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Flash Back???? - 8/1/2008 4:04:11 AM

lusciouslips19

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I had something, (I don't know what to call it) happen to me last night. Some type of emotional flash back. It was discombobulating to say the least. I love choking, hair pulling and getting my face slapped. My new Sir knows this. We were kissing and fooling around in his car a little before he dropped me home. I was doing a little bit of begging and he was saying "No, not yet". I kept saying"please" and "I want it," Every time I said that he slapped me. It was happening over and over again. I ended up flashing back to an incident with my father slapping my face over and over. I looked at My Sir and said,"daddy, I don't like that at all ", and I started to cry. He handled it very well and just held me and told me it would be okay and he was sorry he hurt me. he said he would take care of me and I could just cry it out.

I'm OK. A little thrown off by it. He was definitely concerned. I reassured him that I am OK. He was worried. How many others have had relived trauma due to something that was being done to you and how did you handle it?

_____________________________

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Post #: 1

RE: Flash Back???? - 8/1/2008 4:15:37 AM

ownedgirlie

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He swatted me with a shoe once, not so hard, right on the ass, and I recoiled and cried out like he had just beaten me silly. In my mind I had flashed back to a long forgotten memory at having been beaten with a shoe as a youngster.

He immediately told me to kneel at his feet, took my face firmly in his hands and said "What's going on?" I told him what happened, still a little shaken, and he reminded me that I was in HIS hands, not my parents, and to get in place. Having me look him squarely in the eyes like that centered me. It took but a moment and he moved us on from it.

I also had bad experiences with being belted a lot as a youngster. He knew this and took his time working me up to his belt as a result. We talked about it and did visualization exercises for about a month before he ever used it on me, and when he first did, he used it erotically on me first and had me befriend it before ever striking me with it. But that was a "work up to" rather than a flashback.

I've had other flashbacks, most of which I can't even remember now. But whenever I respond to something out of the norm, he senses my distress and centers me/refocuses me like he did after the shoe.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 2

RE: Flash Back???? - 8/1/2008 4:24:20 AM

lusciouslips19

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Thanks girlie for your response. I'm still a little unsettled and emotional about it. Maybe because it felt punative. the slapping had never felt punative before this with anyone. Just part of kinky play. perhaps this was not his intention. His control is way more real than I have ever experienced before and so is his passion and love for me, so things are definately more intense when they occur.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 3

RE: Flash Back???? - 8/1/2008 4:34:26 AM

Prinsexx

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Many times and not just during a scene.
Last night i woke up really believing i was still living with my mother. She was an alcoholic and abusive.
I came downstairs in my house actuially looking for her until i realised i was a full grown woman. She wasn't here. Then i hit a solid wall of abandonment.
Master is away working. It's abandonment always that grabs me and i get triggered back to...even if it's not abandonment in the here and now.
Funny thing is that it was only after my mothe rpassed away that i felt free....free of the pain.
translated into the here and now it's the same metaphore....free of His pain means i am abandoned.
How do i del with it?
This time i told Indigowolf by phone...He laughs softly and tells me my needs are kool. My needs are kool.....
usually i also pray, meditate, trust, ask for Higher Guidance. wait, hope,....all is well always as it always passes.
It just means it will take more bonds to make me feel safe.....

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 8/1/2008 4:35:12 AM >

_____________________________

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Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
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To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

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Post #: 4

RE: Flash Back???? - 8/1/2008 4:37:10 AM

ownedgirlie

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For what it's worth, when he slaps my face for the hell of it, or for fun, it's the hottest thing I can imagine (well, close to it). When he does it punitively, it leaves me feeling very unsettled, with a really heavy pit in my stomach. I understand what you are talking about. Just remember it is him doing it and not anyone in your past, and it is not his intention to hurt you. I had to remind myself of that, especially with the belt. That he is not my former abuser and he is in control of himself, whereas the parental units were not.

It doesn't take away that pit, but it keeps me from sinking from it.

_____________________________

Good is the enemy of great.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 5

RE: Flash Back???? - 8/1/2008 7:19:14 AM

SimplyMichael

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Its called an "emotional landmine"...and we all have them. Some incident in our past that has intense emotions associated with it. Suddenly instead of the emotions and feelings of being with your loving partner, you are transported back to some bad time and those emotions come flooding into you.

Sometimes it can be so intense a person goes non verbal and just "locks up" unable to handle the flood of emotions.

