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RE: Our threads and their subtleties..... - 8/7/2008 8:11:39 PM   
Maxwell67


Posts: 435
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		*FR*

All this collective confession has me all verklempt now.  Come on everyone... GROUP HUG!  


(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Our threads and their subtleties..... - 8/7/2008 8:45:37 PM   
exogenous


Posts: 57
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		~FR~

I was once told that perception is all there is. Perhaps that’s true. It’s just unfortunate that some folks have blinkers on and cannot grasp the advantage and enlightenment that peripheral vision affords.
 
Another thing I was told is that “not everyone thinks like you do.” A long time ago I used to wonder, “Why not? My way of thinking is right!” Yet, I found that while I may see something in one light and believe my thought to be completely logical, someone else might think I was crazy and have every reason to do so. Although, I don’t think it’s necessary to be snarky or sarcastic in one’s response to get one’s point across. It seems that tactic is simply a silly “attention getter” for the poster and usually leads to rejection (by the person with the issue) of what might be a very positive and informative point, and lost in a swirl of negativity. No need for sugar coating, sometimes tough love is absolutely needed, but still, there are good ways and bad ways to deliver that though love train of thought. Which way of presentation is going to open another’s eyes? LOL, sometimes no way will…and that is a battle best left un-fought. Why waste the time and energy with repetitive ill-mannered posts on people who refuse to learn from other points of view?
 
I was also told, “Look in the mirror, that’s all you’ve got.” You (generically speaking) are the only one who is accountable for your actions and reactions. Guidance and advice are good if one is willing to accept and work through the suggestions being offered; like trying on different clothes to see which works best to achieve the desired affect (like desired changes in one’s life) and be patient to find the one that works best. Life is a learning curve and not meant to be stuck in a ditch, or get bent out of shape if something is said that doesn’t necessarily ring true, at first. How many folks have heard advice and thought it was nonsense or harsh, only to realize later on that it was indeed good advice? Posting things on a public forum leaves one open for the best and the worst of comments…weed out what doesn’t work (without complaint as that changes nothing) and be grateful for good food for thought that may just change your way of thinking for the better.

< Message edited by exogenous -- 8/7/2008 8:48:59 PM >

(in reply to Maxwell67)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Our threads and their subtleties..... - 8/7/2008 9:23:18 PM   
oblige


Posts: 38
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you for this well thought out post. It adresses many facets of what i have observed as a mostly reading and rarely participating collarme member.

I have not read the whole 3 page thread, but i bet others feel as i have. Being newish here, i often never bother to reply or post because someone else is bound to express  my thoughts. However, i also know  i do not post much because i have no interest in someone(s) running off on a tangent based on misunderstanding me or pressing thier point to some illogical flaming end.  But then, I only come read a few conversations every few days, so i miss a lot.*shrugs*

I can say, from reading..listening, I have figured out who i prefer to listen to and who I listen less to based on some useful posts by the same few, and lots of kinda whacko ones by others.

I  laugh a lot at the smart asses, and sometimes come her just to find a thread many will be smart ass on so I can have a good laugh at the end of a long day! These forums feel like one happy sometimes dysfunctional family, with several all talking over one another with no one listening.

I also have learned tons here, and when i am confused, i wait for clarity, or i run it by a couple face time trusted more expereinced bdsm freinds. We then all laugh a lot.

Be well, ~oblige~




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(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Our threads and their subtleties..... - 8/8/2008 5:22:30 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		I guess its like if you choose to run outside naked and yell to the world of strangers the question of is my butt big, you are going to get all type of answers approval, disapproval, laughter, snickers, good, bad, and ugly, people trying to cover you up and take you back inside, of course smartasses as well as people discussing your butt and your actions in asking the question and of course pointing out flaws in the rest of you you didn't ask about but showed to the world even from people in the plane flying overhead who you didn't realize were watching. Oh and edited to add, there are people who will be bound to tell you about old uncle Orifice who had a wart on his butt because the mole on yours reminded someone of it, and then you will have someone who overhears the word mole and starts speaking about the bloody thing that ate his petunias.   If you honestly are not expecting people to say things you don't want to hear, then you probaly shouldn't run outside naked asking if your butt is big.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 8/8/2008 5:29:11 AM >

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(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Our threads and their subtleties..... - 8/8/2008 7:03:09 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Yeah, I already know my butt is too big dammit!!

