RE: Working with a Doms busy schedule?

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RE: Working with a Doms busy schedule? - 8/4/2008 6:30:42 PM

Aileen1968

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I think that if he really is just busy with work and isn't using it as an excuse to avoid you then eventually you two will find a way to adjust your lives and schedules to meet more often. If you're in no rush, then what harm would it be to keep the relationship pleasant and see where it leads to. That's probably the only way to find out. Time will tell. Pun intended.
Or...he could be lying to you and dump you tomorrow.

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RE: Working with a Doms busy schedule? - 8/4/2008 7:48:25 PM

MzMia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Quivver

The best thing any of us can do is find `our` success`.
With that said, my suggestion to you is to work on yours.
Not only will you not notice his busy schedule but the times you are able to connect will be more preccious.
What could be better then that??

I love your response Quivver.
Many of us are very busy with work, school, family, personal obligations,
avocations, pursuing life dreams, etc.

I prefer a man that is busy, especially if he is working hard to make his dreams
come true.

If someone wants you bad enough, even if they are working 20 hours out of 24, and
you both are committed to the relationship, you will find a way to work things out.
If you DO become involved and he has already told you he has a very busy schedule
and life, don't expect to change him and be prepared to have to accept the time that he
can give you.
You will really have serious problems down the road, if you feel you can change him, when at least he was honest enough to tell you what his situation IS at this time.
Many people "say" they can deal with things, but then they start whining and complaining
when they really have to deal and live with the choices they made.
I respect him for being honest.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 8/4/2008 8:07:53 PM >

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RE: Working with a Doms busy schedule? - 8/5/2008 12:12:05 AM

SirWAX

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If he is not "the one" and you can still be ace friends, why not just keep looking while in this relationship (being totally open to him that you are doing so of course).

He doesn't want it to end, and I would gather that because of your rapport, that you don't want it to either. So don't as long as you know in your Heart what is True.

If you go you two will still be friends, you are a very pretty and you enjoy good films/filmmakers (always very telling of a higher intelligence). You will have no trouble finding someone who will fill your needs better if you feel they are not being met.

What do you think he would feel about 'sharing' you?

I agree with MzMia above there if you do choose to stay in it, I would also say that begging would probably do wonders for having him give you treats and clearing some time on his schedule (also because you don't sound like the clingy type which is always great) Either way, enjoy your life, it is what you make it.

Sincerely,
SirWaxaLot

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RE: Working with a Doms busy schedule? - 8/5/2008 1:11:37 AM

Knight0Errant

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Ok. Here is my two cents.

Several responders to this thread seemed to make some pretty big assumptions that were not overtly part of your post. I read nothing in your post that indicated that you are looking to this wonderful fellow to be your soulmate/lifemate/husband, yet several responders seemed (to me) to be assuming that was your intent. These kind of assumptions and such about 'the one' sometimes make me cringe. Those responders' advice was pretty much the same advice that is given to anyone who is being 'put on the shelf' in a normal vanilla romance. And this situation doesn't appear to be that kind of situation, so it seems to me, that advice doesn't necessarily apply.

If you wish a D/s relationship with this man, then does he have time to offer you enough of a relationship, day-to-day and week-to-week, for it to worthwhile and satisfying for you? That is the core question.

If not, then you and he are at a crossroads. You can break off the D/S relationship entirely and you can look for another who can better meet your needs. Of you could do the somewhat more unconventional thing and agree to see each other as much as his schedule and priorities permit while you seek out and see other Doms/Masters. If you chose the path less taken, it should be with 'ace friend's' understanding and support. Even if you subsequently find a more permanent D/s relationship.

I believe I qualify as a 'busy Master'. My wife, kids, and my work consume a lot of my time. They are my top priorities. I also have others that I see and play with. That being the case, the others have to understand where they fit into my order of priorities. Not being at the top of that list does NOT mean that those who I see or play with are 'not important' to me. They ARE important. But on such lists there cannot be a 'tie' for the top position. Or any position on that list.