The best book on this and in fact the only one I know that discusses this issue is "consensual Sadomasochism" by Dr. Charles Moser.

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 8/1/2008 7:22:07 AM >

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 6

RE: Flash Back???? - 8/1/2008 8:24:19 AM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Its called an "emotional landmine"...and we all have them. Some incident in our past that has intense emotions associated with it. Suddenly instead of the emotions and feelings of being with your loving partner, you are transported back to some bad time and those emotions come flooding into you.

Sometimes it can be so intense a person goes non verbal and just "locks up" unable to handle the flood of emotions.

The best book on this and in fact the only one I know that discusses this issue is "consensual Sadomasochism" by Dr. Charles Moser.

Thank you Michael. This is very informative. I will check into this.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 7

RE: Flash Back???? - 8/1/2008 8:35:59 AM

Viridana

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I've once had an experience similar (but yet not) to this, although the reaction wasn't connected to anything in my past. I was being mummified with saranwrap and I got mental imagery flashes of me dying. I started to sweat like crazy, the heart almost thumped itself out of my chest and for some unknown reason I started screaming. It was just full blown panic. I don't know what started this panic attack but I was soooo sure that I was gonna die if I didn't get out of there right this instant. I safeworded of course, and my partner was really quick in cutting me out of all that wrap but those seconds that took to cut me out felt to me like minutes, it was like everything was happening in slow motion and that I somehow was lost in infinity.

I've never been claustrophobic nor have I ever had any reservasions about mummification or plastic wrap for that matter. I guess it was just something happening in my brain that under these circumstances went wrong.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 8

RE: Flash Back???? - 8/1/2008 8:41:05 AM

faerytattoodgirl

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when i was younger i used to have alot of premonitions...as its called now... where i would dream something..and then in real life it would actually happen exactly as the dream. it was probably happening due to all the surgeries i had as a child and the meds i was taking.

sometimes it would not happen in real life for months or even a year. sometimes it would happen the next day.

hasnt happened since i was about 25ish...no idea why not as it was quite frequent.

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(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 9

RE: Flash Back???? - 8/1/2008 8:43:46 AM

IvyMorgan

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From: Midlands, UK
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I was tied up in a club once, and went all floaty and nice, and then it sort of snapped out of that and into a flashback. I was tied in the same position I had been in previously whilst being raped.

I untied myself (I'd been left alone) and curled up in a corner following all the normal "what to do in a flash back" procedures.

The guy who'd tied me up found me in the corner a while later.

(in reply to Viridana)

Post #: 10

RE: Flash Back???? - 8/1/2008 8:47:06 AM

DelightnDevotion

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Joined: 7/14/2008
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It happens to me, too. I was sexually abused by my father for eight years as a child and it's almost impossible to not do something once and awhile with my Dom that doesn't trigger a flashback. As SimplyMichael said, they are like landmines--you don't know where they are and when they'll go off until you step on one.

My Dom and I have handled it by talking a lot about my childhood, what I think might trigger me, and just generally keeping the lines of communication open about this issue.
I think the most important thing you can do for both yourself and your Sir is to find some resources--books or internet sites--on flashbacks and childhood trauma. Perhaps something that shook your Sir last night was not knowing what was happening--for a Master/Dom to see the sub/slave he cares for distressed, feel they had a hand in causing that distress and not know how to help can be very distressing to them. Educate yourselves so that if it happens again you both feel like you are armed with knowledge, which is very powerful. It's much easier to deal with something when you know what it is, yes?

Then set up a plan together for how you will deal with another flashback, if it occurs. You might want to develop a flashback safeword--a word you can say that can tell him you're having a flashback so he knows immediately to stop and help you get grounded in reality.

Getting grounded in reality is the single most important thing you can do to combat a flashback. I don't think people who don't have flashbacks can truly understand just how much they put you "back in the moment"--they have all of the sights, sounds, sensations of as if you were really in that moment. The real world slips away and the emotions FLOOD in. The best thing he can do, in my humble opinion, is help you to back to reality and know that you are no longer subject to that abuse, but that you are in his safe, loving hands now.

I wear a bracelet, at all times, that is quite rough in texture. Although I got it on a Disney cruise and it is quite beautiful, it has a design that has some pointy edges that can bite. I wear it for the specific reason to re-ground myself when I have a flashback on my own--if I wrap my left hand around that bracelet it bites into my hand and my wrist--just enough of a sensation to bring me back to earth and help me get grounded. It's my tool--a technique that works for me when I'm on my own. You can develop the same kind of tactile process for yourself---tactile responses work best. Having your Dom take your face in his hands and force you to make eye contact, like Ownedgirlie said, is a good technique.

