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RE: Why is it important a submiisive be reliable? - 8/4/2008 9:57:46 PM   
E2Sweet


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I can't help but wonder how anyone in a relationship (bdsm or otherwise) would insist on being chronically  unreliable and yet expect that relationship to endure. That makes no sense to me. It clearly demonstrates that the person in question places little or no value on that relationship. Why (as a dominant) expend the energy leading them when they don't bother to even show up to follow? I'd even go so far as to say it's insulting.

When someone settles down and gets all comfy in their "lazy sub" costume, they probably should take a moment to think about this: Any dominant with a shred of common sense knows that there are submissive types out there who are searching for a dominant partner, and are not at all unreliable. I believe I know at least one...

< Message edited by E2Sweet -- 8/4/2008 9:59:35 PM >


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RE: Why is it important a submiisive be reliable? - 8/4/2008 10:02:39 PM   
AllietheKitten


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When I fancied myself a sub I know that I stood up Doms because I wasn't interested but didn't know how to say it. Or I got scared. Now I know its because I didn't fit as a sub...I always assumed it was something about them.


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RE: Why is it important a submiisive be reliable? - 8/4/2008 10:04:50 PM   
LadyPact


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Have you possibly thought about the fact that it is directly related to your obedience?  

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RE: Why is it important a submiisive be reliable? - 8/4/2008 10:49:08 PM   
Leatherist


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Becuase breaking promises and being a flake gets you dumped.

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RE: Why is it important a submiisive be reliable? - 8/4/2008 10:58:25 PM   
christine1


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gaaah...nevermind.

< Message edited by christine1 -- 8/4/2008 11:00:54 PM >


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RE: Why is it important a submiisive be reliable? - 8/4/2008 11:27:07 PM   
Sunnyfey


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the way i see it is...if my sub cant be reliable for me or have time for me and is always late? Well then...looks like I dont have time for someone who isnt dedicated to me

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RE: Why is it important a submiisive be reliable? - 8/4/2008 11:47:35 PM   
E2Sweet


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quote:

ORIGINAL: christine1

gaaah...nevermind.


...Easy...


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RE: Why is it important a submiisive be reliable? - 8/4/2008 11:48:33 PM   
BKSir


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*sigh*
I have to say, that really is the ONLY thing that irks me about my pet.  He has NO sense of time.  Sure, things come up, they can be excused.  Not much one can do if one gets right behind a 6 car pile-up during rush hour.  Although, he does know next time, he damned well BETTER call.  He is doing better about it, or at least getting ahold of me if he's to be late, after I explained to him that, if he's more than 10 minutes late, I begin to worry furiously about him.  And I'm a VERY punctual person. 

But as far as promises go, it's kind of an unwritten rule for us.  If either of us promises something to the other, it is law beyond law, and there is no doubt that it will be followed through with.


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RE: Why is it important a submiisive be reliable? - 8/5/2008 12:24:54 AM   
Zaraseeks


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It seems a lot of people are thinking more a long the ;ines of being somewhere at a certain time, ect, i am thinking more carrying out assignments, all dutys of being submissive. why is it important to  count on your submissive, and subs, why is it important your doms count on you?

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RE: Why is it important a submiisive be reliable? - 8/5/2008 12:35:06 AM   
corsetgirl


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I also believe in reliability.  If I am meeting the dom for the very first time, I am the one who is there early.  If I cannot make it or I will be late, I will give the common courtesy to call the dom and let him know why I cannot be with him or why I am going to be late. 

This is just common courtesy, especially in trying to build a relationship.  Without that communication, then the relationship distingrates very quickly.

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RE: Why is it important a submiisive be reliable? - 8/5/2008 12:44:22 AM   
Coupleofwhats


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quote:

ORIGINAL: christine1

gaaah...nevermind.


Seconded.

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RE: Why is it important a submiisive be reliable? - 8/5/2008 1:35:51 AM   
RCdc


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Zaraseeks

It seems a lot of people are thinking more a long the ;ines of being somewhere at a certain time, ect, i am thinking more carrying out assignments, all dutys of being submissive. why is it important to  count on your submissive, and subs, why is it important your doms count on you?


Whether it is assignments, time, duties, or sexual - people need consistancy to know where they stand, regardless of gender or orientation.  So, if you want to be specific about dominant and submissive relationships, a dominant who is taking on a submissive in a longer term relationship not only needs but deserves consistancy and reliability so they know that the bounderies of the relationship are stable and that people (basically) know their place.  In the same breath, dominants need to be reliable too.  Otherwise the relationship isn't really there.  Would you really want to nurture an irratic submissive who couldn;t be arsed to obey your simple assignment because they suck at being consistant?
 
