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Meeting People via Internet - 6/23/2008 3:53:21 PM   
MsstrssD


Posts: 9
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		When several messages are being exchanged via CM with a sub I get kind of excited, it's thrilling that I might actually make this happen.  But then once he brings up *meeting* each other in person, I get really nervous and apprehensive about the whole thing and I usually end up skittering away.

I'm NOT worried that I won't live up to expectations or anything silly like that, but I am nervous... I mean... I'm a 20 yo girl meeting some guy I met over the internet.  I know that essentially I will be the one 'in charge' etc. etc. but what if he isn't really a sub?  What if he has no respect for the lifestyle and I find myself in a heap of hot water?

Maybe I'm being paranoid, but being a young female I have always been sure to be wary.  I have never been on a... mm... how do I say it... online matchmaking website before and so I have never gone through with meeting someone under these conditions (i.e. internet transferring to real life).

How do you ladies go about it?


_____________________________

"So understand: don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years. Face up, make your stand, and realize you're living in the golden years."

Mortui Vivos Docent

A tout le monde
a tout mes amis
je vous aime
je dois partir
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/23/2008 4:14:42 PM   
VBPiercedGal


Posts: 76
Joined: 6/18/2008
From: Virginia Beach, VA
Status: offline 		Sometimes, you just have to rip off the band-aid.

I get nervous when meeting someone new all the time. Somehow, the circumstances could always be "better" (I have a zit, too close to my period, too early/late in the day, didn't like the tone of the last email, etc...). I'm a pro at talking myself out of a face-to-face! However, I've found that if I go in with the attitude that I don't *need* to make an impression and remember that the other person is probably just at nervous, I can plunge in and have a great time. It's kinda like a football player syching himself up for a game Eventually, you can feel as powerful as you know you can be. Fake it till ya feel it!


_____________________________

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye." Miss Piggy

(in reply to MsstrssD)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/23/2008 4:21:43 PM   
MsstrssD


Posts: 9
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		I mean, I have no problem meeting new people and feeling comfortable with them, for example meeting friends of a friend.  But what I am nervous about is the safety aspect of meeting them.  Know what I mean?

_____________________________

"So understand: don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years. Face up, make your stand, and realize you're living in the golden years."

Mortui Vivos Docent

A tout le monde
a tout mes amis
je vous aime
je dois partir

(in reply to VBPiercedGal)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/23/2008 4:27:54 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		If it's a concern for you, just meet them in a public place, and see how you feel being around them. 

Also, I would suggest talking on the phone a good amount before you meet them...a lot can be discerned through voice communication that you can't necessarily feel with online text.

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to MsstrssD)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/23/2008 4:35:04 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I am not a domme; but I have met two doms in real life who are wonderful.
You must have contact information first (at least I must) first and last name, where they live, phone numbers (not just a cell phone) Before I was given this information (I never had to ask), we spent  A LOT of time online, and on the phone getting to know each other. We trusted each other with this type of info. I would not have met anyone I did not trust enough to give that info to, or who did not trust me enough to give me that info.
In fact, the first dom was SO trusting of me, he offered to let me stay at his house when he was going to be out of town before he even met me. I didn't take him up on that offer because I wouldn't have felt comfortable doing that, but I was flattered that I was given that offer.
Google is your friend. Both of my doms had stellar professional reputations, and Google helped me find out more about them.
Many will tell you that Google is a sign of not trusting people, but I am a researcher...that's what I enjoy...and that's what I do, in every area of my life. (it's how I found *this* site!)
Have a great day!

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to MsstrssD)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/23/2008 4:37:07 PM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline 		I meet my former owner online (not CM) but a role-play venue we both played in. I have meet several people since he and I split up in Feb. from CM. Prior to meeting we always exchange phone numbers and talk there as well as IM and I always meet in a local, familiar, and public place the 1st several times. When I walk out of the door at least 2 people know who I am meeting and where plus have their contact information.
 