As a therapist and a trauma survivor I offer my assistance in any way I can. Please let me know if there is any other way I can help.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 11

RE: Flash Back???? - 8/1/2008 9:11:56 AM

Prinsexx

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i like to dress for such things...i know for example that i associate most emotional pits with being a school girl.
getting closer to my 'inner child' by dressing like her gives me a semblance of control.
Actualy i've learned to welcome the minefields because i know when there's an emotional exp[losion and i get blown to bits then it always, absolutely always resolves something.
doesn't take away the real emotional pain though. and it does meean having to 'not blame' as my flashback might be the other person's flashforward...............
it is possible for me (and for anyone i think) to learn to pull themselves out of the trauma even though it's damn hard. i think there's a critical observer, part of each one of us, that, unless we are on substances, or on a psychotic break, there's a crtical observer that knows we are curled up in a heap. There's a critical observer that knows the trigger happened.
i'm prepared to say that i get somewhat stuck around the age of 14 emotionally......

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 8/1/2008 9:12:59 AM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to DelightnDevotion)

Post #: 12

RE: Flash Back???? - 8/1/2008 9:32:28 AM

Lockit

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I would like to mention something I believe helps with any truama and life wounds. I found that most people would have a flashback or memory and would focus on it, trying to work it out and yet what they mostly did was stay trapped in it. Paying attention to what is happening in the moment and coming back to the moment are great! If you have someone there to help you, even better. Your mind will keep trying to go back to the main picture or feeling and you must resist that to stay in the moment. This is partly why I don't like people who have been wounded or abused to play with people they don't know well. I feel that if a flashback comes at them, someone may need to understand and guide them through lovingly.

There is nothing wrong and a whole lot right about re-visiting something truamatic, but everything wrong in focusing too much on it. It will keep you trapped and in victim mode. Overcome the memory and you are no longer victim to it. You can continue to work on the wound from a place that is not coming from or feeling like a victim. That can be empowering!

I would like to add, that you don't have to tell a partner every little detail of what truamatized you, but especially a play partner, needs to know there is some history there. But please... remember it is history and this is now and you can get through those moments of memory reminding yourself that you are safe and no longer in the situation where you were hurt and as an adult, you can and will handle it all better. Sometimes when you remember something from long ago... I have seen where people get stuck at that age emotionally. When the memory comes back one will often be emotionally that age. If you can remind yourself of the present and all you have come through to get where you are... you should be okay. Don't worry that this stuff will continue and that it will get worse. You can survive it... you already did and you will continue to!

I wish you all well... they are no fun... but think of them as opportunities to grow, heal and move on!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

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Post #: 13

RE: Flash Back???? - 8/1/2008 9:34:12 AM

angelikaJ

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(((gentle hugs)))

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 14

RE: Flash Back???? - 8/1/2008 11:59:44 AM

dawntreader

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

...How many others have had relived trauma due to something that was being done to you and how did you handle it?

Luscious,
Sorry to hear of your distress. face-slapping is actually a hard-limit of mine for reasons back in my childhood. Not even sure it is an area i would want to work on accepting in a relationship because for me it holds no eroticism and i have no desire to chose someone who finds it so.

i actually did not realize how prevelant face-slapping is until i went to my first CAPEX meeting here in Charlotte and a Master and slave were presenting a topic on age/discipline play and it involved faceslapping and soap in the mouth...both triggers for me of not so fond childhood experiences.

But like any good rubbernecker, i was glued to my seat and watched the train wreck even after being warned about the intensity. To me, there did not seem to be much "play" involved as both partners tranformed into their daddy/daughter roles. While the Dom appeared visiibly angry with the fabricated infraction, it paled in comparison to the slave's distress. She was hysterically sobbing and struggling as she was face-slapped over and over again even after the huge bar of soap was jammed into her mouth.

Personally , i wished i had never witnessed this demonstration and i was shaken to my core after it was over, as the majority in the audience seemed to be as well. Many other subs and slaves were crying and many of the men appeared uncomfortable...

Another presenter took over so that the Master could provide the obviously required aftercare needed for the slave but most of the eyes in the room kept returning to the 2 huddled bodies in the corner. The only other impression of that incident i would share, is that i saw a slave, very bubbly and engaging in the prior presentation, become reduced to a quiet, withdrawn child and even at the play party later that night - she was very clingy and anti-social.

