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RE: Positive anger during play - 7/3/2008 8:27:30 PM

hardbodysub

Posts: 1654
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sodsta, I think I know exactly what you're talking about. A woman doing something to me that I REALLY don't like, while I'm helplessly bound, is exciting beyond belief. The fact that I really want her to stop, but can't do anything about it, makes the domination seem more real. Because, at least for that moment, it truly is.

The situation also gives rise to conflicting emotions, which might include frustration, anger, denial, fear, humiliation, arousal, and possibly others. For some, acceptance and submission may be the pot of gold at the end. For others, the frustration and anger during the struggle are enough. Simply said, it just makes things hot.

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RE: Positive anger during play - 7/4/2008 2:38:40 AM

MaamJay

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Joined: 9/2/2005
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As a sub i don't go through an anger stage ... my response is to laugh hysterically instead! Can be rather disconcerting to the Dominant ... for me it's the way of channelling my flight or fight response into the situation where i don't want to flee but boy, it does seem rather odd to be voluntarily taking this pain/humiliation or whatever. Laughing lets that conflict out ... and then i progress quite rapidly into endorphin subspace ... mmmmm!

That said, having played at quite a number of parties with others I came to know well, I have seen other subs go through an anger stage. One of the key couples who started the parties ... she used to get really vicious LOL! The things she called her Master made my hair curl! And it was wise of Him to have her restrained. But He understood her and her anger and was of the right nature to just brush it off and continue to work her until she let her rage out and then proceeded on to subspace. So it's by no means unusual, like most things, it's probably best communicated to the Dominant BEFORE playing so they don't get too shocked!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Positive anger during play - 7/4/2008 2:58:40 AM

angelslave77

Posts: 478
Joined: 5/14/2007
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I get aggressive but we enjoy that rough/forced type of play. There have been sessions though where I have experienced anger and it was frightening and not at all a good feeling and it has meant that something was wrong inside me (whether that be issues needing to be discussed or maybe i just not feeling well) or the scene for whatever reason wasnt working. So when that kind of anger occurs we stop, we talk, we cuddle and then we either leave it or we restart the scene over.

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RE: Positive anger during play - 7/4/2008 9:01:33 AM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
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I don't get angry, nor am I one for safewords.

Although, anger in a man turns me on.

I am the type that if two men are angry and confrontational...I want to appease the situation and jump in the middle.

It is like throwing myself into a lions den I know but it is sooo damn hot.

To some, anger scares them, I am only drawn to it.

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RE: Positive anger during play - 7/4/2008 11:17:56 AM

bashfulhuck

Posts: 119
Joined: 5/26/2008
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This past weekend was the first time I've ever experienced something akin to anger when being worked on.
I was being triple teamed by my Owner, and our friends Jake and emma. Jake was whipping me, and Owner and emma were fucking with me something fierce. It sent me right over the edge into fight or flight. I guess they thought I might Hulk out on them. It was a good release for me though, they pushed me far over, but into a good space to be in. They have decided though that binding me is probably a good idea, as the thought of an out of control 300 LB weightlifter slave that has gone too deep into the lizard brain is a scary thing. And I have to agree with them. I would be mortified if they pushed me into fighting back, and I hurt someone.

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RE: Positive anger during play - 7/4/2008 11:25:08 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sodstaWhat I wanted to ask was... do other subs experience this anger during play? Do you enjoy it, or would you safeword if you started getting to that point? I want to know how common it is and if it's just a natural reaction to that sort of painful stimuli?

And to Dom/mes... do you enjoy seeing that in your sub, or not? Would that level of anger/frustration turn you on, or would it make you slow down?

I sometimes get "mean" when I bottom... not angry so much as just... mean. It's a primal tension release for me that comes out sometimes when under a lot of physical stress; it happens in variety of situations where I get my pain hormones going that way (running, pain from injuries or surgery, etc). I'm not angry at the person topping, am not angry at all really. Just aggressive emotionally and physically, though also fully in control. I tend to let my tops know this is a possibility and if it happens I just enjoy it. It's not out of any true negativity in thought or feeling for me, but a wonderful physical reaction to the stimuli that I find pleasurable and relaxing. I tend to be tightly wound, so allowing myself to embrace a bit of that primal "fight" half of "fight or flight" I naturally go through in some scenes is a lovely release and I enjoy indulging in those sensations/reactions in me.

