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am i a switch, or something else? - 11/25/2005 5:10:06 PM

raney

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Joined: 11/12/2005
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i have always viewed myself as a submissive. always. the thought of Dominanting another person, always made me giggle, till now. Master told me awhile ago, that i would at some point, Dominate Him. i did not giggle when He told me that. since that time, i have thought about it more and more. anyhow, got to really thinking about it when He texted me today and called me Mistress Stephanie. after i had my giggle fit, yes, i still had one, i called Him. i asked Him why He had called me that. His response was that it sounded hot lol. we talked a bit about how things would be if in fact, He did submit to me one day. i told Him, that i know i can do it, and that if He in fact wanted to do it, i would make damn sure His first experience was nothing like mine. i was in abused in my first scene, and did not choose to use my safeword.. BIG mistake on my part. i digress. after i made sure to reassure Him that i would not HURT Him, that i would not carry over any "revenge" He seemed to be reassured about the whole idea. i also made it clear to Him, that i am by nature a submissive, and always would be.. at least that is my thinking right now.. that may change. i told Him, that yes, i can probably do it, but it would not be on a consistent basis. once in a while is good for me.. least to start i suppose. i guess here is my question, does all this automatically make me a switch, or am i just a submissive doing as her Master wishes? i dont feel compelled to have a sub/slave of my own, nor do i wish to Top anyone else. i can clearly see though, that before our relationship evolved to a D/s relationship, there was definitely a power struggle between the two of us. i was trying to Top Him for quite a long time. in everyday life, not in the bedroom. when we agreed to the terms of our relationship, i willingly handed over that power. i am a strong person by nature also. most people looking at me would not think i am a submissive, they would probably think the opposite looking at my vanilla life. no, i am not a high powered executive, i am actually on disability for bipolar disorder, but in the way i carry myself and i am around people, most are to say the least, shocked i am a submissive. since we agreed to this type of relationship, i have never been happier. we pretty much live 24/7. ugh.. help me to figure out what i am.. please. i thank everyone for reading this and their comments in advance. and i am sorry if this is a redundant topic.

stephanie

RE: am i a switch, or something else? - 11/25/2005 5:33:18 PM

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Instead of worrying about how to label yourself, just be concerned about helping to grow your relationship. You may find that you don't enjoy dom'ing, or you may truly be a switch.

Good luck with this.

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(in reply to raney)

RE: am i a switch, or something else? - 11/25/2005 5:52:06 PM

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Taking the top position from time to time with your Dom does not make you a switch. Personally I can't imagine an experienced Dom wanting you to top him but hey diff strokes and all that.

(in reply to raney)

RE: am i a switch, or something else? - 11/25/2005 7:29:46 PM

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If it is just a one time deal or an extreme rarity I don't think it would make either of you a switch. Though depending how often he suggests this role change I might be asking if your dom isn't a switch along with if you are if you truly like being the top in things.

Then agian I heard once of a topping from the bottom type thing. Never really looked into it but maybe something like that is what he wants?

Different strokes for different folks but I can't imagin letting someone dominate me.

(in reply to theRose4U)

RE: am i a switch, or something else? - 11/26/2005 5:55:41 AM

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From your post I'm not sure if you're a switch. My guess is that the only way to find out is to agree to try it for a fixed limited period and see what it does for you.

It may be on the other hand that you are both natural subs, which can be difficult. In that case one solution might be for you both to be sub to another dom couple (or even single) but you may not want this.

So I'd suggest you try playing Domme for a while and then take stock later on.

(in reply to Wolf1020)

RE: am i a switch, or something else? - 11/27/2005 10:06:35 AM

raney

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Joined: 11/12/2005
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first off, thank you all for your responses, i greatly appreciate it.

we switched roles yesterday afternoon. i was able to Top Him mechanically, but not mentally. its just not there. He knew it too. So i highly doubt it will be happening again. as far as Him, we ended up switching roles partway through the scene. He wasnt feeling it either. so i guess my question was answered by us. i can tell you for a fact, it wont be happening again lol. what it came down to, was He wanted to know what i was feeling. He wasnt able to experience that because we both were not totally comfortable with it. i realize now in my post, i forgot to mention, He is brand spanking new to the lifestyle. part of it, was curiousity on His part. again, thank you all for your responses. i greatly appreciate your point of views

stephanie

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RE: am i a switch, or something else? - 11/27/2005 10:39:19 AM

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Good chance you can't reasonably process your feeling that quickly, in the fullness of time and perspective, it will give you pause as well as insight.

