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What if you switch we're asked To not longer cum withou... - 6/4/2008 6:08:09 AM

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

What if your Dominant would ask of you
to not cum anymore without His/Her permission..?

Would you keep that promise or when you would
cap up go do as you please?

I ask this because this has happend with switches I met, and I felt betrayed and warn out, when I saw them cap up, and go do their own thing, so My plan of commitment, and longing never could be build upon, which orgasmdenail can do with subs.

Am curious for your answers.

GoddezzT`

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

RE: What if you switch we're asked To not longer cum wi... - 6/4/2008 6:31:33 AM

Posts: 137
Joined: 11/29/2005
Status: offline

Good question, GoddessTeaze.

Orgasm denial definitely has it's appeal - both as a top and bottom. Since I'm not as much into the D/s dynamic, my kink is more "can't" than "won't." By that I mean, orgasm denial would need to be accomplished by a chastity device of some sort (the "can't") instead of a promise (the "won't"). So...I wouldn't enter into an agreement to not cum without permission or ask my partner to do the same.

In the event that you've reached that agreement with your sub (even if they're a switch), then it seems you have two choices - either it's a deal-breaker and the relationship is over or it's an opportunity for correction and possible growth.

Hope this helps. I'm answering in the abstract because my relationships thus far have not included either orgasm denial or D/s.

Vice

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

RE: What if you switch we're asked To not longer cum wi... - 6/4/2008 6:41:35 AM

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ViceVersa

Good question, GoddessTeaze.

Orgasm denial definitely has it's appeal - both as a top and bottom. Since I'm not as much into the D/s dynamic, my kink is more "can't" than "won't." By that I mean, orgasm denial would need to be accomplished by a chastity device of some sort (the "can't") instead of a promise (the "won't"). So...I wouldn't enter into an agreement to not cum without permission or ask my partner to do the same.

In the event that you've reached that agreement with your sub (even if they're a switch), then it seems you have two choices - either it's a deal-breaker and the relationship is over or it's an opportunity for correction and possible growth.

Hope this helps. I'm answering in the abstract because my relationships thus far have not included either orgasm denial or D/s.

Vice

Hello Vice,

Thank you kindly for your compliment, I've been thinking about this for a long time, so I thought, let's ask

On your sugestion to use a chastity device,
I'm not into devices, I love to teaze the shits out of them,
and always want them to have a choise,
and to have the struggle the temptation either
to be good, or to give in..

Yes Im a mean bitch LOL

So that wouldn't work for Me.

as submission is a choise , so is orgasm denail.

As to your second statement, that it would have to B that the Dominant couldn't cum anymore too..
Well No one tells Me when I could or could not cum,
so that wouldn't work for Me either, grinz

It's not as simple as it seems Vice, grinz.

Thank you kindly for your responds.

GoddezzT`

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to ViceVersa)

RE: What if you switch we're asked To not longer cum wi... - 6/4/2008 8:01:28 AM

Posts: 137
Joined: 11/29/2005
Status: offline

Hi again,

"So...I wouldn't enter into an agreement to not cum without permission or ask my partner to do the same."

I didn't mean that the dominant couldn't cum any more. I was offering a perspective as both a top and as a bottom. What I meant was that:

- if I were the bottom I wouldn't enter into an agreement not to cum without permission and
- if I were the top I wouldn't ask my partner to either

because I'm not D/s oriented.

Vice

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

RE: What if you switch we're asked To not longer cum wi... - 6/4/2008 8:09:04 AM

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

So how ARE you orientated then?

See how it would b difficult?

Warm Greetingz

GoddezzT`

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to ViceVersa)

RE: What if you switch we're asked To not longer cum wi... - 6/4/2008 8:13:52 AM

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Very simply, switch or not, if they are presently my submissive and they did as they pleased, they would no longer be my submissive. They are choosing a role while with you, and unless this is a command you give lightly and quickly upon starting to work with a submissive,they can either obey or disobey. If they do as they please, then they are disobedient and nt worth my time, personally. I do not accept their being a switch as an excuse for disobedience. If they did not raise an objection right off to the command, and if they told you they would honor it that is what Id expect them to do. A slip or two in the beginning of smething like that is forgiveable. But outright disobedience and doing as they please after agreeing to your terms is not.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

RE: What if you switch we're asked To not longer cum wi... - 6/4/2008 8:50:18 AM

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

Very simply, switch or not, if they are presently my submissive and they did as they pleased, they would no longer be my submissive. They are choosing a role while with you, and unless this is a command you give lightly and quickly upon starting to work with a submissive,they can either obey or disobey. If they do as they please, then they are disobedient and nt worth my time, personally. I do not accept their being a switch as an excuse for disobedience. If they did not raise an objection right off to the command, and if they told you they would honor it that is what Id expect them to do. A slip or two in the beginning of smething like that is forgiveable. But outright disobedience and doing as they please after agreeing to your terms is not.

