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"Mistress, may I approach you?" - 8/3/2008 10:09:57 AM

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I've gotten about 20 messages with some close variant of these 5 words.

Skipping over the fact that I personally find this sort of email or message particularly irritating, especially when it comes from someone thousands of miles away who actually hasn't viewed my profile.

It seems like this introduction means something more to the person using it. Is there some significance to this opening line that I am not seeing because I'm annoyed? Is this the verbal equivalent to "Live long and prosper" when said with the hand raised and the fingers splayed- an indication of something that means something to the person using it?

RE: "Mistress, may I approach you?" - 8/3/2008 10:14:16 AM

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I think its more a role-play protocol that some think is proper. For me, I tend to think that whomever starts an email with that is already working on a fantasy I am not going to be interested in. We already know they have no intention to literally approach especially form that far away. Some, though, think it is being polite and probably dont understand why it rubs you the wrong way.

DV

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(in reply to msprudence)

RE: "Mistress, may I approach you?" - 8/3/2008 10:15:01 AM

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Perhaps it is just people being polite? It could happen..:)

EmilyPostDom

(in reply to msprudence)

RE: "Mistress, may I approach you?" - 8/3/2008 10:25:55 AM

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This irritates me because it seems extraneous. When someone does this, they already *have* approached, so why are they asking if they can do something they already have done? Unless they are doing it for something else- and I'm missing that part...

Which is why I'm asking about it here.

< Message edited by msprudence -- 8/3/2008 10:26:57 AM >

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RE: "Mistress, may I approach you?" - 8/3/2008 10:29:22 AM

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I don't understand?. of course they have already approached you. Perhaps you need to add how you wish to be approached in your profile? That would at least weed out the ones who don't read

Jeff

(in reply to msprudence)

RE: "Mistress, may I approach you?" - 8/3/2008 10:31:13 AM

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that kind of initial contact annoys me too...

BUT

look at it this way: if they didn't initiate contact SOMEHOW, how else could they be sure to get your attention, among the umpteen gazillion other profiles? personally, although I don't care for that particular style, either (I prefer something like "Hi, my name is, how ya doin'?"), I understand that many view it as proper protocol,and therefore the most respectful and polite way to jump up and down waving their arms to get you to notice them :)

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RE: "Mistress, may I approach you?" - 8/3/2008 10:35:33 AM

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It used to bug me, but now I tend to view it as someone peeking into my doorway, and asking if I am busy, rather than just barging in and demanding I give them immediate attention... much like when my family walks into my room as I am on the computer in mid type!!!
grrrrrrrrrr.. I really need to move my desk so that it faces the door.
kyst

(in reply to GreedyTop)

RE: "Mistress, may I approach you?" - 8/3/2008 10:36:13 AM

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"With what?" - a simple two word response. All it takes is a little sense of humour.

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(in reply to msprudence)

RE: "Mistress, may I approach you?" - 8/3/2008 10:39:52 AM

MysticFireTopaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: msprudence

This irritates me because it seems extraneous. When someone does this, they already *have* approached, so why are they asking if they can do something they already have done? Unless they are doing it for something else- and I'm missing that part...

Which is why I'm asking about it here.

I find it rather annoying, too. There is a local sub who has me on his Favorites list. Every few months, he sends a message "Mistress, May I approach you?" I tell him yes, he is welcome to write to me. Then I don't hear from him for a few months, when he sends the same message again.

In my profile, I instruct interested subs to send a Letter of Introduction and even guidelines as to what that should contain. Why they feel a need to ask if they can approach is beyond me--I already told them how to contact me if they wish to be considered. Asking if they can approach seems extraneous to me as well.

