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Lockit -> RE: Uber Stalkers (8/27/2008 8:39:36 AM)
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LadyPact, I don’t like drama and this has been drama, but I find this rather slanderous. No my nick wasn’t mentioned, but I have no doubt that certain people could email you and you would tell them the uber cyber stalking domme’s nick name. There are people who knew we were involved and who your new submissive is and therefore, they could or may know it is me you are talking about.
I am private about certain aspects of my life, but not because I feel I have anything to hide. Had I known that my life and such would be message board discussion and what was shared with someone in an intimate relationship would be shared with someone who was not a friend to me, etc. I would never have gotten involved. I do not like that I feel the need to prove myself or protect myself, nor how many misunderstandings have been twisted into what it all has become. But unless someone read every email and messenger conversation between us, they would not see a clear picture of anything that might actually be happening here.
In the recent and second to last email or message he sent to me, he said… (Name) thank you for being my friend and loving me. That doesn’t sound like a man who is saying… go away, I want no contact with you. In his last journal entry if it is still there, he admits to posting things in a prior journal entry that were unfair to both of us as he was posting from a painful place. There is a lot that has happened or has been said that can be and has been misunderstood or that could look far different than it was or how either of us see it or how another might see it. That can happen in painful situations and it was painful for both of us. More painful for me not because we are not together and I wish to dominate him… lol… but because of all that took place between us, is all now seen for all and I am being spoken about in what I find as slanderous ways. Most wouldn’t know you were talking about me, but some do.
I insisted on the no contact because of how those contacts were being made. Period. I could not take the push me, pull me and I could not take messages or emails being sent to me, talking about it all, stirring it all up and then not being allowed to try to resolve what was said from misunderstanding or pain, with his not answering me. Gee… forgive me for wanting to keep my reputation clear and for wanting to assure that no harm is done between us and to do that and finalize anything between us one way or another. We each got emotional and I do admit dysfunctional, thus my insistence on no contact so that it would stop and my email to you to assure that.
I do not feel that I should have to explain what happened and no one can know what happened and whatever confusion there was between us unless they read every communication we had because bits and pieces could make either of us look bad, I am sure. I had no idea that a submissive I was involved with would share what was happening between us with another dominant in the manner it has been or that things would escalate to this degree. I did not consent to sharing myself with anyone but him, but if I am going to be considered a stalker by anyone, I would rather it all be exposed to the world and would gladly share every message and email.
In the last communication to me he stated that he didn’t answer my calls because he didn’t know if I was mad and was afraid of an argument. My insistence for him to speak to me was to end the situation, not to continue the confusion or pain. Not once did either of us before my insistence for no more contact, state in any way that we didn’t want contact with one another. I do believe there were many miscommunications, misunderstandings and mixed messages. I also believe there could be fault on both our parts. I am sure without knowing all; one would think that we each have been harassing to one another in some way. I know we each have felt harassed at some point.
Many things can be seen as one thing when intended differently and I think this is one of those situations where you simply have to call it a draw and move on. Breakups are painful especially when they are followed so closely to other things… my move… his new dominant about a week and a half after me, etc. Two good and decent people got into some very emotional and confusing things and their attempts… both of their attempts… were not always seen as what they really were. It was a painful time for both of us, especially with all that life was throwing at us besides our relationship.
Now, I am not contacting him and anything unresolved will just have to remain unresolved. I do not wish for this to go any further and for me, other than what I find a bit slanderous, prompting me to air my dirty laundry in public, it is a dead subject.
quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyPact
The timing on this post is incredible. I'll start with saying thank you, Whiplash, for bringing it up.
I was actually having something of this conversation yesterday. Actually, male submissive, female Dominant in this particular situation. Bottom line is it was a situation that didn't work out. Fair enough. That happens to everyone once, right? This is usually the part where both parties accept that the dynamic isn't going to be pursued, wish each other luck, and that's the end of it. Ok. Let's just say that's how it happens in My world.
Well, it doesn't seem that it is the way it works in other people's worlds. Suddenly, I'm hearing from male sub that Domme is starting to use all kinds of tactics to get him to respond to her. Basically, the buckshot approach. Try anything and everything to see what works. We're talking everything from "I love you" to "I never want to speak to you again." Ridiculous numbers of instant messages, regular emails, cm mails, and phone calls. Caller ID on the cell phone is a wonderful thing. Heck, I even get a message Myself from Domme about him. Of course, Domme is being polite with Me, putting the best foot forward.
A few days of this goes on and it starts becoming apparent to Me that the behavior isn't subsiding. In fact, I'm even seeing it as becoming worse. I'm pretty liberal when it comes to people's emotions. I'll even give them the benefit of the doubt that, maybe this Domme is hurt by this thing not working out, and maybe she's saying some things in anger. I can get that. I wouldn't tell anyone not to say what is on their mind if they are needing closure. At the same time, I only see it as being valid for so long. In My view, a person gets that opportunity, and I'll even excuse them for perhaps not being very nice about it, but then it's over.
Nope. Doesn't seem like that's how that works in other people's worlds either. The unwanted contact still doesn't stop. By this point, even a fool can see that this is obsessive behavior. Just plain not wanting to let go or be willing to stop attempting to force communication. This is where I start becoming concerned. In My view, obsessive people tend to become dangerous people. It's a huge caution sign for Me. Being the protective sort that I am, I take up those things that I can do. I'm still polite to the Domme, but I put My foot down with the sub. No more contact. Block, delete, blah, blah so hopefully the message is finally heard.
The point of all this is, we throw some terms around pretty liberally around here. Ownership. Property. Things of this nature. However, we do also have to remember that, you can't own someone who doesn't want to be owned. You can't claim someone who doesn't want to submit. There are those among us who are obsessive people. We have our share of the abusive types, just like the vanillas have. Sometimes, I think we have to watch out for them more because it's so easy for them to hide in this lifestyle. When those true colors come out, we have to pay attention.
While I don't particularly care for the Uber title, I can certainly identify with the way you feel on the subject, Whiplash. I'm ever so tempted to make My position known to the Dominant woman in this particular scenario to back herself the fuck up before I introduce her to what real sadism really is and not the fun kind of way I usually use it. No, it's not the best way to handle things, but I'm also not willing to sit back while emotional harm is attempting to be inflicted.
I guess we just found another thing in common, didn't we, Whip?
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