika

Good evening,
I am hoping to get the reaction from some Dominant male types. I have meet a man, a dom from this site who I truly enjoy intellectually and physically. However, he is in an hour an half away and with the gas prices as they are that gets expensive really fast. I have to stay local (in town) because of my UMs so he is doing the traveling, I want to offer to help pay for the gas when he comes down to see me but I am not sure how it will be taken. How would you as a dom take it if a sub you were seeing offered this? Would you be offended? Why or why not?

Thanks in advance for the imput.

Blessed be,
Nika

Make the offer. If he turns it down, let the matter drop.....and then make sure gas is the only thing he's paying for on his trips to see you.

Even if he refuses the offer....and even if he gets upset at the offer....in the long run, he will appreciate your willingness to "step up" to make the relationship work.

Speaking for myself....I have cringed in the past when my slave offers to pay for dinner when we eat out. The woman just does not do that, and the man never asks that of the woman. That is me. However, I do respect my slave's desire to contribute in all ways that she can to our times together, and (with some difficulty) have learned to accept her willingness to pay with what I hope is graciousness.

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RE: Would you be offended? - 5/25/2008 1:29:27 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BondageBarbieX

i would not give any man money,if they do not have gas money i would not seriously date or want them as my Dominant anyway.

As your dominant? or as your submissive?

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RE: Would you be offended? - 5/25/2008 4:07:40 PM

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Well, you could always do what I do. When I borrow my friend's car for errands I can't run on my scooter, I just leave money for gas in the car in a little cubby. She tells me that I don't have to foot the bill for gas, but it costs her at least $40 to fill her tank, she has an Aveo, and she does it twice a week due to the distance she drives in for work.

I just tell her the gas fairy must have left it! Of course, when I have the car, sometimes I'll put gas in it, it's already a done deal.....what's she gonna do, siphon it out?

Make the offer......but if he refuses the $$$ for gas, don't make a huge deal out of it. Make the offer in passing, toss it out there for consideration, and accept his answer. I myself will pay for dinner and stuff sometimes...if the other party I'm with insists on paying for dinner, I leave a pretty good tip. Personally, I can't see where you making the offer to pay for gas would be a big deal. Worse comes to worse....swipe the car, put gas in it, and well, see above! The suggestion about cooking him his favorite dinner, or a good wine for him sounds good also.

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RE: Would you be offended? - 5/25/2008 5:48:18 PM

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i like the little gas card idea... as a bit of a gift.... maybe put his fav candy with it! this of course is if he is of struggling financial means. if he is not...... cook that meal, run a nice bath, good bottle of wine... make a special appreciation night!

(in reply to pissdoll)

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