RE: Mentors, What are they, and how do they help?

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RE: Mentors, What are they, and how do they help? - 11/25/2005 1:24:50 PM

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Joined: 11/1/2005
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quote:

i've been giving the idea of having a mentor serious thought lately, which raises whole host of questions: 1) mals; 2)female; 3) the real deal and not just someone who wants a quick lay 4) i don't know what else,m 5) i know even less on how to find one.

Any ideas y'all?

Thanks.
jimini/krikket

Chose someone from the boards or chat who seems mature, and ask for a mentoring relationship. You may or may not get what you ask for, but at least you'll have targeted someone worthwhile. When the relationship starts, remember that while you may love Him, He is not a candidate for play or sex or a relationship....He interacts with you only for your benefit.

candystripper

(in reply to krikket)

RE: Mentors, What are they, and how do they help? - 11/25/2005 3:44:55 PM

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From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
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So who among us has taken that very frightening step into their own psyche, asked for guidance and survived it intact to find a place in the lifestyle where they can confidently say"I belong here"?

SirButchTX ====
===========

good day to You, Sir.
i am actually happy You picked this topic. i have 'a' domme mentor, slash friend, that has been instrumental in my approach to all this hoo rah hype in the lifestyle, plus i have a great buddy friend that is a male Dom, whom i speak to a lot on IM also. both of these folks, plus my present Mistress, are very much helpful to me.
but let's discuss the domme and the dom.
You ask, about delving into our own head? it IS indeed very scary at times, even for a mere domestic slave. i tend to blow-off a lot of the fluff in this lifestyle, with a grunt, "it isn't in my domestics so i don't care" blah blah.
but there, are, indeed, some things, that do, stick to my brain and make me think.
(yes,-- for those asking --does it hurt--to think)
and i must say Sir, i have been forced, against my wishes to find answers inside when my gut says ignore it, it will go away...and of course it doesn't go away.

does anyone care, You ask?
yes, Sir. i do!
and thank You.
i could not be where i am today, emotionally w/o my mentor or my buddy.

good day to You, Sir.

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to SirButchTX)

RE: Mentors, What are they, and how do they help? - 11/26/2005 1:18:41 AM

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From: Pacoima, CA
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When I first started seriously exploring SM I had the great good fortune to be in an area with an active community and some very patient, good hearted and experienced folks to learn from. Some were Tops, some were bottoms. All were very good at what they did and I feel blessed to have had a chance to learn from them.

One of them was more of a personal mentor, but I gathered info and answers from several. I assisted in setting up scenes, observed negotiations, ran to get stuff, fetched and carried, and generally made myself useful to those who's knowledge I wished to gain. I apprenticed myself to the craft I wanted to learn. I did this for 2 years before I laid my own hand to the flesh of another unmonitored. I want to KNOW that I knew what I was doing before I did it. <shrug> I'm just a control freak, I suppose. Plus, I have a funny, old fashoned sense of honor and wanted to have earned my place when I was ready to take it.

Since then, and over the years, I've tried to pay that back by passing on what *I've* learned when the opportunity presents itself. "Each one teach one" was given to me as a rule to follow. I try. I pass it on in seminars and workshops and person to person with those who ask.

I have been surprised by those who seem to feel that, as a Top or Dom/me, they can't take the position of student. That for some reason this demeans them or makes them the 'bottom' to the teacher. What, they think their born knowing what to do? When there is access to experienced folks, use it.

Daddy Grey

_____________________________

Safe, Sane, Consensual....
Two out of three is not bad,
One will do in a pinch.

(in reply to SirButchTX)

RE: Mentors, What are they, and how do they help? - 11/26/2005 1:37:34 AM

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quote:

I have found it more useful to do more peers counselling rather then a mentoring system. That way everyone can gain benefits from it.
I do believe that you can have people that teach you skills, such as flogging, hot waxing and such, but that dominance comes from whom you are.
My understanding about Doms mentoring submissive is that there should be no sexual contact, and that if deep feeling start to develop, the Dom needs to end the mentoring phase. Not my cup of tea so to speak.

