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RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 11/20/2005 9:56:09 AM

Posts: 34
Joined: 6/9/2004
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A few thoughts.

Firstly, men are notorious for being cowards when it comes to breaking off relationships. I'd say the "disappearing act" is common even in real life vanilla relationships. I'd say having people disappear when you say you are a BBW (thought how they could miss that from your profile is a mystery) is a symptom.

Secondly, there's a lot of social pressure to conform to norms of beauty and sexual orientation in our society. Being submissive, gay, or liking BBW's, you will be subjected to ridicule of varying degrees.

Thirdly, for me personally, size and physical appearance are not important factors that attract me to a Domme. I do find some women attractive and some unattractive just like anyone else. And some of the ones I find attractive are BBW's. But to me in a D/s relationship, physical attraction falls into the clear "nice to have" category.

Unfortunately, there are just a lot of rude people out there and the internet only makes it easy to be so. My advice would be to not let this get you down and keep searching for the one you seek. Look at it this way, by disappearing those guys did you the favor of saving you from wasting anymore time on them!

(in reply to meatgrinder)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 11/21/2005 6:21:28 AM

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Joined: 7/21/2005
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wow o just had too chime in here as a long time sub whos unowned i have found that many Domme that are bbws are very understanding and out going with the a submale
most ive been with have been bbws only 1 or 2 where thin. as for dealing with a Dom Couple id love that as well i saw one post whos said many subs run after finding this. I honestly think deep in side some male sub want that but are too chicken or sacred too try it

(in reply to chgosubmale)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 11/22/2005 1:25:38 AM

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Joined: 7/2/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Miriah

I have met so many great subs with hopes of getting to know them and the min I say I am a BBW poof they stop responding. Can't even send a messaging saying "Thanks but no thanks I'm not interested."

Almost makes a Domme say to hell with it all and just forget about it and go back to the vanilla lifestyle.

Miriah

-

there are many who will say unkind things but remember also there are those who say different ...please don't go back to vanilla due to some bad experiences ..you are here for a reason and You shall meet the one You seek to find i'm sure of it.

_____________________________

~love a Man in control~

(in reply to Miriah)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 11/22/2005 11:38:17 AM

Posts: 141
Joined: 9/2/2005
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quote:

I have some doubts that abruptly ceasing corresponding qualifies as discourteous and incivil behavior. Calling it socially clumsy is better, imo.
It is an awkward situation, one is having a good discussion with a prospective play partner or more and when you fnally see them one is not in the least attracted physically. How does one back out?
I wonder if there is anyway of not hurting feelings.

Actually, I think this point has merit. I think most people are this way...lacking in social skills, lacking in social know-how and yes, as someone else suggested, lacking in social fortitude (my re-phrase)- seems to me all of that can add up to equal social clumsiness. I am starting to re-think whether people are being really being purposefully rude, discourteous, whatever - or whether people just don't realize their actions are being interpreted as such b/c of their own social short-sightedness or even their own self-centeredness. But I'm really beginning to question whether people are doing these things truly to be rude and to hurt others.

Not that I am not still fascinated that many people don't seem to be able to understand how their actions affect others, but starting to think about it in another way.

(in reply to HenryMiller)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 11/22/2005 3:48:39 PM

Posts: 30
Joined: 1/3/2005
Status: offline

To quote one of the then Princes songs:

"some like um fat
some like um plump
you gotta have a mother for me
now move your big ass round this way
so I can work on that zipper baby."

and to quote what a male friend once said about a skinny girl,
"god I wouldnt have sex with her it would be like having sex with a bear trap."

all the best
simian

(in reply to Miriah)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 11/22/2005 4:54:04 PM

MastersBabieGirl

Posts: 63
Joined: 11/17/2005
From: courtice ontario
Status: offline

i have to say being a bbw the majority of my life i have had some awsome experiences rarely do i get those that dont want to talk to me
ive been really lucky although i had issues in public school
my daughter who is 12 is always flabbergasted that she and i cant go out anywhere without men looking at me and coming up to talk to me
she is a chubby girl who hates her body
i keep telling her she is beautiful however she doesnt agree
but the fact that she sees her large mom getting tons of attention without trying i think is encouraging her
it says there is all kinds of people who have all kinds of likes
and not all of em follow what the media dictates we should prefer

_____________________________

owned and obeying my Master at all times

(in reply to Simian)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 1/3/2006 6:43:23 AM

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Joined: 12/14/2005
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I have met so many great subs with hopes of getting to know them and the min I say I am a BBW poof they stop responding. Can't even send a messaging saying "Thanks but no thanks I'm not interested."

Almost makes a Domme say to hell with it all and just forget about it and go back to the vanilla lifestyle.

