Collarchat.com

Join Our Community
Collarchat.com

Home  Login  Search 

The relevance of honest confidence


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> The relevance of honest confidence Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
The relevance of honest confidence - 8/5/2008 6:52:59 AM   
rookey


Posts: 100
Status: offline
Honest confidence can be defined as having been there, done that.  Hence I know I can do it competently, things will be okay, so my confidence is justified.  One can be honestly confident that they'll do whatever okay and so not get scared.

Experience brings confidence, confidence brings competence.  Experience shows you that you can get the job done with no fuss or fanfare.  Experience shows you that your diabilitating fears were groundless.  Experience makes the diabilitating fantasy disappear.  Assuming nothing bad happens of course.

People will go so far as their confidence lets them.  Which perhaps explain why a lot of newbies go 'poof'.  I've been reading old posts on collar chat about newbies who get so far down the line before asking Scotty to beam 'em up.  You're just about to meet in real time and 'hello, where have they gone?'  They haven't the experience and so the honest confidence to follow through.

So this brings us to the key question of how do you overcome the initial fear to get experience to get honest confidence?  How do you resolve this catch 22?

Answer.  Try walking another's footstep, if they can do it.  Why not you?

Learn from the experience of others.  What the pitfalls are and how to avoid them.  Find out what the worse that can happen is and ask is it really as bad you think.

Well that's just my tuppence worth.

< Message edited by rookey -- 8/5/2008 6:55:46 AM >


_____________________________


Profile   Post #: 1
RE: The relevance of honest confidence - 8/5/2008 9:28:40 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline
I dont know if I have honest confidence.  I have experience, yes.  I have done things, yes.  Sometimes things work out great and sometimes they are scary dangerous.  I have never wanted to walk in someone elses shoes or depend on what they tell me to believe.  I have found more often than not that the best person to trust is me.. mostly because I am always there.
I am agorophobic. I force myself to be out and active so I don't fall into that abyss.  Some days it is easy and some days I have to jump back in my house 3-4 times before I unlock my car door and drive off.
What works for me is not so much confidence as faking confidence until I am. 
Often I wonder if those newbies who find bdsm are not just seeking... something.. to fill that void they know is inside.  And once the fantasy bubble is about to burst they move off because something else is on the horizon which in their eyes really will fill that void.
I don't think everyone was meant for bdsm and those who are not, move on.
Kyst

(in reply to rookey)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: The relevance of honest confidence - 8/5/2008 9:29:35 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rookey
So this brings us to the key question of how do you overcome the initial fear to get experience to get honest confidence?  How do you resolve this catch 22?

Answer.  Try walking another's footstep, if they can do it.  Why not you?

Learn from the experience of others.  What the pitfalls are and how to avoid them.  Find out what the worse that can happen is and ask is it really as bad you think.


Whilst I kind of agree, learning from others being good, you cannot do that alone.  You have to experience and do, not live vicariously otherwise you cannot live and learn for yourself, only how others deal.
 
I also believe that confidence doesn't always lead to competence.  Ability does that.  Confidence can sometimes lead to failiure and an awful lot of agony.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________


RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to rookey)
Profile   Post #: 3
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> The relevance of honest confidence Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2024
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078