SimplyMichael -> RE: Advice for New Dominants (9/21/2008 7:02:05 AM)
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Be yourself Many have said this but I want to add a few things. Desireable dominants just like desirable women are always in demand. So the temptation is to do what is "marketable" etc. Be yourself, you won't be happy with the woman who desires you because you imitated some bigshot, sure the first few blowjobs might be hot but when you have to talk to her in the morning, or want to be yourself you can't because that isn't why she is there. You begin dancing to their drum, not yours. The reward is that the women you really want, the ones who will still be making you happy years later will be attracted to exactly the man you are. I could get more women by changing a few things but you have to decide if quality or quantity is your goal. Being true to yourself will mean less women but it will also mean far better ones. No surprises This is sort of a corollary to "not just a slut but MY slut." Make her the center of your universe. BSB and I had our issues and she is normally a raging jealous bitch when the issue of other women come up be we never ever had that issue between her and I. That is partly due to her growing and maturing as a woman but also because she never had a doubt that she was the most important woman in my life. I did that by never ever surprising her with women, I told her when I met someone interesting, I kept her informed of what might happen and so she knew her place and theirs without a shadow of doubt. Understand duality This is perhaps the hardest for some people to learn. Understand that people can want to be one thing AND another. She might want to be the classy woman at one point and a cum drenched heap another. Yes she loves to be used but not all the time. Yes she loves to be surprised but not all the time. Learn how and why those buttons work because the better you can manipulate them the better time you will both have and the easier it is to turn the classy woman into your greedy little slut begging you to use her tongue. You are in essence feeding portions of her personality, ignore one and she goes hungry, take care of all of them and she will reward you in ways you can't yet imagine. People so struggle with this and it causes so many problems. Yes, she will do "that" for you once or twice when you order it but if you are not feeding her at other times, it is going to go from "serving" to "drudgery" and that isn't going to last. Pay attention This dovetails with the above. Watch her, listen to her voice, read her body, smell her and learn what she is telling you. This is one of the things that separates the men from the boys. This isn't the same as saying dote on her or react to what you notice but learn to understand what it means. Listen for when her voice drops an octave and it means her cunt is dripping for you and perhaps whisper "NO" to her. She then knows despite all the women in the room you KNOW her and you are denying her, two very hot things. Without paying attention to where she is physically and emotionally at, you can't manipulate that duality to your advantage. She feels important and valuable and that you GET her more than anyone else, and she knows YOU are giving her that. Communication Everyone says it and it is true but there are foundations that must be built. Make it safe to talk about hard issues, don't react, don't throw tantrums, even if she tells you your dick is too small, Johnny turns her on, or she can't take your cock in her ass anymore because it is too big, or whatever. We aren't honest with people because we fear their reactions, show her that your reaction is going to be love, care, concern, and consideration and she will slowly open and blossom for you like the rare flower she is. Have fun Don't worry about "doing it right" if the two of you get off and have smiles on your faces, then you are doing it right even if it doesn't look like the picture in the book or if everyone does it differently.
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