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Our threads and their subtleties..... - 8/8/2008 9:02:36 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		LOL I read it as buttplug.  My first thought is if people can see it past my fanny, its way too big.
Kyst

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Our threads and their subtleties..... - 8/8/2008 9:05:17 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

LOL I read it as buttplug.  My first thought is if people can see it past my fanny, its way too big.
Kyst


Ok, that made me laugh really hard.  Just the image of someone running down the street nekkid, asking people if their butt plug was too big.


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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Our threads and their subtleties..... - 8/8/2008 11:15:15 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

LOL I read it as buttplug. My first thought is if people can see it past my fanny, its way too big.
Kyst


What has a buttplug got to do with a fanny?

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(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Our threads and their subtleties..... - 8/8/2008 12:36:36 PM   
Allondra


Posts: 68
Joined: 7/12/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b


What has a buttplug got to do with a fanny?


Ya have to remember that a U.S. fanny is not the same as a U.K. fanny.

-- Allondra in Canada, where fannies are mostly on the backside of people

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Our threads and their subtleties..... - 8/8/2008 3:12:17 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Allondra

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b


What has a buttplug got to do with a fanny?


Ya have to remember that a U.S. fanny is not the same as a U.K. fanny.

-- Allondra in Canada, where fannies are mostly on the backside of people



Oh I see.

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(in reply to Allondra)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Our threads and their subtleties..... - 8/8/2008 3:55:22 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I am a believer that people are affected by words, even from those they do not know.  People are touched, angered, amused, you name it.  This is why we buy books, and enjoy poetry, and even return here day after day, to see what people we respect and people we don't respect have to say.  To say we are all just pixels on a page is, I believe, incorrect, because as thinking, breathing, rationalizing human beings (most of us, anyway!), we know there is a person behind those pixels, and not only are we affected by them to some degree, we affect others to some degree as well.

Sometimes it's really hard to be called on our crap.  We might get really angry and defensive, because we just don't believe (or we don't want to).  Sometimes we get angry because the one doing the calling actually IS incredibly wrong, and maybe it's someone who really actually DO want to see the truth about us. 

Human dynamics isn't black and white.  Some care a lot, some don't care at all, and others fall anywhere in between.  But I believe if people really didn't care at all, they wouldn't be here, nor would they be bothered to reply to the posts they do.

I try not to get involved in the drama.  Sometimes I still do, but I do try to stay away from it.  Drama tends to feed off response, whether negative or positive.  No reply at all is what I believe is the best reply.  I am neither into coddling/hand holding nor am I into busting someone's chops in a "tough love" style.  If anything, I try to state my mind in a gentle way, whether I agree with someone or not.  But that's just my personality type.  We can only be who we are.  I might not enjoy seeing the "tough love / bust yer chops" personality types displayed here, which I occasionally post about, but then again, others might not enjoy mine. 

I guess it's the diversity that makes the world go 'round.

My two cents, for what it's worth.

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(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Our threads and their subtleties..... - 8/8/2008 4:05:02 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline 		We veil our negative snark as “helpful comments”. Granted, I know that, at least for myself, my style of communication can often be misunderstood but there certainly are moments that I use that to my advantage. I am working on eliminating that.


Wonderful post LaTigress.
It is wonderful to know someone is working on this.
 
Sir's property, rs

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Our threads and their subtleties..... - 8/8/2008 4:20:22 PM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b


quote:

ORIGINAL: Allondra

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b


What has a buttplug got to do with a fanny?


Ya have to remember that a U.S. fanny is not the same as a U.K. fanny.

-- Allondra in Canada, where fannies are mostly on the backside of people



Oh I see.


Now, I'm wondering what a UK fanny is.

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(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Our threads and their subtleties..... - 8/8/2008 4:23:50 PM   
UR2Badored


Posts: 506
Joined: 2/3/2007
Status: offline 		It's UK slang for Female genitalia.  I had to check it out earlier. :o)


< Message edited by UR2Badored -- 8/8/2008 4:38:28 PM >

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(in reply to gypsygrl)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Our threads and their subtleties..... - 8/8/2008 4:36:28 PM   
Maxwell67


Posts: 435
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

I am a believer that people are affected by words, even from those they do not know.  People are touched, angered, amused, you name it.  This is why we buy books, and enjoy poetry, and even return here day after day, to see what people we respect and people we don't respect have to say.  To say we are all just pixels on a page is, I believe, incorrect, because as thinking, breathing, rationalizing human beings (most of us, anyway!), we know there is a person behind those pixels, and not only are we affected by them to some degree, we affect others to some degree as well.

Sometimes it's really hard to be called on our crap.  We might get really angry and defensive, because we just don't believe (or we don't want to).  Sometimes we get angry because the one doing the calling actually IS incredibly wrong, and maybe it's someone who really actually DO want to see the truth about us. 

