Fetish club (Full Version)

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trainable123 -> Fetish club (11/2/2005 5:34:41 PM)

I have never had an outside relationship with a Dom . as my first 2 year experience was when my girlfriend turned the tables on me after 3 years and I found my place and what I really desire to be as a sub.

Now that you know that . I have been in contact with a dom who has asked me to come to the BIO fetish play night in Vancouver so she can
see me and see if she is interested.

I am nervous as I have never been to such a place or been a sub in public .

What should I wear ,what should I expect to do , and etc.

thanks



KittenWithaTwist -> RE: Fetish club (11/2/2005 7:27:20 PM)

The standard color of the kink scene is black. Try a black, basic polo shirt, and black slacks or jeans in good shape.



trainable123 -> RE: Fetish club (11/2/2005 9:35:49 PM)

Thanks. Will I be expeced to do anything and if so should I be willing ?



JohnWarren -> RE: Fetish club (11/2/2005 10:35:25 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: trainable123

Thanks. Will I be expeced to do anything and if so should I be willing ?


I don't have experience with this club, but if it is anything like the many I've visited there aren't any expectations. You can just observe (most do this). If you click with someone, you can do something. There is probably a club safeword so everyone knows of you withdraw consent. Usually there is a list of do's and don't (examples: do behave politely, don't touch other's toys without permission) and a list of forbidden scenes (fire, scat, blood, sexual penetration) For example, in Boston we limited single tails to four feet or less so people didn't end up hogging the dungeon space.



Sardax -> RE: Fetish club (11/2/2005 10:54:51 PM)

Just watch where you're treading too.
You might inadvertently trip over someone's head slurping over a pair of shoes as he/she grovels on the floor...



MstrssPassion -> RE: Fetish club (11/3/2005 4:52:29 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: trainable123

I have been in contact with a dom who has asked me to come to the BIO fetish play night in Vancouver so she can
see me and see if she is interested.

I am nervous as I have never been to such a place or been a sub in public .

What should I wear ,what should I expect to do , and etc.

thanks


Firstly, is she insistent that you have your first meeting at this location? I would think that if she is aware of your newness she would have no problem with meeting at a non-fetish location at first. This could be an indication as to her level of respect of you.

If you do proceed with the meeting at the fetish party make it clear from the start that you are nervous & that you will attend as an observer. Do not feel pressured into playing. You are of course just meeting her, she does not own you or control you at this point.

As to what to wear, basic black is often worn by men in the clubs, but it is also what most of the dominant males wear. I would suggest black dress pants & a white dress shirt... when all else fails, ask her & she if she has a preference. Keeping in mind, if she is aware of your newness & nervousness & asks you to wear something like leather shorts & a torso harness... might be a strong indication that she is not considerate of your level of comfort. It's up to you to decide whether you wish to consent to this type of management.



trainable123 -> RE: Fetish club (11/3/2005 9:36:06 AM)

Thank you all very much . I have sent her a few questions regarding all
of this and hope to hear back from her.



theRose4U -> RE: Fetish club (11/3/2005 11:07:15 AM)

quote:

Firstly, is she insistent that you have your first meeting at this location? I would think that if she is aware of your newness she would have no problem with meeting at a non-fetish location at first. This could be an indication as to her level of respect of you.


Have to agree rather strongly. To me at least newbies should be allowed to understand the expectations of their Domme before being trotted out in public. This inital connection & bonding may be VERY difficult when you are being bombarded with the sights & sounds of an actual dungeon. Red flag for me at least...is this person a Pro or willing to provide references in advance?



GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Fetish club (11/3/2005 11:45:40 AM)

The only thing I can think of is that this Domme is presuming you have more experience than you do because you speak of your relationship with your ex-girlfriend.
For a first meet, whether a newbie or not, I prefer coffee, dinner, or even a weekly meeting or munch. Not a dungeon.
Sometimes too much is assumed. I hope She realizes that you are nervous and this is not in your realm of experience.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Fetish club (11/3/2005 2:12:59 PM)

I am also one that prefers to meet first in a non-fetish setting........but if I think someone has experience, I often tell them that I will be at some public event (munch, party) and to hook up with me there. I make it clear also that NO play is required or expected.

