RE: Real/True Statements (Full Version)

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happypervert -> RE: Real/True Statements (11/19/2005 6:50:05 AM)

quote:

How do you progress to present yourself as "Real" or "True" and how do you progress to assess if those you talk/chat to are "Real" or "True" in this online environment.

Thorns, Rover, Lily and others have all captured parts of my definition. I'll add that the opposite of someone real would be the troll who thinks he is acting domly with his "on your knees bitch" act and I think there are plenty of others who try to conform to some stereotype. So if someone appears to be acting or spouting a bunch of cliches in an attempt to be perceived as real, then they ain't.

As for those who describe themselves as "real", well, that is as useless a label as when a certain politician described himself as a "uniter, not a divider". People will say anything to get laid or elected.




IrishMist -> RE: Real/True Statements (11/19/2005 6:56:19 AM)

Define real or true please. It's almost impossible to do. There can be two people; one who has had 30 years in this lifestyle, and one who has had only 3 days. What makes one more real or true than the other?

Ok, now that I think about it, I am turning this into a serious question. I hate when that happens :(




LordODiscipline -> RE: Real/True Statements (11/19/2005 7:58:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
Define real or true please.


Plato tried defining such subjective ideals - and, many people since then have taken a crack at it and failed to determine a universal definition..... so, as he and a lot of these others are/were smarter than I am...

I will have to take a pass on this one.

~J




MrThorns -> RE: Real/True Statements (11/19/2005 8:14:01 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

Define real or true please. It's almost impossible to do. There can be two people; one who has had 30 years in this lifestyle, and one who has had only 3 days. What makes one more real or true than the other?

Ok, now that I think about it, I am turning this into a serious question. I hate when that happens :(


I don't think this has anything to do with experience. The way I interpret this real/true concept is regarding the person's character. Are they who they say they are? Will they do what they say they are going to do?

I have met all sorts of people from both sides of the power spectrum who claim that they are one thing or another. Some great examples are the no limit slave who only lives to serve. (One of my red flags, btw) Or the Uber dominant Grand Master who demands total and complete control of every single detail of a slave's existance.

Now a lot of these concepts (UberDom and uberslave) may simply be the product of inexperience. Okay...I can deal with that. I was new once, too. But sometimes, these personalities are used as lures to attract the unwary and unexperienced....trying to get the quick lay or to find a sugar daddy. When applied in this manner, I find the behavior to be unforgivable.

That's my interpretation...I'm sure someone else has a different take on it.

~Thorns




candystripper -> RE: Real/True Statements (11/19/2005 8:23:42 AM)

i also love "The Gift of Fear" and think very highly of Gavin DeBecker's work. I agree with Hungry Tiger that it contains much-needed advice for people; particularly (in reverse) the wastefulness of worry and anxiety and the power of real Fear.

But i don't think the Op was asking aboubt how to avoid eroto-maniacs. For me, green flags include: both phone numbers, cell and home, and permission to call either at any reasonable hour. Verifiable information exchanges. Showing up by phone or IM as promised; at least 99% of the time. For a friendship, i don't even require this; but for a Man i am interested in, i do.

The rest is all instinctual, but i've been led down the garden path before and probably will be again.

candystripper




sub4hire -> RE: Real/True Statements (11/19/2005 8:32:17 AM)

quote:

How do you progress to present yourself as "Real" or "True" and how do you progress to assess if those you talk/chat to are "Real" or "True" in this online environment. I have seen many state various "Red Flags" they watch for, but what about the "Green Flags" that allows you to take a step towards acknowledging a person as "Real". This not to say they are someone you are interested in for a intimate relationship only.... but one that you view as properly representing themselves and can consider as an on-line acquaintance or even friend.


You don't. You be yourself and those who matter will get to know you for you. There is no such thing as "real" in my mind. We are all here living and breathing which makes us all real.
Sure, there are game players...although if I were searching I would not be communicating with these types. During my initial screening process I would narrow those types out. If I made a mistake it would take me a bit longer. Such is life...we all make a mistake now and then.
If you are seeking a certain type of individual, then that is what you seek. That individual will be the only real one for you when the time comes.




starshineowned -> RE: Real/True Statements (11/19/2005 9:04:13 AM)

Greetings..~smiles~

People are Real...People though are not always realistic or true in agenda or to themselves. In this lifestyle there is alot more openess and requirements for trust as many of the things that occur weigh much heavier on the mental/physical/emotional.

Time is the best standard that I find to measure those things. As I have been told, Time is the only true Master. It marches on unscathed, unchanging wether your happy and loving it..or sad and hating it.

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin




thetammyjo -> RE: Real/True Statements (11/19/2005 9:08:58 AM)

My gut level reaction is that if anyone feels the need to put "real" or "true" in a description of him/herself, it probably reflects either a "one true way" mentally (HUGE turn off) or a is an attempt to deceive.

