finding my 'style' (Full Version)

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nhite -> finding my 'style' (7/17/2008 7:30:14 PM)

ok so style isnt the word but its all i've got to work with for right now :)

so the first question that seems to come up is "what do you want?"   i met someone i would describe as a daddy dom, very protective and nurturing etc.    i responded very strongly to him and figured that was what i wanted in bdsm - someone on the nurturing side.

then i got to experience rope and found its far more interesting than i ever expected and i'd like to go play in suspension and shibari etc.

very recently i played with someone who actually implemented control of more than just the play action.  it was a first for me to have someone do this -- basically he said the only thing i did during our time without his permission was breathe.   it was the most intense time i've EVER ever ever had.  things i knew in my soul i'd never want well... let's just say there must be six feet of ice in florida about now :)

so obviously i'm interested in trying a lot of different things, exploring - i knew that.   but i'm getting worried i don't seem to have a "style"   a   "flavor" if you will of a dom that i want and it seems thats the first thing anyone/everyone asks.   i've learned a lot from these experiences but i dont want to keep having a new partner every time.  i think there's a lot to be gained with someone that knows me well - and i know them.  



batshalom -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/17/2008 7:39:12 PM)

Tell potential partners exactly what you've just posted here.



nhite -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/17/2008 7:41:04 PM)

i guess i'm gettign worried i'll never be any flavor of anything...   :(    i wont be all that interesting



opposingtwilight -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/17/2008 7:42:07 PM)

Or maybe you're like a Sundae with fruit swirls ... LOTS of flavors.



nhite -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/17/2008 7:43:43 PM)

are there doms that might like lots of flavors? 

seems like what i have to offer so far is curiosity and that doesnt seem all that exciting



opposingtwilight -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/17/2008 7:45:32 PM)

Yes there are. I have lots of flavors too. 



StrongSpirit -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/17/2008 8:08:20 PM)

Many people expand their interests as they get more involved in BDSM.

Sometimes hard limits in your first year end up as a list of things to try ten years later.

Don't live in a mental box - try new things.  Explore.  Life is FUN.

Forget about flavor and style if they are limiting you.





GreedyTop -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/17/2008 8:25:32 PM)

*agrees with the above posts*

enjoy your journey, hon.. :)



forestrangergrrl -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/17/2008 8:32:12 PM)

sounds a bit like me... i have many interests and most doms i've met are fine w/ that and often have many interests themselves. just have fun w/ it and enjoy figuring out what you like w/out worrying about 'flavors' or 'styles'...



nhite -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/17/2008 8:33:17 PM)

i guess i'm feeling that "what do you want" is in some ways a dom asking "what do you offer" --- i know i'm curious (too much so) and beyond that its kinda murky what my 'value' as a sub could be

with so many things unknown for me - likes, limits etc -- i take more time than people want to give



DragonLadysFire -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/17/2008 8:39:24 PM)

Taking time is fine, and being curious and willing to try is your "value".
Don't let other peoples limits limit you while you explore.
Stay safe and have fun.



DesFIP -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/17/2008 9:05:07 PM)

Parents come in all kinds of styles; strict, laidback and all stops inbetween.

Where could you compromise? Do you really want that level of control everyday? Want to call and interrupt his and your day everytime you need to go to the bathroom. Really want to have to get permission to join a friend for coffee afterwork?

Or would you prefer someone more laid back on a day to day level, who also enjoys the occasional micromanagement session?

And nothing says a top can't be both a nurturing Daddy type and a rope freak.

Personally I couldn't live like that, but for a night? Ooh, baby, yes please.



batshalom -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/17/2008 9:12:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: nhite

i guess i'm feeling that "what do you want" is in some ways a dom asking "what do you offer" --- i know i'm curious (too much so) and beyond that its kinda murky what my 'value' as a sub could be


What is your value as a person in general?

Besides that, it seems like you might be surprised at how many Doms salivate over a "clean slate." Just as with any relationship, be yourself, be honest with potential partners, and have fun.

quote:

ORIGINAL: nhite
with so many things unknown for me - likes, limits etc -- i take more time than people want to give


This will help you weed out all the people who aren't a good fit for you. The right one will consider you worth the wait. He will help you explore your limits, explore your new-found submission. You don't have to know everything right now - part of the fun is finding out.



SimplyMichael -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/17/2008 9:34:56 PM)

I have always found that relationships are a unique blend of the people involved.



azropedntied -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/17/2008 9:39:15 PM)

how can one answer the what do you want  question until the themselves know what they want and have had the like and  dislike  exchanges .It all comes in time and yes  variety and all the different "flavors " is a great thing . Soak up all the info and experience you can after that the question s seem to answer themselves  . I have yet to see an ice cream  shop sell just one item as there are many people with vast tastes , same applies  here . 



Thadius -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/17/2008 9:56:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: nhite

i guess i'm feeling that "what do you want" is in some ways a dom asking "what do you offer" --- i know i'm curious (too much so) and beyond that its kinda murky what my 'value' as a sub could be

with so many things unknown for me - likes, limits etc -- i take more time than people want to give


It seems that your answer to the "what do you want" question, would be "I want to explore different things because I am very curious".  Many dom types will find that to be a very attractive quality, and see the value in being able to experience your journey along those lines.

Good luck in your travels, don't forget to enjoy the scenery (pun intended).
Thadius



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/17/2008 10:06:22 PM)

Thing is, even if you chose a flavor, it wouldn't make things easier on you.  Trust me. 

Stop worrying about the label or the flavor or the style.  Just be you and enjoy the heck out of it.



DominantXY -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/17/2008 11:08:56 PM)

The more you  meet people in the lifestyle and just talk with them- (friends, tops, Doms, Masters, Daddies, whatever you want to call them) the more comfortable you will be with the realization that you are still just learning about what this lifestyle choice means to you.  It's perfectly OK to not know exactly what you want..  It's perfectly OK to falter when you are asked what you are.  You're answer may very well be "I have no earthly idea, I'm learning as I go." 
I would be surprised if there was a Dominant, submissive or slave on collarme who could (or would even want to) say, "That's it.  I'm done learning about myself.  There is no new kink, perversion, fantasy, or whatever left for me to learn and nothing new that can make my cock hard (or pussy wet)."

So much of the joy of exploring a new relationship for me is learning all about what makes the other person tick.. and when she touches on something that makes my ears perk  up (along with other parts of me) it's like, "Ooh.. I've never gone to that dark, nasty place before.. Now that is working for me!  Give me more of that!"

Above all, don't be embarrassed  to admit that you don't know.  If someone is going to make you feel crappy because of something like that, then they are probably not someone you would want to be involved with anyway.

Just my opinion...



Owner4SexSlave -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/18/2008 1:16:40 AM)

Don't worry about having a set in stone style.   I think too many people make the mistake of trying to form a specific style, that they fall into a BDSM rut.

I'm pretty eclectic when it comes to BDSM and styles.  I've made posts about this in the past.   BDSM can be a bit like art or music.  Different Textures, Colors, Tones, moods and etc..  A wide range of things to explore.

You just need to find a Dom that is diverse and creative.  Somebody who hates falling into a rut.  The beautiful thing about BDSM is that there is no one set way for doing anything.   There is diversity for the taking.  Some people are diverse and others are not.

Simply toss set in stone styles out the window, look for somebody diverse and creative and has a mind.




DarkSteven -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/18/2008 5:24:22 AM)

What's the problem?  You're learning and growing.

If you really want to have a relationship while exploring, you may want to try an HMO model.  You have one Primary Care Dom who oversees you going to specialist Doms.



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