Now, that said, it's not always. In fact, it's not even most of the time. Usually I get into my own head and relax and end up meditating/hypnotic during a scene where I bottom, whether or not it's for pain, because I can choose to put myself into that state and doing so while being caused sensation of some type is a wonderful practice and experience for me. And then there are the giggly times... and sometimes all three together. and other responses. of course. haha.

On the top end, it's soooo situational. Sometimes and to some extents it's great! Wonderfully enjoyable chemistry going on! Delightful response to use, gauge, tweak, play on... Other times it's a warning sign -either for that scene or that person- that the person may be hitting an emotional trigger or being physically pushed too hard... or even just that the scene is going somewhere I don't want it to go that time. I react to it depending on where it seems to be coming from and whom with.

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RE: Positive anger during play - 7/5/2008 3:28:58 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
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**FR**

I am a masochist and get off on pain BIG time. But I find that when I'm being restrained and tortured I can go from 'this hurts but it's hot!' to 'YOU BASTARD WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE I'LL HAVE YOUR TESTICLES FOR EARRINGS!' type fury. It's not the pain, it's the helplessness and total lack of control that I guess triggers the 'fight or flight'. And it's difficult to run when you're chained to a bench lol

It's the biggest turn-on for me that I've EVER had. Use my safeword? No chance!!

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RE: Positive anger during play - 7/5/2008 3:37:13 AM

SpiderInWaiting

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Joined: 10/17/2005
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quote:

It may well be that what you're experiencing as anger is, at least in part, the fight-or-flight adrenaline stress response we experience when exposed to a perceived threat. The threat doesn't have to be real to provoke the ASR, but I think it's fair to say that pain is perceived as a threat by the body. Indeed, this is why restraints were invented and are still used when inflicting assorted torments.

The fact that you are able to process and remember a thought pattern of anger and reflect upon it in a positive light indicates the level of connection you have with your play partner. Some may experience the same stress response in play and link it to unpleasant experiences in the past, and you have either not gone there or had the journey diverted by trust in the situation and/or relationship you have with your play partner(s).

I'm all about enjoying bondage, particularly rope, but it may be a nice 'stretch' for you to do some introspection the next time you experience this anger and simply marvel at the qualities that anger embodies for you - where you feel it in your body, what internal and external dialogue is occurring, what it does to your field of vision and other senses, etc. Pema Chodron reflects on experiencing "holy rage," simply observing and being with the energies involved in anger without doing anything about it...sort of a surrender and look into the abyss moment. If you have someone you trust enough, maybe you can try and experience this without being bound.

--Jaime

I think what SenorJaime said was really right on the money. In the past I have had slaves get angry but it was in a situation that they really enjoyed. Anger usually implies a feeling of helplessness and a loss of control, which in bdsm is of course a like a drug to so many slaves and subs. In the context of bdsm I do think that feeling of anger can be considered positive. The same anger feeling resulting from feeling helpless in the context of a negative unpleasant situation could of course be considered not good or constructive.

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RE: Positive anger during play - 7/5/2008 5:32:24 AM

pettingdragons

Posts: 421
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sodsta
What I wanted to ask was... do other subs experience this anger during play? Do you enjoy it, or would you safeword if you started getting to that point? I want to know how common it is and if it's just a natural reaction to that sort of painful stimuli?

This would all depend on your definition of Anger....the Anger you are displaying this slave has not gone through...but then each person expresses their anger differntly...this slave would not be caught dead

cusin', screaming, and havin an angery fit....nor would Master allow it....ever....
This slave doesnt always go through anger in a scene, its more like if slave needs a "break down" of emotional stress, dealing with slaves negative emotions, death and loss..etc...she will ask Master to help her in a scene so she can work through the anger...its like a one time therapy session. This slave does not have a safe word, she trusts her Master to pay attention to her body and tone and not harm her. (not having a safe word is not recomeneded for new relationships).
Sometimes for some people Masochist or not start out with a "pain" pleasure reaction...where the first couple of stings it hurts

then beings to feel good.....

but then thats just this slaves opinion.....

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