RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (Full Version)

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LaTigresse -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/10/2008 8:54:58 AM)

Of course those adults that are not capable of being responsible can be excused. I don't think we are discussing mentally challenged people, quite simply because they should not be put in the situation where they are making those choices. I would suggest it is wise to exclude that type of person from this discussion otherwise we risk some people putting non-mentally challenged people into that category by virtue of their poor sense of personal responsibility.

It is a discredit to those that are really incapable and a cop out for those that are and only looking for an excuse.




Jeffff -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/10/2008 8:57:23 AM)

I LOVE it when you get all serious......... you WILL be mine!!

Ward




velvetears -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/10/2008 9:08:27 AM)

FR

If a person has a poor sense of personal responsibility, repeatedly, isn't that in itself a form of being "ill" in some respect.  i don't think people decide not to take responsibility i think sometimes they aren't able to because they don't have the development of self awareness enough to do so.  Some peoples baggage are so heavy they may never even be able to lift them off the ground never mind tossing them overboard one day.  These people may never be classified with a "mental illness", they will never be looked at as "mentally challenged" because they might posess a great intelligence, but if someone repeats patterns of abuse, never takes responsibility or never learns from past mistakes etc.... somethings just not right and i think its more then just - they have no sense of personal responsibilty at play...




TysGalilah -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/10/2008 9:14:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

In the end, like it or not, we are all responsible for our own actions.

Jeff

i'm not wanting to be contentious here but NO, by definition in law (at the end of the day) some folks are not deemed responsible for their own actions. Be it by some permanent state of mental disease, or temporary or permanent psychosis....and i am sure any legal persons here can conjer up more examples.....there are those who in law who are not held responsibile for their actions. It's how long they can get away with it wherein lays the damage. If built into the system there is a total lack of compassion, and in its place there is simply the pathology, i am pretty certain many get away with doing damage and serious damage for a very long time. Compartmentalised liars adept at saying exactly the perfect right thing to get what they want from each and every person they interact with. Triangulate them and call them on it and that's when they seriously fire up the embers of their own lack of responsibility.



I could account here something that happened to me a number of years ago.  Not going to go into the details  its just crap  and that other persons crap no less... but it happened
  At first > I allowed it ( in my mind) to happen TO me..
I felt victimized by it........took me a while to see that I accepted that role as victim.
  It lingered for so long in my feelings and day .....in retrospect > it clung because I felt the intense desire to make him pay...make him accountable  and I wanted to see him hurt for his actions as badly as I was feeling my hurt..
I refused to let it go..  I felt I needed to see him "held responsible"...  and I couldn't see, yet, that it wasn't my job nor in my ability to make that happen.
  And even if I could find him and go pin him down and club him over the head with the  club of " character & conscience" ....it wasn't going to give him either  one!!! 
 
 He didn't do anything illegal, according to the LAW  you talk about above.   But there is a different kind of law that exists ...and you speak of beleiving in the cosmos..karma...taoism...and so I know you are familiar with the kind of law that will eventually make us all accountable for our own integrity and character....or lack there of.
 
   I let it go  when I remembered that there is a power greater than me..greater than him... that will take care of that.
Its a strength and internal serenity  in my life that empowers me and I was giving that power away by trying to control something that wasnt for me to control.
 
Those were his lessons to learn...I had and have my own.
 
  It was a very good learning lesson for me actually, in what ultimately would be my ability to let go and let go of my control...in my life and in my relationship ( ds ) later on.
 
 




Prinsexx -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/10/2008 1:22:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TysGalilah


 He didn't do anything illegal, according to the LAW  you talk about above.   But there is a different kind of law that exists ...and you speak of beleiving in the cosmos..karma...taoism...and so I know you are familiar with the kind of law that will eventually make us all accountable for our own integrity and character....or lack there of.
 
 
 

i am aware of that law and i do hear and i am listening to what you are saying.




lusciouslips19 -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/10/2008 4:03:45 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterforRT
PS: I don't need to find submissives here-nor am I sure that I would even want to. I do quite well in RL, thank you....

Congratulations.  This means (1) your dick is bigger than mine, and (2) you have no further reason to complain, so I will not see you post about your frustrations again.

Also, about 9 out of 10 female submissive profiles are straight or bi.  Not 30 out of 50 the other direction.



