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LadyPact -> RE: Uber Stalkers (8/25/2008 9:34:50 AM)
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The timing on this post is incredible. I'll start with saying thank you, Whiplash, for bringing it up.
I was actually having something of this conversation yesterday. Actually, male submissive, female Dominant in this particular situation. Bottom line is it was a situation that didn't work out. Fair enough. That happens to everyone once, right? This is usually the part where both parties accept that the dynamic isn't going to be pursued, wish each other luck, and that's the end of it. Ok. Let's just say that's how it happens in My world.
Well, it doesn't seem that it is the way it works in other people's worlds. Suddenly, I'm hearing from male sub that Domme is starting to use all kinds of tactics to get him to respond to her. Basically, the buckshot approach. Try anything and everything to see what works. We're talking everything from "I love you" to "I never want to speak to you again." Ridiculous numbers of instant messages, regular emails, cm mails, and phone calls. Caller ID on the cell phone is a wonderful thing. Heck, I even get a message Myself from Domme about him. Of course, Domme is being polite with Me, putting the best foot forward.
A few days of this goes on and it starts becoming apparent to Me that the behavior isn't subsiding. In fact, I'm even seeing it as becoming worse. I'm pretty liberal when it comes to people's emotions. I'll even give them the benefit of the doubt that, maybe this Domme is hurt by this thing not working out, and maybe she's saying some things in anger. I can get that. I wouldn't tell anyone not to say what is on their mind if they are needing closure. At the same time, I only see it as being valid for so long. In My view, a person gets that opportunity, and I'll even excuse them for perhaps not being very nice about it, but then it's over.
Nope. Doesn't seem like that's how that works in other people's worlds either. The unwanted contact still doesn't stop. By this point, even a fool can see that this is obsessive behavior. Just plain not wanting to let go or be willing to stop attempting to force communication. This is where I start becoming concerned. In My view, obsessive people tend to become dangerous people. It's a huge caution sign for Me. Being the protective sort that I am, I take up those things that I can do. I'm still polite to the Domme, but I put My foot down with the sub. No more contact. Block, delete, blah, blah so hopefully the message is finally heard.
The point of all this is, we throw some terms around pretty liberally around here. Ownership. Property. Things of this nature. However, we do also have to remember that, you can't own someone who doesn't want to be owned. You can't claim someone who doesn't want to submit. There are those among us who are obsessive people. We have our share of the abusive types, just like the vanillas have. Sometimes, I think we have to watch out for them more because it's so easy for them to hide in this lifestyle. When those true colors come out, we have to pay attention.
While I don't particularly care for the Uber title, I can certainly identify with the way you feel on the subject, Whiplash. I'm ever so tempted to make My position known to the Dominant woman in this particular scenario to back herself the fuck up before I introduce her to what real sadism really is and not the fun kind of way I usually use it. No, it's not the best way to handle things, but I'm also not willing to sit back while emotional harm is attempting to be inflicted.
I guess we just found another thing in common, didn't we, Whip?
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