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RE: raped for being sub? - 7/24/2004 2:56:30 AM

atmt777

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btw that was a random pic

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RE: raped for being sub? - 7/24/2004 3:12:16 AM

iwillserveu

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OK, here goes weird advice without the lecture.

You wanted company at a movie with no sex? Just a movie with no other overtones (i.e. not a "date")? Call a submissive male.

Yes, I can attest the plumbing works. You have the same chance he will try something. There will be the same percentage of HNG's who assume that since you are a sub female they can say "On your knees, bitch" and you will say "Yes,Yes," with your eyes.

The difference comes if they try anything. You can say, "Ohhh, I really want to tie your hands behind your back." Dom's will go "huh?" but subs will think they hit the jackpot. After you tie his hands behind his back, I bet you could take him.

Rape over.

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RE: raped for being sub? - 7/24/2004 4:53:07 AM

sbmssvkitten

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ummm
i always found i don't even like to pm with male subs as they tend to try and force me to domme them. that any different r/l?? no offence just what i found out.

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RE: raped for being sub? - 7/24/2004 5:31:14 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sbmssvkitten

i always found i don't even like to pm with male subs as they tend to try and force me to domme them. that any different r/l??

Only if your definition of force includes cajoling, whining, pleading, begging, and general pestering... *smile*

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RE: raped for being sub? - 7/24/2004 6:06:16 AM

melycious

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[point of limit pushing is always suppose to be a good time for the giver AND reciever. He sounds like a serial rapist(profile). }

hmm i must have missed this in sub 101... pushing limits is always supposed to be a good time for the dom and sub? i definately disagree.. heck if it was fun to push my own limits always..i would just do it.. and have no limits AND not have to deal with the relationship as well...

pushing limits is meant to be (in my case), an exploration into a place (either mental or physical) that i myself feel unable to go, for various reasons, that i might not be successful at it, that i might be successful and still not find what i need there (end of the rainbow, no gold scenerio), that it might be too vulverable emotionally to find a safe spot there, there are lots of reasons.. but all of them involve encountering and integrating some aspect that either i or the person Topping/domming is afraid to push... this is generally not a FUN thing..

Now..it may end up as something i can look back on, and be proud of, i may look back and not be so proud off.. but that is the end result.. and for me anyway..in "pushing my limits" its definately the process and NOT the outcome .. because.. if done correctly, they meld and one becomes the other....

course........... thats just my opinion...

and yes i have lots of them lol

mely

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RE: raped for being sub? - 7/24/2004 7:02:18 AM

SherriA

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Just some thoughts...

*To me* submission is an active choice, not a passive default. Being unable/unwilling to say no to someone isn't submission, it's another issue altogether. It really bears some introspection, I think, to figure out why you (as you say) let him if you didn't want to.

I believe "no means no". However, I've been known to tell people that I'm not interested in playing with them, then found the energy was really there after meeting and play happened. But it happens because I *choose* it. If all the signals say "yes", it's possible that he thought you had changed your mind; we all do that sometimes. Saying no AGAIN would have been appropriate, I think, but it sounds like you didn't.

I've seen far too many times when people, especially submissive women, said "no", but really meant "convince me" or "take me". It's a mixed message, and I'm not sure why I see it more often with submissive women, but that's been my experience. I'd hate to be a dominant man - they get slammed for not being dominant enough if they don't push, and for being too pushy or disrespecting submissive women if they do push. There's a whole lot of rock/hard place stuff that goes on.

I guess ultimately the bottom line, for me, is like mely suggested - do some soul searching to figure out why you made the choices you made (because you did make a choice to "let him" as you put it), and try to learn from that. You shouldn't have to avoid dominant men; you should find a strong enough voice to say NO if that's what you mean, and have it heard/respected.

Just because you self-identify as submissive doesn't mean that you're required to go along with anything someone who calls him/herself dominant says. But you already know that, since you say you've stopped other dominant men when you didn't want to play with them, even after you had agreed to play.

As for the physical symptoms, I still think you should see your gynecologist. What you're describing just isn't an appropriate after-effect of fisting. It's incredibly intense, and it feels like you're being stretched unbelievably, but it's a short-term thing, especially if this is the first/only time you've done it. Fisting takes a combination of good technique on the part of the top and conscious relaxation techniques on the part of the bottom. You generally need to be highly stimulated and excited, and still need a whole lot of additional lube. (And I've been known to scream during it, as a way of physically expressing the intensity of the experience, and letting that energy out.) I suppose I'm having a hard time understanding how someone could fist you if you weren't into it; I'm sure it can happen, but it's well outside my realm of experience.

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RE: raped for being sub? - 7/24/2004 7:34:55 AM

iwillserveu

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Ever been raped by a guy begging to be tied up?

Put another way, what is better being whined at or raped? Besides a true sub takes "No" for an answer. (Although he make take it to mean "not now"

if the Domme says "No" he will generally do what she wants.)

So did you just want a movie or was there ulterior motives on your part? If you have ulterior motives obviously the advice won't work.

< Message edited by iwillserveu -- 7/24/2004 8:02:42 AM >

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RE: raped for being sub? - 7/24/2004 8:02:34 AM

sbmssvkitten

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i wasn't the only one he did this to. an di hadnt changed my mind and the signs didn't say ok to playing.

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RE: raped for being sub? - 7/24/2004 8:06:30 AM

iwillserveu

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Oops, you replied while I was editing. Her reply made more sense to just the quip I tossed off.

So what movie was it?

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Post #: 29

RE: raped for being sub? - 7/24/2004 8:21:26 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: sbmssvkitten
i always found i don't even like to pm with male subs as they tend to try and force me to domme them. that any different r/l??