Tony/Phoenxx

i agree. i knew my Mentor was searching, and made a pest of myself trying to persuade Him to choose me. Eventually, He threatened to end our relationship if i did not stop. i was so taken aback i behaved after that.

candystripper

(in reply to Phoenxx)

RE: Mentors, What are they, and how do they help? - 11/26/2005 3:56:26 AM

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quote:

What does a Mentor teach? My Mentor taught me to find myself. He constantly gave me assignments that made me search my innermost being for answers. He asked the tough questions like "what do you want out of this?" My Mentor helped me define myself within this lifestyle. He taught me that if we do not know ourselves, we can never expect to know another. He taught me that a Dominant without a submissive who is submitting to them is just another person on the planet.
So who among us has taken that very frightening step into their own psyche, asked for guidance and survived it intact to find a place in the lifestyle where they can confidently say"I belong here"?

When I first started out I was lucky enough to meet a Dom in a chat room, we became friends and from that he became my Mentor . He too made me do assignments just as You have described. I worked hard I worked very hard. Every week was another assignment that would really make me Think - Research he would ask me to also include what I thought of what I had thought/read/ learned , what my opinion on it was. What did I learn from it.

He gave me and Assignment one time on the Topic of Masters- Mentors-Trainers
it was 9 pages long. He asked to start off this assignment how did I Define what I thought each was. Then I was to Ask 5 Dom's and 5 subs what their opinion was- what they thought each was. List 5 bad things on each and then list 5 good things about each. After I had all my information I was to then explain to him what I had really learned. After this paper is when I decided I didn't believe in the whole trainer thing. And knew exactely what i was looking for.

my Mentor was my friend, confidant, teacher, and because of him I found me. I have never since that time ever doubted who I am. I gained the courage to talk to my hub about everything because that honesty was so very important. He was never out for himself, i trusted him and he never streered me wrong. He and I had met many times R/T my hub met him and liked him very much. We never played- He never asked me to do anything sexually.

I did papers on Trust - Respect - Poly- Discipline- Punishment etc.etc.
I wanted a Dom, wanted one right now ! lol then I learned what sub frenzy was and because of that- thankfully I never fell into it. I continued to learn and was patient and when the time was right met my 1st Master- a wonderful man I trusted 100% and never doubted for a second. we are no longer together but we still care for each other deeply, remain best of friends, still discuss everything about our lives.

Although it has been awhile since i last spoke to my Mentor, i will always priase him and beleive i am where and who i am today because of his gudience, comminment to my learning and care. I still hold him in the highest regard.I was truly blessed to have met this Man and have him be a big part of my discovery of BDSM and self.

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to SirButchTX)

RE: Mentors, What are they, and how do they help? - 11/26/2005 4:22:59 AM

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Joined: 9/16/2004
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quote:

When I first started out I was lucky enough to meet a Dom in a chat room, we became friends and from that he became my Mentor . He too made me do assignments just as You have described. I worked hard I worked very hard. Every week was another assignment that would really make me Think - Research he would ask me to also include what I thought of what I had thought/read/ learned , what my opinion on it was. What did I learn from it.

He gave me and Assignment one time on the Topic of Masters- Mentors-Trainers
it was 9 pages long. He asked to start off this assignment how did I Define what I thought each was. Then I was to Ask 5 Dom's and 5 subs what their opinion was- what they thought each was. List 5 bad things on each and then list 5 good things about each. After I had all my information I was to then explain to him what I had really learned. After this paper is when I decided I didn't believe in the whole trainer thing. And knew exactely what i was looking for.

my Mentor was my friend, confidant, teacher, and because of him I found me. I have never since that time ever doubted who I am. I gained the courage to talk to my hub about everything because that honesty was so very important. He was never out for himself, i trusted him and he never streered me wrong. He and I had met many times R/T my hub met him and liked him very much. We never played- He never asked me to do anything sexually.

