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RE: Is Anyone Tired Besides Me????? - 7/5/2008 8:52:16 AM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline

There's nothing wrong with going through phases. You're in a resting phase right now. When you're good and ready, it'll kick back in and spur you on to action. That's why, for example, we have testosterone (men) ... it kicks in and spurs us to action even when we're tired. Then we rest. Until the testy kicks in again. It's a never ending cycle. Yours is the same I'd wager ... just longer in duration. Your horniness will kick in until just the thought of a nice D/s encounter will become erotic again, forcing you to act upon it - and ultimately to enjoy yourself pleasantly.

(in reply to lronitulstahp)

Post #: 21

RE: Is Anyone Tired Besides Me????? - 7/5/2008 9:09:17 AM

pagankinktress

Posts: 80
Joined: 8/12/2007
Status: offline

Nothing worthwhile ever comes easy, or it least won't require a good deal of work to achieve and maintain. Your frustration is totally understandable, but one thing I have learned is it often is at those moments when we want to give up that the wind is about to shift in our favor.

Many of the posters here have also given some excellent advice. Take care of yourself, do things to improve yourself and well being, and use this as an opportunity to hone in on some skills or learn something new to enhance your outlook on the world in general.

I wish you the very best.

quote:

ORIGINAL: HizBabyGirl

I think I must be suffering burnout/burnup. I feel as though I have talked to all sorts of doms but have never met my match.

I have tried the noncommitted thing and find it lacking. I want it all, love and the special sexual connection that d/s offers.

I have to say I am about ready to throw in the towel.

The reason? I finally got together with someone with whom I became friends first instead of sex first and, its a long story, but it appears to be turning out no different than any other thing I have tried.

All I do is end up feeling used and empty.

Anybody that can identify?

Down and just about out.

_____________________________

~ Ivy

My Blog: http://www.bohemianrhapsodize.com/
http://twitter.com/pagankinktress

(in reply to HizBabyGirl)

Post #: 22

RE: Is Anyone Tired Besides Me????? - 7/5/2008 10:27:43 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Unfortunately if all your relationships are with people who are bad for you, then the problem is you. Anyone can have a string of bad luck but if you're getting into the same relationship over and over, just with different names and faces, then you are picking these people for a reason.

We tend to go for what is familiar. If what is familiar to you are people without integrity, expect your future choices to be the same.

Deal with the depression. Deal with your choices. Deal with why you pick these kinds of people. Learn to make healthier choices. Do this with one on one therapy, group therapy or self help groups such as ACOA. But either do the work or keep having the same problems. In life, those are our only choices.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to winterlight)

Post #: 23

RE: Is Anyone Tired Besides Me????? - 7/5/2008 12:14:17 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

A very good Dom friend of mine suggested a few months ago that i would either be collared or burned out by this time....July. Well here i am, playing and making friends...there have been some collaring conversations that didnt really go further for various and sundry reasons. What i do for myself aside from work and taking care of my family is considered fun for me. Even if i were to experience something bad or even horrific related to a D/s relationship or encounter, i would hope id have enough perspective on it to not throw the baby out with the bathwater. i know its sometimes tuff to be "alone" but if you have even one true friend you are in fact, NOT alone. If your community is like mine, its small but active and i have made some friends lately that i clearly see being my friends years down the road....dont settle for less and youll get more than you ever need.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 24

RE: Is Anyone Tired Besides Me????? - 7/5/2008 12:31:01 PM

MrSpectacular

Posts: 1153
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

Op - welcome to the real world - that is how it is - but don't put it on the lack of Doms - take responsibility for your own actions - I believe you get out of life what you put in. There are plenty of subs on these boards who have successful relationships - so it is not the people on here that are the problem .
Your further exacerbate it by feeling sorry for yourself - so you put yourself in a sort of Mobius loop of failure.
Enjoy what you have - enjoy even the interactions you have with un-suitable Doms - live in the moment and don't worry too much about the future - you cannot control it too much.

Mr S

_____________________________

Yes I am Spectacular and they are real!

