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RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 1/7/2006 11:04:47 AM

Posts: 112
Joined: 9/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Miriah

I have met so many great subs with hopes of getting to know them and the min I say I am a BBW poof they stop responding. Can't even send a messaging saying "Thanks but no thanks I'm not interested."

Almost makes a Domme say to hell with it all and just forget about it and go back to the vanilla lifestyle.

Miriah

I could ask a similar question as to why some Doms dont like BBW, it makes me laugh when i look at some profile and they want sexy, beautiful, thinny etc.......

But i will say, many times i wanted to go back to vanilla life, but like someone said, it doesnt matter which lifestyle you choose, it will be the same thing. So after i had so much disappointment, i said to hell with it, its their lost, not mine.

I do have a Dom who is the most wonderful person that i am lucky to have in my life.

Best of luck to You

ropesubby

(in reply to Miriah)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 1/16/2006 10:31:17 AM

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Speaking strictly for myself, I am wildly attracted to BBW dommes...but not BBW subs.

To put it crudely, I want my Domme to have a little mass behind her, so she can push me around! I want her to sit on my face so that it hurts! :)

However, I've encountered legions of BBW subs out there, very few whom I've found attractive. I want a sub who is small and slender, so that I can physically dominate her!

These BBW subs that I've met have huge self-esteem issues about their weight, and that's a turnoff for me. Give me a BBW Domme who'll eat anything she feels like, dammit! :)

(in reply to ropesubby39)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 1/16/2006 3:55:18 PM

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Many men are so arrogant and so insecure that they accept only a certain vision they create for themselves of a Woman. It is a shame for them for all they are missing from the potential bond that can be formed with another.

For me, i have no pre-conceived notion of the Goddess who will one day own me. i find women to be very attractive, regardless of height, weight, age, profession...you get it right?
What i say is simply, just as those who have no interest in me, my type, look, intelligence, work, anything, those will miss out. That is ok...they want what they want, i am who i am. And those i have interest in, is an interest built on many levels, by many different qualities.
Just me.
mikey

(in reply to Miriah)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 1/16/2006 10:17:43 PM

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there are many men out there that like bbw women, im one and i constantly have guys that tell me they are extremely attracted to that. Just have high self esteem in yourself and that will come through your personality. Which is the ultmate attraction after you get past the looks.

Just dont give up.

(in reply to Miriah)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 1/16/2006 10:49:59 PM

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From: Alberta, Canada
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A response to no-one in particular

People like what they like... some enjoy BBW and some don't that's just the way it is.

I have no problem with those who have their own preference as long as they don't expect everyone to conform to their idea of perfection.

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RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 1/17/2006 6:10:57 AM

MysticalPhoenix

Posts: 212
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Kelloggsville, Vanilla County MI
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quote:

ORIGINAL: quietkitten

A response to no-one in particular

I have no problem with those who have their own preference as long as they don't expect everyone to conform to their idea of perfection.

A great response, quietkitten. It's easy to point fingers at someone who doesn't like what you are and say they are a bad person. Also easy to inflate that to everyone doesn't like what you are and they are all bad people.

I have my preferences. Every one of us has our preferences. Some of those preferences are deal-breakers and some of them aren't.

Men who won't partner with BBW's are seriously limiting themselves in the US, as the nation grows increasingly obese, BBW's (and BHM's) are more plentiful. And within the scene, there is a much larger percentage of BBW's than in the general population (this is particularly noticeable in areas where the average dress size is much smaller than the national average of 14).

It may also be something more psychological than physical-instead of not wanting a BBW because of her size, it may be because of what her size implies. There are certain ingrained stereotypes regarding women who wear large dress sizes (i.e. low self-esteem, emotional issues, lack of self-control, etc.), and although I'm not stating that these stereotypes are a good thing or even a bad thing, they are present, they do exist, and they are going to affect the way people view BBWs. This does not make the people who have been conditioned by these stereotypes bad people-just human.

Phoenix

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(in reply to quietkitten)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 1/17/2006 10:34:48 PM

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Generally I like thin women and breast shape was always more important to me than breast size, a matter of preference as people have said here. One of my long-term relationships was super-skinny even. However, not so long ago a chubby little thing came in under my radar and I was completely charmed.