I did papers on Trust - Respect - Poly- Discipline- Punishment etc.etc.
I wanted a Dom, wanted one right now ! lol then I learned what sub frenzy was and because of that- thankfully I never fell into it. I continued to learn and was patient and when the time was right met my 1st Master- a wonderful man I trusted 100% and never doubted for a second. we are no longer together but we still care for each other deeply, remain best of friends, still discuss everything about our lives.

swtnsparkling,
This was my experience as well. I met Lord Titan on line. We talked on the phone. He asked a lot of questions; basically probing to see if I was worth his time.
After several months of assignments, journal entries, learning to explain and express my kink; he siad I was ready to find a submissive to start with. I was not so sure. I had been a sub sex slave at 15; but now I was a 40 y/o learning to express my dominance in a structured way.
I put up a profile on alt and on yahoo...remember when yahoo was free?
At the same time, my wife and I put up a yahoo profile as swingers. A Russian woman (living in Columbia, SC) contacted us. She came for a visit. WE were entertaining a group of folks from the university (I was a professor). After dinner, irina and I got into the hottub. She immediately grabbed me and began begging me to fuck her. Barb had been inside and when she came back out, exploded. "We don't play with others until we have discussed things first."
The poor irina went into the corner of the hottub and went into a fetal position.. a light went off...DING...this is a sub.
After things calmed down, we had an incredible 3 some. I told Barb about my thoughts on irina's submissiveness; and she totally agreed. (Barb had worked as a pro domina with Master Jack in his Dallas dungeon; so she had an eye for things.)
I contacted irina and told her what I was interested in and she was wonderfully happy. She had always knwn she was a submissive; but had not known how to approach someone about exploring the lifestyle.
I contacted Lord Titan and he suggested that I should also bring another Mentor into the mix; Lord Cuff.
Each time I had a session with irina, she and I would each describe the session and what we were experiencing. Both of our journals were sent to my Mentors and they responded with insights/suggestions. After 4 months I collared my first submissive. After a year, she became my first and only slave.
We split over 10 years ago; but still stay in touch and are still very close to each other; though she is now working at Harvard. Did I mention I like smart women?
The greatest golfers in the world have coaches and mentors; I don't see how anyone can get as much out of the lifestyle by him/herself as they could with a good Mentor. I still have Mentors and continually look for new ones I can learn from. Black Rose is a good place to find them. Too bad it was not held in 2005; but look for me there in 2006.
To all those self - teaching doms; good luck. I view you like the weekend hacker on the golf course. You could be so much better if someone was helping you with your swing.

_____________________________

Master Jerry

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

RE: Mentors, What are they, and how do they help? - 11/26/2005 6:04:27 AM

LadiesBladewing

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I also found mentorship to be invaluable in my growth. A mentor in the lifestyle does the same thing, I think, as a mentor in one's career or profession. He or she provides guidance and direction, and provides knowledge of how things work, and different approaches that are beneficial.

For me, mentorship provided the guidance that helped me to maintain a healthy perspective in service. I didn't just rely on my D/s mentors for this, but took advantage of my spiritual mentors as well, from whom I'd first learned about service as a calling.

When I moved into my current role in our household, I had already had substantial assistance and guidance from my mentors and teachers in my seminary training about leadership. I leaned heavily on this, relying on my mentors in the lifestyle to help me to figure out how the lessons I'd already learned fit into the D/s aspects of my life.

I can honestly say that, without my mentors on both paths, I would not have been the kind of dominant and leader that I am. It was an amazing revelation to me when I understood that, for me, leadership would -always- be a form of service. Because of my calling, leadership would always revolve around guiding, teaching, structuring, and drawing out the individual who rested their life in my hands. In the same way, encouraging the best possible service from those whom I lead provides them with the opportunity to grow and to fully respect their own capacity to do something to the best of their ability.

I'd heard so many dominants talking about their philosophies, but I had never encountered the concepts under which I came to understand my role as a dominant and the strengths necessary for me to guide and direct individuals who both -knew- exactly what and who they were and were looking for a positive outlet for that, but also to guide and direct individuals who had denied or lost their way, and who wanted this, but were unwilling to -commit- themselves fully to the process. Without my mentors, I might never have understood how my unusual perspective would be -beneficial-, and how to use all my tools, including my compassion, without weakening the goals.