As far as expectations and the fear of not being able to live up to them. If your being honest with yourself and them then you have no worries.
 
Trust your gutt if something doesn't feel right - listen to that instinct.
 
Blessed be,
Nika



_____________________________

Blessed be,
Nika


(in reply to MsstrssD)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/23/2008 4:46:47 PM   
MsstrssD


Posts: 9
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you ladies so much for your advice!  I will be sure to put it into practice so everybody can remain safe 

_____________________________

"So understand: don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years. Face up, make your stand, and realize you're living in the golden years."

Mortui Vivos Docent

A tout le monde
a tout mes amis
je vous aime
je dois partir

(in reply to SweetNika)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/23/2008 5:15:07 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		you're being paranoid.  you meet strangers everyday, in your laundry room, local grocery store, coffee shop, gas station, etc.  if you sat around and 'what if'd yourself' even walking outside your door because of all the worse case scenarios that could happen, then you might as well be dead...

i highly doubt that meeting at a local coffee shop is going to lead to you being killed!

< Message edited by daddysliloneds -- 6/23/2008 5:17:29 PM >

(in reply to MsstrssD)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/24/2008 7:21:23 AM   
LadyRainfire


Posts: 6040
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsstrssD

When several messages are being exchanged via CM with a sub I get kind of excited, it's thrilling that I might actually make this happen.  But then once he brings up *meeting* each other in person, I get really nervous and apprehensive about the whole thing and I usually end up skittering away.

I'm NOT worried that I won't live up to expectations or anything silly like that, but I am nervous... I mean... I'm a 20 yo girl meeting some guy I met over the internet.  I know that essentially I will be the one 'in charge' etc. etc. but what if he isn't really a sub?  What if he has no respect for the lifestyle and I find myself in a heap of hot water?

Maybe I'm being paranoid, but being a young female I have always been sure to be wary.  I have never been on a... mm... how do I say it... online matchmaking website before and so I have never gone through with meeting someone under these conditions (i.e. internet transferring to real life).

How do you ladies go about it?


You've had some good advice so far. Spend all the time you need to be comfortable online initially. If something strikes you as "off" in the cmails or IM's, don't feel obligated to meet in person. Then feel free to spend time on the phone. Get all the contact info you want about the person. When Lumus and I started talking, we hid nothing, we shared our lives with each other gradually as we got more comfortable with each other. When it's time to meet, meet in a public place, and have a safe call set up. Have a friend know exactly who you're meeting, where you're meeting and when you expect to be done with a margin for if things work out and you run late. I carried a cell phone and rang a friend to let her know everything was fine. In one case a few years back, it wasn't fine and she helped me out.

Trust can take time and don't let common sense get run over by sex appeal or good looks. Or anything else for that matter.

Good luck!


_____________________________

"Desire is an insatiable beast. Sample your strongest dreams, and you will only crave more." ~ Master

~ one half of "L&L"~

My current state of mind

(in reply to MsstrssD)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/24/2008 8:12:16 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

What if he has no respect for the lifestyle and I find myself in a heap of hot water?

What if the guy in the frozen food section at the grocery store you think is cute is the reincarnation of Jeffrey Dahmer?

What if the nice guy outside the gym is trolling for his next victim a la Ted Bundy?

Strangers are dangerous, no matter where they come from.  Forget about the fact that the introduction was made online.  When meeting new people, regardless of the source or the location, protect yourself at all times.
  • Stay in public places with lots of people
  • Don't give out personal information
  • Don't leave a drink or meal unattended unless you're done with it
  • Don't let the person get your license plate #
  • Always make sure friends and family know where you are, and that if they don't hear/meet you by a certain time, there's a problem.
  • Know where the exits are
Safety is 99% situational awareness and common sense.


_____________________________



(in reply to MsstrssD)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/24/2008 9:19:32 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		If you know you are not comfortable meeting someone from online quickly then make that clear within first contacts with a person.

Then, slowly, in your own time and terms you can decide if you trust the person a lil better.

