Positive anger during play

Positive anger during play (Full Version)

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sodsta -> Positive anger during play (7/3/2008 8:54:48 AM)
I've found that when I'm engaged in a rather intense scene, with lots of bondage and pain, I tend to run a gamut of different emotions throughout. However, one emotion hits me harder than most when I'm taking lots of pain, and that emotion is anger. Sometimes it's anger directed at the person giving the pain, and sometimes it's just a general frustration at the situation as I try to escape the pain but find I am unable to. But the thing is... it's not at all un-enjoyable. On the contrary, in fact. I find that the anger seems to fuel my desire to take more, and it actually heightens my arousal. The friend I played with last said she actually got off on my anger, and said it was very obvious I was angry, because I was glaring and cursing and muttering angrily under my breath. She said she liked seeing that anger and frustration, knowing that she'd caused it and there was nothing I could do about it. I have a safeword of course, but despite the anger, I've never once used it. Simply because I don't want to. I don't need to. This anger is a big part of what I enjoy most about S&M play. What I wanted to ask was... do other subs experience this anger during play? Do you enjoy it, or would you safeword if you started getting to that point? I want to know how common it is and if it's just a natural reaction to that sort of painful stimuli? And to Dom/mes... do you enjoy seeing that in your sub, or not? Would that level of anger/frustration turn you on, or would it make you slow down? All input is very much appreciated. :)

crouchingtigress -> RE: Positive anger during play (7/3/2008 9:13:57 AM)
as a sub yes i feel it is a safe way to explore deep internal stuff.....anger to me is a veil that hides true emotion...and it is important to me that i pierce that veil, when ever i notice it clouding my essence.... as a dom, i dont subscribe to the never get angry in a scene train of thought, if it is part of the scene, it needs to be there..and i have the ability to call it forth in a way that i still have control over it. certain scenes i have done, could not have reached where they reached with out the anger on both sides...it was an integral component, and i was grateful for the gift.

Mercnbeth -> RE: Positive anger during play (7/3/2008 9:19:27 AM)
quote: What I wanted to ask was... do other subs experience this anger during play? this slave doesn't. this slave is a masochist that doesn't get angry at something she perceives as pleasurable. quote: Do you enjoy it, or would you safeword if you started getting to that point? this slave does not have a "safe" word. quote: I want to know how common it is and if it's just a natural reaction to that sort of painful stimuli? unless you are a masochist, this slave would hazard a guess that either "fight"(anger) or "flight"(run away) would be a natural reaction towards someone inflicting pain on you.

TheGaggingWh0re -> RE: Positive anger during play (7/3/2008 9:21:22 AM)
You mentioning it made me actually realize that yeah, I do get rather angry and frustrated at the fact that there is nothing I can do about that damn brush each time it whacks me and I writhe in pain. I like that, but my favorite part is when I exhaust myself until I completely surrender mentally and physically and break down into tears. It is so intense! Plus, the post-snuggles are even better the harder the experience.

Elegant -> RE: Positive anger during play (7/3/2008 9:47:40 AM)
We often disguise abger and rage in order to cope with everyday life. Disguises attempt to hide our inner rage, but they have a way of creating more rage in our day-to-day lives and in the lives of others. Tthe primal rage that builds up within us needs to come out. We, as humans, have evolved from animals into warriors and that underlying rage should not be a part of our everyday life. We are warriors…not predators.

pompeii -> RE: Positive anger during play (7/3/2008 1:24:03 PM)
I've never seen, heard, or experienced anger in any of my D/s play.

laura2161 -> RE: Positive anger during play (7/3/2008 1:52:52 PM)
I couldn't have said it better myself :-) I also am a masochist so even when it hurts like hell and the pain has me sobbing like a big ole baby, there is no anger; Just pleasurable pain.

SenorJaime -> RE: Positive anger during play (7/3/2008 2:28:54 PM)
It may well be that what you're experiencing as anger is, at least in part, the fight-or-flight adrenaline stress response we experience when exposed to a perceived threat. The threat doesn't have to be real to provoke the ASR, but I think it's fair to say that pain is perceived as a threat by the body. Indeed, this is why restraints were invented and are still used when inflicting assorted torments. The fact that you are able to process and remember a thought pattern of anger and reflect upon it in a positive light indicates the level of connection you have with your play partner. Some may experience the same stress response in play and link it to unpleasant experiences in the past, and you have either not gone there or had the journey diverted by trust in the situation and/or relationship you have with your play partner(s). I'm all about enjoying bondage, particularly rope, but it may be a nice 'stretch' for you to do some introspection the next time you experience this anger and simply marvel at the qualities that anger embodies for you - where you feel it in your body, what internal and external dialogue is occurring, what it does to your field of vision and other senses, etc. Pema Chodron reflects on experiencing "holy rage," simply observing and being with the energies involved in anger without doing anything about it...sort of a surrender and look into the abyss moment. If you have someone you trust enough, maybe you can try and experience this without being bound. --Jaime

silkncarol -> RE: Positive anger during play (7/3/2008 2:31:22 PM)
hummm.....good question. I've cussed and danced...but i don't think it was anger.......more feelings of determination and stubbornness .. the " By God i'm gonna take what you give me!" or simply to push myself farther and farther till i fly.

