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WIITWD? - 10/26/2005 4:52:29 AM   
BlueDevil


Posts: 39
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		WIITWD

What It Is That We Do

Is that what we should call it? Wouldn't it be more accurate to call it:

What It Is That I Do

How many share the same definitions, beliefs, pleasures, kinks, loathings, fears, needs, wants, desires, etc? How many have compromised to start a relationship only to have the differences that we thought we could agree to disagree over push the relationship over the edge? Is 'pushing' limits really about helping our partner explore new ground, or forcing them to eventually comply with our own needs, making their limits match our own, their interests mirror our's?

Do we each need to find our exact match, or, are we really better off with our opposite? Are we strengthened by the compromises we make, or are we molded into someone that we don't want to be?



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RE: WIITWD? - 10/26/2005 5:02:50 AM   
pinkpleasures


Posts: 1114
Status: offline 		i have never seen "WIITWD" used anywhere but here on the CM message boards; someone had to explain it to me. i don't especially care for it, mainly for the reasons You point out, but on the other hand, i think we need to beware of acronyms in general, particularly since this is an international community. Particularly for people who have not spent time in BDSM chat rooms (where i picked up all my acronyms except this one) even something as simple as LOL might not communicate. (LOL = laugh out loud.)

pinkpleasures

< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 10/26/2005 4:49:53 PM >

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RE: WIITWD? - 10/26/2005 5:22:30 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Do we each need to find our exact match, or, are we really better off with our opposite? Are we strengthened by the compromises we make, or are we molded into someone that we don't want to be?


This is a great question. I think it would be boring to be with someone who is an exact match. I enjoy being challenged, learning, experiencing new things. But I wouldn't want to be with someone who is completely opposite. There needs to be some common ground, some similar likes/dislikes.

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RE: WIITWD? - 10/26/2005 5:34:03 AM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		actually i like this acronym.
i'm not really bdsm and i have an expressed interest in Gor.i spent time as a top in that arena but it doesn't float my boat to be a bottom.

However, the D/s is what calls to me,TPE....is what my natural nature screams out,now that i have spent enough years denying it or trying to cover it over
as being vunerable to another scares the beejeeves outta this girl.

one can hope and or presume that when they find the master that sees their potential that life will change.

no doubt their will be trials and tribulations. this girl does expect their to be behavior modifications to please the master but believes that those changes will also be in her best interests.(not for too extreme an analogy but pygmalion,lol).

however i think that there must be a basis of compatability to begin with.molding and shaping is one thing but the potential and commonalities should exist.

for instance i cant see this girl becoming theatre and opera and evening dresses all the time when she enjoys bbq and grilling and fresh air.

i would hope that master doesn't take the fish out of the water.



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"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

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RE: WIITWD? - 10/26/2005 6:17:23 AM   
Faramir


Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline 		There is a place for broad, general descriptions, just as there is a place for more precise, exacting descriptions, articulations and verbiage.

Acronyms like "BDSM," or "WIITWD" - they get you in the ballpark, and from there, as needed, we can be more precise.

The problem comes when we forget the general, broad nature of words like "BDSM" or "sadism" and substitue our deeply personal and individual definitions - that's where One True Wayism starts.

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RE: WIITWD? - 10/26/2005 6:43:35 AM   
wolfinside


Posts: 74
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline
I think two people should both define their sexual circles of kind and then do those interests that they both share. (where the sexual circles overlap)

But there can be room to teach each other about new kinks they have not thought of or tried.

I've introduced lovers to new kinks that they didn't think they would enjoy, (but did), and have had lovers show me things that I found hot that I never thought I would.

But, if someone has a "limit" that is more of a phobia, then I think it is not something that you should try to push them into.

The problem I think comes when people feel that because they are "dom" that they should rule everything and begin to play god.



Wolf


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RE: WIITWD? - 10/26/2005 7:18:12 AM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		My Dom and I have discovered over our last six months together that we are opposites of the same coin. Our similarities are delightful and our are differences challenging.

I want to become the best I can be. I want his guidance and training to be the best submissive for him. But, I don’t want to be molded into something I’m not. I believe in having limits pushed if they are hindrance to growth and satisfaction. However, there is pushing past ones comfort level and then there is just doing damage.

Thanks for explaining what WIITWD meant. I have been wondering ever since I came to this board. I have to say that is one acronym I probably won’t use. If it’s more then four letters I think you can just type it all out.


_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

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RE: WIITWD? - 10/26/2005 7:44:30 AM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		Personally I think WIITWD is communicate better in our relationships than most of the Vanilla world.