-------

Your question makes me wonder about your Dominance. Did you merely become a DOM to get/attract male attention, or is it something inherent in your nature? I view DOMs as people with a fundamental need ingrained into their sexuality and person. They don't have to play roles, they just have to be themselves. It seems to that if you can " just forget about it and go back to the vanilla lifestyle," then you are more just a role player than a DOM. This might be one reason subs are not responding to you, because they can feel such things.

(in reply to Miriah)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 1/3/2006 7:17:31 AM

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

To quote one of the then Princes songs:

"some like um fat
some like um plump
you gotta have a mother for me
now move your big ass round this way
so I can work on that zipper baby."

alright alright, discuss your preferences all you want, but if you are gonna quote Prince, for the sake of the Purple One's fans and all that we hold sacred, get it right:

"...I like 'em fat, I like 'em proud
U got 2 have a mother 4 me"
Now move your big ass 'round this way
So I can work on that zipper, baby
2night U're a star and I'm the Big Dipper..."

--from the song "Gett Off" which Prince delivered exclusively to nightclubs on his 33rd birthday. It was received so well that Prince included it as a last minute addition to the album 'Diamonds and Pearls', released in 1991.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 1/3/2006 7:50:46 AM >

(in reply to Simian)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 1/3/2006 7:00:18 PM

Posts: 248
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Miriah

I have met so many great subs with hopes of getting to know them and the min I say I am a BBW poof they stop responding. Can't even send a messaging saying "Thanks but no thanks I'm not interested."

Almost makes a Domme say to hell with it all and just forget about it and go back to the vanilla lifestyle.

Miriah

They stop responding for the same reason many female subs want taller doms than myself. People have different preferences. Hopefully they will be honest with you if you don't fill their "requirements." Just accept this and don't think it has anything to do with the lifestyle. You have to believe there are some men/subs who will be interested in you as long as you believe in yourself. You may have to weed through many of them to find those you might wish to get to know better but it will happen. Ignore the rude ones and be thankful you didn't waste any of your time with them.

Best of luck in your search.

_____________________________

Know which bridge to build, which one to cross, and which one to burn!

(in reply to Miriah)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 1/4/2006 10:45:50 PM

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Joined: 5/22/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HenryMiller

quote:

If you're up front, you'll attract the kind of people who WILL be attracted to you from the get-go, and save your time talking to assholes who are only looking for a hot chippy.

I don't know if it's right to call someone an asshole soley because they aren't attracted to you. Does a person have a choice in the matter?

This is a good point.

Most men, by nature, cannot control who they are attracted to. He either will become sexually aroused by the visual sight of someone, or he will not. Most men will not pursue a woman if sexual chemistry is not present.

IMHO... berating a man for not being attracted to someone displays a lack of understanding.

I believe the dynamics of attraction may be more complex for most women, which may explain their occasional lack of understanding men's attraction dynamics. If a man berates another man for not being attracted to a certain woman or type, however, it's probably because he is attracted to the woman or type himself.

(in reply to HenryMiller)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 1/5/2006 4:30:32 AM

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Joined: 9/26/2004
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those are wankers with fantasies, a good submissive seeks the dynamic not the body type

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to Miriah)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 1/5/2006 5:09:08 AM

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
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pfft whatever....

you would go out with a drop dead ugly guy?? Yea right...

Damn, looks like im not a good sub

< Message edited by imtempting -- 1/5/2006 5:13:47 AM >

(in reply to MHOO314)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 1/5/2006 5:15:08 AM

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

pfft whatever....

you would go out with a drop dead ugly guy?? Yea right...

Damn, looks like im not a true sub

Nope, just a submissive who puts looks ahead of other characteristics. Not all that different from someone who won't be with a woman who is taller than he.

The upshot is you do limit your choices but that just improves the opportunities for those who look beyond appearance.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to imtempting)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 1/5/2006 9:05:13 AM

MysticalPhoenix

Posts: 212
Joined: 11/30/2005
From: Kelloggsville, Vanilla County MI
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

Nope, just a submissive who puts looks ahead of other characteristics. Not all that different from someone who won't be with a woman who is taller than he.

The upshot is you do limit your choices but that just improves the opportunities for those who look beyond appearance.

One thing I do not understand is what's wrong with considering looks when you are choosing a partner. I know from all the messages I get, that people on collarme are looking at my picture and writing to me because they like what they see (and so does Mr. Happy)-because they tell me so.

In fact, I've never been involved with anyone, either vanilla relationhips or not, that didn't initially choose to approach me because of my looks. Same with pick-up attempts. You don't get 'hey baby'd by a stranger because he's looking beyond appearance. And, you don't get 'hey baby'd if he doesn't like the way you look.