I served as a long distance mentor and Dom/Master to a wonderful young woman. Due to distance and the other factors that I noted above, my time with/for her was very limited. We were friends mostly, but with an aspect of dominance, guidance, and instruction that she wanted and needed in her life. She understood, always, where she fit into my priorities, and she was content with that even though she wanted more for herself. We both understood that this situation was not ideal for her, but it served her well while she looked for someone she could develop a more fulfilling relationship with. Now, to my joy, she has found that fellow and I am friend to them both. The limited relationship we had was wonderful and a precious thing that I would not have wanted to miss out on.

If you think it will help you, please feel free to write me if you have any questions about that situation and how it worked for us.

P.S. I agree wholeheartedly with CrazyC. You are articulate, wise, smart, and heartbreakingly lovely. Good luck to you!

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RE: Working with a Doms busy schedule? - 8/5/2008 5:13:36 PM

ElanSubdued

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Knight0Errant,

quote:

If you wish a D/s relationship with this man, then does he have time to offer you enough of a relationship, day-to-day and week-to-week, for it to worthwhile and satisfying for you? That is the core question. If not, then you and he are at a crossroads. You can break off the D/S relationship entirely and you can look for another who can better meet your needs. Or you could do the somewhat more unconventional thing and agree to see each other as much as his schedule and priorities permit while you seek out and see other Doms/Masters. If you chose the path less taken, it should be with 'ace friend's' understanding and support. Even if you subsequently find a more permanent D/s relationship.

I think you've pretty much hit the nail on the head here. Assuming that an offer of friendship, BDSM interaction, or some kind of romantic relationship is on the table, each person must decide if the situation suits their needs.

quote:

I believe I qualify as a 'busy Master'. My wife, kids, and my work consume a lot of my time. They are my top priorities. I also have others that I see and play with. That being the case, the others have to understand where they fit into my order of priorities. Not being at the top of that list does NOT mean that those who I see or play with are 'not important' to me. They ARE important. But on such lists there cannot be a 'tie' for the top position. Or any position on that list.

What you've written here is exactly why I don't get involved with those who are in open marriages and/or in other, open, romantic relationships. It isn't that the person can't devote meaningful time to me. Rather, it's that I don't wish to be second-fiddle to another relationship or, as you stated, not even on the list of priorities at all. Likewise, I don't want the complexities that come with managing multiple, romantic relationships. Now in the case of someone offering training and guidance, or a situation where mutual learning and sharing is going on, this is a little different. I don't have the same desires and expectations for someone who is (essentially) a teacher. And yes, it's quite possible to have friendships with teachers. Also, while single and for reasons I won't go into here, from time-to-time I've engaged in play with someone that I am not in a relationship with. Of course, Raveonette must decide for herself the scenarios that have value to her and that will work for her.

Elan.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 8/5/2008 5:37:15 PM >

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RE: Working with a Doms busy schedule? - 8/5/2008 6:19:33 PM

masterofdrkness2

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Some times life just happens and you have to do what you have to do , meaning you have to get the bills paid, you have to keep food on the table ect. so my only advice is to sit down and talk with him explain just what you wrote in your post , together you will come up with an answer. If the M/D is what you believe he is , you will get the answers you deserve .

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RE: Working with a Doms busy schedule? - 8/6/2008 1:36:15 AM

Knight0Errant

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Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued

Knight0Errant,

quote:

quote:

I believe I qualify as a 'busy Master'. My wife, kids, and my work consume a lot of my time. They are my top priorities. I also have others that I see and play with. That being the case, the others have to understand where they fit into my order of priorities. Not being at the top of that list does NOT mean that those who I see or play with are 'not important' to me. They ARE important. But on such lists there cannot be a 'tie' for the top position. Or any position on that list.

What you've written here is exactly why I don't get involved with those who are in open marriages and/or in other, open, romantic relationships. It isn't that the person can't devote meaningful time to me. Rather, it's that I don't wish to be second-fiddle to another relationship or, as you stated, not even on the list of priorities at all. Likewise, I don't want the complexities that come with managing multiple, romantic relationships. Now in the case of someone offering training and guidance, or a situation where mutual learning and sharing is going on, this is a little different. I don't have the same desires and expectations for someone who is (essentially) a teacher. And yes, it's quite possible to have friendships with teachers. Also, while single and for reasons I won't go into here, from time-to-time I've engaged in play with someone that I am not in a relationship with. Of course, Raveonette must decide for herself the scenarios that have value to her and that will work for her.

Elan.