Neither of those will interest me.




jamesthehumanrug -> RE: Real/True Statements (11/19/2005 10:10:22 AM)

greetings, dear mr knight,
science will tell you people ,only do things they can get away, with, when it comes ,to lies; deceit, or crimes. did you ever see a shrimp bully pick, on a whitecollar muscle-bound 6 footer?....so, i believed this ,until my late- dom., in fla.(late nineties ;treasure-coast ) said something, to me, when i said wait a minute (fully-puzzled ,and, exasperrated)
"how can a phoney b.s.liar like, that ;exspect me ,to beieve ,that kinda' garbage,or tell any body-else ,for ,that matter!! ,that b.s?!., and ,still think they are getting away ,with it?; like: i don't" know " they're bold-face-lying?,so why me? don't they know i'm ,"probably smarter" ,than most,or ,at least smarter ,than who they know ,and, are ,for sure- used -to...and, they always take my time ,and ,they manage,to keep a straight face, too...,telling me all this 'garbo'. right ,IN my face !?,and, keep ,on doing it ,to me -every-time- they see me ....like they saw me comming.!?..
...what do they think?.... i'M THE ,ONLY ONE ,THAT BELIEVES THEM ,OR I'M ,just THE FIRST-ONE ,TO come down the pike"?!
,and, she quickly said :
",cause they think you're ,as stupid ,as they are..."
GAUD IS she right,too ,
cause every g.d.criminal("financial-genius",or 'hot-caca', to my family) are ,so stupid; they have ,to lie ,to get what they want,(no skills), so they exspect you ,and,everyone-else ,WITH YOU , to be ,as stupid ,as they are,or ,at least be, as stupid ,as they have ,to be all the time. ...
UNBELIEVEABLE:(i'd be,too embarrassed,to sleep)....,but, some ,of the phoney dialog you hear; really makes a great comedy-routine,esp.,if you can deliver it EXACTLY like they do...like you can serve anything ....,as long ,as it has sugar ,on it ;they'll eat it:LIKE THE EXPERIENCED SCAT-MISTRESS ,AND,HER 2 SELECT TRAINEES WHO MAKES HER OWN FAMOUS HOLLIDAY PEANUT BRITTLE ,FOR YOU EVERY CHRISTMAS ,AND, TRYS ,TO SELL IT ,TO YOU ;like girl scouts ,or a regular den-mother -trio ,AT your DOOR; ready, to sing you a choir,too !while you pay!!, and ,eat the caca! like it's really special(what am i ,that desperate,or is this ,just a special entertainment-treat;you (tops)come ,to me, now...?)
the real reasoning(,IF YOU EVEN WANNA KNOW) is:
i expect you ,to be "stupid" ,and, turn, around ,and ,say what i say...,to anybody, that asks.
gees -ya right;
-YOU- do it...




KittenWithaTwist -> RE: Real/True Statements (11/19/2005 10:16:37 AM)

quote:

How do you progress to present yourself as "Real" or "True"


I don't, personally.

quote:

how do you progress to assess if those you talk/chat to are "Real" or "True" in this online environment.


Again, I don't. I like to talk to people, online, regardless as to whether they participate in S&M, just fantasize about, roleplay it online, or think it's kinda weird.

If I'm making friends with people online (which I am, often), I'm taking into account whether they can hold a conversation that is of interest to me, flirt with me in a fun way, and, in general, be cool to chat with. If they fulfill all those requirements, I couldn't care less about how they stand on the "real" or "true" spectrum. Of course, I'm less likely to make friends with people who spout the "Real" and "True" way of S&M life, simply because I think it's crap.




Littlepita -> RE: Real/True Statements (11/19/2005 10:41:46 AM)

When I met my Sir online he really did seem to good to be true. He didn't try once to make himself out as something he isn't. He has proven over and over that he can be totally relied on. I did spend quite a bit of time looking for red flags and only kept getting the green ones.

I know for myself, I had to be as honest as I could be about myself and what I want and need out of a relationship. He does the same thing and takes it just as serious. We don't like cyber or online. But, that is how we met and we use our time now getting to know each other and making real plans for a future. It's been almost 7 months now and everyday brings a little more knowledge about who we are as individuals and as a couple.

So far so good! But we both agree that as wonderful as we seem to be for each other online we have to meet face to face to really be sure. There are places we won't go online. Like he won't fully Dom me because that isn't practical to do and he wants hands on training no cyber play.




darkinshadows -> RE: Real/True Statements (11/19/2005 10:51:51 AM)

quote:

When I met my Sir online he really did seem to good to be true.


pita - that's just perfect - a wonderful statement that made me go 'wow'.

Too good to be true, and that is exactly it. For every person who ever says they are 'real or true'... then something to note... they are only that - true - so we should all be like pita - and be more interested in that which is to good to be either true - or real...