Reliability = Consistantcy.  Whether that is reliably bad, or reliably good doesn't matter but to be all over the place and irratic behaviour isn't necessarily healthy is it?
 
the.dark.


< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 8/5/2008 1:37:43 AM >


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RE: Why is it important a submiisive be reliable? - 8/5/2008 1:43:42 AM   
RavenMuse


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Whilst I agree with what dark wrote, I would go futher... if they can't put in the effort to be where they where supposed to be or have whatever done by the time stated ... on a consistant basis... it is because they can't be bothered, *I* am not important enough for My instructions to be respected and the requisit effort put in.

That person would find themself dismissed in short order because I have no wish to TRY and Own shomeone who disrespects Me.

And yes, I did say "TRY" and Own... because if I am not worth that effort to them, if I am not worth the respect and effort to maintain reliability then they are NOT in submission to Me... they are simply playing at it.

< Message edited by RavenMuse -- 8/5/2008 1:47:16 AM >


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RE: Why is it important a submiisive be reliable? - 8/5/2008 1:56:31 AM   
silkncarol


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Assignments, meetings, discipline, boundaries.......being reliable is a must on both sides of the slash.....it's about personal integrity, being an honorable person.....being polite, having manners, consideration of others time......treating people the way you expect to be treated........

I don't want a halfhearted effort by the most important person in my life......

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RE: Why is it important a submiisive be reliable? - 8/5/2008 2:04:28 AM   
badlilthang


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Zaraseeks

It seems a lot of people are thinking more a long the ;ines of being somewhere at a certain time, ect, i am thinking more carrying out assignments, all dutys of being submissive. why is it important to  count on your submissive, and subs, why is it important your doms count on you?


Being on time is a duty just as much as doing a daily ritual He sets up for You. Being reliable in  all aspects of life and also around Him shows Him how much You respect Him - or not. Being too late - because you could not be bothered to be on time - shows a lack of respect, and tells Him your time is more important than His. If He had told you to go get His whip - would you have said...i'll get back to You on that? *s*


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RE: Why is it important a submiisive be reliable? - 8/5/2008 3:10:41 AM   
divi


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People in general should be reliable

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RE: Why is it important a submiisive be reliable? - 8/5/2008 3:26:21 AM   
OnlyHisLovebug


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Reliability is all about my set of standards, internal code of ethics, and my personal integrity.  While, at times, it's got a bit to do with respect for the another person- for the most part- reliability boils down to me doing what I know I should do and carrying out the tasks that I have deemed to be my responsibility.  When I am unreliable, I may disappoint other people, but I ultimately fail myself.  

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RE: Why is it important a submiisive be reliable? - 8/5/2008 4:25:34 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Zaraseeks

It seems a lot of people are thinking more a long the ;ines of being somewhere at a certain time, ect, i am thinking more carrying out assignments, all dutys of being submissive. why is it important to  count on your submissive, and subs, why is it important your doms count on you?


I believe that I -did- address this earlier in my post (though chronic lateness is often one of the first signs of unreliability). If my servant has promised to obey me, and I assign hir a task based on my understanding of that promise (which is inherent in hir accepting of our relationship), and if xhe does not complete that task, it tells me that xhe has no respect for the "rule of law" in our relationship, which is that I give instruction and xhe obeys -- very simple. I am counting on hir to do what xhe says that xhe will do. Beyond anyone else who might be inconvenienced by hir failure to follow through, to -me- it is tantamount to saying that xhe lied about hir intention in getting into a relationship with me. Xhe has proven hirself to be dishonest, and I cannot trust hir to keep hir word.

On a purely practical level, here's a relevant example of the ripples of complication that can come from a simple "forgetting" to arrange a pickup from the UPS office when xhe's promised.

Let's presume that I, as an author, have invested several months in a manuscript that I have just completed. It is "under deadline", meaning that it has to be to my editor at a certain time in order to fit into the window that she has available for reading my work, so that it can go to press on time. I have pushed myself to make sure that there is plenty of time for it to be mailed to the editor, but there is, again, a limited time-frame in which to make sure that the completed manuscript gets to where it needs to be. I assign my servant to make sure that the book is posted on time, and I go off to work with the understanding that that has been done. Flash forward several days and I get a call from my editor -- it is a full day past the deadline and the manuscript has not arrived. My editor wants to know what happened. I assure my editor that it was sent off, and check the folder that my servant knows to put the printout from the UPS site in to get the tracking number so I can give it to my editor.... When I look in the shipping folder for the manuscript there is no printout of the and "OOPS" the servant forgot. Now, I look like an idiot who can't keep track of my business to my editor. My editor has been inconvenienced or, for my more hard-ass editor, I've completely missed the deadline and xhe won't read my manuscript at all until her next window -- which may be months away, which means that I won't find out if they're buying it -- sometimes for six months or more. Now, something that I'd semi-planned on once the manuscript sold has to be put on hold.