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 25

RE: Is Anyone Tired Besides Me????? - 7/5/2008 12:55:32 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

My momma used to tell me "when you're -not- looking, and you've given up, that's when the right person will appear." I'm not quite that lassaize-faire about it, but I look with the idea that I am comfortably myself, and don't need someone else to complete me... so I have the luxury of finding people that I like spending time with, without trying to figure out whether they're "the one" or laying the burden of the need to be "completed" or "made whole" on them.. I also look for people who are comfortably themselves.

Perhaps taking a little break and getting comfortable with being complete in yourself and your own skin, and just realizing that you're a great person, whether or not you find "the one" might go a long way towards bringing you closer to just living the journey with joy -- and it might also be just the thing to attract a good match.Try using the time to explore something new that you've never had a chance to before (either vanilla, scene, or both), and perhaps you'll meet someone who shares the new interest who happens to fit, too.

Firestorm

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 7/5/2008 12:57:17 PM >

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to HizBabyGirl)

Post #: 26

RE: Is Anyone Tired Besides Me????? - 7/5/2008 5:55:40 PM

MasterHermes

Posts: 136
Joined: 5/23/2008
Status: offline

BabyGirl,

One afternoon when the time almost going to catch the evening, you will open a window in your bedroom and put your head down to the pillow. A breeze will rush in the room while your eyes does not want to stay open anymore. I am so tired, you will think, but it will get peaceful. Like if you can sleep, just a little nap, and you will feel like everything will be good when you wake up. But you do not want to sleep, you want to stay there in the bed , enjoy the tiredness while breeze is washing your body in that peaceful evening. At that moment there will be no Doms, no subs, no worries. Only a babygirl tucked in the bed.

You will not wake up in a different world, but you will know something is about to change.

Sleep Well
Hermes

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 27

RE: Is Anyone Tired Besides Me????? - 7/5/2008 6:06:56 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

I’m in the middle of a break right now, 57 days so far. I'll be back in the swing of things when I hit 90 days. Take a break and recharge your batteries.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to winterlight)

Post #: 28

RE: Is Anyone Tired Besides Me????? - 7/5/2008 6:15:24 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I often feel this way. I haven't thrown in the towel because I hold onto the end so tightly it has rarely left my hand. It can be discouraging but all relationship's face the same wall. Get comfy in your own space and learn to take care of what needs must be met at a minimal level. And keep your eyes open for things that sometimes fall into your lap.
Avoid feeling used and empty by not allowing yourself to be used and drained.
I protect myself. LOL although I often feel like my cap is too tightly wound.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: HizBabyGirl

I think I must be suffering burnout/burnup. I feel as though I have talked to all sorts of doms but have never met my match.

I have tried the noncommitted thing and find it lacking. I want it all, love and the special sexual connection that d/s offers.

I have to say I am about ready to throw in the towel.

The reason? I finally got together with someone with whom I became friends first instead of sex first and, its a long story, but it appears to be turning out no different than any other thing I have tried.

All I do is end up feeling used and empty.

Anybody that can identify?

Down and just about out.

(in reply to HizBabyGirl)

Post #: 29

RE: Is Anyone Tired Besides Me????? - 7/5/2008 6:30:04 PM

playfulotter

Posts: 2195
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

I can understand how you are feeling totally...i am just out of a 15 month relationship with a man who i thought was finally my soulmate....but life happens in the meantime...i think if you just think of the positive things that can happen in the future that is the way to reach a good ending....we don't live forever but when we live it shouldn't be a sad existence as it only hurts you...took me nine days to finally try and get moving on and hey there are good things i was neglecting being into him too much....i am not sure if this corresponds with your problem but i hope it gets better for you!

rhonda

_____________________________

We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.” ― Benjamin Franklin

"Some people are otters, some people are rocks." ~Sheldon Cooper

(in reply to HizBabyGirl)

Post #: 30

RE: Is Anyone Tired Besides Me????? - 7/5/2008 6:33:32 PM

Ialdabaoth

Posts: 1073
Joined: 5/4/2008
From: Tempe, AZ
Status: offline

Heh. I just ended a relationship after 7 years, because the girl I thought was so good at communicating with me was actually better at hiding how she felt from herself. And yes, I freely admit that that was MY fault for not seeing deeper into the situation.

