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RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/27/2008 3:38:50 PM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		its a tough balance, but i get the feeling youre smart enough to find it.

dont think youve landed on D/s Planet Zorg and that all of your relationship experience thus far has just been flung out of the window, that somehow the rules of engagement have suddenly changed radically. 

common sense and instinct are youre best friends right now.  use youre intuition, respond when he texts or emails. you can express how you feel honestly enough just by the happy tone in your voice when he rings, you dont have to gush at him unless its appropriate to do so.

have fun, its delicious and exciting and heres a big hug. xxxxxx

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/27/2008 5:09:50 PM   
kinkypuppy2


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		just be honest and yourself if it works it will

_____________________________

See nic "Kinkypupper" also as "slvseeker" As I cannot reply to any posts or log into collarchat under that name I had to create this profile.

(in reply to unclaimedsub38)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/27/2008 5:29:00 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		there's absolutely, positively, nothing at all wrong with calling the man up and telling him how much of a good time you had and asking when you can do it again; nor is it being needy...

it's honesty, plain and simple. 

plus, it sure beats sitting around wondering all day when/if you'll see him again, or beating around the bush for fear of rejection or whatever other thoughts might come to mind!

i'm a firm believer in telling people how i feel about them, the moment i feel it and it's yet to turn out to be a bad thing for any of us; then again, if i tell someone that i adore or love them, i'm not expecting them to respond in kind...

it just makes me feel better knowing that it may be my first and/or only chance to do so, so i just spit it out, no bars held.

(in reply to unclaimedsub38)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/27/2008 6:28:34 PM   
submittous


Posts: 345
Joined: 6/12/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: unclaimedsub38

Help I don’t wanna lose this Man, and need to know what He expects as a Dominant


Well none of us can really read his mind but I think it is safe to say most dominants looking for long term relationships expect honest and open communications... Seems pretty straightforward, tell him how you feel.

good luck

Bill

_____________________________

"If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it." John Irving

(in reply to unclaimedsub38)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/28/2008 1:36:15 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

The moment you think you have to hide who you are or what you are feeling or worse pretend to him because of fear of rejection, you've already killed yourself.

Be who you are, be reasonable, but he needs to know who you are really so he can make his informed choice.

He sounds great and at least initially like he can deal with neediness.  You know what he expects by asking him "What do you expect?"


This I agree with and couldn't have put it better myself. The other thing you can do is to sep[erate the WANTS and NEEDS, then rtake a clkose look at the list of NEEDS where I am sure you'll be able to move a number of them into the WANTS list... Just part of keeping it real.

Iron Bear
(Incorrigible, irrepressible and irreverent)
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it.

Omar Khayyam 1048 CE to 1123 CE (Persian Mathematician, Scientist, Astronomer, Philosopher & Poet).


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/28/2008 2:09:53 AM   
MasterHermes


Posts: 136
Joined: 5/23/2008
Status: offline 		After reading the way he treated you, it sounds like he is a caring person, a man who enjoys sharing his loving side with a submissive woman he likes. There is nothing you need to worry about . People who show affection enjoy it in return too. If you call him once and tell him how great he is and how much you want to see him again he will enjoy it. If you call him 25 times a day you will be needy and make him run away. I am sure you see the difference.

You already did text him and got back a positive respond , this is a good sign he is ok with you showing your feelings. Do not worry and enjoy your time with him. I hope you always please each other.

Be Well
Hermes

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/28/2008 2:13:29 AM   
Hippiekinkster


Posts: 5512
Joined: 11/20/2007
From: Liechtenstein
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submittous

quote:

ORIGINAL: unclaimedsub38

Help I don’t wanna lose this Man, and need to know what He expects as a Dominant


Well none of us can really read his mind but I think it is safe to say most dominants looking for long term relationships expect honest and open communications... Seems pretty straightforward, tell him how you feel.

good luck

Bill
Hi, Bill! Schlu here from B.com. Happy to see you are well. Hope to see a lot of your well-thought-out posts.

Peace, Scott

_____________________________

"We are convinced that freedom w/o Socialism is privilege and injustice, and that Socialism w/o freedom is slavery and brutality." Bakunin

“Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore we are saved by love.” Reinhold Ne

(in reply to submittous)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/28/2008 12:35:35 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		unclaimedsub, IMO you're infatuated.  From what you stated in the Op, you don't yet know him well enough to be in love -- or love him -- but he makes your heart sing.
 
If knowing that runs him off, he was never worth your interest -- just treasure the good memories and seek out more like them.
 
Unless you start stalking him or fail to respect any limits he sets up -- like 'please don't call me at work' -- then you should just relax and let nature take its course.
 