Lady Topaz

(in reply to msprudence)

RE: "Mistress, may I approach you?" - 8/3/2008 10:53:03 AM

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msprudence, i agree with jeffwith4fs. I personally think, in a venue like this, it is helpful to have something that sorts out those who have taken the time to read your profile from those who have not. So I would seriously consider adding something about what you expect in a first letter, ect, so that you can tell. If you are feeling you don't want to be a hard nose about it, then don't be a hard nose. If someone writes you a nice, literate letter that says, 'I know you don't like to be asked 'may i approach', but i feel so uncomfortable not....' you can always write them back - they, after all, clearly read your profile, and they are giving you the perfect oppertunity to ask this question to just the right person!
I have written people who have things in the middle of their profile like 'include the word antidisestablishmentarianisme near the begining of your email so i will know you read my profile.'
My Bio-sister recently decided to give a go at Domming, and asked for help with her profile. One of the things we wrote in it was 'don't call me Mistress until I grant you that privilage.' She called me three days latter and said, 'I don't think some of these guys actually read my profile...' uh-huh.. you think?
But, MysticFireTopaz, I do have to offer you an alternative possible cause, because I had a very simmular penpal. There is a 'known bug' on Collarme - known as in collarme says they know, and are working on it, though they clearly don't like it being talked about, they removed a thread that someone else started on the subject. Some people's collarme mail does not go out, even though they can recieve mail. This is true of myself, my master, and one of my sub sisters. Also, someone on CM who started a thread on the topic in 'offtopic', but, as i said, the thread was removed. Try writing people that you know on collarme for whom you have another email contact and see if they get it. When I finally began to suspect the problem, I wrote people in our local group on collarme, then wrote them to ask if they recieved it.

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RE: "Mistress, may I approach you?" - 8/3/2008 11:06:00 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: msprudence
This irritates me because it seems extraneous. When someone does this, they already *have* approached, so why are they asking if they can do something they already have done?

That would be like me saying: "Master, may I ask you a question?" Ummmm.......I just did

. What if He says "no?" Then I've already done what He didn't want done. Just seems a bit silly TO US.

If I would like to have a serious or lengthy discussion or ask permission for something else, it is expected to say "Master, can we speak about .....?" or something to that effect. But simply asking if I can ask? Timewasting and nonsense TO US..................luci

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RE: "Mistress, may I approach you?" - 8/3/2008 11:07:53 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

It used to bug me, but now I tend to view it as someone peeking into my doorway, and asking if I am busy, rather than just barging in and demanding I give them immediate attention... much like when my family walks into my room as I am on the computer in mid type!!!
grrrrrrrrrr.. I really need to move my desk so that it faces the door.
kyst

Same here. I used to get my panties in a bunch (rough on the days you're going 'commando') and get all peeved that they hadn't read my profile first and were sending me this pesky note... but I met the sweetest young lady this way, and that's all it was for her... an "If you're not busy, could I ask a question?" which turned into some really interesting philosophical discourse. Corresponding with her is a pleasure, even though she's on the other side of the world and it may be years before we ever get to meet.

I've decided that I've met a lot more cool people since I stopped getting my back up every time someone didn't say howdy in a way that I liked... it's just an email message. I can hit delete or block at any point in the conversation... so what's the harm in giving it a chance? The worst I lose is a couple of minutes if the person is a wanker... at best, I could end up with someone really cool on the other side of the words.

CFB

Calla Firestorm

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RE: "Mistress, may I approach you?" - 8/3/2008 12:13:40 PM

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I don't mind it and, in fact, sometimes like it... depends on my mood.

What annoys me is those that write some type of introduction asking if they can talk with me about something, I say yes, then they write back some version of "so, what would you like to talk about?" with no conversation starters of their own. I don't respond to that second mail.

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RE: "Mistress, may I approach you?" - 8/3/2008 12:48:13 PM

MistressSybella

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I like it. And I'll tell you why.

If someone were to approach royalty, old world ettiquete requires that they would have to enter the room and kneel once they got within a certain distance. Then, they would wait to be noticed, for however long it took. (I say "old world" because I don't know what Queen Elizabeth II requires but this would have been appropriate for Queen Elizabeth I.)

A queen (or put whatever title you want here) would tell them when and if they can rise and approach. If she doesn't want to hear what they have to say, she doesn't have to respond. Or she can elect to have the "commoner" sent away.

