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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/2/2008 10:52:19 AM

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Oh I don't know, throw acid in her face?

Yeah seems harsh, but a real earth shattering nuclear fucking bomb calls
for immediate drastic action for the sake and survival of all humanity

chia* (the pet)

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/2/2008 10:59:17 AM

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Geoff, you have CMail.

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/2/2008 11:57:07 AM

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It depends on who it is..

I'd walk, but not necessarily permanently - this would be open to discussion. I'd give it a few days and meet and discuss in the cold light of day and decide whether to stay away or start again afresh.

Any and every relationship to me has its weaknesses, faults and negative side. Relationships are built by giving each other chances and opportunities. It's only when those chances and opportunities are wasted that I would consider leaving and not coming back.

It's also important to remember that some lies are told out of insecurity and fear of rejection. Personally I find this irritating, I'd rather know the whole truth right out up front, but I accept that it happens and that other person isn't me.

But still it depends, who, why, and how often...

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/2/2008 12:34:44 PM

littlemisssnarf

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Like some other have said there are some many unkowns to this question...

1 - what's the relationship with them...
2 - how long have you been together...
3 - and probably the biggest i would want to know why they felt the need to lie.... i'm not saying i would hang around but you have to wonder about someones state of mind if they feel they have to lie!!

gosh - who knows until they are in that situation!

(in reply to silkenfire)

RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/2/2008 4:30:37 PM

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Curiosity and all... is there a cutoff length of time for those of you who say it matters? If you're together one year vs. 10 years, would it matter? Wouldn't it make you wonder if they've been lying to you for all of those 10 years, and you've just now caught them?

Yes, my perceptions are skewed. Yes, he begged forgiveness for the first lie (the first one I discovered anyway)... but then lied again... counseling... lied some more. If he had been better at it, and had not been caught after the first one, I wonder if I would have carried on, but always been suspicious? When things were bad, I became a detective, and I hated it. I HATED being suspicious all the time. It was only when I said "I no longer want to know, this is the last straw, I'm leaving", did I feel any relief.

Cali

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/2/2008 4:34:21 PM

urlittleprincess

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i lost trust in Him...and in that one area still have not regained it...it has created so many issues between us...all of them as a matter of fact...big trust issues...

and to make matters worse, for fun a friend and i went to have our cards read...and this old card reader told me that if He speaks 10 words, only beleive 2...i have never forgotten that and He was not happy when He heard that...if i mention it to Him He is almost ready to explode!! lol my revenge i guess...

it is not a good feeling or happy place to be...and in retrospect i probably should have walked away...for all the stress it has caused between us, perhaps i could have moved on to a relationship built on trust instead of always worrying about this one...<sigh> sometimes we cause our own problems...

< Message edited by urlittleprincess -- 9/2/2008 4:38:45 PM >

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/2/2008 5:25:35 PM

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quote:

Curiosity and all... is there a cutoff length of time for those of you who say it matters? If you're together one year vs. 10 years, would it matter? Wouldn't it make you wonder if they've been lying to you for all of those 10 years, and you've just now caught them?

It would not matter to me; I would still approach it in the same way. And to be honest, a lie is not something that I am willing to throw a relationship away over. I would work dayum hard to get things straightened out so that we both were happy again.

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/2/2008 5:37:17 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Curiosity and all... is there a cutoff length of time for those of you who say it matters? If you're together one year vs. 10 years, would it matter? Wouldn't it make you wonder if they've been lying to you for all of those 10 years, and you've just now caught them?

Yes, my perceptions are skewed. Yes, he begged forgiveness for the first lie (the first one I discovered anyway)... but then lied again... counseling... lied some more. If he had been better at it, and had not been caught after the first one, I wonder if I would have carried on, but always been suspicious? When things were bad, I became a detective, and I hated it. I HATED being suspicious all the time. It was only when I said "I no longer want to know, this is the last straw, I'm leaving", did I feel any relief.

Cali

For me its not so much a 'cut of time', but more of a 'what is invested' sort of thing. I too was married to someone who screwed me over in a really bad way. I've had a couple of friends burn me as well.

But none of that reflects on any other relationship. Each one is different and I've made a point of not falling into reactive patterns based upon old or other relationships. I hope this is coming out better than I think lol.

I've never just up and walked out on someone without trying to find out reasons for actions. If its someone that I'm very involved with then for me there is that much more reason to at least ask about it. Not just because of the time/energy/love or whatever it is thats been invested but because I don't understand how anyone can flat out shut the door without some sort of attempt.