DV

Thank You kindly for Your wise answer!

We can make it as difficult as We want can't We

Warm Greetingz

GoddezzT`

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

RE: What if you switch we're asked To not longer cum wi... - 6/4/2008 9:07:13 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

i would have to ask.....so what does a d/s dynamic mean to you? what does an order/directive mean to you? what do you wnat out of submission to me? what can i expect from this journey togeather?

what i have learned is that we come in to d/s m/s for our own reasons, and they are such strong fufilling reasons, that we think that must be why everyone else is there too....but its good to remember that they have thier own reasons, and with out a conversation before hand you may end up in this exact situation again and again.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

RE: What if you switch we're asked To not longer cum wi... - 6/4/2008 10:03:00 PM

Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline

Frankly, if someone was topping me, even in a long-term relationship, and they demanded that I not cum without their permission, I'd think my wife would have a thing or two to say on the matter. In fact, any person with whom I am in a long-term relationship would have a say. If I were in a committed full-time relationship with a dominant partner who was my primary, I would endeavor to do as they had asked, but then again I actually can keep my dick in my pants while topping a scene. If the relationship were open or polyamorous in nature, however, I would have to consider anyone else with whom I was involved. Commitment is the key here, and it has nothing to do with switching. Apparantly, you've had good fortune in finding subs who do as you ask (or who are very good at decieving you) and have had bad luck in finding fidelitous switches (or perhaps they're just not so good at lying). Some people cheat. Being a switch no more necessitates polyamory than being bisexual, and in either case, fidelity is still a key issue. Being a switch does not make you any more or less loyal. I'm afraid the only real advice I can give you is pretty much the same as DV - if they've betrayed your trust, and had made a committment to you as a domina, then dump their scraggy ass and find someone worthy of your time.

_____________________________

Think of my verbosity as a sort of litmus test for our relationship. I write in a manner identical to how I speak and how I think. If you can not cope with what I have written here, it is probably for the best if we go our separate ways.

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

RE: What if you switch we're asked To not longer cum wi... - 6/4/2008 10:16:38 PM

burningdesires47

Posts: 120
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline

I'm not sure what you mean by "cap up"

but a Dom can ask me to not cum without their permission, and I will respectfully point out that He does not govern my life outside of what I do with Him. If it's a task that is a once-in-a-while thing, then I'm willing to negotiate. But I wouldn't be stupid enough to agree to something I don't have the right to. I don't have the right to decide those types of things for my other partners.

Now that being said, if I have a medical reason why I can't have sex, then I do have the right to take that away without their prior consent. But to enter into a standing agreement with a Dom not to have sex with anyone but them, not to cum without their permission, permanently? That's not right, and violates a rule I have with all my partners: that being with other people, and/or having a Dom will not negatively effect my relationship with my other partners.

Now, in scene, if they tell me not to cum without permission and I do, well, then I deserve to be punished. But I also make sure that I won't be punished by them stopping. uh, hello POINTLESS. If they tell me not to have sex for, say, a week before I see them just this once (or even every time if I only see them every few months) then fine, I'm willing to negotiate that. But really, that would be a bad idea on their part. the less sex I have, the less sex I want. It would be better to give me the task of making sure I don't have enough sex that I can't have sex with them. THAT just forces me to be creative about my orgasms. WIN WIN WIN!!

(in reply to Suleiman)

RE: What if you switch we're asked To not longer cum wi... - 6/5/2008 3:43:29 AM

Posts: 166
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline

I'm a Switch and if someone asked me to refrain from cumming without permission, I will follow their orders to the letter (sometimes begging and pleading to change their mind)--but those are mainly Dommes who enjoy hearing me beg. As a standing rule for any subs whom I am "sceneing" with, their orgasms belong to me and they must ask permission to orgasm. Granted, I have only been with 2 subs both of which do not really understand how the female orgasm works, so in denying their "peak"-pleasure, I ask them to remain on the "edge" a bit longer to truly feel and understand what is going on during an orgasm. I've noticed with some people, it is a "hit it and quit it" deal. They don't care to know what is going on as long as they can orgasm. I'm sure you can all agree that delaying that orgasm can produce an even more intense (and draining) orgasm which is the main point (in my opinon) for doing TD and OD. Sure there's a small aspect of stripping one's masculinity.

