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Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/13/2008 5:34:49 PM

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Relevant background - I'm self employed and the breadwinner in the family, my husband is a stay-at-home submissive who handles all the domestic responsibilities and also is my personal "everything" - errand boy, shopper, planner, secretary, sex-on-a-whim, you name it - most importantly, he is extremely proactive and I expect this at all times, meaning he's always kind of a step ahead of me making sure I have everything I need....

The other day I was ranting and in a horrible mood because I keep planning a very quick, much needed vacation which consists of getting away for 3 days max, mid-week, and being self employed means that if a client has an issue, I can't turn off the phone and blackberry, I pretty much am on call. I want desperately to 100% get away just for a few days right now, and in my conscience I know I can't if I see a potential crisis coming up that will require me to drop everything. It's slow enough that I have days I know I can disappear, but it's impossible to know which days. Such is life.

Anyway, I was venting to my husband about this when we had to cancel a trip - again - and he pointed out to me, when I was saying, "I just need a vacation, for three days, a REAL vacation where I don't have to worry about anything" -- that he NEVER gets a vacation. Ironically, when we're on 'vacation' he works twice as hard, because on top of his usual attentive self, he's working extra hard to make sure I REALLY relax - so he's hustling all the time, between getting me drinks, offering massages, planning surprises, etc. Of course, he *enjoys* it, but the point is still there - he never gets to "shut it all off" because that means I'm not getting what I need.

It made me wonder if I should give him time off - real time off - where he doesn't have to take care of me or worry about me. He says no, he doesn't need it, but I have to imagine that the mental state of mind of always being "on" can get exhausting.

Or is this just the normal state of mind for some people? Submissives, do you ever feel like you just need to stop serving - even for a bit?

Akasha

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/13/2008 5:37:57 PM

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Maybe send him away to a retreat somewhere for some alone "battery recharging " time in a remote location with some beautiful views....

Damn. Where do I sign up? lol

CD

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(in reply to AAkasha)

RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/13/2008 5:48:12 PM

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Back when I was a single working mom (redundant phrase, I know), and I'd express guilt or misgivings for going away for vacation without my kids, leaving them with dad or grandma, people would tell me that taking a vacation to de-stress and re-charge was healthy for ME and that I could be a better mom for it. I don't see why the same philosophy wouldn't apply to a submissive....by having a break every now and then, they can be an even better server. Plus, it would just be a nice thing to do for him!

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/13/2008 6:11:57 PM

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Greetings Aakasha,
I would like to commend you on your observation first of all and secondly make a suggestion. As an s-type, I find it overwhelming to have all that time to fill up if I'm not serving someone. I just get crazy and don't know what to do. Weekends, vacations are hell for me because of that. I've learned to give myself some structure - go to a retreat, a conference, take a week long class somewhere... something that gives me the structure that I need but lets me focus on me and my needs... via an outside entity.

I hear the Warrior men are popular in your area. They have amazing retreats and they have regular get togethers afterward which might be nice for him for some regular "down" time ... maybe a once a month group.

Good luck,
sunshine

*edited for spelling

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 7/13/2008 6:13:21 PM >

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/13/2008 6:30:15 PM

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I find down-time very important. Granted, I'm not 24/7 - far from it. But I also serve many others than my Sir and work almost full-time, and getting away from it all, either a few hours alone or out with the girls for a drinking night out or a long weekend away with the girls is invaluable to me for my peace of mind. I had an hour at the gym today - without which I would have lost my temper today because of all the demands from the family and my need for just a little 'me' time.

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/13/2008 6:33:37 PM

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Sounds like you both need to go on a cruise. The cruises we've taken have been the only vacations where BOTH of us completely relaxed.

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/13/2008 6:36:27 PM

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Ah, see I use terms differently so I'll substitute "slave" for "submissive" in the OP.

My slave does get time-off.

A few times a year I officially free him and release and when he come home -- he leaves my house during these times -- he gets back on his knees and asks me to take him back.

For him we do this whenever he goes to visit him family of origins because he found that being mine always has him somewhat of a submissive mindset which is NOT healthy for him around them. At first I was offended by his request for this time off but when I thought about it I realized it was best for his mental health which is important to me.