And if, from that pool of interested males, I reject people whose looks I don't find appealing, it may limit my choices, but they are my choices. And I do choose partners who will appeal to my senses as well as my intellect, I also reject people if I don't like their smell or their taste or the way their skin feels, or they aren't noisy during sex. The ones I don't find appealing, other people are welcome to.

Along with the people who write to me and say u and ur instead of you and your. I don't care what they look like, I absolutely hate that.

I've always been a believer in the saying that there is a pot for every lid. Just because some guys won't approach a BBW, doesn't mean that there are not plenty of guys who will because that's what they like. And the same with every other physical aspect of a person. I'm sure there are plenty of guys who wouldn't approach me because they don't like women with large chests, or glasses, or who are mixed race, or pagan, or whatever. But, I know there are those who like exactly those things.

Phoenix

_____________________________

---------------------------------------------------------
Every one sees what you appear to be, few really know what you are.

(in reply to JohnWarren)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 1/5/2006 12:05:00 PM

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Joined: 9/18/2005
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You mean people would do that? I now serve a BBW part time and want to serve someone full time. i am NOT opposed to a Lady of size, she can control a situation better and just, "more to love and admire!" stephi

(in reply to MysticalPhoenix)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 1/5/2006 10:37:44 PM

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Joined: 2/11/2005
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Your said exactly what I think except with more tact.

(in reply to MysticalPhoenix)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 1/6/2006 6:36:43 AM

Posts: 12
Joined: 8/12/2005
Status: offline

Miriah,

The great thing about sub's is that there are alot of them out there. I live in an area where a majority of the dommes (including myself) are BBW's. But they carry themselves in a different manner. They don't care what anybody has to say about them. The majority of the dommes here as well have male sub/slaves as well. It's just a matter of time and patience. This message board is great, but I think the some of the people on the personals that say they are submissive are not. Not really looking for a true domme, just looking to hook up and perhaps have a little kink in their lives. I have been propositioned more times on this website for cyber or phone sex, then to actually make some friends and good connections. I understand your frustration in this aspect. But be patient and things will start snowballing. ;)

_____________________________

" I was never the girl next door "

Bettie Page

~patience is a virtue that I do not have~

(in reply to Miriah)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 1/6/2006 12:07:07 PM

Posts: 69
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

I know nothing of BBW Dommes
but I do like BBW subs and slaves

sometimes it is just a matter of personal preference
all women reguardless of size are beautiful in their own way

maybe those male subs that were looking for a pettite Domme
will find 1 and she might just be the most sadistic woman in the world

(in reply to msevangelina)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 1/7/2006 9:51:42 AM

Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MysticalPhoenix

One thing I do not understand is what's wrong with considering looks when you are choosing a partner. I know from all the messages I get, that people on collarme are looking at my picture and writing to me because they like what they see (and so does Mr. Happy)-because they tell me so.

In fact, I've never been involved with anyone, either vanilla relationhips or not, that didn't initially choose to approach me because of my looks. Same with pick-up attempts. You don't get 'hey baby'd by a stranger because he's looking beyond appearance. And, you don't get 'hey baby'd if he doesn't like the way you look.

And if, from that pool of interested males, I reject people whose looks I don't find appealing, it may limit my choices, but they are my choices. And I do choose partners who will appeal to my senses as well as my intellect, I also reject people if I don't like their smell or their taste or the way their skin feels, or they aren't noisy during sex. The ones I don't find appealing, other people are welcome to.

Along with the people who write to me and say u and ur instead of you and your. I don't care what they look like, I absolutely hate that.

I've always been a believer in the saying that there is a pot for every lid. Just because some guys won't approach a BBW, doesn't mean that there are not plenty of guys who will because that's what they like. And the same with every other physical aspect of a person. I'm sure there are plenty of guys who wouldn't approach me because they don't like women with large chests, or glasses, or who are mixed race, or pagan, or whatever. But, I know there are those who like exactly those things.

Phoenix

Well said.

I admire your honesty and candor.

(in reply to MysticalPhoenix)

RE: Why don't men like BBW Dommes? - 1/7/2006 10:55:28 AM

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

those are wankers with fantasies, a good submissive seeks the dynamic not the body type

I don't agree with this statement. I'm not sure how one chooses to seek a Domme (or sub) equates to how "good" they are. I know personally that I seek the dynamic, but it's got to be within a loving relationship, and you'd better believe that I'm going to be sexually attracted to him or else there isn't going to be a relationship. I definitely need to have the whole package, however, and I need to be able to relate to him on *many* levels, not simply looks, but there has to be an attraction there on the part of both people involved.

I'm sure there are several "good" subs who have passed me by because I am a BBW, and that's fine. Who wants to be with someone who isn't attracted to them if they are seeking a monogamous relationship?

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to MHOO314)

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