Admiringly for trying something instead of fearing it,
Ron

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RE: am i a switch, or something else? - 11/28/2005 10:09:58 PM

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There are many submissives who have a sadistic side to them but that dosen't make them a switch. Just because you are the one with the cuffs and the whip dosen't mean that you are assuming the dominant role. A switch is one who trades back and forth the Dominant/Submissive roles and not the Massochist/Sadist ones. So you are trading back and forth the Massochist/Sadist roles. That just means the dom wants some pain as well. When you demand pain you are being a Dominant Massochist. If the demands of pain are being met by a sadist, then the sadist is being submissive by following orders.

Anyways, it looks like your relationship is working out great. If it ain't broke then don't fix it. I don't know all the facts about the D/s and S/M in your relationship but you both seem very happy with what works for you. May you learn, explore, and grow old together with wonderful kinky memories that you may one day pass on to newer life styler generations.

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(in reply to raney)

RE: am i a switch, or something else? - 11/29/2005 7:14:53 PM

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I have a friend that is a natural submissive. She had a boyfriend that was one too, but even more so than her. He dommed her. Not because he was a switch or a dom, but becuase she asked him to, and he was submissing to her wishes by domming her. So technically it sounds to me that you are just submissing to your Master's wishes. I wouldn't worry about labels if I were you because that doesn't really matter. As long as you know what you want, and your Master does too, then that is all that matters.

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RE: am i a switch, or something else? - 12/17/2005 4:50:22 AM

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Firstly, id like to say, i can imagine many dominants both male and female, chosing to submit if the circumstances were right. My experience of seeking a dominant was fraught with them going all subbie on me, so dont believe that piece of crap that a 'experienced' dom wouldnt submit.

Whether it means your a switch, well that's just another label isnt it. If your into labels, and you fancy this one, take it. Take it when you wish to take it, and your switching, take it when your told to by your dominant, and your subbing i guess.

And personally, id wait until id experienced topping, before i decided if i was one or not. Fantasy is great, but its truly just that, a fantasy.

Im thinking for me and mine, when im topping, i would want to do something he hasnt done to me. Something different to his style, so as not to 'compete' for his title of Dom.
I dont want to dominate someone within a relationship, i just want the kink of topping. I dont need nor would i want a submissive, just a bottom to get my hands on, and preferably his bottom

Ive given up trying to label what i am. Maybe you should too.

(in reply to Snivilis)

RE: am i a switch, or something else? - 1/13/2006 6:50:47 AM

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If you enjoy topping as much as playing bottom then its pretty safe to say your a switch. I am currently in a relationship with an "ex" Gor Master who I introduced to subbing and guess what? He LOVES it. I hear this all the time about tops who have a secret desire to sub but are hesitant because they are fearful that people won't respect them anymore.
Your Master has this desire and if your comfortable with it, I say go with the flow. Expand both your horizons and see exactly how thrilling being a switch can be! I very rarely sub for my BF, but when I do its fun and he took to subbing like a fish to water. It all depends upon who is in the mood to play what role at the time.
Good luck and read some Female Dom books they are very helpful.

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(in reply to pandoravampire)

RE: am i a switch, or something else? - 2/26/2006 8:03:37 AM

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I tried Switching with my Dom and it didn't work out , which made me unsure where i did fit . Since then though i have enjoyed a Domme experiance with a sub , knowing that i still would enjoy being Dom'd so i would say give it a chance and you never know what will happen

(in reply to MistressAlexaS)

RE: am i a switch, or something else? - 2/26/2006 11:42:42 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: raney

first off, thank you all for your responses, i greatly appreciate it.

we switched roles yesterday afternoon. i was able to Top Him mechanically, but not mentally. its just not there. He knew it too. So i highly doubt it will be happening again. as far as Him, we ended up switching roles partway through the scene. He wasnt feeling it either. so i guess my question was answered by us. i can tell you for a fact, it wont be happening again lol. what it came down to, was He wanted to know what i was feeling. He wasnt able to experience that because we both were not totally comfortable with it. i realize now in my post, i forgot to mention, He is brand spanking new to the lifestyle. part of it, was curiousity on His part. again, thank you all for your responses. i greatly appreciate your point of views

stephanie

Mechanically.. yes.. that is pretty easy.. swing a whip, say a few "you will bow down to me" and its pretty easy. But the mentality is much harder, especially if there are other circumstances complicating things (aka your first time, he's your Dom, insecurities, etc)

I agree with another poster.. who said it was difficult to mimick your Dom's style .. it would be as if you're competeing with him. Its much easier to look inside yourself and find your own style, mimicking anyone else is sure to cause problems.

And its difficult to find your own style, while you're submitting to the one you're expected to dominate. Especially if that agreement wasn't set down at the begining of the relationship. It is much easier to get a feel for it if you practice with someone else.

As for what you are.. You can be anything you want to be! Just be yourself. Who cares about labels. Just have fun (er well safetly and consentually anyway).