However, I digress. I do not have too much self-control. Thus an "online Domme" telling me to not cum for a month, straight off the bat from the day I talk to her, isn't going to work for me. However, someone who I know, and trust, asks me to edge myself for a week until a scene, I will be more than happy to oblige. I can even go longer if there is a physical presence (subconciously guiding me) to follow their commands. Someone who is seperated by a computer and a keyboard holds much less weight on my decisions as a person than someone who is sitting 10 inches next to me.

(in reply to burningdesires47)

RE: What if you switch we're asked To not longer cum wi... - 6/5/2008 6:31:27 AM

Posts: 41
Joined: 12/31/2004
Status: offline

This isn't so much about being a switch as honoring a commitment. If they have accepted someones authority over them, then I they need to honor that.

I'm a switch, but I am also an owned slave.What the man says goes, thats what I signed on for, thats what will happen.

d.epiphany

(in reply to Celeres)

RE: What if you switch we're asked To not longer cum wi... - 6/5/2008 9:50:27 AM

Posts: 142
Joined: 5/28/2008
Status: offline

i love it when my sub come over at any time but if i told him to with out me saying so the he can hit the door he will respect me or that's it

(in reply to epiphany)

RE: What if you switch we're asked To not longer cum wi... - 6/5/2008 10:36:32 AM

Posts: 166
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

I'm a switch, but I am also an owned slave.What the man says goes, thats what I signed on for, thats what will happen.

But wouldn't you agree that there is some weight, rather verification, by having Him geographically/physically available?

I remember some typical "young, online, finanicial" joke, I mean Domme attempted to get me to hold my orgasm for a week, but failed in doing so because I did not find it to be sincere. Even some older Dommes who say that all of their submissives MUST serve online first for months, before any R/T meeting can take place, I find a lack of seriousness.

Granted, I understand and embrace that for security reasons, and in the interest to not waste time by finding out if we are compatable is important, my experience has always been a "one night kinky stand" that never yielded anything meaningful or fruitful.

So, if someone I am honestly serving, or "signed up for" ordered me not to cum for a specific amout of time, and schedules another meeting time in the near future (or until that length of time passes), I--as a switch--have no problem remaining chaste for weeks, even months. In the end, I do enjoy a nice long T&D session...

(in reply to virgini970)

RE: What if you switch we're asked To not longer cum wi... - 6/5/2008 1:17:52 PM

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Suleiman

Frankly, if someone was topping me, even in a long-term relationship, and they demanded that I not cum without their permission, I'd think my wife would have a thing or two to say on the matter. In fact, any person with whom I am in a long-term relationship would have a say. If I were in a committed full-time relationship with a dominant partner who was my primary, I would endeavor to do as they had asked, but then again I actually can keep my dick in my pants while topping a scene. If the relationship were open or polyamorous in nature, however, I would have to consider anyone else with whom I was involved. Commitment is the key here, and it has nothing to do with switching. Apparantly, you've had good fortune in finding subs who do as you ask (or who are very good at decieving you) and have had bad luck in finding fidelitous switches (or perhaps they're just not so good at lying). Some people cheat. Being a switch no more necessitates polyamory than being bisexual, and in either case, fidelity is still a key issue. Being a switch does not make you any more or less loyal. I'm afraid the only real advice I can give you is pretty much the same as DV - if they've betrayed your trust, and had made a committment to you as a domina, then dump their scraggy ass and find someone worthy of your time.

Thank you kindly,
they werent worthy of My time,
and I'll look on !

Warm Greetingz

GoddezzT`

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to Suleiman)

RE: What if you switch we're asked To not longer cum wi... - 6/5/2008 1:30:53 PM

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: burningdesires47

I'm not sure what you mean by "cap up"
I ment turned Dominant.

but a Dom can ask me to not cum without their permission, and I will respectfully point out that He does not govern my life outside of what I do with Him. If it's a task that is a once-in-a-while thing, then I'm willing to negotiate. But I wouldn't be stupid enough to agree to something I don't have the right to. I don't have the right to decide those types of things for my other partners.

Now that being said, if I have a medical reason why I can't have sex,
What do you mean with can't have sex?
then I do have the right to take that away without their prior consent. But to enter into a standing agreement with a Dom not to have sex with anyone but them, not to cum without their permission, permanently? That's not right, and violates a rule I have with all my partners: that being with other people, and/or having a Dom will not negatively effect my relationship with my other partners.
Thats your good right hon,
each to thier own!

