RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever.

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever.

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/15/2008 5:28:22 AM

MsValentine

Posts: 82
Joined: 6/14/2008
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I can reiterate what some others have said about subs wanting or needing time off. I think the desire or need for that 'space' 'time off' or whatever it maybe termed may be as varied as our all our subs and slaves themselves.

Some subs, whilst being submissive on some ways are not as easily submerged in the role as others. They may see themselves as bedroom subs or only have partial bdsm in their relationship. Other subs, like mine are as obedient, submissive and focused on serving as the most devoted slave, and for him, he cannot just throw off what is his inner self, his core being and not serve me or be submissive to me for a period of time. Doing that would be like taking a holiday from himself.

He is not made tired by his service, but enervated, made whole, kept fulfilled. Anything that keeps him from me and his ability to serve me as he knows he should is painful to him.

Don't get me wrong, p and I lead an outwardly pretty normal life but he is at my service 24/7 whether I demand that service or not and it is less exhausting than any other way of being for him. He thrives on being constantly ready to carry out a task, to be standing by for my next order. He would feel very restless and out of sorts if he were made to take a break from me and his service to me.

Of course, he serves a Mistress who cares for him and makes sure that in his desire to please, he does not overdo it and work himself to a frazzle. If he is tired from work or the DIY we are doing around the house, I ease up on him a little but not so he would obviously notice, just enough that he gets a chance to recharge his batteries.

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/17/2008 12:52:29 PM

weezyfbaby733

Posts: 19
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I find it real helpful to just hit te beach i need of stress, or even just whenever. Even if I don't feel stressed at the time. I come back feeling fully charged and ready to go. This might apply the same to your husband as well. He probably resists it because he's has yet to do it. I'd imagine his perspective of a submissive couldn't ever see himself going on a vacation. Because his job is to keep you happy. He prolly thinks if he's not there, the system fails...which most likely isn't true. You get what I'm sayin?

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/17/2008 5:13:37 PM

earthycouple

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Joined: 2/19/2006
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e01n seldom gets down time. When he does he uses it to it's fullest...he crashes in the rainbow room and sleeps or meditates. That's what recharges his battery to be ready for me again. I try very hard to give him down time as often as daily, though he rarely takes it daily. He seems to want to go till he nearly breaks before he recharges. We've had long conversations about it and it's getting easier.

Just yesterday I got home from work early because I had a migraine. He took that time to lay with me in the rainbow room and we both slept in each other's arms....that's nirvana for us both....being wrapped up together, quiet and just being. Falling asleep next to him is the highlight of my night and waking next to him the hightlight of my morn.

For him, though, he's even working then, as laying next to me while I fall asleep, means he must be atuned to how I need to move and readjust then he has to move accordingly. If my back aches then he rubs it. If my mind is racing he finds ways to calm me. (Sometimes that's a trip to the kitchen for a beverage that will help me relax, a trip to the med counter for a PM, or just talking to me about innane things til I fall asleep.) He can't fall asleep before I do, as I won't sleep then. In the mornings he's the alarm bitch. It goes off, he gets up, hits the snooze and we snuggle for ten minutes. This may happen 4 or 5 times before I really get up. Depending on what I require, he's prepped the night before and knows exactly what time I MUST rise in the a.m. It is his responsibility to ensure I don't fight getting up past the final moment I can lay there without being late for my day. So nirvana for us both, yes...but still work for e01n.

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/17/2008 8:25:40 PM

StrongSpirit

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Joined: 4/10/2005
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In certain ways a submissive can ALWAYS be on vacation.

Yes, they do have duties and work to do, but not real responsibility.

When I take command, I take her responsibility. I make the decisions. I have the worry. She just has to obey.

Lets say we are doing some hot wax play. Perhaps she's tied-up. She just sits back and experiences, I worry about how hot the candles are, is the wick too short, does the tarp cover the bed completely, did some of the wax get in her hair.

Now, not everyone plays this way. But part of being a submissive can be giving up the very things that you need a vacation to get away from.