Similarly when we leave he has time-off though he is not freed but he can relax more.

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/13/2008 6:51:41 PM

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I think it would be very beneficial for everyone to take a break from responsibilities for awhile, to not have to worry, pre-plan, and just BE in the moment. It's not about taking a day off from being a slave, simply that rest and recharge to me is part of the process of operating at the height of our potential, no matter what orientation you happen to be.

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/13/2008 6:59:26 PM

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Even us subs need to have a bit of time to ourselves. I like the term used above "battery recharging". "Me" time is something that is few and far between. But like NeedingMore said, an hour at the gym or 1/2 hour at the tanning bed is sometimes all it takes. Just a little downtime without anyone being worse for wear because of "me" time.

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/13/2008 7:09:53 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I think it would be very beneficial for everyone to take a break from responsibilities for awhile, to not have to worry, pre-plan, and just BE in the moment. It's not about taking a day off from being a slave, simply that rest and recharge to me is part of the process of operating at the height of our potential, no matter what orientation you happen to be.

At least with my Fox he gets a lot of privacy in my house... I do not expect him to wait on my hand and foot and if he'd tried I'd probably go insane very quickly. However, being my slave simply creates a different feeling in Fox, something internal, that he needs a break from when dealing with his family.

He'd have to explain really and he isn't on Collarme nor interested in being on here. You all just have to meet him at GLLA 2008 I guess.

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/13/2008 7:22:04 PM

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Tammy oooh tease :) I grok what you mean though, my partner deals with similar issues amidst his own family.

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/13/2008 7:23:46 PM

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I'm a single mom and so am working constantly in day to day stuff just making sure my family has a roof, clothes, food and that the clothes are clean, what's under the roof is neat and the food is.. ok... is at the very least, edible. Tasty would be a bonus some nights.

Anyway, when the kids go to their father's, we head to Canada to stay on his boat. There's lots to do there, most of it involving cleaning, organizing, etc. We got mice in the boat this winter and the amount of cleaning up after them has tripled what we're used to doing each summer.

But work there IS my relaxation. He handles the outside stuff. I handle the inside. We work together and pause for moments throughout the day to toss a line in the water and just see if we can catch dinner. We usually do.

So, while I don't get time off, I sure do feel like it's time off.

juliet

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/13/2008 7:45:43 PM

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Yeah, even on vacation i don't relax because i'm always responsible for entertaining her... the only way i really get to recharge is on a solo bike trip, when i'm not responsible for anything but myself... no itinerary, no plans, just follow the white line...

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/13/2008 8:09:47 PM

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I have come to feel that the "pins and needles" nervousness is normal
I suspect it probably isn't though.

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/13/2008 8:16:32 PM

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Everybody needs down time. Even those committed to servitude. Have you ever thought of the two of you going away & switching places? Perhaps *you* could serve him?

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/13/2008 8:36:20 PM

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Play time is my 'down time'. Between the single mom thing and the singer thing and the teacher thing, and the friend/daughter/sister thing- I have way more than a full time job.

When He plays with me, my mind shuts off, I stop worrying about the middle one's grades, how much laundry needs to be done, how I will pay for more lessons/another instrument, that discipline problem in my third period class, and all the million other things that keep me up at night. I can be only in the now, and focus on the sensation and Him. It is lovely.

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/13/2008 8:39:33 PM

KneelingSilently

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

...he pointed out to me...that he NEVER gets a vacation.

And he should be beat for his insolence! :)

quote:

It made me wonder if I should give him time off - real time off - where he doesn't have to take care of me or worry about me. He says no, he doesn't need it, but I have to imagine that the mental state of mind of always being "on" can get exhausting.

Or is this just the normal state of mind for some people? Submissives, do you ever feel like you just need to stop serving - even for a bit?

Akasha

*shrugs* Does he get time to himself during the day? Hobbies of his own? I guess I just don't know him well enough to say. Owning my own business for the past 3 years has kinda resulted in no vacation time. Maybe the man really is that happy with his daily life and simply has no desire to get away from it.