He sounds like a fine man so far.  I've been infatuated myself a time or two and it's a delightful feeling -- enjoy it.  Even if you someday come to love him and it all works out, it still will never feel quite like this again.
 
candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 6/28/2008 12:36:39 PM >

(in reply to unclaimedsub38)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/28/2008 3:15:47 PM   
NeedingMore220


Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

The moment you think you have to hide who you are or what you are feeling or worse pretend to him because of fear of rejection, you've already killed yourself.

Be who you are, be reasonable, but he needs to know who you are really so he can make his informed choice.



This is great advice!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/28/2008 3:30:24 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		hehe - when i first read the OP's post, i thought it sounded just like a high schoolers reaction to a new guy - and how i felt when i discovered bdsm.
That isn't meant to be denigrating - just cute, and a nice memory. *sigh* - so long ago.

You sound like a smart woman. Just reverse the situation and imagine what would freak you out if it was a dom calling you. 10 times a day would be too much, how about once a week.?

My take is if he took all that time to give you pleasure, then he is planning on repeating the situation - with him getting some.   Good luck.

(in reply to NeedingMore220)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/28/2008 5:17:47 PM   
Masterdarkone29


Posts: 23
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline 		Keep us informed and don't be afraid to share.. just as the others have said.. respect his limits and don't go overboard with the txts or calling.. simply a message or two telling him you were thinking about him and the experience and possibly what you think you might like to explore and let him know you are having a good time with time...

Good luck and hope it continues to work out... just be sure you recripriocate to him what he has given you..

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/29/2008 2:14:43 AM   
unclaimedsub38


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

hehe - when i first read the OP's post, i thought it sounded just like a high schoolers reaction to a new guy - and how i felt when i discovered bdsm.



lol.. you are so right... i do feel like a high schooler... at 38 i had forgotten what that felt like.....grins....

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/29/2008 2:16:50 AM   
unclaimedsub38


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/27/2008
Status: offline 		update.... txted to ask when i could see Him again.... gonna see Him tonight....... has the most sillyest grin going on here.. thanks guys for all the feedback.... grins

(in reply to unclaimedsub38)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/29/2008 4:32:55 AM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

i do feel like a high schooler... at 38 i had forgotten what that felt like

Hope I get to remember that feeling some day. Glad you will be seeing him tonight!

(in reply to unclaimedsub38)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/29/2008 7:39:43 AM   
EldroRolod


Posts: 28
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		Some of my own opinions....  I like feeling the need and ache in a sub.  Its another expression of the power exchange and dominance.  But, too much and it feels as though you are caring for a child instead of a partner.  You have to be careful and maintain a balance.

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/29/2008 11:44:40 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EldroRolod

I like feeling the need and ache in a sub. 


I understand that but it is the ache of a slave and the fire in her belly. 'Tis a wonderous feeling and one that gladens the heart too..

Iron Bear
(Incorrigible, irrepressible and irreverent)
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it.

Omar Khayyam 1048 CE to 1123 CE (Persian Mathematician, Scientist, Astronomer, Philosopher & Poet).


(in reply to EldroRolod)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/29/2008 11:59:52 AM   
NumberSix


Posts: 1378
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

quote:

ORIGINAL: EldroRolod

I like feeling the need and ache in a sub. 


I understand that but it is the ache of a slave and the fire in her belly. 'Tis a wonderous feeling and one that gladens the heart too..

Iron Bear
(Incorrigible, irrepressible and irreverent)
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it.

Omar Khayyam 1048 CE to 1123 CE (Persian Mathematician, Scientist, Astronomer, Philosopher & Poet).




By the one-eyed God!!!!

My heart is happy to see you HERE!!! Me ol' china.

Ron Melby



_____________________________

"Who are you?"
"The new Number Two."
"Who is Number One?"
"You are Number Six.".
"I am not a number — I am a free man!"

Be seeing you...

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/29/2008 12:19:27 PM   
Masterdarkone29


Posts: 23
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline 		Good to hear a great update.. It appears you have found someone you can continue to have success with.. good luck..

(in reply to NumberSix)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: need advise on how not to be so needy - 6/29/2008 1:44:23 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Ahh Ron me old mate, we still have to toss a kilo of fresh prawns on the BBQ and open a carton or two of iced Fosters whilst we watch the naked dancing slave girls.

Iron Bear
(Incorrigible, irrepressible and irreverent)
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it.

Omar Khayyam 1048 CE to 1123 CE (Persian Mathematician, Scientist, Astronomer, Philosopher & Poet).




(in reply to NumberSix)
Profile   Post #: 39
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