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RE: Consent - 9/4/2008 9:11:18 AM

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
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Some of my friends and famil know and some of them don't. I don't hide it but i don't flaunt it either.

As an aside

quote:

I have no shame or guilt about my needs and no laws are being broken

Are you sure?

_____________________________

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If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to Focus50)

RE: Consent - 9/4/2008 9:18:24 AM

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My parents know. I've always had an open honest realtionship with my mother. We've come to an agreement as I got older that I'd answer anything she asked completely honestly, she has just learned not to ask things she really doesn't want to know about.

I work with 98% all men, and some know as well. I don't get treated any differently then I did before they knew. I get teased a little sometimes but that doesn't bother me in the least.

I don't advertise but I don't hide either.

I mean I do not call Allen "Master" at family events or at work, nor do i kneel or any of the other "supposed submissive stuff" cause it would make people uncomfortable. I have no desire to throw my life in anyones face, but I'm not going to lie and hide either.

I have a collar that I wear to work that is a gold choker until He finds something he likes better. I change to one of the leather locking collars when I get home. We go shopping, go for walks etc etc and rarely do i even get looks from it.

People knowing can't hurt me in my job or in my home life so why hide and or lie?

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Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

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(in reply to missturbation)

RE: Consent - 9/4/2008 11:07:08 AM

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Thanks everyone. It seems that going around shouting your love for BDSM isn't really a good idea. And not necessary too. I'm sure this will help in future decisions.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Personally, if I knew you, I would think that photograph is very clear. And you would be surprised how many people look through a site like this.
If you found, so will others.

After thinking about it, I don't really care if my friends find this site. That just means I finally know someone with similar interests.

_____________________________

Silence! I keel you!

(in reply to akisha)

RE: Consent - 9/4/2008 11:10:55 AM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zakkan

After thinking about it, I don't really care if my friends find this site. That just means I finally know someone with similar interests.

I love that. Ya rock. Best thoughts!

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to zakkan)

RE: Consent - 9/4/2008 11:16:21 AM

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Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
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You do not have to divulge juicy details about your sex life and what you're doing sexually to let family know you're kinky or to come out to them. My mom knows, my dad knows, my brother and his wife know, Hell my sister in law is a bit kinky herself and while they know that I am kinky and that my relationships differ way beyond societal norm, And I call him Daddy because it makes me feel secute, they However have no intimate details of what being kinky and relationships far diffrent than the norm entails,.They know nothing of my sex life* ok well mom does,My mom and I do girl talk about sex stuff*

Also I enjoy being out with my family cause we're close and I don't have to hide anything from them, and should something happen to me at an event and I can't get a taxi cause I have no cash, and nobody at the party will take me home and I have to call them for help, there's no awkward questions or lies or fudging. We also have an open policy about rooms here, you can come into mine any time and I can go into yours at any time, and I don't have to worry about what's out and what's not. or weather or not they saw the collection of porn sitting on my book case. But we're just close like that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Why would I want to "come out" to my family? What I do behind closed doors.....Well,do you really think your family wants details about your sex life? They dont whether kinky or vanilla.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

RE: Consent - 9/4/2008 11:32:29 AM

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Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
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Not nessisarily, some people may come on here looking for ones they know with intent to harm them. I know of one lady who said her x gathered up all her posts, her profile, and everything they ever talked about and presented it to a judge, in hopes of making her loose custody of her child because they were in a custody battle. And just because a friend stumbled onto this site, doesn't mean they like kink too, it could of been a total accident, you don't have to be a member of the site to read the forrums and they could turn out to be the most judgmental pain in the ass you ever met.

But again I wouldn't let that discourage you in doing what you wanna do, cause pain in the ass rude people can be replaced in life. Time lost not doing your desires due to fears can't.

quote:

ORIGINAL: zakkan

After thinking about it, I don't really care if my friends find this site. That just means I finally know someone with similar interests.