Without my mentors, I would not be the person or the dominant that I am. In turn, I try to provide mentorship to others who are trying to find their way or to confirm or solidify their choices. I hope, someday, to see someone that I have guided flourish and share with another, from their own unique perspective. To me, that is the greatest gift that a mentor can have, is to see that point at which the one that they guide begins to walk beside them, and even, perhaps, walk ahead, and share the knowledge and growth with another seeker.

Lady Zephyr

(in reply to SirButchTX)

RE: Mentors, What are they, and how do they help? - 11/26/2005 6:18:33 AM

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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Years ago, I had a number of excellent mentors when I first entered Gor Role-play. Some of them remained mentors and showed me the Gorean Lifestyle. They are my peers, trusted real time friends in both the USA and the UK. When I find a person who has both experience and credibility in some aspect in the BDSM area such as Shibari or needle play etc and if we strike up a friendship, I will ask that person if he/she is prepared to mentor me in the areas of their expertise. At least I will know that I will be taught properly and safely. I’ll also know that when and if my mentor/s tell me that I’m safe to turn loose on the scene without supervision, I will have achieved something which I value and that others will know that I’ve had good training.

In a round about I’ve mentored people in a variety of areas often by being a sounding board and Big Bear Brother who they could turn to as needed.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LadiesBladewing)

RE: Mentors, What are they, and how do they help? - 11/26/2005 7:33:56 AM

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I have learned more through "many" others, and mostly through talking, watching, and enjoying submissives, than from a Dom/me "mentor."

The dynamic that I enjoy, and what I want to learn about, is why submissives enjoy what they enjoy, and what drives a masochist to love pain, and why serving is pleasure, etc. I know myself pretty well, but in order to enjoy a sub/bottom man, I like to know more about them, and what drives them. I don't feel that info can come from, or be shared through being mentored by another dominant, as much a learning first hand right from the sub/bottoms.

I find talking things out with close friends to be the most valuable tool for searching my own thoughts, and my heart, and learning from them. They also teach me about myself.

...a harsh lesson sometimes.

My issue with having a mentor is that you are learning some basics from them, through THEIR philosophy of things. You are only learning their way, or one way (in many cases). It may be a concentrated way of learning, but I feel it can also be quite narrow focused to their agenda of life.

In the business world, I had a mentor once, but really didn't realize that he was a mentor, until after we stopped working together. Had I realized the dynamic that we both created, by default of our positions in the company, I may have resisted it a bit. As it turned out, it was beneficial to both of us, and I learned much from him. In the work place....well, it worked. I'm not much for it, otherwise.

K

(in reply to SirButchTX)

RE: Mentors, What are they, and how do they help? - 11/26/2005 7:46:47 AM

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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I agree with you on the down side of mentorship, however I have found that if there is good communications between both parties and you are prepared to ask the "This is how i see it..." or "How would it work if I tried it like....." or even "I'd like to try it this way because it suits my personality ......" types of questions you can broarden the perspective in which you are learning which can benifit both of you. When I have students in my Pagan group, I tell them at the start, "Don't take what I'm teaching you as Gospel or the only way. Use what I teach untill you master it or untill you find a way better for you.." This encourages them to grow personally as well as showing me alternative methods which I may or may not be aware. I always remember that I'm human and fallible and am not a God...... I have found that I learn as much from sub/slaves as I do from Dominants.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

RE: Mentors, What are they, and how do they help? - 11/26/2005 7:48:23 AM

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I am indeed a mentor, (this is not a paid political announcement) I am very specific in what and who I mentor--I use online and emails as My means, no I do not do cyber techniques etc but as SirButch described, I focus on the inner being--what drives you, what do you hope to gain, etc., I also will respond to questions about BDSM skills, if they are not in My menu of likes, I will send them to web sites for information--before I accept anyone to mentor, there are more than a few exchanges and 90% of the time, its someone looking for a cyber moment--I do however, have many successful cases to My credit---the point I am trying to make, is it can indeed work well---BUT it takes as much searching as finding a good partner---for there are many as we have mentioned here that see it as a means to gain entrance---if a mentor is first and foremost concerned with YOU and SSC, and sets the rules that you are student and they are teacher and no boundaries beyond that will be breached---then you have a good start--as always in our L/life, caution--