As for your comment about the 'We' vs. "I", well maybe. Like most acronyms this one is intended to cover a broad expanse of the general BDSM populace. It usually doesn't refer to any one act or pleasure, but the whole spectrum of BDSM. In the military I lived with acronyms everday and I'm tired of them, but that's just me.

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Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

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RE: WIITWD? - 10/26/2005 7:51:59 AM   
wipmebeetme100


Posts: 198
Joined: 7/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Do we each need to find our exact match, or, are we really better off with our opposite? Are we strengthened by the compromises we make, or are we molded into someone that we don't want to be?



I can only speak for me....but to me, WIITWD provides me with the opportunity to grow. I do this by being pushed. I have discovered that that there is not really much that i can not do. By this i mean that there is not much that will "kill" me. Maybe i do not want to do it...but if i am required to do it in the context of my TPE relationship, then i will do it. I find that this strengthens me...enables me to grow and allows me to feel a wonderful sense of accomplishment. Again...this is just my opinion, my thoughts. This is just "me".

Peace,
cathy
Happiness is like peeing your pants: Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth

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RE: WIITWD? - 10/26/2005 8:00:56 AM   
plantlady64


Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:



WIITWD

What It Is That We Do

Hello There,
For me what we do is find an alternate way of communication and interaction than the traditional puritan vanilla couple. It’s a dance all of it’s own nature for me.
I think the open communication and need to have trust in the alternate lifestyle relationships is more necessary than it could be in vanilla realms. I think since we talk and trust deeper, our relationships reach deeper levels than that which are obtained in mainstream vanilla culture in general.
I've also felt people into BDSM & Gor are more real and open with their friends, co-workers, community and loved ones, have a better self esteem, and seem more balanced in life overall then a lot of other people.
Of course there's the bottom feeders hanging around making it bad for all the real people in the scene, but I choose to just overlook them in this conversation.
quote:


How many share the same definitions, beliefs, pleasures, kinks, loathing, fears, needs, wants, desires, etc? How many have compromised to start a relationship only to have the differences that we thought we could agree to disagree over push the relationship over the edge? Is 'pushing' limits really about helping our partner explore new ground, or forcing them to eventually comply with our own needs, making their limits match our own, their interests mirror our's?

Do we each need to find our exact match, or, are we really better off with our opposite? Are we strengthened by the compromises we make, or are we molded into someone that we don't want to be?



The way to answer this for me is I feel I am forged by the same metal as my Master. We come from the basically same belief system & home values.
I look at how we fit much like the two halves of a yin/yang. It's the same metal, but two separate halves must meet perfectly for the union to not be filled with gaps. His Yin fits my Yang like they were forged as a set. We bring different things to the relationship, but the overall product is balanced scales, not one side up and one down.

My Master does indeed push me to try things I don't like or am fearful of. I know if I honestly think I’d freak out he wouldn't want do something to me that he knows I couldn't handle. Sometimes my body language is a tell tale sign of the fact I submit for him and hate something.. I love and respect him for the choices he makes to push harder or not push at all. Over all he’s very fair and loving with my limits being pushed. I don’t think this molds me into someone I’m not, but rather it helps me find deeper places inside me I didn’t know existed before my Master shed light on them.

Though he pushes me hard occasionally I feel it's not something he does selfishly, but rather selflessly. To take someone you love through something that's freaking them out or that scares them is a huge gift, and a huge responsibility to undertake.
To give us the confidence to know we can do anything we set our minds to is a valuable gift we can learn from this type of control in my opinion.

I'd also say my whole life is geared to complying with my Masters needs. That indeed is part of the "WIITWD" that works for me & makes me happy.

Sincerely,
sub suzanne



< Message edited by plantlady64 -- 10/26/2005 8:02:42 AM >

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RE: WIITWD? - 10/26/2005 8:01:43 AM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

The problem comes when we forget the general, broad nature of words like "BDSM" or "sadism" and substitue our deeply personal and individual definitions - that's where One True Wayism starts.


Agree.

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



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RE: WIITWD? - 10/26/2005 8:07:52 AM   
JustaTop


Posts: 511
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline 		I tend to be happier with someone who likes most of the things I need. Too much settling and compromise only lead to resentment.

I gave up on the "moldable buddy' theory a long time ago-it's a myth for egomaniacs.