Peace and Love




jamesthehumanrug -> RE: Real/True Statements (11/19/2005 11:09:38 AM)

you just gotta sit down and finally ask yourself well...is it real peanut butter ,or
is it a true mistress




KatyLied -> RE: Real/True Statements (11/19/2005 11:20:45 AM)

quote:

The term 'curious' is to me a big red flag, as in bi-curious


Okay, I have to ask why you have a problem with this. It is possible to be curious and confused as far as this goes. It depends on how you define yourself.




Sunshine119 -> RE: Real/True Statements (11/19/2005 12:13:44 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Marquisd

Without being judgemental and being able to seperate what interest us and what doesn't, how can we weed through 6 billion possible mates on this planet ?

I can't..................by the time I am done at 1 minute intervalls I will be 599 years old.....(someone check the math on that, please)



No, actually you'd need to be over 11,000 years old, given that you started as a newborn. So obviously, we can't sort through one by one. As far as I'm concerned, all this "on-line" stuff hasn't become real in any way.....yet. It may have the potential to be real and it may get there, but unless a person is actually with you, physically, for a period of time, there is no way to know who is real and who is just a poser.

One of the reasons I like to read this board is that there are lots of real time relationships going on here. Since being introduced to BDSM in real life first, I can't even imagine sitting in my room, whipping myself in front of a video cam. Or doing anything for more than a day or two for a computer entity. At the minimum, almost immediate phone calls followed by in-person meetings would be necessary, in my definition, to be "real".

If I've got a gut feeling someone is "real", then I take the chance. If my stomach says "Get out of there", I also listen. Not the most objective way, but, hey, we all depend on something. God protects fools and little children. Since I am far too old to be the latter, I depend upon the former.







LacieDoll -> RE: Real/True Statements (11/19/2005 1:37:49 PM)

One persons truth is another person's fantasy. I think its individual. We are molded out of our life experiences and interactions with others. I might be hesitant in trusting but someone else might trust right away. A lot has to do with how we think and feel. As for women, I think intrinsicly we develop a sense of things, little things might tip us off that something isn't right. I state that because women have often had to be guarded and concerned for safety that we intune ourselves to that channel more frequently than men do.





LittleMissSub -> RE: Real/True Statements (11/19/2005 2:43:15 PM)

first, EXCELLENT topic. it's nice to be away from the board for awhile and come back to this.

i'm not going to try to define real or true.

i don't immediately disregard someone who says that, because hey, they could be just as fed up with the posers and tourists as I am, and just trying to communicate to another "real" person.

i'll state a disclaimer...i only seek out male Dom's. i try to talk with others, but it usually falls by the way side rather quickly. So my experiences are based on that. I have never had someone who had intimate knowledge of the lifestyle ever try to purposely mislead me (i.e. hide his marriage, or kids, or girlfriend or lie to me about something else) Also, I only really talk to locals or people within an hour drive.

my green flags are usually red flags that don't happen. And they are not limited to or restricted within the following.

1. they don't try to cyber with me. ever. if it's implied i'll usually decline and state why i don't do that and they're respectful.
2. they ask questions (and not just what kinks i have...questions about me...if the kinks questions are first and plentiful, it's almost always a write off i've found)
3. they have thoughtful, intelligent (hopefully witty) remarks
4. they are relatively open with their lives (at first), which field they're in, which part of the city they live in, where they go and what they do in their off time. as time progresses, all of these details, however minute are revealed.
5. i don't require somene to be part of the local munch group or anything like that. Some people want to keep this part of themselves private. some people have jobs were if it got out it would really matter. and that's fine with me. my definition of a "real" dominant doesn't include participation in local events. i don't go to local events, and i'm certainly no tourist.
6. understand and use normal bdsm terminology without prompting from me.
7. they aren't control freaks
8. when i address the control freak issue (if new) they think about it and discuss it
9. if new, they ask lots of questions
10. when we meet, there's no pressure to have sex or play (even for people i'm just looking to play with)
11. going to their house (not for the first few meets)
12. if it's something more permanent....introduction to the vanilla life...friends, company functions, family...things that happen all the time in normal day to day life.
13. Exhibit and demonstrate a drive to always be learning more and experimenting, there is no end of the road.

they're in no particular order, but the last ones are more for when you've got past the introductory phase (obviously)




swtnsparkling -> RE: Real/True Statements (11/19/2005 3:42:23 PM)

I cant never understand anything you write. My eyes cross trying to read it.




mnottertail -> RE: Real/True Statements (11/19/2005 3:50:33 PM)

If I say, I will die for you...........

Is it real (in my mind it is)
Is it true (not in all likelyhood)

As LordODiscipline earlier said, subjective matter...no universal reality or truth exists.

Final analysis is Lassez Faire.

You find an acceptable reality and truth within your sphere of being.
That is real, that is truth.

This by implication says, you must experience that which is-- for some time, try it on, take it off........if that is a human, then...

Ron





slavejali -> RE: Real/True Statements (11/19/2005 3:56:44 PM)

quote:

If I say, I will die for you...........


ive bled for Master, does that count? *grin*




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