I guess that means there's hope, but I remember a guy in New York who loved fat girls. He married a mildly plump one and bought her a king-size bed, telling her she had to grow into it.

< Message edited by Petruchio -- 1/17/2006 10:42:55 PM >

(in reply to Miriah)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 1/17/2006 10:48:55 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MysticalPhoenix

... And within the scene, there is a much larger percentage of BBW's than in the general population...

I have observed this too. While I've pondered upon possible reasons for this phenomenon, I've fallen short of forming a conclusion.

Anybody have any ideas out there?

(in reply to MysticalPhoenix)

If you're Beautiful and you know it... - 1/18/2006 12:55:42 AM

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quote:

While I've pondered upon possible reasons for this phenomenon, I've fallen short of forming a conclusion.

Anybody have any ideas out there?

I have an idea: next time you're out at a munch or social with other lifestylers, go up to to the bigger people and ask: Why are you and most of the women here bigger than average? Than if you're still standing and have all your teeth, do the same to the big men in the room.

Seriously though, my own personal reason is that I loooooooove good food, only enjoy sweating during sex or dancing, and haven't been doing enough of either in the last few years.

Self esteem issues? I do relatively well in comparison to a lot of smaller women around me at work/socially. I have insecurities, but who among is dellusional enough not to have some? Health risks? Yes, there may be some, but I've seen enough thin folks die/fall to debilitating illness, that I don't obsess about my current good health. Besides, I'm comfortable with the fact that death is guaranteed to all those still alive, no matter their size. M

< Message edited by BlkTallFullfig -- 1/18/2006 1:05:19 AM >

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RE: If you're Beautiful and you know it... - 1/18/2006 9:16:37 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

While I've pondered upon possible reasons for this phenomenon, I've fallen short of forming a conclusion.

Anybody have any ideas out there?
I have an idea: next time you're out at a munch or social with other lifestylers, go up to to the bigger people and ask: Why are you and most of the women here bigger than average? Than if you're still standing and have all your teeth, do the same to the big men in the room.

Are you suggesting if a fist could travel through the internet, that I'd now be less several teeth?

Whew... thank goodness that my post was a just response to Phoenix's observation! I wonder what my punishment might have been had I been the one who initiated the original observation! ...

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: If you're Beautiful and you know it... - 1/18/2006 10:35:17 PM

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quote:

Are you suggesting if a fist could travel through the internet, that I'd now be less several teeth?

Not at all! I'm not a sadist, except to men's testicles sometimes, but that would require his willingness and consent first.

quote:

Whew... thank goodness that my post was a just response to Phoenix's observation! I wonder what my punishment might have been had I been the one who initiated the original observation! ...

I'm sorry if I scared you.

Phoenix said she observed, she didn't wonder why, like you and that's why I suggested you go find out.

M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to subfever)

RE: If you're Beautiful and you know it... - 1/18/2006 11:00:41 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

I'm sorry if I scared you.

Not scared... just having a little fun...

quote:

Phoenix said she observed, she didn't wonder why, like you and that's why I suggested you go find out.

Your suggestion looked more like a bum steer to me...

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)

RE: If you're Beautiful and you know it... - 1/19/2006 5:24:04 AM

MysticalPhoenix

Posts: 212
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Kelloggsville, Vanilla County MI
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subfever
Whew... thank goodness that my post was a just response to Phoenix's observation! I wonder what my punishment might have been had I been the one who initiated the original observation! ...

And what's wrong with making an observation? I made no conclusions based on what I've observed, nor did I offer any theories as to why this is so.

This particular phenomena was first brought to my attention a number of years ago by a woman in the SCA (herself a BBW), who told me en route to my first event that BBW's are the rule and not the exception in that organization. And then there was the jewelry vendor at Boskone (who sold me the beautiful blue topaz choker I'm wearing in my profile picture) who stated that she designed her jewelry to fit large-sized ladies because in the sci fi con scene BBW's are also the rule and not the exception.

I've also noticed a similar thing in the alternative spirituality community, and the BDSM community-not surprising as there is so much of an overlap that many of the the same people and the same vendors are at Arisia and at the Fetish Flea the following weekend, and I'm going to a spirituality convention next month with some people I know from the local BDSM munch.

