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switch per person or per relationship - 5/31/2008 12:54:10 AM

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Joined: 7/22/2007
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I'm sure this has been asked many many times but I couldn't figure out what terms to search nor could i find it by skimming the questions. and I guess its a 2 parter,

1) do you find yourself switching with one partner,

or do you find that once you get to know someone and figure out who is the dom and who is the sub,the relationship dynamic is pretty set, some relationships you are the dom some you are the sub.

2) If you switch with one person, do you find it is a real D/s dynamic or does it fall more into the topping/bottoming category?

Or Other?

Cheers
Skully

RE: switch per person or per relationship - 5/31/2008 5:57:29 AM

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Joined: 9/25/2004
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I tend to switch mostly "per relationship" That is, I can switch from being Dom to being a sub depending on the person I'm with... i.e. I will almost always be submissive to "A", but when I'm with "B" I prefer seeing them on their knees.

This isn't an absolute, of course. It seems once we find oour roles, I try to stick to them. Still, is seems some of the Dommes I've been involved with have wanted to be the center of attention on occasion... and who am I to deny them?

(in reply to Skully7000)

RE: switch per person or per relationship - 5/31/2008 6:45:20 AM

Aine

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Well, I'm only with person "A"....and we're both switches...so we switch with each other. The way our personalities are...it's more of a Mama Bear and Papa Bear type way of running things, it changes depending on what's going on in the house and around us as to which takes on what particular role day to day...it flows back and forth quite a bit and quite fluidly. There are times he defers to me and there are times when I defer to him.

_____________________________

Honey, you obviously missed the "want to be used as a toilet fetish" thread or "where do I get instructions on setting my sub on fire" thread. LOL

Thank you, DelRay for that one.

(in reply to bipolarber)

RE: switch per person or per relationship - 5/31/2008 12:42:38 PM

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Joined: 5/17/2008
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per relationship. Once I sub to one person, I can never have them sub to me and vice versa.

(in reply to Skully7000)

RE: switch per person or per relationship - 6/1/2008 8:02:16 PM

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Joined: 5/28/2008
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i am a switch but have a sub but he all so knows what i like in some ways and can bring me to my knees very good oh yea but we just don't get to see each other much but it all depends on what you want and how much you want it to work

(in reply to warden1978)

RE: switch per person or per relationship - 6/2/2008 10:41:38 AM

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Joined: 5/12/2008
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I have a mommy/boy relationship. With my little boy, there are times when we are both little. With him, I am always slightly older. He is also a puppy boy. Even though I train him as a puppy, there are times when I am the alpha puppy. So we play on a spectrum, but don't really switch with each other.

He is never my daddy type or my big. So, I don't really switch in the same relationship. If some one is willing to switch, I prefer to top/be dominant. I prefer daddy types who don't switch. I have difficulty being little or a puppy if some one is also a bottom or sub. As an alpha type, I just don't like to be on the bottom of the totem pole.

It is also gender oriented, I think my general preferences are for daddies and little girls, even though I also like puppy boys on occasion. I am open to mommy types, but I don't really seek them out. I also prefer female subs, so if a boy wants to switch, I would prefer to seek a femme sub together. In general, it is relationship oriented.

But it is also fetish oriented. I really enjoy being dominant unless some one wants a little girl or a puppy. But I am not a heavy bottom and I am not service orriented. So I don't really switch on a d/s level, only on an age play/pet play level. It may sound confusing, but I am hoping it make sense.

I actually think alot of switches can be fetish switches. Switches can identify with one side of the power exchange or bdsm spectrum, then enjoy switching in a subculture such as spanking or bondage.

Mae
www.puppyplaypride.com

(in reply to Skully7000)

RE: switch per person or per relationship - 6/2/2008 2:49:26 PM

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Joined: 1/9/2008
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I have 2 club play partners who I see at differnt times. With one I am always sub. With the other I occasionally switch. Last time was at the weekend when we had a switch singletail session. A real mindfuck for those watching who saw me as his sub, restrained and whipped, to see us switch and reverse roles before switching back again.

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"Jamais vaincou"

(in reply to PuppyGirlMae)

RE: switch per person or per relationship - 6/2/2008 8:14:10 PM

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Life is change. If you lock yourself into one single perspective, and build your entire sense of identity around that label, you're prone to miss out on a lot of opportunity. I call myself a switch. I call myself bisexual. I call myself polyamorous. These are not nessisarily things I actively practice. I have been primarily dominant for years now. I am in a committed, essentially monogamous, heterosexual relationship. But I know that new opportunities will come into my life, and into the life of my spouse, and that our relationship will change over time. When that change comes upon me, I do not want my only option to be cheating on my spouse. Just so, if the right person should come along - or even the right moment with my wife - I do not want the designation of "Dominant" to constrain me from enjoying what might come my way. I have other criteria for deciding if a situation is right or wrong. Getting hung up on a label is just pointless.

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(in reply to SlaveRayleene)

RE: switch per person or per relationship - 6/2/2008 9:04:52 PM

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From: NYC now!
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I'm a only-one-way-with-someone person in power exchange and usually with topping and bottoming, too. I meet someone and only go one direction with them, if inclined to D/s or top/bottom with them. I can't switch roles within a friendship or other relationship.

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Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

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(in reply to Skully7000)

RE: switch per person or per relationship - 6/4/2008 5:20:45 AM

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Joined: 12/31/2004
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Within my relationship I am a slave.