V

(in reply to raney)

RE: am i a switch, or something else? - 3/24/2006 10:35:29 AM

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I can relate to Stephanie right down to the biploar issue. I put my illness on the back burner for my Master. I love to please my Master and sometimes that requires a switch personality. Apparently I have mastered this in the almost one year of the relationship. I think that I like the dom world. My Master wants me to have a slave as a reward for serving him so well. I'm not having a whole lot of luck in the search. I'm straight, there is no sex between the slave and I. This makes it real hard to find "my slave". In my years of therapy I've been taught not to let anyone have the power of controling my life. This lesson has worked so well that it's degrading to look for a slave. Who am I to tell this person what to do and when? I hate being ordered around and I'd imagine that a slave would to. I have this wild side though that needs passifing. It's a need to get mean I guess. That is the only way I can explain it. If the slave loves pain I've found her at last. Feedback is welcomed. Slavesprize.

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RE: am i a switch, or something else? - 3/28/2006 11:56:41 PM

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From: Ontario, Canada
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Well for myself when it comes to a D/s relationship or a M/s one for that matter I'm all submissive/slave - but outside of such a relationship i am a switch at least when it comes to T/b style of play.

I can top a partner easly enough if I know from the start of the relationship that it might be something he will request of me - but I have to know from the start that it might be a possibility other wise it feels very much not right. For me knowing up front that it might happen means that I am able to make a mental switch to a degree and am alright with it, as long as rules are layed down and what not.

Every couple has what works for then, a dom having his or her sub top them, doesn't make you or them a switch it just means that he is bottoming to you and you are topping him.

well take care
ND

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RE: am i a switch, or something else? - 3/29/2006 10:50:18 AM

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Speaking from the other side of the equation, considering it seems most of the responses here have been from the submissive/slave who tops a little.

I am a Dominant sadomasochist, who is currently a bit more masochistic than sadistic at the momment.

I can say from experience that there is no greater feeling than knowing that your submissive will beat you without compromising the D/s dynamic (even if it is a weak one) and expect you to feel or be submissive for the scene. I go into it for the pain, give up my inhibitions and hang on for the ride. Once outside of the scene, the dynamic is re-established and we go on about our lives. I love the fact that I can scene without having to worry about my partner of the time dominating me.

I know my primary partner of the time loves doing it when he does because he loves knowing he has done so to please me. My other play partners are my equals, even the Dom I scene with, and all are my friends.

To one's self be true. No better words have ever been spoken.

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RE: am i a switch, or something else? - 12/3/2006 11:24:12 AM

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I was strictly as sub for many years, and I found a dom about two years ago. He incouraged me to get into domming, and I liked it. But I've found that now since we aren't together anymore I can't reach into myself to get into anyone right now. Could it be that I need someone I can be vulnerable with to bring out that strong side. It seems without that I have lost a lot of my edge in many ways. Not sure what to do now. Has anyone else hd had this happen?

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RE: am i a switch, or something else? - 12/3/2006 5:59:03 PM

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From: new jersey
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lots of good advice here. the dynamics of any relationship where one or both partners are new to D/s are going to be a little weird. thus it is far more imporatant to talk about what you and he feel/ need, and use that discussion to guide your journey. you are fortunate to have a partner open to looking at things from "the other side." as for any dom who does not ocassionally bottom (not necessarily sub), i call "BULLSHIT" and avoid them. i will not ask my submissive to do anything i will not do and have not experienced. just my opinion. but i digress....

don't obsess over the question "am i a switch?" only you know what you need. i am in this to get what i need, period. sometimes that is dom, sometimes it is sub, sometimes it is neither. keep talking, let the experience sink in, do some analysis after about a week (as someone above suggested) to let the experience sink in. best of luck in your journey.

be well.

(in reply to degradess)

RE: am i a switch, or something else? - 12/5/2006 11:08:48 AM

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My Southern upbringing has reinforced that if you got nothing to add to the conversation, then just keep your mouth closed.

However, I did just want to express my gratitude to all of you for your thoughtful posts here. I recently joined CollarMe primarily because I am currently asking myslef a lot of these very questions.

So, thanks everyone.

< Message edited by HoustonDave -- 12/5/2006 11:09:04 AM >

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RE: am i a switch, or something else? - 12/5/2006 3:25:11 PM

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If you're right-handed, picking up your darts in your left hand isn't unnatural. Throwing them with your left hand is awkward but you may hit the board once or twice - but it certainly doesn't make you ambidextrous.

These things have to be tried I believe, in order to better understand the other side of the fence, but that doesn't make it natural or desired. A switch can be many things, but it is just a label. Don't be categorised - be yourself and enjoy the journey.

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