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"Seeking a sub/slave" in Dom Profiles - 6/4/2008 1:42:37 PM

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This question has been rattling around in the back of my mind for awhile. i have seen some Dom profiles in which They say They are "seeking a sub/slave".

Isn't there quite a difference (don't mean to bring up any old chestnuts here about sub vs slave) between a submissive and a slave? This "sub/slave" phrasing seems to suggest that either kind of person will do...and that strikes me as a little odd.

The "real" Doms i've dated and become friends with have all had very strong feelings about whether They wanted a submissive -- which Some did -- or a slave -- which Others did.

Do some Doms assume that any submissive is a slave "waiting" for the right Dom to come along? It's not true of me; i'll never be anything but a submissive.

Is this "sub/slave" phrasing just a poorly chosen turn of phrase? A signal of a 'nilla guy looking for kinky sex? A catagory of BDSM types i hadn't heard of before?

Thanks for Y/your thoughts on the matter.

pinksugarsub

< Message edited by pinksugarsub -- 6/4/2008 1:45:13 PM >

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RE: "Seeking a sub/slave" in Dom Profiles - 6/4/2008 1:50:23 PM

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Pink: I hope this doesn't get accused of bneing another thread on sub/slave distinctions as I see exactly what you are saying.
yes it does feel like a badly written profile, or a 'nilla guy looking for a kinky experience, or iy culd actually be a D type looking for both and knowing the distinction. My ex knew the distinction and I know from his alt profile that he is looking for submissives on there. Interestingly we didn't get connected through alt but through Guardian Soulmayes (yes indeed!). As far as I am aware he was very pleasantly surprised when i disclosed my slave minset to him and it was an insrinctual master/slave elatioship which was completely non-imitative of outside influences; it was just like that between the two of us.
Perhaps the Dom would have been better to have said on their profile 'Looking for a s-type and leave it at that.

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RE: "Seeking a sub/slave" in Dom Profiles - 6/4/2008 1:53:05 PM

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I can't speak for others and won't even try. I will however share my experiences. When I met the love of my life, I identified more with being a slave, he was wired as a Master . We explored that together and it turned out that we are more of a Daddy/little girl then we are Dom/submissive or Master/slave. Maybe people write sub/slave to keep their options open and see what happens.

We are good together because of many, many other things we bring to the relationship other than BDSM. Values, morals, life goals etc etc

ps. When you state that the 'real' Doms you've dated all had strong feelings about this, are you implying that if someone is more open about these things then they aren't real? I think that's kind of a dangerous generality. Just my 2 cents.

- tink

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RE: "Seeking a sub/slave" in Dom Profiles - 6/4/2008 2:01:33 PM

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See here is my issue I just know what I want and what you call as slave I may call a sub and what you call a sub I may call a doormat.

The main issue is very few people agree on the definitions associated with these words.

Now this topic has had MILLIONS of debates and I know this one won't end it but this is how I see it

Person A wants a Type A Personality

Person B wants a Type B Personality

Person C finds Type's A & B have different merit and does not care what type he has

Person D just wants to get Laid and Beat people at the same time

Type A Says they want a Type X person and ignores Person A thinking that they do not Match

Type B has been hurt to many times and so the refuse to get involved till the meet the right person

Person C tries to help Type B and befriends them and shows them that people are not always the same when Type B meets Person D, Person D says a lot of pretty words and Type B is convinced that Person D is "Twue and Weal" and after meeting and giving them head on the first date accpets Person D's Collar and three months later is Penniless in a different state because he took her for everything she had and threw her out after she refused to Masturbate on Web Cam while he peed on her to make money for them to stay in the Motel another three nights.

The truth of matter is at the end of the day these are all just people and Sub and Slave didn't really enter the picture.

So I say sub/slave often because when everything is said and done I want a Person not a descriptor word.

I can call myself the Queen of Sheba all I want don't make it true nore does it mean anything other than I may be a little crazy.

Decide for yourself.

you can keep you subs and your slaves if you just give me a girl who WANTS to make me happy no matter what and is willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen, cause that is a girl I will protect and cherish till the day I die and I will do whatever I can to let her know just how special she is to me....... See I call that girl andi, and she's my wife.