Now, in scene, if they tell me not to cum without permission and I do, well, then I deserve to be punished. But I also make sure that I won't be punished by them stopping. uh, hello POINTLESS. If they tell me not to have sex for, say, a week before I see them just this once (or even every time if I only see them every few months) then fine, I'm willing to negotiate that. But really, that would be a bad idea on their part. the less sex I have, the less sex I want. It would be better to give me the task of making sure I don't have enough sex that I can't have sex with them. THAT just forces me to be creative about my orgasms. WIN WIN WIN!!

Smiles at how she ends her thread.
Thank you kindly for your experiance hon.
I wish you enough.

GoddezzT`

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to burningdesires47)

RE: What if you switch we're asked To not longer cum wi... - 6/5/2008 2:07:44 PM

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeres

I'm a Switch and if someone asked me to refrain from cumming without permission, I will follow their orders to the letter (sometimes begging and pleading to change their mind)--but those are mainly Dommes who enjoy hearing me beg. As a standing rule for any subs whom I am "sceneing" with, their orgasms belong to me and they must ask permission to orgasm. Granted, I have only been with 2 subs both of which do not really understand how the female orgasm works, so in denying their "peak"-pleasure, I ask them to remain on the "edge" a bit longer to truly feel and understand what is going on during an orgasm. I've noticed with some people, it is a "hit it and quit it" deal. They don't care to know what is going on as long as they can orgasm. I'm sure you can all agree that delaying that orgasm can produce an even more intense (and draining) orgasm which is the main point (in my opinon) for doing TD and OD. Sure there's a small aspect of stripping one's masculinity.

However, I digress. I do not have too much self-control. Thus an "online Domme" telling me to not cum for a month, straight off the bat from the day I talk to her, isn't going to work for me. However, someone who I know, and trust, asks me to edge myself for a week until a scene, I will be more than happy to oblige. I can even go longer if there is a physical presence (subconciously guiding me) to follow their commands. Someone who is seperated by a computer and a keyboard holds much less weight on my decisions as a person than someone who is sitting 10 inches next to me.

Nothing beats real life!
Thank you kindly for your responds.

I like the way you write passionatly about
Bdsm, and how you see it.

Nice pic on your profile by the way.

GoddezzT`

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to Celeres)

RE: What if you switch we're asked To not longer cum wi... - 6/5/2008 5:18:28 PM

Posts: 166
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

I like the way you write passionatly about
Bdsm, and how you see it.

GoddezzT`

It is not my intention to say "what i think/believe is the way it has to be" but it is just how I think of it.

I'm passionate about it because there are people who still think I'm just a naive young boy who doesn't know what he is talking about... I'm glad the forums are open to all the read and respond to.

My way of viewing BDSM is simply a result of growing up in the San Francisco Bay Area and the fact that my teachers have beat the idea of accepting cultural/social differences as "acceptable" ways to live. Thus I have no problem detaching myself from those around me and look at my life from an outsider's view. Then again, I'm majoring in Political Science, so it's my job to try to learn what others think and why they think the way they do. I appreciate your warm compliments and I look forward to further discussions.

(Photo was taken in Santa Barbara, California--my alma mather as of next friday)

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

RE: What if you switch we're asked To not longer cum wi... - 6/5/2008 10:51:02 PM

Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeres

It is not my intention to say "what i think/believe is the way it has to be" but it is just how I think of it.
Arent you contradicting yourself here...?
And why couldn't you say what you think/believe?
That's what makes life interesting!

I'm passionate about it because there are people who still think I'm just a naive young boy who doesn't know what he is talking about...
Being young doesn't mean you can't be passionate about it !
I'm glad the forums are open to all the read and respond to.
It's a good way to learn from others!

I wish you a great weekend!

GoddezzT`

I appreciate your warm compliments and I look forward to further discussions.
Me too.

_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to Celeres)

RE: What if you switch we're asked To not longer cum wi... - 6/5/2008 10:55:31 PM

Posts: 166
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline

quote:

It is not my intention to say "what i think/believe is the way it has to be" but it is just how I think of it.
Arent you contradicting yourself here...?
And why couldn't you say what you think/believe?
That's what makes life interesting!

GoddezzT`

Admittedly, that was quite cryptic. I was trying to convey that it wasn't "my way or the highway." I just say what I personally think of it, and it shouldn't be set in stone, that EVERYONE has to follow. =) I'm not God... just another kinkster.

(in reply to GoddessTeaze)

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