(in reply to zakkan)

RE: Consent - 9/4/2008 1:59:35 PM

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Joined: 1/14/2006
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I'm in this category. I don't magically turn into a submissive at 9:00 pm....I'm a submissive all day long. Something that is frustrating for me is why it seems everyone assumes to be in the "lifestyle" you automatically must speak to the kinky sex? The way I see things, I'm me. The bondage/spankings/wax play, etc. are just kinky sex.. Do I speak with family about my sex life...no and I don't want to know theirs, but, if someone is thinking along the lines of being a Dom/me-sub-slave...that's an entirely different conversation. Hell, even "vanilla" folk know how to tie a knot...does that make them a Dom/me-sub-slave? Being in this "lifestyle" is more of a mind set...it's just who you are. My mom was a submissive, I figured that out pretty early in life...my dad and grandpa...both Doms...me?? spoiled princess of course, but, I KNEW who was in ultimate control (Dad or grandpa). For many, this is a "normal" way of life. The man (I know it's some women too) provides and rules...the woman takes care of children, the home and the man.

(in reply to azropedntied)

RE: Consent - 9/4/2008 2:52:20 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: zakkan

I was wondering, do your family and friends know that you are in this lifestyle? And if they do, how supportive are they about your choice?
And how do you break it to them anyway?

A few of my friends know and are supportive, even though they don't get it.

My family thinks I'm a prude, and I'm afraid they'd all keel over in shock, so I don't mention in. Actually, it's none of their business. I'm more open with friends, to some extent.

(in reply to zakkan)

RE: Consent - 9/4/2008 3:10:17 PM

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From: Alabama
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Monkeyontuesday

LOL. My family is old-school Southern Baptist. No way.

same. they know a lot of my misbehaviors, but not this one.

as far as my friends are concerned, most know. I tend to keep it to myself as I don'd think my university's psych department would like having 101 students taught by an out and out sadist...

_____________________________

all the good ones are collared or lesbians.

or old.

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RE: Consent - 9/4/2008 4:32:41 PM

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Our family does not know that we engage in SM. They know we have sex, but we see no reason for them to know exactly how we like to have sex. It just isn't a topic of conversation for us.

Friends that we make at BDSM or Leather events know we enjoy these activities, but for other friends it really isn't any of their business and we have no desire to know how they like to have sex either.

In regards to being poly... his and Alandra's family know that the three of us are in a relationship together. They also know that he is the boss, though they really don't understand it. We just spent a very relaxing weekend with his extended family and we were quite comfortable in just being ourselves together. For other people, we don't lie, but it isn't any of their business. If they figure it out, then so be it.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to zakkan)

RE: Consent - 9/4/2008 4:39:08 PM

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Joined: 5/28/2007
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My little sis over heard a telephone conversation i had with Master and heard me call him Master and asked what was going on...my folks think Master is just my boyfriend who makes me very happy

now my best friend and my core group of friends know Master for how he is My Master and when Wwe made the choice to move from sub to slave they were the first ones i told and my best friends little sisters wedding!

(in reply to azropedntied)

RE: Consent - 9/4/2008 10:32:57 PM

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Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zakkan

Wow. It seems most people keep their lifestyle choices hush-hush. Thanks for the input.

Bear in mind that guarding one's privacy doesn't necessarily equate to keeping secrets. If asked, I don't lie; otherwise I simply don't go around sharing personal information for the sake of conversation.

And not all of us are into exhibitionism, either - but the average nosey nilla is definitely voyeuristic if given a hint to run with....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to zakkan)

RE: Consent - 9/4/2008 10:39:08 PM

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Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

As an aside

quote:

I have no shame or guilt about my needs and no laws are being broken

Are you sure?

Care to elaborate?

You think I'm in denial or you think I'm doing something illegal?