So picture it as if the subject has entered the doorway to your throne room and is waiting for permission to come closer and talk to you. Since we're online, and feasibly we can't see someone kneeling from afar, the question is written.

If someone writes that to you, they have put themselves figuratively beneath you. Some may feel it is inappropriately offered but I like to have fun with it. A little role playing is a lot of fun, especially since you have been given a very clear idea of where their headspace is. ;)

My typical reply is, "Yes, you may. What is on your mind, pet?" From there, I usually get some sort of introduction, and most often, it is a very good (and polite) one. And, I have found that those that approach that way usually are experienced, where they were owned 24/7 for some years.

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RE: "Mistress, may I approach you?" - 8/3/2008 1:19:07 PM

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Hello to the OP:

I want to address the part where you say they haven't viewed your profile. They may have. You don't have to hit "view full profile" to do so.... Names pop up when we log on, plus a search can be done on someone and not view the whole profile.

I often get emails from people who have not "viewed" my profile... But they mention something from my journal or my profile words so I know they have in fact seen it.

As for "May I approach"? Well, that is proper protocol in some circles. I do at times say something like that.. or I"ll write "leaves a little note for Sir"... or whatever just as a courtesy to let the Dom/Master know that I understand that I may not even be hitting his radar and realize it is his choice to read what I've written. It may be silly to some, but in my head it is a polite thing to do. And let me say, the few times I've done it, I've been pleasantly surprised with positive responses - even the gruff ones that say "girl, get off your knees. I'm not your Dom."

Best,
sunshine

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RE: "Mistress, may I approach you?" - 8/3/2008 2:35:41 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: msprudence

I've gotten about 20 messages with some close variant of these 5 words.

Skipping over the fact that I personally find this sort of email or message particularly irritating, especially when it comes from someone thousands of miles away who actually hasn't viewed my profile.

It seems like this introduction means something more to the person using it. Is there some significance to this opening line that I am not seeing because I'm annoyed? Is this the verbal equivalent to "Live long and prosper" when said with the hand raised and the fingers splayed- an indication of something that means something to the person using it?

I'd would interpret this type of an approach from a person who is possibly unsure if their advances will be accepted or rejected. Thus, when they ask if they may continue a dialogue, they are playing it safe by asking that question. rather risk offending you by a more direct method, they test the waters to gauge how receptive you'll be in corresponding back. Just look at it as another form of politeness from that person.

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(in reply to msprudence)

RE: "Mistress, may I approach you?" - 8/3/2008 3:28:06 PM

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Indeed, I doubt if anyone who approached a dominant in this manner is really trying to be annoying. It just seems to me to be a very cautious (perhaps even overly-cautious) approach. Unfortunately, it does not really allow the receiver to get any type of initial read on the sender's personality. It also seems to be a pretty good way to risk being accused of playing some sort of email-tag game... Which apparently has in fact happened to others who've posted here.

I say spend little time sending a prospective dominant some indication of who you are, what you're about, and why you are reaching out to him or her. Getting to the point is good. Groveling and beating-around-the-bush before a perfect stranger is perhaps often not so...

If I'm wrong then I have to blame the OP, because she didn't start this discussion sooner, and thus left me no choice but to come to my own conclusion on the matter...

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RE: "Mistress, may I approach you?" - 8/3/2008 6:20:20 PM

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They've been too long in the chatrooms and are trying to follow the rules. What they are really saying is "Mistress, may i pm you?"

note: even i don't really know if i'm being sarcastic or serious here

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RE: "Mistress, may I approach you?" - 8/3/2008 7:44:09 PM

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Maybe sarcastically serious? lol

So darch.....may approach you? *grins*

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Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to darchChylde)

RE: "Mistress, may I approach you?" - 8/3/2008 8:14:09 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild

Maybe sarcastically serious? lol

So darch.....may approach you? *grins*

Silly bear, you don't approach me... you approach Her http://www.collarme.com/bdsm/v/437308/rzcj/52068/details.htm

Seriously... i think that this "Mistress, may i approach you?" stuff really is chattiquette gone wrong.

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to beargonewild)

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