I understand what you are saying. I just disagree. It seems to me that anyone who insists that they must have all (or the lions share) of the cake or they do not want any at all, has chosen to live a very lonely life.

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RE: Working with a Doms busy schedule? - 8/6/2008 2:54:51 AM

Owner4SexSlave

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I had problems once with one job I was working, that required a lot of over time hours and crazy hours. Needless to say, it was very frustrating for her, because it took me away from home.   Basically, I was not there to run the show and deal with everything going on. Being the decision maker person and person to give permission and approve of things.   This was a very difficult patch to go through.

It requires the sub/slave to become a little more independent functioning, because Masters presence is not around as much as desired, needed or wanted. LOL...

OK, take a deep breath. People have busy schedules at times. Keep yourself occupied with other things to fill your time.

Actually, you are not sounding like a needy idiot. LOL... actually, I tend to laugh my ass off about this one.   I've known a number of Strong Independent Submissives that have to fight with the sense of feeling and being NEEDY. Those thoughts and feelings are perfectly normal, natural and expected.    You know, you've really got it bad when you starting thinking to yourself.. "God I've turned into nothing but a walking needy clit"... hahahah...

On the brighter side, you will snap back from this state or phase. It's a strange sort of growing pain.   You will find a balance, if you are committed to him.

He might be more concerning about being able to meet your need of wanting to be with him all the time. Hence why he said he's not certain if he can keep pursuing a D/s relationship with you.   Actually ONE TIP of Advice!   Think of this as being "A Relationship" in general.   Trying not to expect high levels of D/s power exchange. Just chill out and relax.   If you push for too much and it feels like a demand that distracts with work (that thing that pays the bills, mortage) or whatever long term goals he has... well, you get the idea.

Good luck....

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RE: Working with a Doms busy schedule? - 8/6/2008 12:45:02 PM

ElanSubdued

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Knight0Errant,

quote:

I understand what you are saying. I just disagree. It seems to me that anyone who insists that they must have all (or the lions share) of the cake or they do not want any at all, has chosen to live a very lonely life.

Respectfully, not at all. Like many people, I simply don't wish to share my romantic partner and romantic time with those other than my partner. Monogamy is a perfectly valid choice. When non-sexual play is involved, I've sometimes allowed for flexibility, but even still I'm rather conservative about this. None of this makes me lonely. It just means I know what I want and I'm very open and clear about this to potential partners. For those looking for the same thing, this is a benefit, not a curse. :-)

Elan.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 8/6/2008 12:47:40 PM >

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RE: Working with a Doms busy schedule? - 8/6/2008 12:49:19 PM

raveonette

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Thanks again for all the helpful replies, and hopefully they also helped out other people in a similar situation. As much as it hurts I've decided to just completely back off from him.

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RE: Working with a Doms busy schedule? - 8/6/2008 1:18:20 PM

apiercedkitty

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The Dom that i play with is a very busy person as am i. On average, we find about 1 time a week to get together. That works for us at this time. If you can both make the most of the time together and it's pretty casual anyway, why sweat the small stuff?

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RE: Working with a Doms busy schedule? - 8/6/2008 6:26:39 PM

SocialPerversion

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If he was really interested he would make time by getting rid of less important things in his life. Of the many tasks he has to deal with during the day he has placed you at the bottom... Your answer is in the actions.

~~conquer4love~~

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RE: Working with a Doms busy schedule? - 8/7/2008 8:45:14 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: raveonette

Thanks again for all the helpful replies, and hopefully they also helped out other people in a similar situation. As much as it hurts I've decided to just completely back off from him.

I do not think you need to back off from him..stay friends,buddies etc..but do not put yourself on a shelf..believe me that shelf get very lonely and confining..Having someone else for a Dominant does not mean that you must cut this one fully out of your life,unless he cannot handle you in a D/s relationship with another...Tempting

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RE: Working with a Doms busy schedule? - 8/7/2008 10:42:29 PM

RedMagic1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: raveonette

Thanks again for all the helpful replies, and hopefully they also helped out other people in a similar situation. As much as it hurts I've decided to just completely back off from him.

If you haven't told him how you feel, do. Otherwise you'll be what-iffin forever. Telling him a ton of times without getting a response is desperate, yes. Never telling him even once? Dopey.

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