RE: finding my 'style'

RE: finding my 'style' (Full Version)

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nhite -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/18/2008 5:43:52 AM)
i want the primary care dom - but for various reasons it doesn't seem to be happening... mostly doms are too busy :)

chamberqueen -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/18/2008 6:58:03 AM)
Actually, curiosity is highly regarded by most Doms. From time to time mine will have me tell Him if there is any other area I would like to explore. He will allow me to write fantasies and often I receive at least half of what I put in them. Sometimes we don't know whether we will like something until we actually experience it. We may read about it and not have a strong reaction to it, but when we do it in person find that it just strikes a chord in us. This is especially true during the learning phases. We might not get all that we feel we need from one person. If, for instance, your Dom isn't into ropes maybe He would let you volunteer at a play party to be tied up by someone else. In time you will find out more about your wants and needs. Just consider it a learning experience and enjoy.

LadyPact -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/18/2008 7:00:17 AM)
Quite the question. It's not a hard answer. Your style will be defined by you.

RedMagic1 -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/18/2008 7:12:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: nhite i want the primary care dom - but for various reasons it doesn't seem to be happening... mostly doms are too busy :) Um.... you're married. Does "too busy" mean the "primary care" dom won't make himself available in the times you've blocked out outside your primary relationship?

happypervert -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/18/2008 8:23:14 AM)
I don't think it is a matter of style so much as it is eclectic tastes. So I'd say you're best off with someone who also has eclectic tastes instead of a neatly pigeonholed and rigidly defined style.

oneverygoodgirl -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/18/2008 8:46:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven What's the problem? You're learning and growing. If you really want to have a relationship while exploring, you may want to try an HMO model. You have one Primary Care Dom who oversees you going to specialist Doms. Open an HSA or a FSA account and use it to buy your bondage toys and other prescribed implements tax free :)

DiurnalVampire -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/18/2008 8:54:45 AM)
When asked what do you want, your answer should be "I am not sure yet" You are starting out and learning. Some of us have relationships that are very small in scope and where we wanted a certain something and that is what we sought out alone. Angel is like that with me. Fox is the opposite, more like what you described. What he likes and wants changes as he learns. I can go from being a loving nuturing mommy type to tying him down and whipping him. Our dynamic is fluid enough to change with both our whims. DV

Missokyst -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/18/2008 9:18:22 AM)
If you are very lucky you will find someone who isn't locked into a particular style.. and you can both explore together. There are many things I have done which I never thought I would like, and the same has been true for my partners. Sensual, bondage, sadist, ect.. Labels are so limiting! Kyst

nhite -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/18/2008 9:47:23 AM)
too busy means that i've been meeting doms with already-existing poly situations; my being newish means i need a bit more time than one of those already ready subs, and have a few more questions :) their work, family, poly, committments doesn't allow them to add me to their lives quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 quote: ORIGINAL: nhite i want the primary care dom - but for various reasons it doesn't seem to be happening... mostly doms are too busy :) Um.... you're married. Does "too busy" mean the "primary care" dom won't make himself available in the times you've blocked out outside your primary relationship?

nhite -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/18/2008 4:50:42 PM)
so i guess i'm wondering how it gets worked out if the top wants to provide something suitable to the sub's interests/abilities but the sub wants to go somewhere new where they arent likely to know their interest or limits good tops will want to avoid going 'too far' yet neither party really knows where that is for the sub

batshalom -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/18/2008 5:31:36 PM)
That's why you have to be honest upfront, nhite. It saves a lot of drama and hurt feelings.

InsaenPleasures -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/19/2008 7:25:26 AM)
First, I think a sub who has her curiosity intact is a wonderful thing. There is no law that says you cannot try new things. I can tell you from the D side of the tracks, there are as many subs set in their ways as Doms. There is nothing wrong with that btw, but some people do need a more flexible approach. I tend to view each new potential friendship or relationship in this lifestyle as a learning experience and for me thats the best way to go. There is no shame for me if a sub asks to try something new I have never done before, it gives me as a Dom an opportunity to not only learn something new but to do so safely and postively for both of us. Do not get caught up in labels, if someone asks you what your style is just say "flexible".

DesFIP -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/19/2008 12:08:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: nhite so i guess i'm wondering how it gets worked out if the top wants to provide something suitable to the sub's interests/abilities but the sub wants to go somewhere new where they arent likely to know their interest or limits good tops will want to avoid going 'too far' yet neither party really knows where that is for the sub That's what talking is for. Him stopping and asking you how you're doing or asking if you can take a little more for him which is a sexier way of doing the same thing. His watching your body language. And most of all, you don't have to do it all in one night. In fact you shouldn't. You try a little and stop before it's too much and you talk about your feelings about it the next day. You try the same thing a couple more times, maybe a little harder each time, and discuss it afterwards. If you loved it then it goes on your top ten fav list. If you can't get your balance back afterwards and it always leaves you low and depressed, then you table it for later. Because stuff you can't do with a new partner may be something you can handle three years down the line with that person. And it may be something you can't ever handle, which is fine too. You can always turn a no to a yes, but not the other way around.

bipolarber -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/19/2008 12:48:16 PM)
Let's see... When I started off, indulging my desires to be submissive, I was very much a whip target. I loved getting worked over with floggers, cats, single tails... then I moved up into penetration play, and for a while, I shifted more toward my bi side of things. The I shifted back when I met a Domme who was into various vorms of CBT, and bondage... But then along came pony play, and I was working at trying to get the Denver pony scene off the ground. (With little luck) The thing is, as Shakespeare has said, in his lifetime, a man plays many parts. So it is with submissives. You need to relax. What Doms look for in a sub is someone who is willing to try new things and grow to love attention that other people might balk at. Sounds to me like you've already got this "flavor" covered. LOL

leadership527 -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/19/2008 1:09:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: nhite are there doms that might like lots of flavors? seems like what i have to offer so far is curiosity and that doesnt seem all that exciting This is me scratching my head and desparately trying to think of ways that a sub, curious about exploring the lifestyle and all it's rich depths is boring. Hold on a minute... It'll come to me... brow furrows in deep thought

Donaldnola -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/19/2008 8:12:18 PM)
My sub enjoys new things trying this or that, In this lifestyle its good to grow and learn new things as a Dom or a sub.Open mind is a great thing to have and if there is a Dom you could find out there that would take the time with you and grow then that would be a wounderful thing . As it is we go to a club so other Doms or even people that arnt in the this lifestyle but are open minded and want to try we show them diffrent things. Also someone has stated its good to write down somethings for further use. I know my lil sub loves doing things like that

Diphon -> RE: finding my 'style' (7/20/2008 3:43:07 AM)
I think part of your problem might be that you see your desires as being in conflict with each other. For most they aren't. I consider myself to be very nurturing and loving, but at the same time I have a sadistic streak a mile wide. I love to watch my slave grow and flourish, but that doesn't hinder my enjoyment of her suffering for me so beautifully. Very few people are one thing all the time. those who are, are either boring, or very specialized fetishists. For instance if I met a girl who was a rope slut, and that was just all she was about, I would have very little use for her despite my love of Shibari. I would get bored with her, simple as that. Don't be afraid to be a swiss army knife. I personally Can't imagine saying "WOW! this girl is just too curious about all this, she's interested in way to many things." Strong curiosity is an indicator of passion, and in my opinion passion is one of the most desirable traits a submissive can have. It's a long and winding road. Look for a dominant who wants to take the time to travel that road with you and visit all the stops along the way.

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