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to harmony3709)

RE: Mentors, What are they, and how do they help? - 11/26/2005 12:15:44 PM

Laura

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If you could find a mentor I think it would be great. I had a mentor once but he turned out to be something else. It's easy for someone to twist your mind around when you're already somehwat confused and not certain of how you fit in. You pretty much need a mentor to help you find a mentor. Likely you'd be better off not trusting anyone who offers to be something, instead watch the people around you - assuming you go to munches and other gatherings.

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to MHOO314)

RE: Mentors, What are they, and how do they help? - 11/26/2005 2:31:20 PM

LadiesBladewing

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Ok, some days are just irony waiting to happen. Yesterday, while waiting for SilverRose and our unmentionable to get their hair cut (I don't need haircuts, since my hair is kept shaved to 1/8" or less) I got bored with a book I was reading and my eyes wandered. The light kept catching this particular flyer in a strange way, and it made me curious, so I got up to look closer. It turned out to be a flyer for yoga classes and a healing school. I was curious, so I made an appointment for myself and SilverRose this morning. I was interested, and wanted her along to hear her thoughts about how this treatment modality might fit into the wellness and retreat center that we are working towards and dreaming of.

This morning, this thread appeared on the board and we had the appointment at the yoga center.

We arrived and were met by the sabum-nim -- the Master of the Center. He took us into a private discussion room, and asked us about what our goals were, and what we were looking for. Then he explained to us that before I could start training at the healing school, I would have much work to do on myself -- particularly on my body, which was in a very poor state. He said that he could tell that my mind, heart, and spirit were strong and vibrant, but that the state of my body was dragging me down. He said that it was not enough to start a program, and then quit it when I got frustrated with how slowly things were going, and that he knew, from now, that it would take at least a -year- of consistent work every day to make the necessary repairs to be able to work consistently as a healer. He said that I was using my MS as an excuse to let my body drag me from my goals, and that I needed to become the master of my body, before I could tackle teaching others how to do the same as a healer.

He talked with SilverRose, as well, and told her something that she definitely did not want to hear (I won't share it here -- it is hers to share with those she feels that she wants to). He gave the knowledge he had of her to her as a gift -- because her not knowing is impacting her life daily. She got very angry, and he told her that if she was not able to accept that she would learn things she might not want to know about herself, but would have to work through just the same, that it would not be worthwhile for her to begin the program, and that he would rather not have her as a student at all than to have her as a reluctant student.

Listening to him, especially when he told me that if I was going to quit when it hurt, or when I was tired, or when I hated what he was teaching me about myself, that I, too, should reconsider even beginning, and that he was going to require from me something that he knew, from reading my aura, that I did not give often, and that I valued as if I were giving a piece of myself away -- that he was going to demand from me my PROMISE that I come to every class, even if I could not participate --, I knew that it had happened again, like it had when I first met StarAcer (First Prelate of the Illuminance Fellowship and my very first mentor and teacher). It was time for me to grow again, and I was ready, if reluctant -- but because I was ready, the mentor appeared. I am, once again, a novitiate, learning new tools while being required to retain the responsibilities that I have already taken up. The teacher becomes the student, and I learn, again, the wisdom and fluidity of the Universe.

I hope that this relationship guides me to new growth, and that the journey is as challenging as I need and as rewarding as I dream it will be -- for both myself and my teacher.

Thank you for letting me share.
Lady Zephyr

(in reply to LadiesBladewing)

RE: Mentors, What are they, and how do they help? - 11/26/2005 3:20:04 PM

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quote:

My issue with having a mentor is that you are learning some basics from them, through THEIR philosophy of things. You are only learning their way, or one way (in many cases). It may be a concentrated way of learning, but I feel it can also be quite narrow focused to their agenda of life.