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to missturbation)

RE: Consent - 9/4/2008 10:51:51 PM

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Joined: 9/27/2007
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I see no reason to come out to my family -- they have no need to know that I have engaged in premarital sex either. We have a fantastic don't ask, don't tell policy with anything sexual.

Most of my dear friends in real life are on this site, by happenstance -- my best friend from high school is not, that I know of -- but one old friend of mine is AquaticSub, and my roommates from undergrad were Aravain and DieSchadenfreude... my friends in my very new location here are mainly Duckie from on here (formerly of other names) and DV/her Fox, and the new love of my life *grins*. All the best friends I've ever had have been in the lifestyle, and I'm not sure that all of them knew it at the time, and the first three mentioned were not ones that I met through any sort of online BDSM meetup. So, I'm very open with my friends. My current roommates have not been told by me because I think they are too immature to handle it, but I have loud phone conversations and I'm sure they know and just aren't saying anything... don't hold anything back.

In the professional and academic world, however, I do hold back, and am a very conservative Christian on the outside that you would never know. (Odd actually that I am perceived as such, as I was not raised and never have been a Christian. That may be changing though.)

(in reply to Focus50)

RE: Consent - 9/5/2008 5:52:53 AM

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Joined: 3/23/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Why do they have to know?
the.dark.

I guess this says it perfectly. Why do they need to know?
My relationship with a special lady has many levels. Since I don't want to share her sexually with anyone else, why would I feel a need to tell anyone else what we do? I am friends with many people, gay, straight, don't know, and vanilla. Some might have overtones to their relationship that I observe, but it is none of my business. I don't need to validate their relationships and they don't need to validate mine.
If people are curious and ask questions, I will answer or not depending on the closeness of the relationship and my mood at the time. I am under no obligation to share everything with everyone.
I believe in my right to personal privacy. The government does not need to get involved and neither do others.
I grew up with a family that is mostly Pentecostal. It use to be fun to shock them, but I guess I've grown up. I no longer feel the need to parade my private side to the whole world.

_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to RCdc)

RE: Consent - 9/5/2008 5:57:19 AM

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The ony people who know I'm in the lifestyle are other people in the lifestyle. My vanilla friends and family don't need to know.

(in reply to zakkan)

RE: Consent - 9/5/2008 6:53:27 AM

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Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
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*fast reply*

Mom knows now, and dose not understand it or agree with it at all. Oh well.....shes still my mom.
My twin and I dominate play partners together.....
The rest of my family dosent know and dosent need to
All my friends are kinksters or kinkster friendly

_____________________________

Resident Hell Cat

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)

RE: Consent - 9/5/2008 10:04:56 AM

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Joined: 8/24/2006
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Hello zakkan
Only my close friends know about my decision to enter this lifestyle. Family knows i am 'odd' anyways, but i never discussed personal sexual practices or my spiritual habits with them. Daughter is starting to just cope that their is another man in my life, which took her awhile. She was a daddy's girl, and didnt think mom would become involved with another man after her dad died. i am just me, if someone would ask, i would answer their questions.

(in reply to zakkan)

RE: Consent - 9/5/2008 6:53:50 PM

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Joined: 10/31/2007
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My mother knows. She doesn't approve of my current relationship, but that's more because he's twice my age than the BDSM segment.

I'm very fortunate to have very open-minded friends who accept me and can make jokes out of it (best way to make it feel normal, if they're not mean-spirited), and who I can talk about relationship issues with.

(in reply to zakkan)

RE: Consent - 9/5/2008 7:33:43 PM

agirl

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Most do. I'm not sure how *supportive* they are. It's not as if I'm doing anything particularly shocking. Perhaps it's just *old hat* these days. The odd raised eyebrow isn't going to rock my world. *breaking it to them* has a very emotive ring to it.

Just live your life the way you wish to....only you can know if your nearest and dearest will ostracise you. Take care of your interests in the way you would with anything else.

Good luck..agirl

(in reply to zakkan)

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