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RE: WIITWD? - 10/26/2005 9:08:26 AM   
ICGsteve


Posts: 202
Joined: 2/2/2005
Status: offline 		For me it is all about the WE not the I. If BDSM is not strenghtening the relationship then it is useless. In functioning committed intimate relationships each individual stretches the other, taking care not to try to overstretch. Each individual chooses to change in a way that makes the relationship stronger-we are always changing no matter what our relationship is but in the best relationship each changes with concideration for what their mate needs from them. There needs to be opposition and differentiation for this process to work. There also needs to be at least one person who is not satisfied, who wants to move the relationship someplace.

My opinion is that BDSM relationships are always high energy if they are working. They tend to be always in motion, always stretching the individuals. They are also prone to unstability which means that they often do not last long. In BDSM we leave ourselves raw and exposed to the other, it is as close as we moderns get to complete surrender. On the surface we give ourselves up to the relationship and to fate, but really we are surrendering to the needs of our hearts. Playing power games with my wife is the only time I feel fully alive.

I speak from a twenty year marrage that has always been filled with power games but which has only in the last couple of years been aware of the lifestyle. Long term relationship is what I know and what I am interested in, but I am fascinated by those who choose to enter into many very short (maybe even just a night) high energy relationships.


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RE: WIITWD? - 10/26/2005 10:51:11 AM   
lonewolf05


Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		How many share the same definitions, beliefs, pleasures, kinks, loathings, fears, needs, wants, desires, etc?

**share? i doubt "I" share anything with anyone..since "I" again am not part of the-norm in this lifestyle.
my beliefs are mainly vanilla. what little pleaure "I" get is vanilla...like last night we all 3 HER hubby and i went to a movie.
kinks...ain't got none.
loathing? well? nothing stupid like kids and dead things. and critters.
fear? sorry. "I" have no fear of man nor beast.
more guts less brains. i'm a street urchin gimme a bike chain and a knife and i'll rumble anytime.
needs? again--vanilla.. my soda my cigars..my music..i don't do s/m. i don't do sex...don't do romance.
wants? very few now. i got a cool Ms and she has a great hubby--we are good buds..i got my own apartment over the garage..
desires? naw..i don't have anything i dream of ...wished i had---naw..


How many have compromised to start a relationship only to have the differences that we thought we could agree to disagree over push the relationship over the edge?

***c o m p r o m i s e ? this word is NOT in MY list of english. i have NEVER done this. either i get what "I" want or i walk. that's why i divorced 3 times. my way or the highway.
so i hit the highway.....10,000 miles later i found THEE domme for me.!!


did i help or hinder?

woofie


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RE: WIITWD? - 10/26/2005 12:12:12 PM   
CalliopePurple


Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline 		lonewolf, as always your very different thoughts on things makes me think about my own stances. At first, I kinda thought you were just saying all those things to stand out, especially since them combined with the typos makes you almost seem like some random fool. But I've come to know differently.

I don't want someone just like me, and I don't want my exact opposite. I want something in between.

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Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

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RE: WIITWD? - 10/26/2005 12:49:17 PM   
Kasia


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: plantlady64

The way to answer this for me is I feel I am forged by the same metal as my Master. We come from the basically same belief system & home values.

I found that to be the basis of many succesful relationships. Especially if you add dose of compromising. Not saying its a must for everyone, both my husbands come from quite different background than me..... but I compromise quite a lot when I care about someone, its not a big deal to me. Still, we do share the same beliefs and opinions on things in general.

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RE: WIITWD? - 10/26/2005 1:35:11 PM   
night101owl


Posts: 83
Joined: 8/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BlueDevil

WIITWD

What It Is That We Do

Is that what we should call it? Wouldn't it be more accurate to call it:

What It Is That I Do


The whole point to the acronym is trying to describe some sort of common ground. Between me (an SM dyke) and, say, a Gorean who's into power and ownership but NOT heavy pain play, there's not a lot of similarity. We do, however, tend to share community space, and WIITWD is intended to create at least the appearance of common ground.

Of course, when you put us in a room with a bi switch who's into both SM and D/s, thenthe common ground becomes a bit more apparent.

I don't think the phrase is all that useful, though, in addressing the extent of compromise we accept when we enter relationships with people. It's more of a community phrase than something that helps with our personal stuff.

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RE: WIITWD? - 10/27/2005 8:31:42 AM   
lonewolf05


Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		i will but assume-------many people think me a fool. but, WHOM is the fool THEN........
i may not be pretty when i type....(i didn't see any typo's--it came out as i wanted it) but all in all i say what i mean--and i damn well mean what i say.
i pull no punches.
never intended to either.
naw..i dont say things to be an ass completely-------i just speak how i feel in my core..some like me--some hate me..some don't care.....


but if i say anything to make ANYONE----- STOP! and think..........i did my job.

thanks for the help. woofie

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