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/17/2008 9:22:59 PM

petdave

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quote:

ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit
When I take command, I take her responsibility. I make the decisions. I have the worry. She just has to obey.

Aye, but you're looking at M/f world... in F/m world the submissive is expected to be proactively pleasing, decisive, solving problems, on top of everything too trivial for the Domme to be concerned with, etc. etc.... "Just obeying" without thinking is a BIG no-no.

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/17/2008 9:46:23 PM

XaviersXian

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Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Australia
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greetings to all,

My definition of "time off" (or "me" time, or whatever you want to call it) is often something as simple as Master allowing me to browse the forums, read, learn, and reply at my leisure (like I am doing now), allowing me to choose my own hot drink on the days he permits one, or allowing me to nap during the day, while he takes care of the things I usually would. I find that things like these are often all I need to "recharge".

When Master decides that we should take a holiday away, Master is always with me, and this too, is a wonderful way to recharge. Just the two of us, no work or family responsibilities to worry about for that moment in time.

For me, an overnight stay at a local hotel is just like being whisked away to a remote island. I come back to the house (and my regular duties) with a clear head, and a positive frame of mind.

well wishes,

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/18/2008 8:45:40 AM

puppen

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~Quick reply~

I'm thinking that's what "cage time" is for.

A nice little recharge, while still being very aware of your place. Got to love it.

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/18/2008 10:28:38 AM

StaceyTheBitch

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Joined: 7/4/2008
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You said he ...."never gets to shut it all off"....

Some people aren't capable of doing that. He might be one of those types that wouldn't relax if he were on a vacation by himself. He might spend all his time worrying about you or he might spend his time feeling "lost" because he has no one to serve. For some people their life IS their vacation.

Maybe when he said he doesn't get a vacation he wasn't complaining, maybe he was bragging.

I've know guys who feel lost, not relaxed, when they are not with their girlfriends and/or Dommes. From the number of sub guys I see looking for a Domme I would have to say for a lot of guys the bdsm lifestyle is their vacation. It helps them escape from their normal life.

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/18/2008 10:45:46 AM

balletsissypa

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Joined: 12/11/2004
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i agree that for many people, the lifestyle is a break. As a service oriented slavegirl i can attest to that. For many people giving a long massage or a pedicure or facial or brushing someones hair or cleaning, etc. is work. For myself and others who enjoy it it is not really work. What is a hobby after all, other than work that one enjoys doing?
True, it can become overwhelming when daily life intrudes and there aren't enough hours in your day or when you feel ill and just can't do what you need too. The other thing to consider is that maybe the vacation will take them too far out of their sub head space and be difficult for them. i know that i prefer to always be treated as a girl and a slave by a Domme/Dom at all times as switching in and out is hard.
obediently,
lauren
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curtsey

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RE: Submissives never get a day off. Ever. - 7/18/2008 11:56:15 AM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
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[Fast Reply] <--See, i remembered for once.

Ok, Ma'am and i aren't live-in yet and often don't get to see each other for months at a time, She also only occasionally assigns me homework or assignments; so you would think that means i have lots of time off, wouldn't you? Wrong. First, i seldom get to the point where i can truly relax when i'm not around Ma'am. i suffer from insomnia, and about the only time i get a ful night's sleep (four or more hours) is when i am within a few rooms distant from Her.

But more to the point, when i am there; i know that i'm doing all that She will let me to make certain She's doing well and relaxing as much as She will allow Herself. Right here, sitting on my couch a 30 minute + drive away; i know of no such thing. As a matter of fact, all i do know is what She tells me; knowing that She sometimes doesn't tell me everything, knowing that i will worry and grow to feel helpless at my impotence in being able to help Her.

If we lived together, would i enjoy some vacation time off? No, because i don't believe that i could turn my concern for Her happiness and well-being off. Would i sometimes need to get the hell out of the house for a few hours or a night sometimes to decompress? Absolutely, our entire family is pretty much individuals who prefer to be by themselves; but find love, comfort and fun in each others' company. We will, all of us, need our time away.

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