Take the same scenario above when talking about a medical article abstract that has a concrete deadline to qualify for presentation at a convention... if it doesn't happen, it's possible that we would get "scooped" on our research, meaning that years of grant money would never make it to our lab, our department and our institution. Being on "soft" money (meaning that salaries are grant-dependant... no grant money, no salary), this could mean the difference between me -having- a job and losing my job... and not only -my- job, but all the other jobs that are depending on that grant.

I make -sure- these things don't happen when they are my responsibility... and if I delegate and my servant lets me down, xhe not only lets -me- down, xhe lets down everyone who was in that chain of reliability that was broken -- and also makes me look irresponsible.

On a less panoramic scale, if I've asked my servant to make sure the dishes are done, and I come home from work and find that there is a sink full of dishes still (or that, at 6 pm xhe's just -starting- the dishes), that means that I don't have a clean kitchen to fix a meal -- I'm tired and cranky and so is my Darling, and, instead of a healthy, home-made meal, I end up having to clean and figure out how to feed us. Needless to say, the inconvenience is sufficient that I will probably not bother to waste my time on someone who makes -more- work for me instead of less.

I have to say that this is a common-sense matter -- it is surprising to me that you can't grasp from earlier examples why this is important, regardless of what examples were given. If you genuinely can't comprehend why being late (unreliable) or not finishing a task (unreliable) are both signs of unreliability then I suspect that there may be deeper issues to contend with.

Calla Firestorm

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 8/5/2008 4:29:43 AM >


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RE: Why is it important a submiisive be reliable? - 8/5/2008 4:33:42 AM   
MasterHermes


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Zaraseeks

It seems a lot of people are thinking more a long the ;ines of being somewhere at a certain time, ect, i am thinking more carrying out assignments, all dutys of being submissive. why is it important to  count on your submissive, and subs, why is it important your doms count on you?


Are you serious while asking why its important to be able to count on somebody close to you? Do you really  not understand it by yourself and need explanation from others or are you asking it for the sake of having a new discussion thread?

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RE: Why is it important a submiisive be reliable? - 8/5/2008 4:49:09 AM   
katie978


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Zaraseeks

It seems a lot of people are thinking more a long the ;ines of being somewhere at a certain time, ect, i am thinking more carrying out assignments, all dutys of being submissive. why is it important to  count on your submissive, and subs, why is it important your doms count on you?


  In my mind, what we do, and the depths of what we do, is dictated by how seriously we take things. If we do it in all seriousness, BDSM can rise to a level above normal life experiences (for me). The power of a scene can make me cry with happiness or pain, it can transmute pain into pleasure and back again, it can leave me wordless in awe of my master.

  If I didn't take it seriously, then BDSM would be a kinky game. I'd giggle, I'd laugh when he asked me to do something I didn't want to do. There would be nothing on the line, because to me, it was just a game: if he made a request I wasn't into, I'd tell him to go fuck himself.

    Reliability is a big part of taking this seriously. I can't imagine every not following my Master's orders...if I was being unreliable (and worse, lying about it) what makes me sub? If he asked me to clean the house, and I didn't....I'm disobeying him. If he asked me to clean the house every single day and I didn't-I'm showing him I have no respect, and probably am contemptuous of his power over me. The same goes for sexual things, I suppose... If he asked me to do something I found distasteful, yet had done before (I find it hard to come up with an example here....everything we do is tasteful to me). I guess I'll go with oral. If he wanted me to go down on him, but I was being prissy and I didn't want to mess up my make-up 'cause we were going out later, and I safeworded every time he wanted a BJ and I was unwilling...well, that's being unreliable too.

     By being unreliable to your Master, you're basically spitting in the face of his authority. The term unreliable suggests that you occasionally do what he wants, and occasionally, you choose not to. To me, I don't believe I would call myself a sub if I was unreliable. Doing what he says: a pretty simple tenant of being a submissive. He doesn't have to nag me to do every little things: doing what he wants is a basic building block of what makes me tick.

  I suggest you take a hard look at yourself and ask yourself if this is even what you want. Do you like doing kinky stuff? You may be a bottom, no shame in that, and you still retain the option of telling him to go screw himself when he tells you to do the dishes. Do you just like wild sex with no BDSM at all? Why are you being unreliable...really ask yourself. No excuses.



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