Ask yourself:

Does he lose interest because you don't want to meet after 3 chats?

Does he get angry about it?

Is he patient and still willing to be on friendly terms and gives you attention despite your wearyness?

Has he moved on to someone 'easier' to meet?

Does he understand your reluctance and not put guilt trips on you for not meeting?

If the answers to those questions shock you by his behavior (if in a negative way) then be kind of glad you didn't meet. 

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/24/2008 7:04:22 PM   
katie978


Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline 		  One way to screen out potential bad guys to is wait a while before you meet.

  The one legitimately bad guy (well, he was nice, just looking for "the other woman") was someone I had only spoken to for a month. Bring up monogamy early (if that's what you're looking for). Guys who get skittish about this topic tend to be shady as hell (in my experience).

   As for meeting safety, I always met folks in very public places, typically coffee shops. We'd meet at a busy time of day, so that if he turned out to be a bad guy, someone would be there to help me out. Take public transportation or let him leave first so he doesn't know what your car looks like. DON'T ride in the car with him-this is a super easy time for a bad guy to take advantage of you.

  Have a safe call-someone who knows what you're doing. It doesn't even have to be someone in the know about your lifestyle, just someone who knows that you're dating off-line and that if you don't answer, they need to call the police.

    If you're still too nervous to carry it out, and the problem really is that you're worried about your safety (as opposed to having trouble transfering your fantasy into reality) then you could go as far as to have a friend secretly planted in the restaurant or cafe. Get a buddy to be the "asshole with a laptop" at Starbucks, and they can covertly keep an eye on you. If they don't know about your proclivities, instruct the subbie to keep things clean on the first date.

  In my experience, the good guys were as dedicated to having a safe meeting spot as I was. My current dom had a safecall and insisted I did too. He insisted we meet in public, and we waited for a month of talking online every single day before we met in person.

    Jitters are normal: every real life date I went on, I had to fight serious urges to run! If my current guy and I hadn't been talking online until the second we left to meet each other, I might have feigned a fake bout of stomach sickness and went ::poof::. However, things only get really fun when you meet each other in person. I almost went poof, and for the past nine months, I have had millions of reasons to be glad I didn't.

Good luck!

_____________________________



"That's the plan. Rule the world. You and me. Anyday ::wink::"



(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/24/2008 7:38:04 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		best way to screen...bring someone with you.



_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.
I am flawed.
Imperfect.
MUST SPANK!!!
SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to katie978)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/24/2008 7:44:34 PM   
Alumbrado


Posts: 5560
Status: offline 		Some of my female aquaintances won't play with anyone new except at the local dungeon, they value the safety built into that setting.

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/24/2008 8:01:19 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Also consider the fact that your profile as written is likely to attract a sketchier sort of guy.  You are young, pretty, domme (always of interest), and looking primarily for casual play.

Feeding fren-zee.

I would suggest you focus on making friends, and change your profile language accordingly.  Don't make any decisions about possibly playing with anyone until after you meet them in real life.

When I am interested in someone, I send my full contact information.  If she's not interested in meeting within two weeks, I move on.  That's the other side of the coin.  I have no time to waste on people who are so afraid of shadows that they are not willing to meet, even though they have a total paper trail on me.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Alumbrado)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/24/2008 11:07:01 PM   
dodedo


Posts: 48
Joined: 11/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsstrssD

I mean, I have no problem meeting new people and feeling comfortable with them, for example meeting friends of a friend.  But what I am nervous about is the safety aspect of meeting them.  Know what I mean?


Whatever your role, being safe and comfortable is important.

Some things I do when I meet people off of sites online (Collarme, or wherever) are to:

*Choose the place myself.  Somewhere I'm comfortable.  Since I play head-games with my new friends, I usually choose somewhere that they aren't comfortable but I am.  Coffee shops I frequent, or crowded places where I know I'm safe.

*Telling my friends all the information about where I'm going to be and who I'm going off to meet.  Safe-calls are awesome.

