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"Deal Breakers" - 6/27/2008 11:22:36 AM

Posts: 70
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline

Do any of you out there, Dom(me) or sub I suppose, have "deal brakers" in your initial communicatons with a potential partner? What I mean is Is there something that a contact says or does that immediately negates the possibility of further contact with you? I have one thing in mind that does that for me ......well, maybe two things. To me, they're legitimate/important, but since they occur fairly often, I'm wondering if I'm being petty. Thanks for your thoughts.

theEarthGoddess

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/27/2008 11:28:59 AM

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

What are yours?

Directly from my profile -- emphasis added on things I'm really adamant about...

Things that don't interest me or I dislike: people with active addictions (unless you share mine to coffee), playing with your wife (GF, submissive or slave), slovenly or unkempt men (or women for that matter), cyber/online/vt stuff other than communication, age play, scat, people without a life outside of their SM or of CM and the internet, emotional games, know-it-alls, foot worship, chastity, diapers, crossdressing, cuckolds, lists of what and how you want me to do things, "Mistress, I can be anything you want me to be," games designed to illicit punishment, and oh so many other things.

I'm not really interested in someone exclusively focused on one activity or body part. I have many interests on many levels; I have balance, I seek balance.

I am only interested in people who live in my area (or close but the distance is relative, I'm learning), are OUT, as in play publically and attend events, meetings and munches (or are willing to). OUT also means that if you're married, your spouse knows what you're doing.

In truth, let me be clear, I'm really not too interested in someone who is married.

< Message edited by Madame4a -- 6/27/2008 11:29:25 AM >

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to EarthGoddess52)

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/27/2008 11:39:18 AM

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

i used to think i had deal-breakers, but the one's that were my biggest three:

married
polyamorous
switch

are all things that can be used to define my Owner; so, i've decided that i don't have deal breakers and take things on a case-by-case basis. Of course, being owned; i don't have to worry about that, hopefully for a very long time.

Edited to Add:

OK, about someone contacting me; if you're a stranger then you'd best treat me with the utmost respect, with absolutely no assumed familiarity.

< Message edited by darchChylde -- 6/27/2008 12:01:45 PM >

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to Madame4a)

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/27/2008 12:26:26 PM

Posts: 70
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline

The two opening lines that really bug me are "Do you have a picture?" and "What is your bra/breast size?" I can't believe people are still doing that!! Hopefully, there is more to a relationship than this!! Hopefully, you have more to bring to the partnership than your genitals. I think CollarMe is a good venue to meet people and initiate contact, but there certainly must be "Real Time" follow up if the relationship is to fluorish. I invite contacts to voice their preferences and opinion, especially in the initial, "getting to know you" stages of a potential relationship.

I agree, Madame4a, that viewers should read the entire profile before contacting someone here and respect the limits, etc. outlined in that profile. While Hard Limits may always remain off limits, as DarkChylde has shown, sometimes even "deal breakers" or "soft Limits" can be overcome as a relationship evolves and Trust deepens.

Thanks for your input

(in reply to EarthGoddess52)

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/27/2008 1:21:40 PM

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: EarthGoddess52

The two opening lines that really bug me are "Do you have a picture?" and "What is your bra/breast size?" I can't believe people are still doing that!! Hopefully, there is more to a relationship than this!!

I wouldn't refer to those as "deal breakers" per say, more as "red flags" that you've been approached by someone who's superficial and not interested in getting to know you as a person. It's been my experience that women who I've not always noticed at first glance have become very attractive to me the longer we talked and the better I got to know them.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to EarthGoddess52)

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/27/2008 1:26:16 PM

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

Small children, prioritize pets as people-poor physical and mental health-intellectually dull.

Drug addict, std positive (incurable), lives in a fantasy world.

That covers the main ones.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to EarthGoddess52)

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/27/2008 1:30:00 PM

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Being male.

Being in sexual relationship with a male.

Instability..........such as abuse of self, drugs, alchohol, others, drama, negativity.

Lying.

.....just a few off the top of my head........

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to EarthGoddess52)

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/27/2008 1:36:03 PM

Posts: 70
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline

Thank you, pixelslave. I guess I should've been more explicit!! I'm not really talking about respecting limits per se as much as I'm talking the etiquette involved in approaching a potential partner, even online, maybe ESPECIALLY online because online, we only have words to go by and not body language, facial expressions, inflections of voice, etc.......which are just more reasons in-person meetings are so necessary after that initial contact.

(in reply to pixelslave)

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/27/2008 1:36:43 PM

Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline

my deal breakers are

being married
being poly
drug/alcohol addictions
not in control of ones life
dishonesty
expecting unrealistic things from me, (ie...i had a dom once who finally fessed up after several months that he wanted me to weigh 100 lbs to meet his fantasy woman weight...definitely not realistic) i look back at that and know now why he's never been married or had a serious relationship that lasted very long and why he never will....sad.

