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shadowsintolight -> It's going to be a long night... (8/28/2008 5:02:03 PM)
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This isn't really BDSM related, but I'm hoping to find some support here. My Master and friends are well-meaning and all, but I think I will scream if I am told one more time to "just think positive." I am hoping for the best, but I also need to be realistic and god knows I just want to talk about how scared I am. I have to be strong and positive and upbeat for my husband and the offspring, and it is just wearing me down.
Two months ago, my husband began having what we thought was a flare up of FMS, which he was diagnosed with over ten years ago. This was really bad, though. He almost couldn't walk because his feet and ankles burned like they were on fire. He went to the doctor who just said flare ups are common with FMS and basically sent him on his way. Two weeks or so later, it had gotten to the point that he would use a wheelchair whenever he had to leave the house because the pain was so bad he would be crying after walking from the car to a building. The burning moved up his legs and started in his hands and moved up his arms, and is now even in his face and eyes, literally everywhere.
He started having other symptoms, too, weakness to where he would drop things or couldn't pick up even a glass. He would lose his balance and even fall. He was just constantly in so much pain he would just sit in his recliner and cry because it even hurt to breathe. More trips to the doctor where all they said was it was FMS and there really wasn't a lot they could do for him.
Other things started happening that alarmed me. He couldn't remember how to work the remote on the TV, check his email, and do other simple things. He started having trouble making his hands work. His legs, arms, and hands would get so stiff after literally minutes of being still. He was increasingly confused and couldn't understand what people said more and more often. He started having trouble finding words and speaking. Swallowing and chewing were becoming harder and harder.
About a week ago, he finally let me take him to a different doctor, and wanted the papers signed that would allow me to talk to the doctor and make decisions for him. Within five minutes of the doctor seeing him, he said it was definitely NOT fibromyalgia and that there was something serious going on with his brain. He ordered a CT scan, MRI, and tons of blood work. I also told the doctor about a lump on his testical that he had refused to have checked out for about three years. When he was checking that, the doctor noticed a "mass" in his abdomen. There was also a tremor noted when my husband was asked to shrug his shoulders, and it has gotten so bad this past week that using a fork is so hard for him. He has also started stuttering this week and having muscle spasms where sometimes his whole body will jerk and other times just his lip or his finger will twitch for several minutes.
The MRI and testicular ultrsound was done yesterday. They said it would be about three days before they got the report to his doctor, but first thing this morning my phone rang and the office said the doctor wanted to see my husband as soon as possible to discuss the results of the MRI and ultrasound, so we have an appointment tomorrow morning.
I'm staying upbeat around my husband and offspring, but whenever I am alone for a minute, I start to cry. It can't be good news when the doctor calls less than 24 hours after the MRI and wants to see him ASAP, right? I know other people have been in this same situation. How did you keep yourself grounded?
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