So what's in a Word anyway huh?

Steel

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RE: "Seeking a sub/slave" in Dom Profiles - 6/4/2008 2:03:46 PM

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exactly. You pick a person who is compaitible with your wants and needs. You dont need to label it.

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RE: "Seeking a sub/slave" in Dom Profiles - 6/4/2008 2:08:09 PM

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All the "real people" I have known adapt to what comes up. It is not that they are seeking one or the other. It is more that they, being real, and living in a world where there are varying shades of red, KNOW that people have different meanings and levels for words. They know that only by communicating with someone, that they can tell if sub means slave, slave means pet, pet means, little girl, ect. Real people know that we do not share the same definition, and know enough to ask what is meant.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsubd

The "real" Doms i've dated and become friends with have all had very strong feelings about whether They wanted a submissive -- which Some did -- or a slave -- which Others did.

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 6/4/2008 2:18:04 PM >

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RE: "Seeking a sub/slave" in Dom Profiles - 6/4/2008 2:08:24 PM

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I don't have that in my profile, but I could...because I'm perfectly open to either a woman who is comfortable with the term submissive or one who is comfortable with the term slave. I give a general idea of my approach and style...I expect as we get to know each other, we will discover whether her submission-degree is in sync with what I want (or whether my dominance-degree is in sync with what she wants, however you put it.) There are many people who avoid the word slave but who are functionally indistinct from someone who calls herself a slave; the words are so widely and differently defined by different people.
I enjoy referring to my partner as "slave"; it turns me on. Referring to my partner as "submissive" is fine, too, just less of a turn on. Neither word inherently expresses the degree to which I expect them to submit...only actual detailed communication will do that.

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RE: "Seeking a sub/slave" in Dom Profiles - 6/4/2008 2:09:12 PM

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I've both as something I'm looking for, for a very simple reason: I'm open to the wide variety life brings. I have an ideal/most-preferred type of relationship but also enjoy a very many other types and am open to what joys life brings me.

That, plus labels in this lifestyle aren't universal. I don't care so much how one labels themself as whether when we get to know one another we both want the same thing out of our relationship or interactions.

< Message edited by RumpusParable -- 6/4/2008 2:11:48 PM >

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RE: "Seeking a sub/slave" in Dom Profiles - 6/4/2008 2:09:22 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

This question has been rattling around in the back of my mind for awhile. i have seen some Dom profiles in which They say They are "seeking a sub/slave".

Isn't there quite a difference (don't mean to bring up any old chestnuts here about sub vs slave) between a submissive and a slave? This "sub/slave" phrasing seems to suggest that either kind of person will do...and that strikes me as a little odd.

The "real" Doms i've dated and become friends with have all had very strong feelings about whether They wanted a submissive -- which Some did -- or a slave -- which Others did.

Do some Doms assume that any submissive is a slave "waiting" for the right Dom to come along? It's not true of me; i'll never be anything but a submissive.

Is this "sub/slave" phrasing just a poorly chosen turn of phrase? A signal of a 'nilla guy looking for kinky sex? A catagory of BDSM types i hadn't heard of before?

Thanks for Y/your thoughts on the matter.

pinksugarsub

What the hell is a "real " Dom and who made you the great decider and authority?
So what if someone is "nilla" and looking for kinky sex? Arent we all "nilla" in a large portion of our life or do you crawl around on all 4's saying "yes Master" at work?
If someone is here just looking for kinky sex, more power to them. follow your bliss. There are many here searching for that and very few that live in a cage,speaking while spoken to only.

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RE: "Seeking a sub/slave" in Dom Profiles - 6/4/2008 2:13:21 PM

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Interestingly, and this might just be me being overly optimistic -
I take it as a Dominant person who knows that they have to have some power exchange in their life,
But who are mainly looking for the right PERSON, and what that person needs to give up or needs to not give up, they will work with as the relationship progresses.

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RE: "Seeking a sub/slave" in Dom Profiles - 6/4/2008 2:17:01 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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As one of the D-types who use "sub/slave" in my profile, I can say that I have a very specific idea of what I want. Go perv my profile and see just how very specific it is, if you need more evidence.