I don't do that as a sign of lack of respect, but because I do expect my playmates to at least accompany me to public events, and if they can't manage that, then they aren't going to work out. Also, I have limited time, and if I have the remotest suspicion that the person is going to skunk out, then I don't set up any of my private time for him until he has passed this first test.

Even for someone inexperienced, public events can be a useful acid test---are they interested? Freaked out? Do they know how to talk to strangers?

Here is my piece of advice for you, though: if you do wind up meeting, do NOT wander off and look at things without her permission! I am still amazed at the guys who say they are there to meet a domme, but then proceed to spend the evening doing what THEY are interested in, and virtually ignore the lady!

Ms F



trainable123 -> RE: Fetish club (11/4/2005 1:14:13 PM)

Well that now puts me in a real position . Should I now ask her to meet me in a public place
and tell her I am very serious but very nervous (scared as hell actualy) to go there,but then
on the other hand I don't want to upset her.
thanks



Foibey -> RE: Fetish club (11/6/2005 3:44:57 PM)

Figure out what your needs are. State them and make sure they don't get ignored. A little fear isn't a bad thing, but if you're seriously uncomfortable with it say so and/or just don't go along with it if it's really that scary



trainable123 -> RE: Fetish club (11/6/2005 8:47:26 PM)

Thanks I did that and she fully understands and had no problem with it.
She is going to meet me downtown on Wed.
Thanks for all the advice .
Trainable



trainable123 -> RE: Fetish club (11/7/2005 10:52:12 AM)

plans have now changed and coffee downtown has changed to dinner at a very expensive resturant for our first meeting. Is this noraml.
Comments please.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Fetish club (11/7/2005 10:54:55 AM)

Read Foibey's post as often as you need to for it to become internalized.



trainable123 -> RE: Fetish club (11/7/2005 12:22:31 PM)

thanks I did tell her how I feel about it and we are now meeting in a coffee shop on Sat.
I must say I am very naive about all this stuff and as it is my first time doing a posting like this .I didn't realize all the pitfalls for both Mistresses and subs and just how hard it is to be claimed as a sub.

One other question .

Should I be expected to buy ,pay for or give my Mistress money. She has not ask this of me (except for maybe expecting me to pay for the dinner) but if it comes up it would be great to know what to say and how to say it.

Thanks
Trainable



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Fetish club (11/7/2005 12:28:59 PM)

Ask her if she has any expectations, otherwise treat it like a vanilla date.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Fetish club (11/7/2005 1:02:47 PM)

I expect my dates to buy me dinner. If you are so motivated, a small token gift is a nice thing (chocolates, a book, that kind of thing). Otherwise, just be yourself.

Ms F



QueenRah -> RE: Fetish club (11/7/2005 1:31:29 PM)

It's great that your potential Dominatrice has agreed to a vanilla meeting and has compromised and agreed to coffee. Every relationship has its parameters and those parameters should be explored in as safe a mode and pace as possible.

When I meet a new boy, I do expect him to invest in a decent dinner. That could be at Port Land Grille (tres chere - [sorry for lack of proper accent marks!]) or Golden Corral. I don't believe in breaking a boy's wallet! But I do feel that I need to see a willingness to invest something for my time. Treating for dinner out is the primary indicator for me. Oh, I've said this before, elsewhere. Moving right along...

If you haven't expressed all your trepidations about the fetish club, etc., to Her that you've shared with us, then you should. She is the one you have a new relationship with. She deserves your honesty. And shouldn't you know now whether you are walking into a decent relationship based on honesty and mutual respect (insofar as "respect" reaches for each party)?

QueenRah



trainable123 -> RE: Fetish club (11/7/2005 1:32:55 PM)

Of cource small gifts and etc. are a given to anyone you like/serve and etc. I was just checking if it was a big number or a demand for money
or expensive gifts and etc. is expected up and above total servitude as a sub.

Thanks
Trainable



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