Maybe for some, not for me however. Nothing was ever through his eyes. everything i learned was through my own eyes. He inspired me to seek out the knowledge, He guided me in not in just His direction but that of others as well. A way for me to see and learn the differences between all and from that i drew my own conclusions. He Mentored me and if you were to know him and myself you'd see a lot of our views how we see and feel about BDSM differ greatly.

i became me, one of a kind. No copy of anyone. i trusted this man because he never asked anything of me for Himself ever, all he asked was for me to take my time- read-write and reread again. Ask questions, search my soul, discuss, use common sense and remember just because i was submissive i still had my own ideas, opinions, ability to say no, stand strong in my beliefs and anyone who tired to persuade, push, order, rush or tell me i wasn't a submissive because i wouldn't give in, was a person i never had to explain myself too or say anything more than not interested.

i think having a Mentor is Great and an Important part of learning. This lifestyle can be and is very confusing at times and more dangerous in many ways. the problem these days are , finding a Mentor who truly wishes to teach and guide and not looking for something more for themselves. i believe a Good Mentor helps and gives to the student not takes.

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to FTopinMichigan)

RE: Mentors, What are they, and how do they help? - 11/26/2005 4:26:40 PM

LadiesBladewing

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quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

Maybe for some, not for me however. Nothing was ever through his eyes. everything i learned was through my own eyes. He inspired me to seek out the knowledge, He guided me in not in just His direction but that of others as well. A way for me to see and learn the differences between all and from that i drew my own conclusions. He Mentored me and if you were to know him and myself you'd see a lot of our views how we see and feel about BDSM differ greatly.

i became me, one of a kind. No copy of anyone. i trusted this man because he never asked anything of me for Himself ever, all he asked was for me to take my time- read-write and reread again. Ask questions, search my soul, discuss, use common sense and remember just because i was submissive i still had my own ideas, opinions, ability to say no, stand strong in my beliefs and anyone who tired to persuade, push, order, rush or tell me i wasn't a submissive because i wouldn't give in, was a person i never had to explain myself too or say anything more than not interested.

I found this to be the case with myself and my mentors as well. While I did learn doctrine from my teachers at seminary, my -mentors- were the ones who helped me question what I was learning, and shape it and make it mine. In the same way, my mentors acted to help me to recognize what I was seeing/feeling for myself. They were patient in helping me to sort out my confusions and giving me the tools to be able to find words to express my conflicts, disagreements, and diversions as comfortably as they helped me to express convergences of thought/principle.

This, to me, is the difference between a teacher and a mentor. Teachers provide information. Information is a neutral thing, but our feelings about that information -aren't- usually neutral. A mentor helps you to assess your feelings about information, and to express the thoughts -- and then helps you to either integrate that information into your personal paradigm, or to find -different- information that is more compatible with the direction that you are taking. The mentor doesn't do the work, and doesn't judge the information for you -- he or she only provides the tools and the sounding board for you to do the work and sort things out for your own benefit.

Lady Zephyr

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

RE: Mentors, What are they, and how do they help? - 11/26/2005 7:04:09 PM

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I'm a big fan of having a good mentor. My View is that as a submissive you should have a mentor does not play with you. Novice Doms should have someone that can teach them hands on techniques. Mentors serve to guide you through the community and teach.

The bottom line is I've been in the community here for 12 years. I have a pretty good handle on the people that have behaved as predators.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to LadiesBladewing)

RE: Mentors, What are they, and how do they help? - 11/26/2005 7:25:43 PM

ExistentialSteel

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Reading the posts here, it is easy to see that there are many different definitions of what a mentor is. Some, such as myself, think it is someone you can learn techniques from while others think it is someone who guides you in relationships, while others think it is someone who helps you find yourself or some other feel good thing.

Don't let the term mentor cause you to let someone you barely know take charge of your relationships and life is my warning. If you tell me that you talked to him/her online and can trust him/her, I'm going to compare your IQ with moss growing on a tree.