ELUSIVE1 -> RE: Positive anger during play (7/3/2008 2:37:50 PM)
I am a masochist, so I enjoy the pain...I wait for the for more intensity so that I can reach that head space, the endorphins rush...anger is the last thing I can imagine feeling

ResidentSadist -> RE: Positive anger during play (7/3/2008 3:08:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sodsta ...This anger is a big part of what I enjoy most about S&M play. What I wanted to ask was... do other subs experience this anger during play? Do you enjoy it, or would you safeword if you started getting to that point? I want to know how common it is and if it's just a natural reaction to that sort of painful stimuli? And to Dom/mes... do you enjoy seeing that in your sub, or not? Would that level of anger/frustration turn you on, or would it make you slow down? Yes, I have seen anger in my submissive partners. I like resistance play and anger is often part of it. Yes, I think anger is a natural in this situation and part of the fight or flight reaction. No safewords used in my history of resistance play and anger thought but I never played like that with anyone I didn’t own. Re: “enjoy seeing anger, turn on or slow down” When I am ‘torturing’ someone I am EXTREMELY empathetic (not sympathetic). I feel their sensations, I am connected to them. I am not talking about resistance role play but, I am talking about sincerely hurting them, hurting them so they can show a test of faith, or hurting them for sensory stimulation to heighten passion, or hurting them to arouse orgasm, or occasionally I am hurting them in a punishment and I want to feel I am getting ‘paid’ recompense. I want to see her cry with tears of joy, love and pain… I want to see her reach primal release that leaves her depleted yet fulfilled. I usually am very well connected and in tune with my partner, I know their body language, the triggers and signs but, occasionally I see anger in a non resistance role play situation and I don’t like it because it meant I made a mistake in judgment or reading my partner’s thresholds or my partners emotional state. When my partner is giving me their pain as an emotional connection, as a statement of love, trust and faith, anger is last thing I want to see. Do I slow down, no, I stop! I reconnect and then we start over on a different path. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ On the inverse, I have often done the sacrilegious act of ‘torturing’ someone in my own anger! It is not ‘play’, but it is to establish that emotional connection I speak of. That connection is to pay recompense. I am not talking about losing control and hitting someone out of anger. I am talking about sitting down, holding court and prescribing recompense. During the recompense, I allow my anger, my hurt to come out and I verbalize it, things like “you did this to me and you made me feel like that” etc while I am punishing her. She crys… she hurts… she pays… we are done. The issue is closed forever and both parties are satisfied that payment has been tendered. The emotional “bandaid” has been applied and the wound heals. I wouldn’t want to see her anger as a reaction in this situation either, this is about my anger, my wound is the one getting fixed not hers. If she gets angry about repairing me, she is not a good relationship match for me and it would literally be milestone that marked the beginning of the end of our relationship.

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Positive anger during play (7/3/2008 3:17:31 PM)
Personally, I myself have experienced a wide range of emotions and thoughts during play. My previous partners have as well. It's been somewhat different from relationship to relationship, and depends upon what is going on in life at the time. Anger, crying, Laughter.. sexual stimulation, pleasure... all kinds of things. Then again, we are human. There are a lot of emotional and mental aspects to play and doing doing what we do with one another.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Positive anger during play (7/3/2008 4:19:05 PM)
Anger can be an excellent emotion to have in a scene. I know it's taboo for a lot of people, but I find it can be very awesome- why eliminate one emotional experience out of the rest? http://www.collarchat.com/m_1355389/mpage_2/key_anger/tm.htm#1356103 Giving beatings when the master is extremely angry http://www.collarchat.com/m_953671/mpage_3/key_anger/tm.htm#954677 Anger?? http://www.collarchat.com/m_584154/mpage_1/key_anger/tm.htm#584247 Primal Zone http://www.collarchat.com/m_403611/mpage_1/key_primal/tm.htm#403617 Resistance, force, primal, wrestling, play rape, etc? http://www.collarchat.com/m_336357/mpage_1/key_force%252Cplay/tm.htm#336362 Fighting back http://www.collarchat.com/m_257243/mpage_1/key_force%252Cplay/tm.htm#257283 Fighting back for fun! http://www.collarchat.com/m_157286/mpage_1/key_force%252Cplay/tm.htm#157426 Fighting Back http://www.collarchat.com/m_139472/mpage_1/key_force%252Cplay/tm.htm#139477 A challenging submissive http://www.collarchat.com/m_110661/mpage_1/key_force%252Cplay/tm.htm#110673 Force http://www.collarchat.com/m_76392/mpage_1/key_force%2Cplay/tm.htm The premise of forced play http://www.collarchat.com/m_214517/mpage_1/key_primal/tm.htm#214524 Releasing the beast within http://www.collarchat.com/m_153621/mpage_1/key_primal/tm.htm#153823 Rage