As it is, though, I just don't see the damn point of committed relationships based on mutual respect and admiration. I either want an abuse-toy or I want to get rid of my libido altogether.

(in reply to playfulotter)

Post #: 31

RE: Is Anyone Tired Besides Me????? - 7/5/2008 6:48:52 PM

playfulotter

Posts: 2195
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Well i can see how you feel being your age and having a relationship that long under your belt and it ending...i don't know how to respond to that! Heck i left a 24 year one that started when i was 17 and ended when i was 41 but he was 13 years older than me and i left the same said relationship knowing not too much..i learned everything i know since the age of 41 about relatioships...so i can't help you but i hope you change your stance on relationships as they are a great thing to be pursued.....

_____________________________

We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.” ― Benjamin Franklin

"Some people are otters, some people are rocks." ~Sheldon Cooper

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

Post #: 32

RE: Is Anyone Tired Besides Me????? - 7/5/2008 7:21:41 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
I’m in the middle of a break right now, 57 days so far.

Dude. You're not taking a break if you still count the number of days.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 33

RE: Is Anyone Tired Besides Me????? - 7/5/2008 7:22:50 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

TELL it, Red!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 34

RE: Is Anyone Tired Besides Me????? - 7/6/2008 4:47:21 AM

L8bloomer

Posts: 480
Joined: 6/1/2008
From: Your imagination
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

... I am comfortably myself, and don't need someone else to complete me...

I don't either...but geez...it's frustrating being alone...what do you do about the sex part of it? I'm not about to go out and boink for the sake of boinking.

_____________________________

Knowledge is power / Ignorance is bliss

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 35

RE: Is Anyone Tired Besides Me????? - 7/6/2008 7:35:46 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: HizBabyGirl

I think I must be suffering burnout/burnup. I feel as though I have talked to all sorts of doms but have never met my match.

I have tried the noncommitted thing and find it lacking. I want it all, love and the special sexual connection that d/s offers.

I have to say I am about ready to throw in the towel.

The reason? I finally got together with someone with whom I became friends first instead of sex first and, its a long story, but it appears to be turning out no different than any other thing I have tried.

All I do is end up feeling used and empty.

Anybody that can identify?

Down and just about out.

Six weeks ago I had surgery but it didn't stop there....the doctors had to be called out to my home....searing problemsd blood pressure.....bad bad ecg results....heart stopping....exhausted to the point of just sleeping...typing even with difficulty here on my computer next to my bed.....then on Midsummer's Day a Master contacted me from here.......and I adore IndigoWolf who has healed me.......
please please never ever give up.....at your lowest darkest moment the One will come. It is a test and some of us, many of us are severely tested in this life..........
XX X

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to HizBabyGirl)

Post #: 36

RE: Is Anyone Tired Besides Me????? - 7/6/2008 8:26:23 AM

SirDominic

Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

I ask myself is it better to stay "safe"? To stop looking but also to stop risking the hurt and the pain.

Taking this path will certainly prevent some kinds of hurt and pain, and it will also prevent you ever finding what you desire, leading to other kinds of pain. If you are consistently getting involved with those who end up hurting you, the problem isn't them, it is the choices you are making in picking them. Don't mean to sound critical when I know how you are feeling right now.

For a start, taking a break is very good advice. More importantly is to sit down and have a long conversation with yourself (even better a very trustworthy friend, if one is available) about why you make the choices you do. Why do they consistently lead to bad relationships? What ways can you change yourself so that you are in a better place to make better choices. Most important of all, take this time off to go inside and define what it is you really want, and what it is you will not tolerate.

Self-awareness is the answer. As someone else pointed out, don't be ashamed to seek professional help if you can't do it alone. I know it doesn't really help, but do know that a good many of us have been where you are, and many of us have found the path away from the negative into the positive.

