ElanSubdued
Posts: 1511
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MasterAramis,
I've read the various responses to your OP. Given that this is the Ask A Master forum, perhaps it should be no surprise that there are few (if any) responses from male submissives, at least not from the point of view of lacking communication from their Domme and/or being abandoned by their Domme. Thus, I've decided to join in so as to give a male submissive's perspective. Your question is framed in the context of a "collared slave", however, while the experience I'm thinking of isn't from this identical perspective, I think it's still relevant.
Before discussing my experience, I'll share my thoughts on your questions directly. As follows:
--- How long would you go without
--- intentionally communicating to an
--- s-type?
While it may be tempting to use lack of communication as a training tool, I think the negatives far outweigh the positives and thus I strongly recommend against this.
I prefer to communicate with my Domme every day. Now of course, life things happen and sometimes daily communication isn't possible. For example, if my Domme goes away on a business seminar, I perfectly understand that we may not be able to communicate for a while and that's fine. The key here is that there is context and explanation. Were my dominant simply to disappear without explanation (something that has happened to me), I find this very, very confusing, thoughtless, and rude. Why? Because it leaves me with no idea of what is going on. Is my Domme sick? Has she been in an accident? When will we talk again? Do I need to start checking police stations and hospitals to see if my Domme has been admitted? Apart from concern for my Domme's welfare, I become concerned for my own welfare too. Have I been dumped? Am I being punished and if so, what for? How can I remedy a situation when I don't know what the problem is? And on an on.
An effective leader communicates expectations clearly, conducts reviews to ensure things are going as planned or as desired, and generally checks in so as to keep things running smoothly. None of this happens without communication. It has been my experience that when communication stops and remains MIA (missing in action) for long periods, issues that were not problems can become problems and small, existing issues can become much, much larger problems.
Let's take the training/punishment scenario you've suggested. The problem with cutting off communication for any length of time is that it doesn't allow for any feedback. People change. Situations change. Feelings and emotions change. Without feedback, a Dominant and s-type are flying blind and cannot use any of this information to help remedy whatever problem is present.
Now I hope you'll pardon me because I'm going to get all bitchy and simultaneously pragmatic for a moment. I've got better things to do with my time than to continuously second guess a leader. I'm not a mind reader. Without communication, it's very difficult to serve someone and to meet their needs. Likewise, it's pretty much impossible for a Domme to meet my needs if she won't communicate with me. (Yes, s-types have needs, desires, and emotions too.) There are instances when people need time to process their feelings, to time-out, to research a topic or ask for other opinions, etc. This is something entirely different and it works very well when a Domme says "I need some time to think; I'll talk to you about this later" and then actually follows up later. That is taking command and giving leadership. But no communication at all? That's problematic because nobody knows the plan (well, maybe the Domme does, but the s-type sure doesn't) and this makes it very difficult to obtain a smooth running ship.
I'm a strong enough personality that if a Domme leaves our "ship" directionless for long enough that it meanders dangerously into rocks, I'll take the helm. And indeed, at this point, it may be difficult for the Domme to get the helm back because she's proven incapable when needed most. I do realize that all people make mistakes and have moments where human weaknesses overtake them. I'm not expecting a Domme to be perfect and I'm certainly not expecting her to be without vulnerabilities. However, if a Domme continuously (through lack of communication and otherwise) leaves me to steer the ship, at some point I'll lose confidence in them.
--- What is the purpose of
--- not communicating?
When a Domme has done this to me, the purpose has sometimes been punishment. Other times the cause has been indecision on her part or just plain poor communication skills. Other than a time-out (for scheduling reasons or because of the need to reconsider facts and emotions), I see no value in communication blackouts. In my experience, communication blackouts have always created more problems while solving none of the existing issues.
--- Would it serve an educational
--- or punishment purpose?
I suppose a lack of communication could serve either purpose, educational or punishment oriented. In either case, in my opinion, such an approach is highly ineffective and is also sometimes the catalyst of a significant breakdown in a relationship.
--- I have come to understand that this
--- might be more normal than I would
--- have believed so I am trying to get my
--- head around its use as a tool to train
--- a slave.
I hope Dominants and Dommes alike never consider this type of approach a normal, desirable training method. If anything would scare me enough to seek refuge away from BDSM, back in the vanilla world, this would do it.
Okay. Now that your questions are addressed, I'll add some feedback from personal experience. I courted a Domme who regularly used communication blackouts as her punishment, training, and general communication approach. This caused many problems. When I didn't hear from her, I never knew if she was in trouble, I'd done something wrong, or she was just putting me "on the shelf" for a while. Making plans, confirming tasks, and enjoying one another became extremely difficult. Often she'd disappear for a week, or two, or three without any explanation. Each time we connected again, it tended to be a last minute thing (such as late in the evening) and thus our conversations always felt like they had time restrictions on them. After each hiatus, the Domme seemed very pleased to talk and yet it felt as though we'd put our courtship on hold and abruptly resumed. To her, there was no problem, and she explained that part of her style is taking breaks from communicating with people - any people. For me, not having any warning or explanation from her as this was happening, I was constantly without leadership, alone, and in the dark as to whether the Domme wanted anything from me at all.
After a few missteps (ironically or perhaps rather fittingly, each one triggered by lack of communication), we split up and then got back together. Finally, one morning I woke up and said to myself "Elan, you deserve better than this". My friends had been saying these same words to me for quite some time, but it took a bit for me to arrive at the same conclusion. Thus, in the final go around, I ended the courtship permanently, leaving no doubt that there would not be another attempt. I figured that if I was going to be alone all the time, I might as well be alone and single. This is the best decision I made about the courtship because unlike romances that fizzle in disappointing ways, I was extremely happy to be free of this whole thing.
Getting back to your questions again, the whole "punish your s-type by refusing to talk to them" approach seems counterproductive and abusive to me. In fact, even the punishment notion seems a bit silly. If I've done something wrong, what I need is my Domme to *communicate* this to me so that I know there is a problem, so that I know what corrections they'd like, and so I can apologize and make amends. None of can happens without communication. Displeasing my partner is punishment enough (believe me). I don't need a spanking... or communication bans... or other punishments to get the message through. Just my Domme saying "I'm not happy about this, I'd like you to do..." is plenty a reminder and punishment enough.
Elan.
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RE: Communicating with the slave or lack there of - 
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