However, my ideas of what a sub is vs what a slave is might not be the same as someone else's. Therefore, I put the "s/s" to indicate that I will consider someone who identifies as 's' regardless of which 's' they prefer. 'S' can be a very fluid thing, depending on who's doing the defining. In fact, I ended up with a girl who is a "switch" but who meets nearly all of my requirements for "slave" as I define it.

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RE: "Seeking a sub/slave" in Dom Profiles - 6/4/2008 2:41:53 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tinkerbelle3

I can't speak for others and won't even try. I will however share my experiences. When I met the love of my life, I identified more with being a slave, he was wired as a Master . We explored that together and it turned out that we are more of a Daddy/little girl then we are Dom/submissive or Master/slave. Maybe people write sub/slave to keep their options open and see what happens.

We are good together because of many, many other things we bring to the relationship other than BDSM. Values, morals, life goals etc etc

ps. When you state that the 'real' Doms you've dated all had strong feelings about this, are you implying that if someone is more open about these things then they aren't real? I think that's kind of a dangerous generality. Just my 2 cents.

- tink

O no tink, not at all. i was just stating an observation i had made..i'm sure there are M/many very real Doms whose preferences are either open or evolving.

That's really why i posted the Op; to get some idea of why Men use the "sub/slave" phrase in Their profiles sometimes. i'm nosey like that.

pinksugarsub

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RE: "Seeking a sub/slave" in Dom Profiles - 6/4/2008 2:42:15 PM

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I can totally understand your perspective on this matter.   Actually, it's something I was wrestling around with inside my own mind for awhile.   I'm actually open to sub/slave or even Domme.   Perhaps a switch, depending upon what kind of switch.

The thing is that you don't have to do D/s to be involved in BDSM or part of the lifestyle.    But that will trigger some heated debate as much as what's the difference between a sub or slave.

It all depends upon your own perspective and views.   Does Vanilla mean lacking the lack of lifestyle D/s or not to you.   You have to define what Vanilla is to you.

Labels are just basic generalizations. There are many exceptions and things that don't fit well inside of the labels.

I am well aware of the use of labels and the fixation we all have for them. It's a sort of Love Hate relationship we all have with them at times.   There are moments when they fit us very well, and other times when the labels don't.

I would not view sub/slave as a poor choice of phrasing per se.  The meaning of slave vs. sub varies from people somewhat.

At times, it's just a matter of finding the right person you simply click with, and manage to establish some form of dynamic with. Common interests and such.

BDSM relationships are relationships regardless. The same basics that holds true for Vanilla works with BDSM realtionships.   Again, the click between two people, mutual interests, wants and needs. Yadda Yadda Yadda....

What I'm trying to express go a little easy on the Jello molds, take time to get to know the person behind the profile instead of being tripped up over the use of a few labels.    The only way to know for certain is to turn over the rock look and explore it. If it's not right move on to turning over another rock.   There's a lot of rocks and stones to look under on CM.

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RE: "Seeking a sub/slave" in Dom Profiles - 6/4/2008 2:53:56 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

This question has been rattling around in the back of my mind for awhile. i have seen some Dom profiles in which They say They are "seeking a sub/slave".

Isn't there quite a difference (don't mean to bring up any old chestnuts here about sub vs slave) between a submissive and a slave? This "sub/slave" phrasing seems to suggest that either kind of person will do...and that strikes me as a little odd.

The "real" Doms i've dated and become friends with have all had very strong feelings about whether They wanted a submissive -- which Some did -- or a slave -- which Others did.

Do some Doms assume that any submissive is a slave "waiting" for the right Dom to come along? It's not true of me; i'll never be anything but a submissive.

Is this "sub/slave" phrasing just a poorly chosen turn of phrase? A signal of a 'nilla guy looking for kinky sex? A catagory of BDSM types i hadn't heard of before?

Thanks for Y/your thoughts on the matter.

pinksugarsub

What the hell is a "real " Dom and who made you the great decider and authority?
So what if someone is "nilla" and looking for kinky sex? Arent we all "nilla" in a large portion of our life or do you crawl around on all 4's saying "yes Master" at work?
If someone is here just looking for kinky sex, more power to them. follow your bliss. There are many here searching for that and very few that live in a cage,speaking while spoken to only.