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to HizBabyGirl)

Post #: 37

RE: Is Anyone Tired Besides Me????? - 7/6/2008 8:31:33 AM

TysGalilah

Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I often feel this way. I haven't thrown in the towel because I hold onto the end so tightly it has rarely left my hand. It can be discouraging but all relationship's face the same wall. Get comfy in your own space and learn to take care of what needs must be met at a minimal level. And keep your eyes open for things that sometimes fall into your lap.
Avoid feeling used and empty by not allowing yourself to be used and drained.
I protect myself. LOL although I often feel like my cap is too tightly wound.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: HizBabyGirl

I think I must be suffering burnout/burnup. I feel as though I have talked to all sorts of doms but have never met my match.

I have tried the noncommitted thing and find it lacking. I want it all, love and the special sexual connection that d/s offers.

I have to say I am about ready to throw in the towel.

The reason? I finally got together with someone with whom I became friends first instead of sex first and, its a long story, but it appears to be turning out no different than any other thing I have tried.

All I do is end up feeling used and empty.

Anybody that can identify?

Down and just about out.

Wonderful post Missokyst
The highlighted part really rang true for me too..

You are not alone in your feelings of tiredness. Living life, learning lifelessons that suck, dealing with people that try to suck the spirit out of us, can get freekin exhausting.

Somedays it feels as tho' I get through one set of challenges only to wake up the next morning to a whole next set of them to deal with .

I do not know how to "not try" though. I will not give up.

Find out what rejuvinates you and make sure that is incorporated into your day, each day. It gives me perspective and also refills my energy banks.

and remember >"hope floats"... smiles

Cyndi

_____________________________

galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 38

RE: Is Anyone Tired Besides Me????? - 7/6/2008 8:46:08 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I have to echo what Madame4a and Merc have already said.

You see, it's this way. None of us are guaranteed our perfect partner. There are no guarantees of happily ever after. No contract with the almighty that says we will have our life mate, especially by any specific age in life.

Personally, I think the only guarantees are dying and paying taxes (in my case......paying and paying and payingggg.........) BUT, it isn't as dismal as it may sound. There is another guarantee I've come to believe in and that is life really is what you make of it. The whole concept of making lemonade out of lemons.

The other day I read a thread on here about loving and being in love. I am 46 years old, been married twice, had several romantic partners otherwise, and yet.......I can honestly say I've only been really "in love" twice. And they are both dead now. So, if you believe in the fairytale of one soul mate, one special life love...... well hell, I should be pretty damned depressed right now. But oh NO!!! My god no. (not to mention some other life difficulties I could let suck me down)

But the reality is, what good does moping about, dwelling on what I don't have do? Not a damned thing. It just sends negative energy out there to bounce back at me. I have to focus on everything wonderful, keep busy living. AND being determined to live with joy. No matter what lousy crap life throws at me I can find a reason to be joyful, a lesson to learn.

Example: You do not have a S.O. right now. Well how awsome that you have all that extra time! You can.......take a couple classes on something you've always wanted to learn more about. Or, take a part-time job to buy yourself something you've always wanted, a trip you've always wanted to take. Or, volunteer for a cause you've always had a passion for. Or, join a gym and focus on better health. Orrrrrrrrrrr, any number of ideas that pertain to you and your life.

One thing I know for certain..........spending hours and hours sitting in front of a computer and very little else..........usually isn't the best route to take. (not saying that fits your personal story, I don't know you, but it does seem to fit many on here that do alot of pissing and moaning about being alone and unwanted)

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 7/6/2008 8:48:28 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to HizBabyGirl)

Post #: 39

RE: Is Anyone Tired Besides Me????? - 7/6/2008 8:47:41 AM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

I think everyone at some time in their lives gets to feeling like this. I visit a chatroom and there are several people both D/s that feel like they will never find someone. It doesn't just pertain to D/s. I know it isn't easy being single especially when we are consumed with finding someone. It is important to be comfortable in who you are and know that while a partner is a wonderful thing that at times we may need to re-direct our energy and just experience life and have fun.

(in reply to TysGalilah)

Post #: 40

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