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StrangerThan -> RE: Sex and self worth (9/18/2008 5:54:48 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: twistedEuphoria
"I've been thinking a great deal about sexuality and how that can tie into a sense of self-worth. For me, the two are very strongly linked. The more I feel that someone wants me, in a sexual way, the more confident I feel, the more secure I am, with myself, in general. I want to be desired. That is not to say I am a tease (I think my career choice is proof enough of that), by any means. I enjoy what I do and take immense pride in the fact that I am able, and quite skilled, at giving other people pleasure. I value myself more because I have this sort of talent.I am very certain that my status as " a good lay" is one of the main reasons *most* people do as well (the fact being that most of the company I keep is male and in a professional capacity)
I've had several friends tell me that this sort of sexual objectification isn't good for me, that it isn't healthy. I suppose in a way this is true. I take rejection hard. If a person does not desire me, even if I do not want them, I drive myself crazy, asking why and pondering how I can make myself more attractive to them.
I have to wonder, though, is this such an odd thing for a women?
Girls (and boys) you tell me."
Kat posted this earlier today on her blog and asked my opinion on it. I thought it was brilliant and wanted to share it with the rest of you. I was interested in seeing people's thoughts and opinions.
The one question I have for everyone is, if you look at your self and are honest, is part of your self worth based on people wanting you (in a sexual manner)?
At a base level, I think we all like it when we interest people on purely physical level. That doesn't mean we want to have sex with them or engage in anything past the interest itself. In general though, I think it's more of an issue for women than men. Before the ladies come down hard on me for that one, I'm talking in general about how society sees itself. Most beauty products are designed for women. Most clothing that accentuates is designed for women. Whole industries exist with nothing else in mind other than to make them look prettier or at least create the thought in their minds that they are somehow more attractive afterwards. There are guys who buy into the beauty industry as well, but the meat and potatoes for those types of businesses always have been, and probably always will be women.
Add to that mix that women endure things men don't, like childbirth. - things that can dramatically alter their bodies. Women generally, I say generally now, burn less calories at rest than a man and given two people that live together, eat together, the diet can affect her much more than it can affect him over time. Wrap it all up with the fact that rejection can be one of the most painful and enduring lessons one learns, and you have the potential for physical attraction or the sense of such to be a strong driving force in one's sense of self-worth. It's bs, but we're not talking logic here, we're talking instinct and the differences in how mom's and dad's raise boys and girls.
I've always been attracted to minds. That's not saying I ignore bodies lol, because I don't, but if the body doesn't have a well developed intelligence and good personality to go with it, the attraction factor goes right out the door. Once you find that blend of all three that is perfect for you though, my thought on it is simple. Tell her every day how good she looks. Fuck her like you just damned well gotta have it and there's no one else on the face of the planet you want it from. Give a nod to the beauty stuff, meaning if you gotta be somewhere at 7 and she takes an hour to get ready, start your leaving process in time to not have to rush. When you go shopping, actually look for stuff you'd like to see her in. (learned a long time ago as a guy that those painful shopping trips become a lot less painful if you spend some time imagining your baby dressed up, blindfolded, bound, ready for the whip and you're picking out the clothes for it. Something about thinking about that black dress, how it feels so silky and all the warm wet things that will be under it just makes me look at malls differently.)
And sigh, fuck her often. I know, it's a taxing job, but for some reason, her snuggled up beside me all warm and sticky between her legs helps Stranger sleep better.
There's a bottom line in all of it. I had a martial arts instructor who used to tell us all the time, there's always someone bigger, badder, and meaner out there so learn to make every move count. I see it sort of the same way with attraction and self-worth. You may not tie your self-worth to physical attraction, but damn, don't make you feel better to know you're wanted, desired? Even if you're not looking for it.
Shrug.
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