O what a lovely job that would be...vetting Doms..yummmm. Now *sighs*, back to reality.

you make a good point; CollarMe limits the classifications a new member can choose amoung to define T/themselves...and there's no catagory for "kinky vanilla" or anything like it.

Just FYI, when i said "real" Doms i was distinquishing between Men i have encountered who seem to be seriously seeking a "s-type", compared to Men i have encountered who seem to want nothing more than wanker material, preferably in IM.

The wankers may well be lovely P/pl and have every right to be here, but They aren't what i am seeking...which They'd know if They read (and believed) my profile.

pinksugarsub

< Message edited by pinksugarsub -- 6/4/2008 2:55:14 PM >

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RE: "Seeking a sub/slave" in Dom Profiles - 6/4/2008 2:59:25 PM

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Depends on the person. I don't think there is a real difference and there are plenty of owners who agree with me. Plenty don't - no biggie. All that it needs to mean to you is that, since you think there is a difference, you aren't the one for them.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 6/4/2008 3:01:40 PM >

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RE: "Seeking a sub/slave" in Dom Profiles - 6/4/2008 3:03:29 PM

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in some relationships i am submissive, in some relationships i am a slave, in others i am a bottom, in yet others i am a pet, but i am almost always a masochist...and that is just that side of the equation...there are a rare few out there that inspire the Top half of me, the Sadistic side, the Dominating side, and so forth...all depending on what the other person in my relationship inspires within me, and i suspect that the "real" people who put "sub/slave" in their profiles can take on different roles depending on what the people they meet inspire within them...

the wankers - the "unreal" people, as defined for this thread, don't care what i am or what i want, because it is after all about there fantasy, and it's just interactive porn...

chelle

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RE: "Seeking a sub/slave" in Dom Profiles - 6/4/2008 4:39:58 PM

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I've also known of people who say in one relationship they were slaves yet in another they were a sub. Not that they don't know the difference but who they felt was a result of how they related to that partner. And that they were able to be happy and fulfilled in both relationships for a time.

I see it as a way of him saying he wants a power unequal relationship wherein he has the majority of power but isn't demanding upfront 74.085% of the power because he can't know beforehand how much control he'll feel he needs to have. You know, if his ex was incompetent at money management his power would have included taking control of her finances. Yet if his next is a C.P.A., then he isn't losing control by not taking control of her finances, he's utilizing his skills smartly by having her take over money management. Does the fact that in the second relationship he took no financial control mean he moved down from being a master to 'just' a dom? Not in my book. Means that the control he takes is relationship and partner dependent.

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RE: "Seeking a sub/slave" in Dom Profiles - 6/4/2008 5:26:38 PM

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I'm glad Pink is still around showing that someone can claim to be actively in the kink world for years and still be pretty darn clueless about the basics.

If it's important to them to have a specific label with a specific definition, then they should say so up front. Obviously to these people, they feel the label is not that important, or that how they apply it does not need clarification just within a profile.

Which is like when someone says "I collared her" as if that means something to me- it really doesn't. I have no idea what that means to you and how you apply it in your life. But unless you're collaring me, it doesn't matter.

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RE: "Seeking a sub/slave" in Dom Profiles - 6/4/2008 6:06:44 PM

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Encountering someone online who appear to be "real" doesn't mean they are. It simply means they have the patter down better than others might.
Of course they MAY have real experience but how could you tell? I have known more than a few wankers who have done this in real life, and still have those horny net moments.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinksugarsub

Just FYI, when i said "real" Doms i was distinquishing between Men i have encountered who seem to be seriously seeking a "s-type", compared to Men i have encountered who seem to want nothing more than wanker material, preferably in IM.

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RE: "Seeking a sub/slave" in Dom Profiles - 6/4/2008 6:36:22 PM

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If she wants me to know her shopping list and respect it-she's probably a sub.

If she wants to know MY list, to see if she can respect it-she's probably a slave.

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