Elegant -> RE: Positive anger during play (7/3/2008 4:20:48 PM)
To those of you that stressed their masochistic side and pointed out that painful (physical) play is lovely : What about 'play' that does not involve physical pain? Humiliation, fear factor play (heights, enclosed spaces, etc), verbal abuse?

kyraofMists -> RE: Positive anger during play (7/3/2008 4:45:52 PM)
There are times that I get angry during play, but more often I get aggressive. I used to confuse the two for awhile. For me it is an excellent emotional release. I really enjoy it, so I have no desire to stop the scene, not that I could stop it, but I definitely don't want to. Knight's Kyra

MagiksSlave -> RE: Positive anger during play (7/3/2008 4:50:31 PM)
I guess it depends on who you are, I am not a person who gets angry easily or likes to be angry (one of the reasons I get walked on a lot is because I simply dont get angry and cant hold a grudge) I am much more apt to feel sad then angry so if I did get angry during a scene I would most likely not enjoy said scene but thats just me like I said we are all different. MS

Sabella -> RE: Positive anger during play (7/3/2008 5:13:56 PM)
Interesting thread! I quite often get angry/aggressive, not every time but on a regular basis. I always took it for pent up stress finally having an outlet and enjoy getting to "vent". As I'm seldom tied during these sessions it's a power trip/battle with myself as well, to stand and take it feeling this incredible rush of energy and yes rage and ride with it smiling. Those sessions end up with me very energized in a positive way.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Positive anger during play (7/3/2008 5:52:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress as a sub yes i feel it is a safe way to explore deep internal stuff.....anger to me is a veil that hides true emotion...and it is important to me that i pierce that veil, when ever i notice it clouding my essence.... I love the way you said this, Amy. I tend to feel any emotions at an exponential level when he's using me or playing with me. Happiness becomes bliss, anger becomes rage, etc. Not always, but sometimes, depending on the intensity of things. I haven't experienced anger as part of the activity in a very long time - a couple of years, I think. When I did, it wasn't directed toward him or because of anything he was doing. It was an internal journey inside myself, tapping into all the rage that was bottled up in there. It would sometimes scare me, the rage that would come out, and I would turn into this snarling beast. He liked me going there, and would often call for the beast to come out. I released a lot of anger that way, and the result was a much calmer spirit. I don't get that kind of anger anymore, because I let it all out. Now I'm exploring other internal avenues... Sometimes he will yell, bark or snap at me during his use of me, and I love it. It's not anger, or even feigned anger he is expressing, although long ago it used to feel like that. It's just his intensity and passion, and it has an immediate and positive effect on me. Yummy stuff. :)

ITGirl68 -> RE: Positive anger during play (7/3/2008 6:48:30 PM)
I have occasionally experienced it, but I hate the feeling! It takes me out of sub space (or prevents me going there), and just makes me want to get dressed and run away to recover enough to leave wherever I am. Oddly enough, I have come close but never used my safeword when I felt this anger... ::shaking head in disbelief:: - Angel

ITGirl68 -> RE: Positive anger during play (7/3/2008 7:29:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SenorJaime * * * [I]t may be a nice 'stretch' for you to do some introspection the next time you experience this anger and simply marvel at the qualities that anger embodies for you - where you feel it in your body, what internal and external dialogue is occurring, what it does to your field of vision and other senses, etc. Pema Chodron reflects on experiencing "holy rage," simply observing and being with the energies involved in anger without doing anything about it...sort of a surrender and look into the abyss moment.... Thank you - what a great idea! I use that observation process for other emotions (in vanilla situations). It changes my experience of the emotion; I wonder if it would also change the anger - or allow one to experience it in sub space? Now: how does one remember to do this when one is angry? Anger tends to deprive me of most rational abilities and much self-control. - Angel

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