The concept that a mentor does more than teach techniques is actually what is dangerous for a newbie. He/she thinks the mentoring thing is much more than it actually is and starts to think of the mentor as an infallible guru who should be pleased. If your psyche wobbles, find a friend to give it balance or if it is on a deeper level, seek professional help.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: Mentors, What are they, and how do they help? - 11/26/2005 9:23:27 PM

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel
If your psyche wobbles, find a friend to give it balance or if it is on a deeper level, seek professional help.

The problem is- that's what frenzied newbies WANT. They WANT someone to take over, they WANT to feel cherished and that fuzzy erotic thrill of just being a good girl and obeying.

And yet they want to feel like they are still IN something of control.

So labeling someone a "mentor" gives them what they want.

I have yet to hear of someone being a mentor by force.

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)

RE: Mentors, What are they, and how do they help? - 11/27/2005 6:17:49 AM

ExistentialSteel

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Joined: 1/18/2005
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Yeah, I know some of you think I have head trauma for not realizing the wonderful benefits of using mentors. Well, you caused it. When I hear the tributes given to this and that mentor because they told the new sub what type of sub she was after various assignments I jumped head first from my steps to the sidewalk attempting to bang my head. I would be dead today if I hadn’t done more of a belly flop than a head firster.

The accolades given to mentors makes me think I’m walking in the field that was used to fatten turkeys for Thanksgiving? Speaking of turkeys, hell, some frenzied newbies may think they are turkeys, vampire consorts or the reincarnation of Egyptian slaves with their jet black hair and eye shadow from the industrial sized jar.

The red flag, big enough to adorn Tinnamen Square in Bejing, is when the person describe him/herself as a Mentor (their capital). The next thing you are memorizing Egyptian gods names and standing nude in the corner at home alone waiting for the mentor on the phone to tell you what to do with the kitchen implement he told you to get out of the drawer. Eventually, the mentor tells you what to do daily, who to play with, what you are and who you are.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Mentors, What are they, and how do they help? - 11/27/2005 8:24:28 AM

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

Like anything else from the internet, a mentor who you only know through the internet has zero value. That "successful, smart, analytical, fit, businessman" is likely to be a 19 year old college student, or a 50 year old living in his parent's basement. Internet "reputations" are just as valueless.

The best mentor is one who doesn't know he/she is a mentor. It's a person who you observe. Who's life not only gives the appearance of success but is successful in actuality. You aspire to be Trump? Emulate Trump. You want to be Gandhi? Study Gandhi's life. Your mentor questions are answered by how they handled similar situations in their lives. Which is also the best mentor in the lifestyle. You'll know he/she is a good reference if some of the questions you ask they answer by saying; "I don't know", or "I've never done/don't do that." Just like the search for a good Master/Mistress, you'll know you've found a person with confidence who readily laughs at him/herself, and has the confidence to say; "Damn, I can't do that either, but let me refer you to my friend (fill in the blank), I've always admired how he/she does that."

Instead of asking what should I do, ask them what they did in a similar position. More important than the answer, is the WHY of the answer. That's important because the cause of their actions could have been effected by their goal. The "why" will focus on the thought process, not just the result. Ultimately it's the thought process that you have to learn from the mentor.

WIIWD relationships seem obvious and simple. They are if you account for the "yeah buts...". It's the "yeah buts" that are the hardest to learn. For instance; "Does your slave need to ask permission to get a drink?" - "Yeah, but I don't want a call at the office." "Does your slave have no limits?" - "Yeah, but I do, so she has mine." A mentor should be able to help you through the "yeah buts".

In business there are now formal and assigned mentors. It's understandable because businesses are always looking for short cuts to train people. They are not as successful as the old style pre-labeled person who was subsequently identified with the term, mentor. The reason? Those relationships developed naturally. They were people who for whatever reason became friends and shared information naturally. Forcing the issue doesn't get the same result. It's no different in WIIWD. Getting or soliciting a mentor because it's popular is a fad and like a fad, will soon be stuffed in the back of your social closet. Just get out and talk to people; as many people as possible, in person. Try to make sure their reality is based upon reality.

(in reply to ExistentialSteel)

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