...for me, it revealed a hard limit. There is no reason i need to be reduced to such a state in an adult relationship and while i am working hard at being non-judgemental about this activity, i truly cannot see its appeal. Infact, i feel unsettled in this mere recollection~

Anyway, just felt like sharing that...

peace of reflection luscious,

j

< Message edited by dawntreader -- 8/1/2008 12:01:38 PM >

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 15

RE: Flash Back???? - 8/1/2008 12:25:38 PM

lusciouslips19

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Dawn,

Although I appreciate your feelings on the matter, i dont share your feelings. Up until now, face slapping has always been erotic to me, not traumatizing. I still plan on engaging in the future. Although I would never be screamed at or have soap shoved down my throat. the difference here was that it was tied to what appeared to be a punitive type action. My Sir and I have spoken about it and the trigger, so in the future he knows how to use it and how not to use it. It has actually brought us closer together and has been cathartic for me.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 16

RE: Flash Back???? - 8/1/2008 12:42:34 PM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Thanks girlie for your response. I'm still a little unsettled and emotional about it. Maybe because it felt punative. the slapping had never felt punative before this with anyone. Just part of kinky play. perhaps this was not his intention. His control is way more real than I have ever experienced before and so is his passion and love for me, so things are definately more intense when they occur.

hey there!

you know, i wonder if the clue is in these words.

as kids we have no control over what happens to us - its why beating a child is abusive.

with Mr.Wonderfullywonderfulfinallyandatlast (smile), you say that his control is real, you are with a D who is in control and in there comes that vulnerability to the control he has over you - like with your parents, only concensual now, the flashback came through because you were that child again, vulnerable to the control being exerted over you. realising that his control is never going to be abusive and that what you will go through with him will create levels of catharsis for you too is great. part of it all is recognising what it is, i think you have anyway.

and yes i have had a couple of freaky flash backs too.

hugsxxx

< Message edited by lally3 -- 8/1/2008 12:44:05 PM >

_____________________________

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Post #: 17

RE: Flash Back???? - 8/1/2008 12:51:18 PM

everhope

Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Viridana

I've once had an experience similar (but yet not) to this, although the reaction wasn't connected to anything in my past. I was being mummified with saranwrap and I got mental imagery flashes of me dying. I started to sweat like crazy, the heart almost thumped itself out of my chest and for some unknown reason I started screaming. It was just full blown panic. I don't know what started this panic attack but I was soooo sure that I was gonna die if I didn't get out of there right this instant. I safeworded of course, and my partner was really quick in cutting me out of all that wrap but those seconds that took to cut me out felt to me like minutes, it was like everything was happening in slow motion and that I somehow was lost in infinity.

I've never been claustrophobic nor have I ever had any reservasions about mummification or plastic wrap for that matter. I guess it was just something happening in my brain that under these circumstances went wrong.

or it triggered a past life experience.

_____________________________

may we all find our bliss

Resident VWB

We all die.
The goal isn't to live forever.
The goal is to create something that will.

(in reply to Viridana)

Post #: 18

RE: Flash Back???? - 8/1/2008 1:07:04 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: everhope

quote:

ORIGINAL: Viridana

I've once had an experience similar (but yet not) to this, although the reaction wasn't connected to anything in my past. I was being mummified with saranwrap and I got mental imagery flashes of me dying. I started to sweat like crazy, the heart almost thumped itself out of my chest and for some unknown reason I started screaming. It was just full blown panic. I don't know what started this panic attack but I was soooo sure that I was gonna die if I didn't get out of there right this instant. I safeworded of course, and my partner was really quick in cutting me out of all that wrap but those seconds that took to cut me out felt to me like minutes, it was like everything was happening in slow motion and that I somehow was lost in infinity.

I've never been claustrophobic nor have I ever had any reservasions about mummification or plastic wrap for that matter. I guess it was just something happening in my brain that under these circumstances went wrong.

or it triggered a past life experience.

The same thing entered my mind too.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to everhope)

Post #: 19

RE: Flash Back???? - 8/1/2008 1:14:12 PM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

... Although I would never be screamed at or have soap shoved down my throat.

And no doubt it was this that made the demonstration so traumatic for me...
As well as the end result~

quote:

It has actually brought us closer together and has been cathartic for me.

Then there is a happy ending to this - for which i am glad

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 20

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