MizSuz
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quote:
ORIGINAL: malakas
I note that the dictionary definitions of "degradation" and "humiliation" you quoted indicate the two words are synonymous: "degradation" is one of the definitions of "humiliation." Consequently, the distinction you identify is your creature. There’s nothing wrong with that so long as what you are trying to communicate is not rendered ambiguous.
Absolutely. That's one reason my explanation was as verbose as it was. I was discussing what works for me. It's why I said "I don't personally see humiliation as degradation."
quote:
ORIGINAL: malakas
I agree there are possible cuckoldry scenarios in which the cuckoldress is debased - explicitly or implicitly - by the cuckold. I am uncomfortable using cuckold terminology for these scenarios because I don’t believe they apply. To me, cuckoldry presupposes that the woman affirmatively enjoys (figuratively and literally) the notion and the reality of having sex with other men - including all ramifications thereof - while the cuck remains monogamous.
To me as well (with the exception of "all the ramifications" if one of those ramifications is to be devalued) cuckoldry presupposes that the woman affirmatively enjoys...as you say. It's a dynamic I have enjoyed for some time in one form or another. I do, however, think that the scenarios you eschew calling cuckoldry are in fact cuckoldry, just not in a form you and I particularly care for. As I mentioned, there are scenarios in which the woman gets a buzz from the 'humiliation' of the 'whore' role. More power to her, I say. If they're married (and/ or significant others) and she has sex with other people it's cuckoldry (admittedly probably not D/s based cuckoldry). It's just not my cup of tea. Apparently it's not yours either.
quote:
ORIGINAL: malakas
I respectfully disagree with the generalization that "if the relationship is based in cuckoldry then the relationship is about the cuck's kink."
I prefaced that sentence with "consider this" not "so let it be written, so let it be done." The intent was to pose it as food for thought, to consider the tone of the original post and to consider how often one may have seen that attitude. To examine whether it is a pitfall one would wish to fall into or avoid all together. It's an attitude I've seen with a similar frequency as the times I hear "let me serve you" when the hidden meaning is "please make me do exactly what I want to do." I think it warrants examination if for no other reason than to better understand our own motivations. I don't have a problem with a cuck who gets off on being cucked, in fact it would seem a pretty good match with a woman who gets off on cuckolding someone. For me, however, his getting off on it is not a good enough reason for me to do it and I don't especially need him to enjoy it for me to be able to enjoy doing it. I'd rather be with someone who isn't necessarily 'into it' but respects me and wants me to be happy, than with someone who is so into it that they can't see the woman for the fantasy.
quote:
ORIGINAL: malakas
There are many permutations of cuckoldry in which the cuckoldress’ "personal preferences and enjoyment are what is paramount to him." The cuckoldresses I’ve known have all been driven by their personal preferences and enjoyment, which included the specific recognition that they were cuckolding a man in the process.
Ain't it great?!? I'm happy for you that you have been saved the onslaught of the ever prowling "others." I wish I could say the same.
quote:
ORIGINAL: malakas
Any time a man and a woman are independently turned on by the notion of cuckoldry before entering a cuckold relationship with each other, it can be said that to some extent the relationship is about the cuck’s kink. This doesn’t mean that the relationship is not also about the cuckoldress’ kink to the same or greater extent.
I also completely agree and I think you put it beautifully. My point is that I'm not the sort to enjoy the type of relationship in which either partner devalues the other. I don't care if others enjoy it. It's just not for me.
quote:
ORIGINAL: malakas
Based on your circumscriptions, it appears the only cuckold scenario that would pass muster is one in which the man is not a cuckold at the beginning and is turned by the woman into an accepting cuckold during the course of the relationship. This is analogous to deflowering a virgin in conventional sex: you may run across one, but I wouldn’t count on it.
No, I don't have a bar that only guys who aren't into it must pass. In fact, while I get great satisfaction and quite turned on by someone giving me something they wouldn't give anyone else, the truth for me is that I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who couldn't accept this part of me (whether he was 'into it' or not). As for the possibility of running into someone who isn't a cuck but ends up being quite happily cucked being slim - I was married to one for 10 years. It wasn't about the sex, it was about sharing and mutual respect. He was not submissive (although I still believe he had the heart and soul of a submissive), he was monogamous because that was right for him and he was respectful of my not being monogamous because that was right for me. Humiliation wasn't a part of this dynamic because he saw nothing shameful in my doing what was right for me, nor did he see it as a reflection of his inadequacy. He knew I loved him and that my commitment was to him. He may not have been a cuck in the fetish sense of the word, but I certainly cuckolded him in the traditional sense of the word. It was a non-issue for us. It can and does happen.
Edited to fix the screwed up quotes.
< Message edited by MizSuz -- 7/15/2006 9:03:32 PM >
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“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein
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RE: Cuckolding - 
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