*A lot of the time, I'll arrange a meeting with a specific time-frame.  I can meet for an hour, but I have a dentist appointment at 2.  That way, I don't feel pressured to stick around, and they already know I need to take off so I won't feel awkward when I'm trying to end the meeting.  If I like them and they like me, we can have a longer date later.

I like meeting people in real life who I've only spoken to on the computer before.  A few times, and you'll feel comfortable with it.  Nervous with new people, but comfortable with the idea of going out and putting yourself in risky situations.  Take the right precautions, and you will be fine = )





(in reply to MsstrssD)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/24/2008 11:08:56 PM   
dodedo


Posts: 48
Joined: 11/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

best way to screen...bring someone with you.




I meant to add this to my post, as well!  I've taken roommates, friends, and big, strong, MALE friends with me to meet others.  I've invited new 'friends' to a 'board game afternoon' at a coffee shop or restaurant, surrounded with my friends.  It's also a great way to get to know someone.

If the guy is interested in you, he'll pretty much jump through whatever hoop you desire to make your acquaintance.  Dominant, submissive, it doesn't matter.  = )

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/25/2008 3:00:43 AM   
pinksugarsub


Posts: 1224
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsstrssD

When several messages are being exchanged via CM with a sub I get kind of excited, it's thrilling that I might actually make this happen.  But then once he brings up *meeting* each other in person, I get really nervous and apprehensive about the whole thing and I usually end up skittering away.

I'm NOT worried that I won't live up to expectations or anything silly like that, but I am nervous... I mean... I'm a 20 yo girl meeting some guy I met over the internet.  I know that essentially I will be the one 'in charge' etc. etc. but what if he isn't really a sub?  What if he has no respect for the lifestyle and I find myself in a heap of hot water?

Maybe I'm being paranoid, but being a young female I have always been sure to be wary.  I have never been on a... mm... how do I say it... online matchmaking website before and so I have never gone through with meeting someone under these conditions (i.e. internet transferring to real life).

How do you ladies go about it?



I follow some basic rules.

First, I try to remember that no matter how much we've spoken by email, instant message or phone, the fact remains that I'm meeting a stranger.

I have the belief that the 'net has opened up a venue for undesirables, such as abusive men.

I am more careful in meeting a Man off the 'net than I might be if I had been introduced to Him by a mutual friend in real life.

I only meet Men in public places; I do not furnish Them with my street address and I am somewhat careful about what types of personal information I give Them.

Generally I have a safe call -- someone who has agreed to call me on my cell at a pre-arranged time and who will contact the local police district's non-emergency line if I fail to answer.

I trust my reaction to Them -- or try to -- in deciding whether to see Them again, eventually in my home.  IMO, it's okay to say 'I don't feel we should see each other again', and it can be done in a courteous fashion.

I react to any stranger who insists on more access or information about me than I'm comfortable providing by withdrawing. 

If a Dom cannot wait and 'move at my pace', I'm okay with not seeing Him again.

If I decide to continue to see a Dom I met from the 'net, I am particularly careful to wait until I feel reality-based trust in Him before I 'play' with Him, especially any 'play' that involves restraint.

Hope this helps.

pinkieplum

< Message edited by pinksugarsub -- 6/25/2008 3:05:40 AM >

_____________________________





(in reply to MsstrssD)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/25/2008 1:49:05 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

When I am interested in someone, I send my full contact information.  If she's not interested in meeting within two weeks, I move on.  That's the other side of the coin.  I have no time to waste on people who are so afraid of shadows that they are not willing to meet, even though they have a total paper trail on me.


amen to that one and i'm a girl and a bottom!

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Meeting People via Internet - 6/25/2008 1:53:19 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dodedo

If the guy is interested in you, he'll pretty much jump through whatever hoop you desire to make your acquaintance.  Dominant, submissive, it doesn't matter.  = )


BULLSHIT, and i wouldn't jump through any hoops either; you're talking about people here, not dogs in a fucking circus!

(in reply to dodedo)
Profile   Post #: 20
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