No really,  he's right. Of the ones he contacted they all said they went gay. I mean what else is a sub going to say that isnt going to hurt the Old Style Masters feelings?




lusciouslips19 -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/10/2008 4:08:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Kiss my uppity lesbian ass!!





ooooooooooo

you are soooo hot!




lusciouslips19 -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/10/2008 4:31:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

"Oh you do what I tell you, I think you're hot and you give good oral/blowjobs, now I want to collar you so you cannot get away! I want to stake my claim, so to speak" on the flip side the slave thinks "They treat me like property, they give good paddle/flogger/insert favourite method of play, we both like lots of the same things, he/she likes the way I do xxx, and now they are offering a collar! I can strut around feeling all cool, owned and safe in front of the other slaves, I am taking it!!"

That's entirely it. And part of the slave mindset is i believe an inability to get out once they are in (the collar so to speak). I've had private mail from slaves who are in the most abusive of relationships (according to my judgement at least0. Why would they write to me and ask me if wha they are being required to do is acceptable or not/ it's almost like becoming a member of a cult and not knowing how to get out.
Now if as a slave you don't feel you have a right, or know the protocol of how to get released, coupled with a Dom who believes literally that any demand, at any time, of any sort, is their right....then you have an equation for potential abuse.
that's what is so profound about staing one has no limits consensually and handing those limits over.
The collar might fall but the chaos left behind takes a great deal longer to clean up.
it's the same in vanilla marriages. I was once asked to write a testimony for a friend who wanted to be officially anulled...she is a catholic...an adult caticombmini...forgive spelling...she is a n adult catholic convert. My testimony to their abusive marriage took up 48 pages of A4 paper.
The decision 'went to Rome' as it is called and she was blissfully freed of a spiritual bond.
Does not a collar represent the same magnitude? Or could it ?




These points are why this submissive will never be a slave.




AmenableDefiance -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/10/2008 8:53:35 PM)

I think it is fantastic that within these boards, there are so many personality types and varying opinions. I do think it is a shame that there is the need to point out the flaws of others in such a malicious manner. Aren't we all just trying to get by, trying to find our way and trying to do that with the least amount of injury to our self worth and character as possible? Even if the OP is at fault for her own life's torment -- is it for us to throw in her face? Do we tell someone who is overweight that they are because they have simply over indulged in too many twinkies or runs to the local fast food restaurant. You may take this approach, but it will prove ineffective time and time again. Compassion, understanding and kindness are not overrated and of course are not lost to all. Sometimes an ear and a little caring is all another needs -- not to have their choices thrown at them for all to analyze. :) Even if we think we know better.

-Lisa

This is not in response to *Leatherist* -- New to boards and just clicked where I could.. :)




Leatherist -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/10/2008 9:08:46 PM)

Or you can pat them on the back-encourage an endless martyr complex,and have them flood the boards with whining and drama forever more.




CruelDesires -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/10/2008 9:15:11 PM)

Kindness costs nothing. Too bad some cannot even afford that.

C-D




AmenableDefiance -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/10/2008 9:32:42 PM)

Or you can kick them while down -- alternatively, laugh and point as they struggle to get up on their own. There are many approaches that can be taken - not all are based on what the end result will be, but reflective of your own moral compass, regardless of how the fallen respond.

i.e. I still show respect even though I know it goes unnoticed. Why? Because I am respectful.




AllietheKitten -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/11/2008 12:03:21 AM)

 

I don't hold to a collar being like a marriage. Netizen wears a collar because it turns him on and because I like the look of it. But sometimes he wakes up not feeling like a Pet or we are going out and about and so it doesn't get worn, sometimes for days. Not a big deal to us-he's mine. No symbol in the world can encapsulate that or contain it. The collar itself is a cheap nylon thing I got at Petsmart for $4.99. It means nothing but what we both want it to mean...and when it ceases to mean that he (or I) will take it off.

I think people sometimes overthink or over-ritualize things.

And seriously, you don't need a Dom to "release" you from the collar. All you need is a pair of bolt cutters and some self-respect.




Prinsexx -> RE: in it for what they can get out of it and out of it as soon as they’ve been in it….. (8/11/2008 12:31:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AllietheKitten



I don't hold to a collar being like a marriage. Netizen wears a collar because it turns him on and because I like the look of it. But sometimes he wakes up not feeling like a Pet or we are going out and about and so it doesn't get worn, sometimes for days. Not a big deal to us-he's mine. No symbol in the world can encapsulate that or contain it. The collar itself is a cheap nylon thing I got at Petsmart for $4.99. It means nothing but what we both want it to mean...and when it ceases to mean that he (or I) will take it off.

I think people sometimes overthink or over-ritualize things.

And seriously, you don't need a Dom to "release" you from the collar. All you need is a pair of bolt cutters and some self-respect.

What bolt cutters for a cheap nylon thing...or did i miss the point?[:D]




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