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/13/2008 9:40:53 PM

eienKuraiTenshi

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     They say that everyone needs down time, to recharge, center and so on, I have to say that I am on the other side, to each his/her own and all that jazz. Sometimes a day for me can seem as if I were released from the bed chains, grabbed tightly by Sir and then spun around like the Tasmanian devil, to spend the rest of the day spinning wildly. Then comes bed time, which involves turning down the bed for us, washing my face, brushing my teeth and once I am finely in bed there is sexual service which is almost always on his agenda. Once that is through like most Dominant men, he is fast asleep in dream land and I am still trying to get comfortable. On a daily basis, I am his secretary, the cook, A+ house keeper (seriously you could eat off our floors, I should know lol), student, and events coordinator. Please don’t misunderstand, I live for this life, I actually feel blessed and I wouldn’t trade it for all the money in the world.
    Yet I have to admit there are times where I am on my way to bed thinking of how nice it would be to have a day off, a whole day with no work and no one needing or wanting anything. Then I remember once, last summer when Sir left for two weeks on business, and I didn’t even make it through the first day… Not to mention by the end of the week, I was exhibiting signs of possible depression. Although I am a very happy almost giddy kind of girl all the time, it was just the slowing down, I mean nothing came to a complete halt, it was just that it all seemed to be moving slower around me and I felt so out of sorts. I know whether in service or not my life has great meaning and wondrous purposes but, when I do not have the chance to serve, it is like living a half life and I do not like that at all, not a bit.
    The thoughts I have regarding Your situation is that he may actually be just fine with things the way they are. Silly as it is, I was watching that “Garfield” movie the other day with Sir’s daughter and there was a man servant type in it. He was the main servant/butler and everything else in a huge palace for royalty. Well, they tried to give him a week off and he wasn’t happy at all, in fact he looked confused almost lol For some of us it is who we are not just something we do…

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/13/2008 10:23:36 PM

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I would imagine that some "soft time" is going to have to get built into the calendar when I move out to DV full time ... or it will if He doesn't want to wake up one morning with an insane slave and burned biscuits.

I live alone, I have a job with a high level of autonomy, I am used to doing things on the spur of the moment, and simply because I have decided I wish to do them. I can't cope with being in the constant company (literally 24/7) of someone for more than a few days without getting edgy and angsty. I like the peace of solitude, one of the things I enjoyed most about being around DV is that I could be around Him and still experience a version of that peace.

We have already seen the need for me to come home to family several times a year. That time will act, I suspect, as my vacation ... I would think that DV was on crack if He took my collar off or released me for those trips home. I am always His slave, no matter where I am or what I am doing at the time. Nothing I wear on my body or say about myself will change that.I will never be a girl that mopes because Sir is at work, or become depressed because He is away on a business trip. Will I miss Him .. well of course (especially if He has left me chained up in the basement and forgot to put any food down for me). 'How we plan to have my life set up will give me time for myself everyday, guided and directed to a greater or lesser extent by Sir. Maybe it will be a couple of hours to go to the movies, or get a manicure, or sending Him out for the evening so I can have a girls night in (can't imagine what would induce Him to leave a house full of girls hmmmm) ... but there will be things throughout that means I am actually living a life.

I don't think it would be a case of time off for me ... or a vacation ... I think for me it would be a desire to have a fun and enriching life outside of my service, and be given opportunity to enjoy and experience that regularly. If all I ever experienced was BDSM and my job .,.. I would go insane

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/14/2008 1:39:58 AM

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I am 24/7 slave however this does not mean that i am ALWAYs doing something for Master. I get me time, alone time, time to focus on my hobbys and my study and the things that make me happy without having to jump up to serve him just as i am about to glue a photo into the layout or just as I am in the middle of a dance routine. I go outside the house to take classes both for my degree and for my hobbys, i go and see friends on my own and have pleanty of time to just switch off. Serving him 24/7 is not what makes me a slave 24/7, what makes me his slave is that he owns me and I know that at any time he can order me to stop doing these things or take away my hobbys and activitys they are all rewards for good behaviour.

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