_____________________________

i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

http://wavcentral.com/cgi-bin/log/log.cgi?id=2856&sound=/sounds/movies/godzilla/roar.mp3

He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/27/2008 2:37:10 PM

Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline

No good values
Only after my body
Fake Dom (not comfortable with control, just likes BDSM cuz it's easier to get laid that way)
Long hair (don't know why I just don't like guys with long hair aesthetically)
Abusive
Being married
Poly
Weak
Not stable
Not wise
Immature
Swinger
No confidence
Indecisiveness
Whiner
Quiet and non-talkative
Not Intelligent
Narrow-minded
Not open to new ideas or activities
No spark in life
Too quick to judge (without looking in the mirror)
Rude
Thinks the ends justifies the means
Not energetic, healthy, or active
Does not cuddle
Labels people for the purpose of pointing fingers away from their own faults, instead of getting at the truth
Too Materialistic
Does not respect elders or family
Player
Cheater
No joy or appreciation for normal blessings in life
Thinks of women as lower beings rather than different beings :)

_____________________________

Congrats to both In the end it was win-win. Now let's get to work http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/nov/05/john-mccain-concedes-election http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/11/17/transition.wrap/index.html

(in reply to christine1)

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/27/2008 3:19:42 PM

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

I need to add one more.

Wanders around attacking people in online forums.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to chickpea)

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/27/2008 3:28:11 PM

Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I need to add one more.

Wanders around attacking people in online forums.

How about attacking/labelling other people, not looking in the mirror, playing the victimized Dom, and trying to be cute about it?

_____________________________

Congrats to both In the end it was win-win. Now let's get to work http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/nov/05/john-mccain-concedes-election http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/11/17/transition.wrap/index.html

(in reply to Leatherist)

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/27/2008 3:31:29 PM

Posts: 21
Joined: 6/24/2008
From: NYC
Status: offline

Married people who want a personal Mistress "on the side"
Slaves who immediately start telling me how much they'd love to worship/lick/suck any part of my anatomy (really, when did it become acceptable to offer any sexual service to someone the moment you introduce yourself?)
People who write any generic message asking "how they may serve me". This leads me to believe that they are lacking imagination, probably have not read my profile, and quite probably lazy and will expect me to put forth all the effort in our interactions. Being Domme doesn't mean (to me at least) that I should have to guide someone every step of the way.

I'm leery of anyone who doesn't approach in a way similar to the way you'd approach anyone you wanted to make a good impression on in the real world. If you have a common interest, bring it up. Introduce yourself - give me an idea of your personality (especially if your profile is lacking in any sort of interesting detail), keep the compliments realistic, and that's about the only way that I'm going to spend my time responding.

_____________________________

.:. life isn't about finding yourself. life is about creating yourself .:.

(in reply to Leatherist)

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/27/2008 3:43:09 PM

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chickpea

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I need to add one more.

Wanders around attacking people in online forums.

How about attacking/labelling other people, not looking in the mirror, playing the victimized Dom, and trying to be cute about it?

pot-kettle black?

Looked there of late yourself? You can't blame the rest of the world on the last relationship you had that didn't work.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to chickpea)

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/27/2008 4:03:10 PM

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

In the wonderful words of Amy/CrouchingTigress, when someone asks you your bra size right away, it's a positive, not a negative. You have been "given the gift of the red flag."

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Leatherist)

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/27/2008 4:49:58 PM

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

Her penis is bigger than mine.

Sooooooooooo wonderful to see you EarthGoddess!

Wonderful indeed.

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to EarthGoddess52)

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/27/2008 5:07:18 PM

Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

quote:

ORIGINAL: chickpea

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

I need to add one more.

Wanders around attacking people in online forums.

How about attacking/labelling other people, not looking in the mirror, playing the victimized Dom, and trying to be cute about it?

pot-kettle black?

Looked there of late yourself? You can't blame the rest of the world on the last relationship you had that didn't work.

Hi, thanks for taking my words out of context and twisting them in order to continue living in your fantasy world of cold, evil subs attacking poor victim Doms. waaaaa!

_____________________________

Congrats to both In the end it was win-win. Now let's get to work http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/nov/05/john-mccain-concedes-election http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/11/17/transition.wrap/index.html

(in reply to Leatherist)

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/27/2008 5:31:02 PM

Posts: 446
Joined: 8/3/2005
From: Los Angeles Area
Status: offline

Oh yeah, let's not forget... Victim Dom.

*lol*

_____________________________

Congrats to both In the end it was win-win. Now let's get to work http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/nov/05/john-mccain-concedes-election http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/11/17/transition.wrap/index.html

(in reply to chickpea)

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/27/2008 6:04:59 PM

Posts: 76
Joined: 6/18/2008
From: Virginia Beach, VA
Status: offline

1) Lying to me about anything (omissions count in this category). I'm a big girl and can take honesty. Honestly.

2) Deliberately ignoring my limits or not disclosing one's own limits. "I really hate it when you finger my ass" "You could have told me that before I was in up to the elbow!"

3) Being shitty towards people in the service industry. If one can't treat a waitress, retail clerk, cab driver, etc... with respect, then I know there's no way one would treat me with respect. No one is entitled to be a dick head.

4) Being cruel or neglectful towards pets. No leeway on this one. If you can't feed your cat, brush your dog, or take your child's very ill ferret to the vet, then you certainly aren't qualified to look after me should I need it.

5) Consistantly poor hygeine. I can understand missing a shower because one has had an overly busy day, but this should never happen 3 days in a row. Eeew. Oh, and brush your damn teeth! Wash your damn hands!

_____________________________

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye." Miss Piggy

(in reply to chickpea)

RE: "Deal Breakers" - 6/27/2008 6:22:28 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

being male
poly
married
switch
has kids
invalid
is a drunk
does drugs..including pot
bill collectors calling 24-7
bath tub looks like a dirty grave
will not cuddle me, spank me, flog me, kiss me, thrill me
eats my ice cream or chocolate bars
drinks my diet pepsi
is unfaithful
lying

< Message edited by faerytattoodgirl -- 6/27/2008 6:23:14 PM >

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to VBPiercedGal)

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