Human dynamics isn't black and white.  Some care a lot, some don't care at all, and others fall anywhere in between.  But I believe if people really didn't care at all, they wouldn't be here, nor would they be bothered to reply to the posts they do.

I try not to get involved in the drama.  Sometimes I still do, but I do try to stay away from it.  Drama tends to feed off response, whether negative or positive.  No reply at all is what I believe is the best reply.  I am neither into coddling/hand holding nor am I into busting someone's chops in a "tough love" style.  If anything, I try to state my mind in a gentle way, whether I agree with someone or not.  But that's just my personality type.  We can only be who we are.  I might not enjoy seeing the "tough love / bust yer chops" personality types displayed here, which I occasionally post about, but then again, others might not enjoy mine. 

I guess it's the diversity that makes the world go 'round.

My two cents, for what it's worth.

Oh yes. Nicely said!  I agree.  I have been known to stray a bit one way or the other, but I am good natured about it most of the time.  It has been my experience people, (yes, even dominants), tend to enjoy having the respect of thier peers, and find that it is worth working toward.  You gotta get their attention before you can get respect, though, and there are thems that waits quietly for their actions to grab your attention, and thems that don't.  People who post on forums like this are among thems that don't wait quietly.  That is just the way it is, you might as well accept it.  If you did not want anyone to listen to you, you would not be posting.  Period. (exception to this rule being those poor subbies forced by their cruel masters to post yummy little targets dripping with drama for ust to frenzy over like pirhanas)

The CM forums is at least in its most basic form a place for discussing WIITWD and hopefully to learn.  So we often post questions to that end.  In addition to that, we have a choice of one of two other motives for making a post. A) trying to be helpful and earn the respect of our peers OR  B) simply to get attention.  Not both.  However much you might want to argue it that is how it works.  Now all of A is still getting attention, dont get me wrong, but there is a great deal more to B.  That includes everything from drama to snark to downright meanness.  I make my share of posts that sit squarely in column B, but I strive to insure that in my case column B is considerably shorter than column A.


< Message edited by Maxwell67 -- 8/8/2008 4:40:14 PM >

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Our threads and their subtleties..... - 8/8/2008 5:25:42 PM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b


quote:

ORIGINAL: Allondra

quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b


What has a buttplug got to do with a fanny?


Ya have to remember that a U.S. fanny is not the same as a U.K. fanny.

-- Allondra in Canada, where fannies are mostly on the backside of people



Oh I see.


Holy cow, what are those limeys going to screw up next? I knew that they drive on the wrong side of the road, but I didn't know that their fannies were in front!

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Our threads and their subtleties..... - 8/8/2008 6:03:18 PM   
Maxwell67


Posts: 435
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UR2Badored

It's UK slang for Female genitalia.  I had to check it out earlier. :o)


Oh, now you see, I never knew this.  So if I were to write that I took a cane to my girls fanny, put a dozen bright red welts across it and she loved it someone from the UK might think my girl was really far more hard core than she is?

(in reply to UR2Badored)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Our threads and their subtleties..... - 8/11/2008 1:38:18 PM   
Deliena


Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
Status: offline 		There is an infamous theatre story about a very famous american director working with a British actor demanding that during the scene he grabbed the rather demure and well thought of venerable lady actress he was working with by the fanny and hold tight as he deliver a certain line.

Needless to say the Brit shied away from such an act on a grand Dame and argued with the director.  When he ralised the director was not going to give way he played the scene "as directed" - causing great consternation to both his co-star and the director.

The UK and the US - two great nations divided by a common language

(in reply to Maxwell67)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Our threads and their subtleties..... - 8/11/2008 3:21:54 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:


I have come to a conclusion that much of the time, the threads we get the nastiest in, and posters we get the nastiest towards, are reflecting back a facet of ourselves we really don’t like. Even if we would argue that truth......




Ahh i feel so comforted. That explains everything then.......


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(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Our threads and their subtleties..... - 8/11/2008 6:01:54 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		My dearest June;

I have found the vast majority of your snarky posts directed at people who seem inflexible in there views. I have read a great many of your posts that were thoughtful and even........ kind ( I know that hurts, sorry). I can't and wouldn't think  of judging your soul searching. I have at times examined my own postings and have apologized for at least one.
If , as a group, some of us seem to pile on it might be because we see a certain disingenuous on the part of the poster. That or we are assholes.. shrugs. I have noticed that while you can dish it out, you can take it too.
I like to think  that, that may be the thing that seperates the wheat from the chaff.

Ward
( a noted asshole)

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 60
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