Having said that. M/s and SM are two completely different things to me. M/s is the Master / slave relationship dynamic. SM is just the play aspect.

We switch in play, but the relationship dynamic never shifts. He always has the Dominant position.

d.epiphany

(in reply to RumpusParable)

RE: switch per person or per relationship - 6/4/2008 10:46:53 AM

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Joined: 5/26/2008
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In some ways, I guess I could be described as very much a switch. In general, I only submit to women, to the vast majority of men out there, I am most definetely the Alpha Male type. Within my circle of friends, I am the top dog generally speaking, unless there is a very Dominant Female there.
I've had a male Dom try to get me to scene with him, and I merely advised him nicely that I didn't submit to men. He kept pushing the issue and wouldn't let it lie, until I advised him that he should be the one licking my boot. He promptly left me alone then LOL.
Could I ever take the lead role with my Domina? Oh hell no, no way no how. Should i be lucky enough to find another Domina again, She will most definetely be the boss. With the vast majority of my other relationships in life, I tend to be the Dominant type.

(in reply to epiphany)

RE: switch per person or per relationship - 6/24/2008 5:22:33 PM

IntellectualPro

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Joined: 12/30/2007
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In typical switchy fashion, it goes whatever way feels right for the situation with me. If I'm with someone else who can switch, then so can I. If they cannot switch, then the roles are consistent (either they are always Domme or always sub) and I don't try to push that the other way.

I agree with Suleiman about being open to your options.

(in reply to bashfulhuck)

RE: switch per person or per relationship - 6/24/2008 10:24:31 PM

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Joined: 5/8/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Skully7000
I'm sure this has been asked many many times but I couldn't figure out what terms to search nor could i find it by skimming the questions. and I guess its a 2 parter,

1) do you find yourself switching with one partner,

or do you find that once you get to know someone and figure out who is the dom and who is the sub,the relationship dynamic is pretty set, some relationships you are the dom some you are the sub.

2) If you switch with one person, do you find it is a real D/s dynamic or does it fall more into the topping/bottoming category?

Or Other?

Cheers
Skully

I've tried switching with my submissive a few times, but it really hasn't worked for me. I think it's a matter of motivation. When she's tried topping me, she's done it as a way of serving me. But, I don't want to be served by a top, I want her to do it for fun. For HER fun. If she has a lot of fun, I will too, even if she's doing things I don't like, such as nipple torture.

With a good sadistic top, I feed off of her energy, then feed her back with mine. The scene becomes sort of a feedback loop and it sends me to the moon. But, if the one topping is doing it for my pleasure more than for hers, it just doesn't work.

I think I could switch with another switch, if she had a wide sadistic streak to go with her inner masochist. But, I don't know that for sure, as I've never had the opportunity.

(in reply to Skully7000)

RE: switch per person or per relationship - 6/25/2008 8:21:22 PM

WhisperSupremacy

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Joined: 4/7/2008
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Depends on the person. I honestly only feel comfortable being submissive to a woman that I'm in love with,....someone I completely trust with my life and body. I wont submit to just anyone. In dominant form, I can be dominant with a pure sub or a switch regardless of emotional values, however it's not my first choice as far as what I yearn for the most.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

RE: switch per person or per relationship - 6/27/2008 9:29:46 PM

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Joined: 6/18/2008
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Different people inspire me in different ways. It's a rarity that I can submit to someone that I've owned/topped/dominated/whatever.. though I have had the ability to top some of those I've submitted to.... though it's difficult.

(in reply to Skully7000)

RE: switch per person or per relationship - 7/29/2008 7:24:53 AM

MistressStiletto

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Joined: 7/6/2007
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Once I dominate someone, I am unable to let go enough to submit to them in the future. If I submit to someone, I would not feel able to top them, even in the simplest of scenes. Generally I take some time to suss out the situation before roles are mutually decided, although there have been some very instant connections I've made as well.

(in reply to JadeGeisha)

RE: switch per person or per relationship - 7/31/2008 6:20:37 AM

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Joined: 12/23/2007
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One might say that I 'switch' for my husband. But he's not really into the lifestyle. He just 'plays Dom' now and then. It's just for fun.

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to MistressStiletto)

RE: switch per person or per relationship - 7/31/2008 7:50:52 PM

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Joined: 11/12/2005
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With my Master I am very submissive, I have never met anyone else I feel that way towards so with others I tend to be very "toppy"

_____________________________

He says she is immodest; Blames her amiss; What follows more, she murders with a kiss

(in reply to Skully7000)

RE: switch per person or per relationship - 7/31/2008 9:11:33 PM

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Joined: 6/23/2008
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From my experience with switches which is limited, however I know will more then likely hold true in the future is that if they are to mesh with me at all they will be Domme with me, a common theme I have noticed is for them to be sub to their husband or partner and Domme to everyone else. I tend to get along pretty good with switches though :)

(in reply to angaothsi)

RE: switch per person or per relationship - 8/1/2008 5:05:09 PM

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Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline

I don't know if it was per relationship or per person... It could almost be per diem, going by mood that day. However, I would say that for the most part, there's a natural equilibrium that preferences balance out, and it doesn't go based on titles or roles either. One person may strike me as just a submissive sort; if she insists on holding the whip and barking out little orders, it won't necessarily convince me that the dynamic is there for me to bottom. I think things get most interesting when I play with other switches, because that can really open up the doors to "what are you in the mood for? you today? heads or tails?" and myriad ways to decide.

(in reply to shadowcd)

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