Only if your definition of force includes cajoling, whining, pleading, begging, and general pestering... *smile*

You forgot foul-mouthed, needy, passive aggressive. They are what Zanthia accurately labels as "do me" subs. They don’t care what a woman’s desire is, they just want their own needs met and use all sorts of tactics to get that.

And it is a form of aggression.

I'll stick with the well behaved boys & girls that know their place, merci beaucoup!

- LA

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RE: raped for being sub? - 7/24/2004 11:38:56 AM

sbmssvkitten

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: sbmssvkitten
i always found i don't even like to pm with male subs as they tend to try and force me to domme them. that any different r/l??

Only if your definition of force includes cajoling, whining, pleading, begging, and general pestering... *smile*

nods nods nods nods....nods
but still don't like male subs, they weird

You forgot foul-mouthed, needy, passive aggressive. They are what Zanthia accurately labels as "do me" subs. They don’t care what a woman’s desire is, they just want their own needs met and use all sorts of tactics to get that.

And it is a form of aggression.

I'll stick with the well behaved boys & girls that know their place, merci beaucoup!

- LA

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RE: raped for being sub? - 7/24/2004 11:39:51 AM

sbmssvkitten

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quote:

ORIGINAL: iwillserveu

Oops, you replied while I was editing. Her reply made more sense to just the quip I tossed off.

So what movie was it?

dunno the title anymore, but was with queen latifa and that white haired guy, helppppppppppppppp, can't remember the film title am getting old

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RE: raped for being sub? - 7/24/2004 12:05:57 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sbmssvkitten
nods nods nods nods....nods
but still don't like male subs, they weird

1) You got your quoting all mixed up. Those are your words, not mine.

2) The point of my post was not to generalise and say all male subs where what Taggard & I were describing. I can only speak for myself, but knowing Taggard, we were pointing out a specific type of sub.

3) Male subs are no more or no less weird then female subs, which in my not so humble opinion, isn’t weird at all.

- LA

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RE: raped for being sub? - 7/24/2004 12:06:51 PM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sbmssvkitten

dunno the title anymore, but was with queen latifa and that white haired guy, helppppppppppppppp, can't remember the film title am getting old

Bringing Down the House.

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RE: raped for being sub? - 7/24/2004 7:20:00 PM

Estring

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quote:

with queen latifa and that white haired guy,

That white haired guy? Lol. You mean Steve Martin? Well excuuuuuse me! Man, now I feel old.

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RE: raped for being sub? - 7/25/2004 12:02:49 AM

Sinergy

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quote:

Besides a true sub takes "No" for an answer.

So a fake sub who rapes somebody could theoretically could go to court and
use the fact that "No" is an invitation to copulate as their defense. Hrm.

There was no formal negotiation of who does what to whom. This may or may not include safe words, but that is not relevant.

There was no formal invitation to engage in sexual relations.

The woman said "No."

This is NOT, in my humble opinion, a BDSM issue. This is a case of RAPE.

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

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RE: raped for being sub? - 7/25/2004 12:04:29 AM

Sinergy

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quote:

That white haired guy? Lol. You mean Steve Martin? Well excuuuuuse me! Man, now I feel old.

Steve Martin had white hair on the album cover of his first album, circa mid '70s, when I was in high school.

Yeah, I feel old too.

Sinergy

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RE: raped for being sub? - 7/25/2004 3:26:58 AM

sbmssvkitten

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: sbmssvkitten
nods nods nods nods....nods
but still don't like male subs, they weird

1) You got your quoting all mixed up. Those are your words, not mine.

2) The point of my post was not to generalise and say all male subs where what Taggard & I were describing. I can only speak for myself, but knowing Taggard, we were pointing out a specific type of sub.

3) Male subs are no more or no less weird then female subs, which in my not so humble opinion, isn’t weird at all.

- LA

sowwy just seen that to, huggles

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RE: raped for being sub? - 7/25/2004 3:27:28 AM

sbmssvkitten

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sfgrrl

quote:

ORIGINAL: sbmssvkitten

dunno the title anymore, but was with queen latifa and that white haired guy, helppppppppppppppp, can't remember the film title am getting old

Bringing Down the House.

ta

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Post #: 39

RE: raped for being sub? - 7/25/2004 4:05:05 AM

iwillserveu

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Two scenarios with HNGs

One with a faux Dom. He's chatted with her and in his mind (his mind only) it is OK. Everyone else acknowledges it would be rape. In his mind she has no right to say "No" to his Domness because he uses the handle SirMasterMaster. She says "No," but he feels he can ignore it.

Two with a faux sub. He's chatted with her and in his mind (his mind only) she is secretly a switch. In his mind she has no right to say "No" to his subness because he uses the handle superservant. She says "No," but he feels he can ignore the order. (OK, subs, ever ignore an order? How about your subs, Sinergy, they ever ignore a direct order?) He starts raping her and she yells "wait, I want to tie you up you studdly hunk o'man flesh." He stops and lets her tie him up. Rape over.

The police will have no problem apprehending the guy hog-tied and wearing no pants.

Would that gambit work on SirMasterMaster. (Maybe Doms could clue me in if they think it would.)

If the issue was just seeing a movie, not a "date" a sub male is safer. If it is a date she SirMasterMaster is probably more of what she wants than superservant.

(This is, what, the third board where someone was raped by a guy they met online. While three is not a solid scientific sampling, the next one with a submissive rapist will be the first.)

I agree, this is not a BDSM issue but a case of rape. This is, however, a BDSM board.
Of course that is just my opinion. One may use reucto ad absurdum (or however you spell it.) to prove the opposite is false. (Funny thing how the opposite rarely effects the original...hmmm. Maybe the same technique on the original logic is better. Well maybe that is just me.

)

Oh I'm going back to bed. That may only make sense because

.

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