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/2/2008 6:23:56 PM

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Greetings,

Well to me a Master is first and foremost a man of Integrity and Honour. It would cause me to lose a great deal of respect and trust. It would destroy everything I thought I knew about the man. That said, I would not necessarily walk away either. My Master believes in perseverance as a major component of the M/s dynamic. He believes there are four components: Obedience, Loyalty, Harmony, and Perseverance all joined by Trust. So my loyalty to him and my perseverance would first send me to ask for clarification, to make sure it was in fact a lie and not a misunderstanding. If it turned out to be a lie, I would be devastated and it would surely affect our relationship for a time, I might even need to ask for release. But I would first try to work it out, find out why it happened and see if we could rebuild and make sure it never happened again.

anna

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/2/2008 6:26:26 PM

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~FR~
I hope I'll never have to find out. Lying is not something I've ever known Him to do. I'd like to think I would live through it and work things out. As I said, though, hopefully it'll never be an issue...........luci

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/2/2008 6:47:49 PM

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I would probably try to save the relationship. But knowing me, I wouldn't be able to trust them and it would create obstacles. I would get upset in fits of anger that i continued to throw up at them til I eventually realized that the relationship was irrepairably broken and I would have to end it.

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/2/2008 9:57:22 PM

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For me Honor is all we can hope to go out this world with, without it there is nothing. I hold it very high and everyone that comes into my life knows what it means to me and my interaction with them.

Mike

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/2/2008 10:16:28 PM

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Been there done that ......spent 7+ years foolishly believing his lies. It has made me distrustful of the next person to come along. I don't feel like men (in general) can be trusted. Sad thing is I never felt that way before... my problem was I was too trusting. Looking back I can't even begin to count the things he lied about....some small, some very serious. I think you need to realize that if someone will lie to you once what prevents them from repeating the behavior?

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/2/2008 11:16:35 PM

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quote:

Yes, my perceptions are skewed. Yes, he begged forgiveness for the first lie (the first one I discovered anyway)... but then lied again... counseling... lied some more. If he had been better at it, and had not been caught after the first one, I wonder if I would have carried on, but always been suspicious? When things were bad, I became a detective, and I hated it. I HATED being suspicious all the time

Damn Cali, were we married to the same guy?

After the first lie (which was HUGE), I told him "I can take almost anything, as long as you don't lie to me". That only led to him covering his lies better, until he convinced himself that I would swallow whatever BS excuse popped into his head when I caught him in a lie. Needless to say, our marriage was destroyed by both his dishonesty and my distrust. I cannot love someone who can look me in the face and lie to me.

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/3/2008 6:22:05 AM

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Wow, this is eerily similar to a thread I started on FetLife entitled 'Moral Dilemma'.
http://fetlife.com/groups/996/group_posts/13835

Long story short, this man still hasn't contacted me since I posted this. And no, I haven't warned her, either. There are other men who are decent & honest. I can't build a relationship based on lies and dishonesty.
(Didn't mean to hijack this thread, my apologies to the OP)

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/3/2008 10:15:54 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Curiosity and all... is there a cutoff length of time for those of you who say it matters? If you're together one year vs. 10 years, would it matter? Wouldn't it make you wonder if they've been lying to you for all of those 10 years, and you've just now caught them?

Yes, my perceptions are skewed. Yes, he begged forgiveness for the first lie (the first one I discovered anyway)... but then lied again... counseling... lied some more. If he had been better at it, and had not been caught after the first one, I wonder if I would have carried on, but always been suspicious? When things were bad, I became a detective, and I hated it. I HATED being suspicious all the time. It was only when I said "I no longer want to know, this is the last straw, I'm leaving", did I feel any relief.

Cali

Ooohhh, ooohhh!! Been there, done that!! Married to him for 11 years when i caught the first "big" lie... hell, there had been "little" lies the whole time. We tried the whole counseling thing but i spent the next 11 months (til i caught him again) being the nastiest, most hateful bitch EVER!! i even hated myself for it but couldn't control it. When i caught him the second time, i was actually relieved because that meant i could end it knowing i had given it my best shot.
So, if my Dom got caught in an earth shattering lie - i'd be gone. How can i trust someone to tie me up and torture me if they can't at least be truthful with me???

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/3/2008 1:00:39 PM

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All relationships are based on trust especially that of a D/s it would really depend on the lie but I would be very wary indeed.

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/3/2008 1:11:49 PM

WinsomeDefiance

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I was married to a compulsive liar, so it is probably not surprising at all that integrity in another is now a deal breaker for me. That doesn't mean I'd immediately sever a relationship over a lie, but I would definitely be taking some good hard look into things and seeking some answers!

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 9/3/2008 1:12:13 PM >

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/3/2008 1:47:33 PM

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i'm not trying to come off as arrogant here or anything. But, Your OP asks "what would you do when your dom/me lies to you?" And i'm just REALLY REALLY REALLY grateful that i've never found myself in that position.

Although, the truth is i still maintain He wasn't being very honest with me when He told me that this chicken concoctun i cooked one day tasted good.

Kali

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RE: What do you do when your dom/me lies? - 9/3/2008 1:59:59 PM

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Dishonesty is something I no longer want in my life. Little lies erode trust like a slow growing cancer, hurting and chipping away at the relationship. An "earth shattering" lie would destroy my trust and always leave me wondering when the next lie was coming, or if he was being honest. I don't want to live like that. I have even written in my profile "if we don't have honesty we don't have much," and I mean that. I can take the hardest of truths over any lie. If someone can't trust me enough with the truth or isn't courageous enough to face his/her own truth and admit it to me, then I don't want to submit to him/her.

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