And this is why, anyone in any of these overlapping communities, who does not like BBW's, is going to have a much harder time finding a partner.

< Message edited by MysticalPhoenix -- 1/19/2006 5:25:02 AM >

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Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are.

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RE: If you're Beautiful and you know it... - 1/19/2006 4:07:42 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MysticalPhoenix

And what's wrong with making an observation?

Absolutely nothing... especially if you're a Lady...

quote:

I made no conclusions based on what I've observed, nor did I offer any theories as to why this is so.

And you were smart enough to leave it at that, instead of fishing for theories related to a sensitive topic... unlike some dumb malesub here...

quote:

And this is why, anyone in any of these overlapping communities, who does not like BBW's, is going to have a much harder time finding a partner.

"Is not physically attracted to" sounds so much nicer, and is probably far more accurate than "does not like."

(in reply to MysticalPhoenix)

RE: If you're Beautiful and you know it... - 1/19/2006 6:50:03 PM

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From: Ontario, Canada
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To no one in particular...

I've found that Dommes I know personally, who happen to be BBWs, seem to have found subs, if they are looking. I tend to believe the right person for everyone is out there (at least I really hope so

)...the trick still seems to be patience, and being in the right place at the right time.

However, I can understand the frustration and hurt of being rejected solely on the basis of looks. Subs who would do this are arbitrarily cutting themselves off from a great number of wonderful people.

Tasha

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"Sex without love is an empty experience. But as empty experiences go, it's one of the better ones."...Woody Allen

(in reply to subfever)

RE: If you're Beautiful and you know it... - 1/19/2006 7:47:16 PM

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
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quote:

quote:
ORIGINAL: MysticalPhoenix
And what's wrong with making an observation?
Absolutely nothing... especially if you're a Lady...

I replied to you because you were looking for answers, so I gave you some; not answers that are good for your health, but if you're concerned enough, you can take your chances, lol...
If you search the topic, you'll notice I have given the same advice to a lady before, just so you don't think I'm picking on you as a male sub since I haven't seen any reason to be unkind or disrespectful to you. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to subfever)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 1/22/2006 8:08:49 AM

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Joined: 12/17/2005
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I love bbw dommes and have gotten to where I actually prefer a domme bbw. From what dommes I have know and subs I have met, many sub men do actually want and like domme bbws. So dont gve up.

(in reply to Miriah)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 1/22/2006 3:09:17 PM

Posts: 69
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Miriah wrote:

"I have met so many great subs with hopes of getting to know them and the min I say I am a BBW poof they stop responding. Can't even send a messaging saying "Thanks but no thanks I'm not interested." Almost makes a Domme say to hell with it all and just forget about it and go back to the vanilla lifestyle. "

I think response is due to the fact that many of us large people tend to not include how heavy and how tall we are. We also don't include photos. This leads the prospective partner to overimagine how big we are or to think we're hiding something like being extremely ugly.

I also don't like the whole BBW/BHM thing. It always strikes me as something that someone who has something to prove uses.

John wrote:

"The lack of response, assuming the other party has initiated the conversation, is simply bad manners. This is less acceptable than someone following their taste but just another thing we have to live with because there doesn't seem to be much to do about it."

I agree. However I think the problem is that they think if they say "thanks but I'm no longer interested" they'll then have to explain why and they don't want to say that they don't find you attractive because you aren't or your weight is a bit too much for them. It's the old if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all thing.

cltcdrd wrote:

"Some re only interested in what the outside package shows. That is their personal choice. "

I disagree. The problem is caused by not showing the outside package but only showing an abstract number. Being 175lbs at 5'-2" is way different than being 175lbs at 5'-10". If you don't provide the needed information about what you look like you force people to assume the worst possible scenario you have no one to blame but yourself.

(in reply to Miriah)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 1/23/2006 3:53:07 PM

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Hey that is all I serve! They are sexier and come across more dominant and powerfull to me!

(in reply to Miriah)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 3/24/2006 5:48:54 AM

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They DO Ma'am I assure YOU

(in reply to Miriah)

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